Z Day +38

  JAMES

  “I miss Taco Bell.”

  “What?” Shae asked, looking up at me as I sat down beside her.

  “I miss Taco Bell,” I said.

  “What’s a Taco Bell?” she asked.

  “What’s a…seriously?”

  “I take it that it’s a food place?” Shae continued when I nodded, “I don’t exactly do restaurant reviews now, do I?” She gave me a look.

  “Oh,” I said. “Uh, in other news, I think I might have solved your problem,” I said.

  “Which one?” Shae scoffed.

  We were sitting on the back porch facing the wooded end of the property. The sun had just set, and the sky was still a blaze of reds and golds. When I saw the light reflected off her face, I couldn’t speak for a moment; her eyes were practically on fire. My head spun as I gaped.

  “What?” She had turned to face me and I knew I was busted.

  “Sorry,” I shook my head, feeling light-headed. “You looked really pretty just then.”

  She smiled, shaking her head. “You just haven’t seen me in the light in a while.”

  “What were you thinking a minute ago?” I asked. She’d been lost in thought with a strange expression on her face.

  “Oh, just remembering what it was like to walk in the sun. It gets rather depressing being restricted to the nighttime. It doesn’t seem like it’s only been a few weeks.”

  “Yeah, I know the feeling,” I said.

  She frowned at me.

  “I spent a year in England; we had like six sunny days a year; the rest were overcast. Plus, I worked nights.”

  “Not the same.” She rubbed her eyes. “There’s not seeing the sun and not being able to see the sun,” she sighed. “As silly as it sounds, I sometimes wish I was one of those sparkly vampires.”

  “Sparkly vampires?” I asked.

  “You know, the book series,” she said.

  “There’s a book series called Sparkly Vampires? What is it, teen fiction?” And then I couldn’t keep a straight face as we laughed softly.

  “So, what’s your idea?” she asked.

  “Oh yeah.” I picked up the laptop and opened it to the page I’d discovered. “You ever met this vampire?”

  The picture was of a long-haired brunette in her early thirties with a permanent pouty expression.

  “I don’t think so. She looks familiar, though,” Shae said.

  “Her name is Natalie, no last name. According to this intel, she was still in the local area as of six months ago,” I said.

  Shae looked at me for a long moment. “Sure seems to be a lot of personal information in these files.”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Is there a file in there on me?” she asked.

  “I’m sure there is.”

  “What? You haven’t looked me up?” she said.

  I looked at her for a long moment. “No,” I eventually said.

  “Never?”

  Something inside me started hurting just a little bit. “No,” I said slowly.

  “Why not?” she asked.

  “Back then or now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Back then…I was afraid of what I’d find. I didn’t want to know.” I took a deep breath and let it out. “It hurt too much to think about.”

  “And now?” she watched me.

  “You never know what they put in those files. The thought did cross my mind but it felt like I would be invading your privacy. I felt if there was anything you wanted me to know about you, you’d tell me eventually,” I said.

  She studied my face a long, long while before continuing. “So, what about Natalie?”

  “Well, she’s a blood-worker and a damned good one from what the file says,” I said.

  Blood-workers specialize in the mind. When they were in blood contact, they could do almost anything with the mind they were in contact with. They were highly trained, rare and highly sought after.

  “Blood-workers aren’t really vampires,” Shae said. “I wasn’t aware of any blood-workers in the area.”

  “She likes to keep a low profile, working through intermediaries for her jobs; that way, she could keep neutral in any disputes,” I said.

  “How do you know all this?”

  “Malik,” I said.

  “What?” she said.

  I sighed. “During my...dark times, I went everywhere we’d been and talked to anyone I could find. I found Malik because he’d told me where he worked the night we went to that council meeting disguised as a vampire LARP. He, of course, didn’t know where you were, but he was the only person I knew who was in the know on the vampire scene.”

  “Who would tell Malik anything? He was the biggest gossipmonger I knew,” Shae said.

  “It was Herk. He had a flair for the dramatic,” I said.

  “Oh, he flared alright. Right regular flamer,” she said.

  I nodded.

