Chapter 8

  Ruth went back to tapping on her phone screen for a few minutes, as she listed everything she wanted to have brought over. Afterwards, she turned her screen off, which clearly signalled to me that she was done. She looked up at me expectantly, indicating that she was ready to enter. I nodded as I turned around and opened the front door, stepping aside to allow her to enter first. She looked at me nervously and shook her head slightly. I realised that she wasn’t comfortable entering a new place on her own, which was completely understandable.

  I quickly walked in first, turned around and waited for her to come in. As soon as she entered and closed the door behind her, Michael came walking over.

  He stopped at the doorway to the living room and looked at Ruth, “Ruth, I’ve been given very clear instructions, to ensure that you are given a choice on whether to stay or go. I need to hear from you, that you are entering on your own accord.”

  She nodded, “I choose to stay here… if you don’t mind?”

  He smiled kindly, “Of course I don’t dear, I just had to make sure that you were choosing this willingly. Please, make yourself comfortable.”

  He casually walked back into the living room, as his task was then complete. Ruth looked back at me, and I knew she was still hesitant. So, I took her on a quick tour of the rest of the house, showing her the kitchen, washroom, Oliver's room and we stopped last in my room. I figured she would appreciate it, as it would make her feel more familiar with the apartment.

  I sat on my bed, “This is my room, which is from this point forward, your room. It’s a very comfortable bed, it was designed to be gentle because… well, you know how bad I was. Anyway, feel free to put your clothes in any of the cupboards. I barely have any clothes myself, so there's no chance of us confusing them.”

  She nodded, “Where will you sleep?”

  I looked at the bedroom door, “In the living room, on the sofa. It’s very comfortable, trust me.”

  She looked at me worried, “No, Andrew… You should sleep here, and I will stay on the sofa.”

  I shook my head, “Nope. This is how I did it with the Angels and trust me, it was no problem at all. In my home, my friends sleep in a bed. I won’t argue with you, so don’t bother trying to convince me otherwise.”

  AI spoke from the tablet next to the bed, “Ruth, please rest assured that Andrew is a remarkably tough individual. He has slept in far, far worse conditions than on a sofa.”

  I nodded, “Innit, the sofa is luxury and that’s where I’ll sleep, so please enjoy this bed.”

  She looked at me with a sad look, “I sometimes forget how rough you had it…”

  I shook my head, “Forget about me. We are all here for you, now. I won’t have you feeling bad for me.”

  She looked away, “Ok… So, what now?”

  I shrugged, “Up to you. I personally sit in the living room and talk or study. That’s where I'm going now, come, I'll show you.”

  *

  I led the way to the living room and entered with Ruth behind me. Michael and Ashley were quietly talking by the window. They stopped to look at us for a second before they went back to talking. Ruth slowly looked around the room as I took my usual seat, and she eventually sat next to me.

  Ashley came over and sat opposite us, on the other sofa. Ruth looked up at her and then jolted in surprise. She grabbed my arm and squeezed… She must not have realised at first that it was Ashley.

  I chuckled, “Yeah, she looks quite different without the Roses agent uniform.”

  Ashley noticed Ruth's reaction and spoke gently, “Hi Ruth, it’s good to see you again, it’s been a while.”

  Ruth was breathing heavily as she stared at her own lap, “... Hi…”

  Ashley said nothing as she sat there looking slightly sad. I imagined Ashley might have felt a little hurt to see someone react to her like that. We did try to warn her that Ruth would react to her presence strongly.

  I spoke gently to Ruth, “If you feel uncomfortable with Ashley being here, say the word and she will leave.”

  Ruth looked at me in surprise, “No!... That would be so rude… I have no right at all to make her leave.”

  Ashley spoke slowly, “No it wouldn’t be rude at all. If I make you uncomfortable, I'll leave and take no offence at all, love.”

  Ruth shook her head, “No please… I feel so bad now, I was just surprised… Please don’t leave because of me.”

  Ashley smiled, “Then as long as you want me to, I'll stay.”

  Ruth stared at the dining room table as she took deep breaths to try to calm herself. It must have been difficult to be a shy person. I almost couldn’t fathom being so socially nervous.

