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  I stood silently outside the door for a moment before announcing my presence. I hadn’t seen Aaron since the funeral. He’d essentially locked himself in his house and refused my requests to come see him. After two weeks of giving him the space he’d asked for, I’d tried calling several times, but never got much of a reply beyond, “I’m fine” and “I’m still not ready to see anyone, sorry”. Now, four weeks after the memorial service, my anxiety and worry overcame my desire to respect his wish for some time alone. I was determined to see him, at least for a few minutes.

  I knocked on the door. When there was no reply, I tried the handle. The door creeped open.

  “Aaron?” I called. I heard some noise in his workroom and let myself in. “Aaron?” I called louder.

  “Hi Zee,” I heard him call out to me. I frowned. He didn’t sound forlorn like the last time I’d talked to him, nor did he sound like he was going to kick me out right away, but something still sounded... off. “Come on back.”

  I entered his workroom, which now looked like a tornado had blown through. His “time machine” was in pieces all over the floor, papers and dirty dishes were scattered everywhere, and Aaron looked like he hadn’t taken a shower since the last time I saw him.

  I considered what I should comment on first. “Something happen to your time machine?” I eventually settled on.

  “I was doing it all wrong!” He said, speaking rapidly and excitedly. “I had the theories right, but the implementation is wrong! I don’t need an entire machine to make time travel work. Just two communication devices. One to ground you in the present, and one to take with you. I was thinking I needed an enclosed space to focus the energies properly, and some kind of container to protect the traveler from inter-temporal quantum fluctuations, which could tear you apart into individual quarks if the fields weren’t properly maintained.

  “But then I realized, if I can figure out how to internally sync all the magicles in your body to the same frequency, the magical field your body naturally produces should be able to create the stabilization your physical body needs to keep itself together. Of course, I’m not positive this will work. And if it does, you might end up in the past butt naked, because it might not expand to include any clothes you’re wearing. But since magicles are an integral part of everything, not just living bodies, I might be able to figure out how to make a person’s magical field also sync to an inanimate field and…”

  I blinked as rapidly as he was talking. “Ok, slow down a little there,” I interrupted gently. “I’m following most of that, but maybe it’s time you take a break, maybe get a shower?” I looked around again. “Maybe I can help you organize from the hurricane that apparently passed through here in the last few weeks?”

  He looked around as if he hadn’t seen the room before, then back at me. He had a slightly wild look in his eyes that I’d never seen before. “But you don’t understand! If I get this to work, maybe I can stop it from happening! Warn the police. Have Val play hooky with me at the amusement park. Something!”

  I stood in place, shocked at his words. Was he talking about changing the past? He wasn’t the kind of person to mess with his own life using theoretical technology. He had told me that himself. If it was even possible, which was far from a guarantee.

  I walked over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. “Look at me,” I commanded. His eyes locked with mine. “You are way too smart to be trying to change the past. You told me everything that could come from altering history. Do you really want to risk some of those more ugly possibilities?”

  “It didn’t happen that long ago. And it’s not like I’m trying to change history. Just prevent the one event…” he trailed off, his eyes pleading for me to understand. And I did understand. He had lost the person his life had practically revolved around for a decade. He didn’t know how to cope with the loss. But I wasn’t about to let him fall into the hole I saw him teetering on the edge of.

  “And you might, and the bomber might just come back another day. Or you could end up in a timeline where there’s two of you and you couldn’t continue your life as you know it because the other Aaron would be the one with the little sister. Or maybe it won’t make any difference and you’ll still return to this reality.” I gave him a shake. “Aaron, you’re better than this. Don’t let your sister’s death be the end of you, too.”

  He didn’t say anything, just stared at me silently, so I took his arm and started leading him towards the bathroom. “Take a shower, give yourself a shave, take a break and breathe. If nothing else, taking some time out of the house might give you a clear picture of what you need to do next.”

  He nodded numbly and went in the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

  I gave a huge sigh and turned back to the workroom. It was a total disaster and I wasn’t sure exactly what went where, but I knew he wasn’t in a place to clean it up himself. So as I heard the water turn on in the bathroom, I started with what I knew: dishes, trash, and dirty clothes. Machine parts would find a box or corner after that. I’d been in home care for almost a year now and I knew how to organize someone else’s mess. This was nothing compared to some of the houses I’d seen.

  I’d just taken the first load of dirty dishes into the kitchen when I realized I was shaking. I took a deep breath to steady myself, but a sob came out instead. I’d never seen my friend like this before, never even imagined it was possible. I didn’t know what to do. He was always the steady stone, the one helping me through hard times. I was scared. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to help him and that I would lose him to his grief.

  That realization broke me. I’d spent weeks worrying about him, knowing nothing more than that he was at least still alive. That alone was enough for me to struggle with. But now, finally seeing him again, and knowing he was in such a bad place, I didn’t know how to handle it. I heard the shower running in the bathroom and gave into my pain. I collapsed to my knees, letting out a silent scream, and started crying.

  This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  What can I possibly do for him?

  It only lasted a couple minutes before I was back on my feet, turning on the water, washing my face, and filling the sink with soapy water to soak the dishes. I took steadying breaths the whole time, knowing I had to be strong for Aaron. I had to give him something to hold on to in the here-and-now. He had said he wanted to deal with his loss by himself, but he obviously wasn’t going to be able to do that, so I had to do whatever I could for him.

  And if all that means is cleaning and food, then that’s what I’ll do.

  Aaron was in the shower for over half an hour. In that time, I was able to clear off the floor and bed so that we at least had walking and sitting space, and make us a lunch to go. I also snuck in the bathroom for a second and tossed a clean set of clothes on the counter for him. As much as I cared for him, I wasn’t ready to see my friend in the buff.