  “Drama king,” Shae continued.

  “Uh-huh.” My head had suddenly gone from being lightheaded to an icepick headache.

  “Wannabe soap opera star.” She wouldn’t stop.

  “Don’t hold back; tell me how you really feel,” I chided.

  She shook her head, “That’s alright, I’m done.”

  “Anyway, after I started hanging out with Malik, a really good guy, by the way.”

  “I know who Malik is. I knew him long before you,” Shae said.

  “OK,” I held up my hands. “Anyway, I found myself being invited to more and more events.”

  “Malik invited you?” she asked.

  “No, Shelby. She seemed to take me on as a charity case. Apparently, Malik had been telling her my woes. Anyway, I was always unofficial, a hanger-on, as it were. I honestly thought Shelby wanted to see Malik and me get it on.” I shook my head.

  “You have no idea. That girl had some fetishes.” Shae seemed lost in thought. “Shelby? Really?”

  “Why, what’s wrong with Shelby?” I asked.

  “Nothing, it’s just...she’s my friend. I was in contact with her before she moved, and she never mentioned you, not once. Maybe she wanted you to herself?” Shae said.

  I sat back, dusting imaginary dirt off my shoulder. “Well, I was a complete beefcake back then. I was beating them off with a broomstick.”

  “Beating them off, huh?” she grinned wryly.

  “Oh, don’t you start. No one ever touched me, at least not in a blood way. I went to all kinds of vampire parties, and not once did anyone try anything,” I said.

  “All kinds? Just how many parties did you go to?” she asked.

  “I was looking for you toots,” I said.

  “Toots?”

  “Just slipped out. Anyway, at one of these parties, I met Natalie. When I first saw her, she was lying across the lap of two guys and a girl. She wore a low-cut cocktail dress and had written “free show” across her cleavage with lipstick.”

  “Classy,” Shae said.

  “She was wasted.”

  “I should hope,” she said.

  “Shut up.” I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, she was very friendly.”

  “Just how friendly?” Shae asked.

  “Why? It’s not part of the story. Are you jealous?” I asked.

  “Just how friendly?” she demanded.

  “She was friendly with everybody.” I sighed, but at the same time, was thrilled at the thought Shae might be jealous of a 14-year-old memory. “At one point during the night, she cornered me,” I could see Shae actually tense up, and I chuckled.

  “I was more worried about the girl throwing up on me; I’d never seen a drunk vampire before. I wasn’t sure what she would have barfed up. Anyway, she put her hand on my face for just a fraction of a moment and stopped swaying. She looked me right in the eyes and said one word, then stumbled away,” I said.

  “What did she say?” Shae asked.

  “She said the word ‘shiny.’ I didn’t think anything of it until I was asleep later that night. I started my regular dream-nightmare combo, and right in the middle of it, Natalie was there. The dream froze; I couldn’t move as she slowly walked around the scenery. But it felt more like she was wandering around in my skull, flipping through my memories like they were pages in a comic book. It was an odd feeling, but I wasn’t scared, at least not until the end.

  Right before I woke up, she turned to look at me. The expression on her face was disconcerting, almost like hunger. Then she slowly walked towards me, and I knew something terrible would happen if she got to me. I had no clue what, but I had to get away. Every synapse in my brain screamed for me to escape, but I couldn’t move.

  “Just as she raised her hand to touch my cheek like she had earlier, she stopped. I thought I heard the word ‘fine’ come from her, and then my father shook me awake. Apparently, I’d been screaming in my sleep, and I scared the shit out of him.

  “Later, when I talked with Malik, he told me what she was and that I should keep my distance. When I asked why, he told me that while she always seemed like a nice, crazy drunk girl, she wasn’t all there.

  “He’d heard that blood-workers had to be a bit unstable to begin with to deal with other people’s minds the way they did. Either that or so much contact with other people’s minds tended to loosen their grip on their own personal reality. Either way, he’d never heard of anything like the dream I’d told him.”

  “How’d she do it?” Shae asked.