  Ruth finally calmed herself a little. She looked up to Ashley and stared at her shoulder brace. It was then that Ashley and I realised at the same time… Ruth never knew about Ashleys injury.

  Ashley spoke gently, “I was shot in my shoulder, Ruth.”

  Ruth’s face went sad, “Was this… at the battle?”

  Ashley nodded, “Yes, I tripped over… something and when I was climbing back up, they hit me.”

  Ruth looked back at the table, “I’m so sorry that you were hurt…”

  Ashley looked away, “So am I…”

  Michael came over and crouched next to Ruth, “Can I get you a drink? A hot drink maybe?”

  Ruth rubbed her shoulders with her hands, “If you don’t mind… A hot cup of tea would be lovely…”

  He stood up and started for the kitchen, “Got it, anyone else for a drink?”

  I shouted out, “Me, coffee please!”

  Ashley shouted out too, “Green tea, ta!”

  Ruth looked back at Ashley's shoulder, “Does it hurt?”

  Ashley looked at me, “Well compared to some…”

  I shook my head, “Pain is pain… say how you feel, Ashley.”

  Her face became frustrated, “It hurts like a… I struggle to move when it catches.”

  Ruth nodded, “I understand… So, what will you do now?”

  Ashley smiled, “Same as you hun, heal and recover.”

  Ruth looked at me with a hurt face, “You told her…”

  I felt a wave of shame come over me, “I… I told her because she cared about you… shit, I'm so sorry Ruth.”

  Ruth stared at me for a long moment, “Who else knows?”

  I looked away, “Aisling and Nadia were naturally informed… Oliver and Michael, because they helped me rescue you… Zoe, the one who wore the headphones, she was another person I chose to tell…”

  She shook her head and shouted at me, “Who doesn’t know, Andrew?!”

  I froze on the spot when she raised her voice at me, “... Everyone else, I swear…”

  AI appeared on the TV to rescue me, “While I understand your immense disappointment at Andrew informing Ashley, I can testify that he has endeavoured to maintain your privacy at every avenue, Ruth.”

  I thought about it for a moment, “Actually, of my close friends, there is only one person who doesn’t know…”

  AI responded, “Bella is not permitted here tonight for that very reason.”

  I nodded, “I honestly don’t even know how Bella would react if I did tell her…”

  AI looked away, “Based on her past and her character… She would most likely despise Ruth.”

  Ruth breathed out sadly, “... I deserve that.”

  I shook my head, “Not at all, don’t talk like that please… I actually don’t think she would react that harshly… Bella struggled with the aftermath herself, greatly in fact.”

  Ruth looked at me in surprise, “Really? I find that hard to believe.”

  I nodded, “Genuinely… It brought out her rage like nothing I had ever seen. She needed therapy for-”

  AI cut me off, “There you go again, Andrew, revealing private information flippantly…”

  I buried my face in my hands, “Shit…”

  Ashley leaned forward, “Well personally, I appreciate knowing that myself. I couldn’t care less about her privacy, as a person who spends time with her, I'm glad to know this.”

  I looked at Ashley, “You know, a lot of people have told me, just how much time you spend with a lot of people…”

  She smiled her wicked smile, “Say it, go on, I beg of you… say it.”

  AI interjected, “Andrew, do not say it or I will be extremely disappointed in you.”

  Ashley shouted instantly, “Stop being so cowardly, I'm a slut and I'm not ashamed!”

  I stared at Ashley with an unimpressed look while Michael came in chuckling as he put down Ashley’s and Ruth’s cup on the table.

  He looked at AI, “AI, you don’t get to be offended on other people’s behalf. Ashley is who she is, and she will be addressed as she so chooses. You are also leashing Andrew, and it’s unhealthy.”

  AI looked emotionlessly at Michael, “It is a slippery slope to address people with such unflattering terms.”

  Ashley turned to face AI, “Yeah, but I just said I don’t mind, so why not make the exception for me? Do you not respect my own opinion of myself?”

  AI nodded, “Very well… I will relent.”

  Michael nodded as he went back to the kitchen to get his drink and mine. I looked at Ruth to see her face was absolutely in shock.