  Several minutes after the shower stopped, Aaron emerged from the bathroom dressed and cleaned. He looked around the room in surprise, then at me.

  “Wow. Looks nice,” he said. “How’d you get it cleaned so fast?”

  I laughed. “I work in home care. I’m used to cleaning up people’s crap.”

  He looked at me a moment longer before suddenly walking over and giving me a strong hug. I was stunned for just a moment before I held him back. Based on our lack of communication lately and the state he was in when I arrived, I hadn’t expected him to want to be so close right away.

  Then, just as quickly, he stepped away, suddenly looking self-conscious. He glanced around again.

  “Now what?” He asked.

  “Now, we go out to the park for lunch. You probably haven’t been outside in weeks.”

  Aaron gave a weak smile and nodded. “I think you’re right.”

  I walked to the kitchen to get our food while Aaron put on some shoes, and we headed out to a small public park a couple blocks away from his place. There was no kid’s playground there, so we were alone. We took a seat on some benches beneath trees that were just beginning to bud, and I handed out the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I had made. His kitchen had been woefully devoid of food, but I had managed to find some sandwich makings and an apple to split.

  We sat in comfortable silence while we ate, watching small birds periodically dart through the air.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I finally asked without looking at him. When he didn’t reply right away, I glanced over. Aaron was staring at a cloud in the sky.

  “No,” he finally said. A pause. “Yes. I don’t know.” He sighed heavily and turned toward me. “I don’t know what to say.”

  I shrugged one shoulder. “Anything you want.”

  He looked away, silent for a long moment. “I lost my dad when I was eleven. It was a car accident. Someone driving too fast on icy roads slid out and hit his driver’s side door. He was in the ICU overnight, gone by the morning. The other driver died at the crash site.”

  He stopped. I remained silent, letting him sort through his thoughts.

  “My mom remarried three years later. It was long enough that it didn’t feel like my dad was being ‘replaced’, but… I told you this before, I just didn’t have the desire to make that father-son kind of connection with him. I think it’s always upset him a little, but he never pushed me for anything I wasn’t ready for. When Val came along a year later, though, that’s when it felt like we were a real family.”

  There was a longer silence this time. A jogger passed by, listening to something on their earbuds.

  “Mom was diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of brain cancer when I was twenty-one. Val was only six. She had all the treatments they could do, including blood transfusions from Regenerates, but it was deep inside and there was simply no way to kill all the cancer cells. Six months. That’s how long we had from diagnosis until… until she was gone.” He sighed again, still staring off somewhere in the distance.

  I carefully placed a hand on his leg in comfort. He glanced down at it and placed his own hand on top, giving me a small, quick half-smile before his vision wandered off again.

  “That was four, almost five, years ago. You probably remember it?”

  I did. We’d met five years ago, but hadn’t spent as much time together then. Hung out maybe once or twice a month. We’d both been dealing with our own issues at the time – he with his family and me with my accident. It was shortly after his mom’s passing that we began spending most weekends together and playing online games during the week.

  “I don’t remember it being this difficult for you,” I said before thinking. I immediately clamped my mouth shut and berated myself for saying something like that. I had no idea how difficult it had been for him then, or how it compared to now.

  Aaron glanced at me, then gave my hand a soft squeeze. “It’s ok, you didn’t upset me,” he said, reading my thoughts on my face. “I don’t remember it being this hard, either. What I do remember is thinking that Val needed me to be strong for her. She was so young, and I had moved out years earlier. I didn’t want her to feel like she lost her brother too. So I held it all in as best I could and made sure I was there for her as much as possible.”

  Another silence.

  “And then this. God, Zee, she was only eleven! She was only beginning life! They all were!” His voice began to shake. “How could anyone do that to so many innocent children? Do you know how many there were? Two hundred and twelve. Two hundred and twelve children between ages six and eleven. Only seven survived, including the one who got out with the teacher, and one of those still died at the hospital.”

  “Oh…” I breathed. I hadn’t known how many kids had been in the school that day.

  “And I wish… I wish I could be angry at the man who did it.”

  “You’re not?” I asked, surprised.

  Aaron sighed, the tension leaving his body all at once. “I am, but I’m not. What’s the point? He’s dead, along with all the children. Blaming a dead person for something won’t bring anyone back to life. There’s nobody to take justice out on. It’s not his family’s fault. It’s not Merahasin’s fault. It’s not anybody’s fault except his own. It was his choices that lead to this. I’m angry, but not at him. He doesn’t deserve anger or anything else. I’m angry at the whole situation, and my inability to do anything about it.”

  He looked at me, his eyes beginning to show that wild gleam from when I first arrived. “That’s why I wanted to make the time machine. Go back. Do something about it.”

  “Aaron…” I said gently, not sure how to keep him with me.

  He must have seen something in my face because he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he looked at me again, the wildness was gone.

  “I’m sorry. I haven’t been a very good friend lately,” he apologized.

  “It’s ok. I know you’re…” I began, but he cut me off.

  “No. It’s no excuse. A week or two, maybe. But not a whole month. I know how difficult it is for you to be in limbo like that.”

  I nodded. It had been a daily struggle to not hound him with questions and make sure he was still doing ok.

  “I felt helpless, so I isolated myself. I thought I could work through it. But I didn’t realize how far over the edge I’d gone until you came and talked some sense into me.” I tried smiling and felt him squeeze my hand again. “In the shower, I thought about what you said. About what I’d said before about time travel. About who and what I still have here and now.”

  “I’ll always be here for you,” I said. “Just like you’re always here for me when I need help.”

  He stared at me for a moment, an emotion I couldn’t identify glimmering in his eyes, before looking back at the sky. “I know,” he said simply. “I couldn’t ask for a better friend than you. Thank you. For everything.”

  I sat back against the bench and leaned into his arm.