  I spoke gently, “Oh… I never really thought about… how this might affect how you see Ashley…”

  Ashley looked at Ruth, “Sorry if I broke your precious image of me Ruth, honey… But I like sex.”

  After a long pause, Ruth relaxed, “I always loved how honest you are, Ashley… I wish I could be half as brave as you…”

  Ashley’s face became very serious, “You’re far braver than I initially thought… Sometime, we should hook up.”

  Ruth was disgusted, “Eww… you’re a lesbian?!”

  Ashley smiled wickedly, “I bat for both teams and play the whole field…”

  Ruth stared at her, “Oh… Well… No thanks…”

  Ashley shrugged, “Aww, what a shame.”

  I looked at Ashley with frustration, “I asked you to dial it down a notch… remember?”

  She looked at me in slight confusion as she realised that she had fallen into her usual confident character. That being said, Ruth was surprisingly… responsive. I thought about how she banished her old self for her new stronger self. Maybe that had changed her in more ways than just how she dealt with the trauma?

  I was about to have words with Ashley, when I heard the front door open. I quickly glanced at the time, 4:46 PM… time flew by once again. I still needed to see how Ruth would react to everyone's presence.

  *

  Oliver walked in quickly and immediately looked for Ruth. He went up to her and crouched to her eye level.

  His face was kind, “Ruth, you're entirely welcome here, and if there's anything I can do to be of assistance, please don't hesitate to ask.”

  Ruth nodded slightly, “... Ok, thank you Oliver…”

  He nodded, “I would normally mention the manner in which we operate in this room… But we all agreed not to operate like that this time.”

  She looked curious, “... How do you normally operate?”

  He shook his head, “No, don't worry about it.”

  She seemed determined as she thought intensely, “Oh yes… Andrew does his therapy… Please still do it.”

  I shook my head, “It's more than that, it's an atmosphere of honesty, for Oliver and me… but also for everyone else.”

  Ruth then realised what that would mean for her. She stared at the coffee table for a long hard moment before she finally made up her mind.

  Her voice was determined, “... Let's do it.”

  I looked at her with concern, “It means… no hiding and no holding back thoughts and feelings… Are you sure you're up for that?”

  She nodded, “Yes, this is your house and your rules… If I can't handle it, I'll walk out, alright?”

  I looked at Oliver at the same time as he looked at me. We both gave each other a cautious nod. If she wanted this… then so be it.

  Everyone took notice of our cautious head nod and approached their seats. Ruth never got the chance to look at everyone else before, as she was distracted by Oliver's immediate engagement. However, she then saw Aisling and Nadia.

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  Ruth stood up immediately to show her respect. The two stopped in surprise, as they weren't expecting that. I supposed they had gotten used to our informal atmosphere.

  Aisling didn't smile… she frowned, “Please Ruth, don't rise for us.”

  Nadia was sad, “Please sit, Ruth…”

  Ruth slowly sat down, wondering what she did wrong. She looked at me, worried. The two remained standing as Zoe and Oliver sat down.

  Aisling spoke humbly, “Ruth… we failed you entirely. We had a responsibility to look out for your best interests. You trusted us, and we let you down.”

  Nadia nodded, “Because of our failure… we almost lost you.”

  Ruth shook her head, "How is this your fault… you two never even said a word to me?"

  Aisling looked away, “... Exactly."

  AI interjected, "Nadia and Aisling are being kind, however it was my fault and my misjudgement."

  Nadia disagreed, “AI, we work together, we always have. Yes, as an A.I. you missed the subtle human element, that’s true… But we should have been at your side to fill in that gap, to recognise the misjudgement and correct it before it escalated. All three of us share this responsibility.”

  I was getting a little frustrated, “Like I said, it doesn’t matter who’s at fault. Stop sitting there playing the blame game and trying to shoulder the guilt. All three of you need to focus on Ruth here, you need to try to make amends, now.”

  Ruth shook her head, “It’s none of your fault… I made the choice… AI was very clear about all of it, and I still made the choice on my own.”

  Zoe quickly jumped in, “She is trying to blame herself, because she respects AI, Nadia and Aisling too much to allow them to take any blame.”

  Ruth jolted back in surprise, “... How did you…”

  Zoe gave a weak smile, “Ruth, my name is Zoe. We have not properly met before now. I'm an empath. I'm able to read people and match with them in an emotional sense. At the moment, I'm focusing on you, using my abilities to help me resonate with you. If you want me to stop, say so. I'm not legally allowed to do this against your wishes.”

  Ruth looked at Zoe in fascination. A few moments passed before she responded.

  Her voice was gentle, “It’s nice to meet you… I don’t know if I believe what you say… But I don’t mind you trying to help me.”

  Zoe nodded, “Thank you, Ruth. Most are usually sceptical of my abilities, before I demonstrate them.”

  I nodded, “Trust me Ruth, it’s real. She managed to identify my hidden suicidal tendencies that even I never truly realised.”

  Ruth looked at me worried, “You’re suicidal? Andrew, was that how you managed to understand me so well this morning?”

  I shook my head, “Yes and No… I’m not suicidal anymore, thankfully. Last night Zoe did another reading of me… It’s gone now.”

  She looked sad, “... So you… What if I made you like that again?... Why would you risk…”

  Zoe started crying, “Oh Andrew… She feels so guilty over this. Her sense of self-worth is already so low… Her realisation that you risked yourself for her… Her depression is intensifying.”

  I saw Ruth was also crying as I put my hand on her lap, “I will never abandon you, no matter the risks. I knew it was dangerous, and I had Zoe there to help me if I started to fall… But I would make that same choice for you, every time.”

  Ruth shook her head as she wiped away a tear, “Why though?... You barely know me even… I’m not worth anyone’s time, let alone yours…”

  I squeezed her leg gently, “I like to think of myself as a good judge of character. When I met you, I knew immediately what an incredible person you are, Ruth. You are worth every single second of my time, and I won’t argue with you about it. You’re precious to me…”

  Ruth sat there quietly as she looked at her lap. Her face seemed sad, and I still saw depression heat waves coming off of her. Of course I didn’t expect to cure her depression in one session. I had to accept that she went through a lot, and she’d need more time to make peace with herself.

  Ashley spoke, “One thing we can all agree on, is that Andrew is fiercely loyal to his friends. Whether you think of him as a friend or not, once he latches on, he never lets go.”

  Everyone nodded in agreement, including myself. I spent so much of my life alone… Why would I so easily give up on others? Was this something other people did? I couldn’t say.

  I spoke gently, “I wronged Ashley by listening to others advice and waiting. I won’t do that again, no matter what anyone says. Ruth, I'm here for you and Ashley, I'm here for you too.”

  Ashley shook her head, “I told you already, you didn’t wrong me. They were right, Andrew. I would have torn you to shreds and that WOULD have been the wrong choice.”

  I was going to argue with her, but the front door suddenly opened. Everyone turned to see who it was, and we were all surprised to see Bella. She walked into the living room and threw her monitor onto the table.

  *

  She was fuming, “Who did I piss off? AI’s been telling me that I'm not allowed to come and visit my mate… I don’t like that at all.”

  I quickly responded, “Bella, we did it because there's a person here who… needs a gentle hand at the moment.”

  She stared daggers at me, “Just because I suffer from anger problems, doesn’t mean I abuse people. It hurts that you think that of me!”

  I spoke firmly, “Well, here you are then. However, I want you to know, if you so much as give a hint of stress to my friend here, I will order you out… Do you understand me, Bella?”

  Bella stared at me with a neutral face for a long moment. She nodded as she looked past me at Ruth.

  She spoke quickly, “Deal, so who is this?”

  Ruth stood up, “Hello, my name is Ruth…”

  Bella walked straight up to Ruth and looked her in the eyes, “Ruth, you can call me Bellatrix, or Bella for short. I’ve seen you around.”

  Ruth softly enquired, “That’s a very interesting name that your parents gave you…”

  Bella chuckled, “Not likely, I never had parents, they fucked off and left me in an alley, same as Andrew. I choose not to use my foster name… Not out of shame though… I just think Bellatrix is a sick name, that's all.”

  Ruth stared at Bellatrix, “I remember you now… You were the one who angered Andrew so much, that he became enraged…”

  Bella took a step back as her face went a little sad. I could tell she still felt regret over that.

  She spoke slower and less excitedly, “Yeah… Sorry, that was a mistake I won’t ever make again. Sorry you had to see that whole event happen.”

  Ruth nodded, “I know, I saw Aisling tell you off…”

  Aisling breathed out as she looked away, “That was also a mistake I won’t ever make again…”

  Bella was getting slightly antsy, “Yeah yeah yeah, whatever we moved on from that… either way, it’s good to meet you.”

  Bella held out her hand to shake Ruths. Ruth paused for a second and then reached out and shook her hand. As they were shaking hands, Ruth's sweater sleeve slid down and the white bandage from her self-harm became visible. Ruth quickly let go of the handshake and covered her wrist again.

  Everyone except Bella looked away in awkwardness. Ruth tried to hide her face with her hands in shame. Bella stood still as she looked at Ruth with a judgemental face.

  Bella spoke cautiously as she looked at me, “I see… Are we still operating on the honesty system?”

  I nodded, “We tried not to… but Ruth insisted that we still be honest… Yet I still want you to be kind, Bella…”

  Ruth spoke quietly, “Say what you feel you need to say…”

  Bella’s tone was firm, “Why?”

  Ruth looked up sadly, “... Because I’m weak.”

  Bella looked away and made a sound of irritation. A long moment passed before she looked back at her.

  She stared at Ruth, “Before I pass judgement, I want to know what caused that attempt.”

  Oliver quickly spoke, “Ruth accepted the request to clean the aftermath of the battle…”

  Bella’s face instantly changed from raw irritation to sincere concern as she took a step back for a moment. She then quickly closed the gap and hugged Ruth. The two stood there in silence for a long moment. Finally, Bella let go.

  Bella spoke quietly, “I still have nightmares of it… I wake up with the images of their bodies and all the blood. I had to go there three times… Three times too many.”

  Ruth started to shake a little, “I had to… I had to clean it and… I saw on the floor…”

  She stopped talking as she stared into eternity. Bella was also staring at the floor in the exact same state. Suddenly there was a loud sound as Oliver clapped his hands to snap them out of it.

  He spoke loudly, “Snap out of it you two, you’re sinking quickly! Either way, Bella, I'm sure you can understand now, why she struggled.”

  Bella nodded, “I have no idea how she managed to do that… You said you were weak?”

  Ruth nodded, “I cleaned it, but afterwards… I couldn’t handle it…”

  Bella tilted her head to the side, “I doubt even Michael would have handled cleaning that up.”

  Michael nodded, “Probably not, to be completely honest.”

  A moment passed before I tapped Ruth to sit down, and she did. Bella stayed standing as she looked at Ruth.

  Bella turned to me, “Andrew, get up, I want to sit next to Ruth.”

  I looked at her in surprise, “I don’t mind standing, but remember what I told you…”

  She stared daggers at me, “After this, you still think I would be unkind to her? Should I slap you mate?”

  I shook my head, stood up and went to stand next to Michael. Bella took off her giant shotgun from her back and placed it on the table. She sat down next to Ruth and gave her a kind smile.

  I didn’t honestly expect Bella to respond like that. I always thought of her as a tough and strong person. Seeing her gentleness had made me respect her even more, though.

  Ruth looked away for a moment, deep in thought. She then looked back at Bella, before cautiously leaning her head on her shoulder. I was surprised to see Ruth being so intimate with… Bella of all people.

  I glanced at the others to see their reactions and they were just as surprised as I was. Zoe's face was a blend of different emotions, yet they all seemed positive.

  I looked back at the two to see how Bella was going to react to Ruth’s sudden act of intimacy. At first, she stared deeply at her lap in thought, after which she smiled, and wrapped her arms around Ruth… they were then cuddling.

  I was in complete and utter shock… For never in a million years, could I ever have imagined such an unlikely reaction. I then remembered something that I said to the PM… That sometimes opposites attract.

  Bella quietly spoke to Ruth, “You're not weak, do you hear me? You are not weak.”

  Ruth closed her eyes, “I feel weak though… My mind and my body… they feel so tired.”

  Bella kissed Ruth's head, “Then rest here, for as long as you need…”

  Not even ten seconds passed before Ruth fell asleep. I stood there, uncertain what to do at that moment. I had originally planned on talking with her, as we worked our way through her trauma… But there she was suddenly asleep, and I stood there with no plan anymore. I mean, it was a good thing, she could unwind in the safety of a new friend at least.

  I looked at Zoe, “Talk to me Zoe, help me understand this absolutely insane turn of events.”

  Zoe chuckled, “It would seem they are precisely what the other needs them to be…”

  Bella spoke quietly, “I feel so connected to her… She’s so precious to me, how did I never realise her before?”

  I stared at Zoe even more intensely, “Zoe… Is this real?”

  She laughed, “Yeah, I’ve been swapping my focus between Ruth and Bella… This is real.”

  Aisling smiled gloriously, “This is such a fantastic outcome… With you by her side, Ruth will surely come out of that cold place.”

  Bella looked worried, “I want to know what happened, all the events. I need to know Ruth’s struggle.”

  *

  I spent the next twenty or so minutes quietly telling Bella about Ruth cleaning the aftermath, about her cold depression from the trauma and eventually her attempt.

  She stared at me in horror, “Jesus… How did you manage to prevent it?”

  AI answered, “As always, Andrew. He felt something was wrong and forced Michael and Oliver to go to her apartment when she didn’t show up at the HQ that morning.”

  Bella looked at me with intense gratitude, “You are such a hero, Aaron. Always saving people, always seeing the hidden thread… Thank you so much… Because of you I will have the time to get to know this priceless soul.”

  Nadia corrected her, “You owe him twice. After he prevented her suicide attempt, the next day, earlier today, he went in and risked his own sanity to pull her out of suicidal territory.”

  Zoe nodded, “I can confirm, I was there to watch him in case he fell. He managed to dig deep enough to pull her out of that infinitely dark place. It’s why Andrew is so tired now.”

  Bella gently squeezed Ruth, “Oh God… Andrew you saint. I don’t have the words…”

  Ashley quietly snide, “You talk like she's your daughter, Bella. You literally only met her properly half an hour ago.”

  Bella looked down humbly, “You're right… But I feel connected to her… it's hard to explain.”

  Zoe smiled at Ashley, “Soul mates, without the romance… Kindred spirits.”

  Ashley seemed intensely curious, “Are you sure there's no romantic side to it?”

  Zoe nodded, “I was jumping between the two as my focus… It's absolutely platonic.”

  Bella nodded, “This isn't love… It's some kind of deep connection.”

  I cleared my throat audibly, “So you say, but what if she doesn't feel the same as you?”

  Bella seemed annoyed, “She definitely feels the same, I could tell…”

  I looked at Zoe, “Was Ruth also on that level?”

  Zoe shrugged, “Hard to say exactly, to be honest. It seemed like she was, but I want to hear it from her to be sure.”

  I shook my head, “This is a lot to take in. I had a whole plan on making Ruth talk about her feelings… now this happened!”

  Bella was irritated, “Well I'm so sorry mister control, but I'm also finding this all to be a little hard to deal with…”

  Nobody said anything for a long moment. We were all probably wrapping our minds around the insane pairing. The silence, however, was interrupted by Ruth. She was moving her head suddenly. Her breathing picked up and she started muttering things under her breath.

  Bella was deeply concerned, “Oh my God, what's going on, what's wrong with her?!”

  I looked sadly at her, “She's having a traumatic nightmare… Most of you have seen it with me…”

  Bella seemed desperate, “What happens now?”

  I looked away for a moment, “She experiences the traumatic event and wakes up… screaming.”

  Oliver was deeply sad, “Maybe she will react differently… We only know your waking nightmare, after all.”

  I slowly nodded, “We'll find out soon enough…”

  She rocked her head back and forth violently, hitting Bella's shoulder. Bella was hard as rocks, it never hurt her in the slightest… Yet Bella seemed so tragically helpless as she watched in agony.

  Ruth mumbled, “So cold… Drowning… Blood… I can't…”

  Then, without any warning she screamed horrifically loudly… “BREATHE”!

  She screamed out the word until she ran out of breath. Her eyes opened widely in horror as she took in a huge breath and immediately broke down sobbing.

  Bella was stunned in shock and horror. The rest of us were deeply sad… The others saw the same thing with me many times. For a long moment Ruth buried her face in the sofa, as her body was hit with waves of misery and terror.

  I wish I had something that I could have said to her, to ease her suffering… But I knew there was nothing one could say. You simply needed to wait for it to wash over you, as the lingering fear slowly let go.

  Zoe was shaking like a leaf and heaving rapid deep breaths… was she focused on her then? What was she expecting to discover, focusing on someone having a terror nightmare!

  Aisling hugged her with her glorious smile, “There there Zoe, relax my dear, It’s going to be perfectly fine, I promise.”

  Zoe was shaking her head, “Oh my God the terror… THE FUCKING TERROR!”

  Everyone stared quietly at Zoe and Ruth as they both slowly calmed down. As if one person freaking out wasn’t bad enough already. Bella finally snapped out of her shock and hugged Ruth.

  Bella whispered, “I don’t know what to do… but I'm here Ruth… I’m here.”

  Ruth howled, “There was so much blood! Oh my God, why was there so much blood!”

  I looked away as my own breathing slightly grew faster… She was reminding me of how I felt, walking through the aftermath. Michael grabbed my hand, and I looked at him in surprise.

  He smiled at me, “Stay with us, Andrew. I know it’s hard, but you’re past this…”

  I felt myself calm down, “Right… Thanks Michael… Phew, I almost fell again.”

  Bella squeezed Ruth, “I’m here hun… It’s going to be alright, I promise…”

  Ruth buried her face in Bella’s neck, “What if I go back there and the blood is back?! I can’t clean it again, I'm not strong enough!”

  Bella gently stroked her hair, “Shh… It’s all gone, I saw it today, I promise you it’s all gone…”

  I looked at Oliver, “Well… I guess I was right, unfortunately.”

  Oliver stared at Ruth as he spoke to me softly, “How did you manage to deal with this… every single day?”

  I shrugged, “I just… got used to it.”

  Ashley’s eyes were wide open, “You got used… to this?!”

  I looked away, “I don’t know, towards the end, the feeling of terror only lasted like twelve seconds. It’s like having a really bad headache when you wake up.”

  Michael let go of my hand, “You really blow my mind, Andrew. Just looking at her terror was almost impossible for me, yet you had it every day for almost a year…”

  I waved everyone off, “Whatever! Let’s stop this talk about me, because right now it’s Ruth who’s struggling! Let’s focus on her, she needs our comfort, not me!”

  We waited for Zoe and Ruth to stop shaking and for their breathing to calm down. Aisling soothed Zoe and Bella soothed Ruth. The two of them rocked their victim gently to calm them down.

  Finally, Ruth spoke, “... I’m so sorry everyone… I’m so ashamed…”

  I shot her down, “None of that Ruth, please. You don’t apologise for anything you feel or anything to do, not in this apartment. We understand and support you, do you understand me? You must not feel ashamed.”

  Oliver backed me up, “Agreed, as a psychologist it’s my responsibility to assure you that your behaviour is perfectly normal, and you have nothing to apologise for.”

  I thought for a long moment, “I’m so glad that you agreed to stay here Ruth… If this happened to you alone in your apartment…”

  Oliver nodded, “Precisely, Ruth this is the very best place for you to be right now. Both Andrew and I are perfectly capable of helping you through this. Trust in us and we won’t let you down.”

  Ruth looked at Bella for a moment, “I told you I was weak…”

  Bella shook her head smiling, “No… It’s the opposite Ruth, you’re just so goddamn strong.”

  I agreed, “Ruth, you let go of the part of you that was weak… I watched you let it go.”

  She paused and after a long moment she nodded, “... You’re right… I am stronger now… So why am I terrified?”

  Oliver answered professionally, “Your mind has the trauma imprinted, Ruth. The mind does this to try to make sense of bad experiences, it locks on to the memory and tries to understand it by replaying it, each time separating the facts from the feelings.”

  She wiped her face, “How long will this… stay?”

  He shrugged, “How long is a piece of string? It’s impossible to answer, I'm afraid. Every person is different, every trauma is unique, and every case is a different length. All I can tell you is that it will be faster, because Andrew helped you focus.”

  Ruth shook her head with a sad face, “If he didn’t help me then… I don’t think I would have…”

  Bella squeezed her, “It’s over, don’t think about it anymore, please. Focus on now, for me?”

  Ruth looked into Bella’s eyes, “I… feel so… close to you? Like I've known you all my life, Bella…”

  Zoe nodded, “And there it is… We have a genuine case of kindred spirits… Incredible, this is such a rare thing, I'm so fascinated to see it in person.”

  Bella ignored Zoe, “I know Ruth, I feel it too. You mean so much to me, it almost hurts to look away from you.”

  Ruth weakly smiled, “With you at my side… I feel so safe… I feel whole.”

  Bella nodded, “With you at my side, I feel calm. My anger is gone, and I feel… loved.”

  Ruth nuzzled her neck, “I care for you so much, I can’t put it into words even.”

  I was curious, “Ruth, do you speak romantically or do you-”

  She cut me off instantly, “No, eww. I just mean that I care for her, there’s no romance…”

  Zoe laughed, “Kindred spirits. Wow… I just… wow.”

  I looked at Bella, “How are you going to serve the Angels, now that this has happened?”

  Bella closed her eyes and kissed Ruth's head, “I don’t know Andrew… and to be honest I don’t care. This makes me happy and that’s all I care about now, the rest will fall into place, I couldn’t care less.”

  Aisling smiled, “Your happiness was always our goal, Bella. No matter what you decide, we will always stand at your side and support you.”

  Nadia smiled as well, “Focus on Ruth for now. The rest of the Black Roses will protect us as loyally as ever. Please find yourself, then we will see how to move forward.”

  Bella looked between the two of them with a beautiful smile on her face. She gave them both a look of gratitude and respect. She never needed to say anything, as Aisling and Nadia already knew how she felt. Michael nudged Bella and she nudged him back. Michael also didn’t need to say anything to her, because from one defender to another, they both knew to never let go of the precious ones they cared for and protected.

  After a long moment I spoke to Ruth, “I had the plan of trying to gently have you talk about your feelings and thoughts… but Ruth, that plan is now pointless. There is nothing Oliver and I could possibly do to comfort you more than Bella could.”

  Oliver laughed, “He’s right. We can give advice and support… This apartment is your safe space, an environment of healing. However, Bella is the one who will comfort you now.”

  Bella lifted Ruth's chin so that she was looking at her and she booped her nose with her finger. Ruth smiled gloriously, which made Bella smile just as grandly. The two were totally connected. Ruth was still depressed, but being next to her other half somehow overpowered the sadness.

  *

  I laughed, “I don’t know about you all, but this is actually a huge relief! It’s not the path I had predicted, but it’s still taking Ruth to the same place… and that’s good enough for me!”

  Aisling smiled, “Agreed. This is such a wonderful turn of events!”

  AI spoke, “I had spent so much computational time trying to plan ways to support Ruth… Then the randomness of life came in and made all my efforts null.”

  I nodded, “AI, you’re her boss… tell her.”

  AI looked at me slightly confused before she realised what I meant, “Ah, of course. Ruth, you are hereby on sick leave, full pay. You will not return until you are completely healthy and happy, both mentally and physically.”

  Ruth looked at AI, “Sorry to cause such concern…”

  AI smiled, “No, do not apologise Ruth. I want you to know… I am proud of you. It was my mistake to assign you that task, but you still managed to excel in it. You are not weak… you are strong.”

  AI paused then continued, “For your dedication and trust, I now serve you. No matter what you need, you need only ask me, Ruth.”

  Ruth looked down at her stomach, “I… I’m hungry…”

  AI immediately responded, “You name the food, and I will have it cooked and delivered immediately.”

  Ruth thought for a moment, “May I… May I please have some turnip soup?”

  I personally struggled not to breath out in crippling disappointment. I saw Michael tense up in irritation as well. We looked at each other and laughed.

  AI ignored the two of us, “Heartly is cooking it as we speak, it will be yours.”

  Bella joined in, “Hey, I'm also hungry. Get me something meaty, would you?”

  AI nodded, “Of course, I will arrange a meal for you too, Bella… Please take good care of Ruth for me.”

  Bella smiled, “That’s a promise.”