  “Best guess? Shaving,” I grunted, rubbing my temples. It felt like I had an actual ice pick jammed into my skull now. “Microscopic cuts that still had blood in them. I’d shaved that day, so some were probably still fresh.”

  “She did all that from a shaving cut?” Shae said.

  I nodded, “Tell me about it. Freakiest damned thing...well, until I saw the shamblers.” I shook my head, trying to clear the memory.

  “If we can find her, I’m betting she could figure out what’s wrong with your memories,” I said.

  “I’m not sure if I’d want her help, considering what you just said,” Shae said.

  “I’m not sure we have much choice,” I said.

  “We?” she looked at me.

  I steeled myself and looked back at her. “It’s alright if you don’t want those memories back; I’d understand.” I had to admit to myself it was a crazy idea, trying to find one vampire in a city full of zombies just on the off chance she might be able to bring my old girlfriend’s memories back. It was practically a teenage fantasy, and suddenly I felt like that high school boy again, all butterflies and awkwardness.

  Shae took a long look into my eyes. “This means a lot to you, doesn’t it?” She didn’t need me to answer; she already knew. “And what if we don’t find her? Would you be content with me the way I am?”

  I blanched and reeled back as if she’d hit me. “Of course.” My voice was barely a whisper. “I just thought you would want...to know the truth.” I was having a hard time finishing that sentence.

  “And what if we do find her, she fills in all the blanks, and I’m still the same as I am now? Then what?” she said.

  I couldn’t tell if she was getting angry or if this was something else. I was out of my depth in this conversation. That and my headache had spread to my entire head now; I was having a hard time seeing straight.

  “What do you want me to say?” I managed, my hands starting to tremble as anger flared inside me.

  “I want you to take a hard look at what you are thinking. We’re talking about wading into a city full of hungry corpses. Leaving your friends and family behind unprotected again. All so you can try to get your old girlfriend back.”

  Did I wear my thoughts on my sleeve so easily? Had she read my mind? My look of confusion caused her expression to soften.

  “I don’t have to be a blood-worker to figure this out, genius,” she sighed and seemed to relax. “Listen, I do want my thoughts back, my true thoughts, but I don’t know if it’s worth the risk, even for you.”

  The last bit stung. I don’t know if she meant to say it or not, but it stung hard. I closed my eyes, trying to pull myself together as my body seemed to be trying to fly apart. My hands reflexively came up and covered my face. I blew a lungful of air out and ran my hands through my hair. I slapped my legs and stood up. “You’re right,” I grabbed the laptop and snapped it shut, “stupid idea. Sorry.” I left her sitting there and stormed into the house.

  *What the hell is wrong with me?* My mind was racing, my blood was pounding in my ears, and my face was hot. I slammed the computer back in its case, much harder than I should have, but I didn’t care. The world was...my world was coming apart. I’d been holding it together all this time with JB Weld and duct tape, but they weren’t good enough anymore. Nothing was good enough anymore.

  *The world is being eaten by zombies.* I spun around the room, searching for something but not knowing what. *My mother was gone, probably my father and everyone else I’d ever cared about.* That started my chest hurting in a whole new way; the room was becoming blurry. Maybe I’d pass out and wouldn’t have to think of any of this shit anymore.

  The anger I’d been feeling flared. I wanted to hit something. Hit something HARD. The room was suddenly too small, the house was too small, and I had to get away from here before I did something that would ruin this too.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  I tore out of the room and into the central courtyard. I leaped onto the roof, using a single hand to lift myself up and over the roof, startling Richard, who’d been on guard. But I was gone before he could catch his breath.

  Off the roof, across the yard, and into the trees. They blurred around me as I weaved silently through them. Even angry, I couldn’t help but be silent; I had to protect what was left and couldn’t draw attention to the house. It was the only safety we had left.

  Whatever this was raged inside me as I burst out of the tree line, crossing a road and clearing a broad field in seconds, more trees waiting for me beyond. I couldn’t stop; I was still too close. This feeling was bubbling up inside me, this blackness that hungered for me to let go as my eyes blurred with tears. I no longer tried to keep them inside, and I could feel things breaking loose inside me, moving around.

  My chest contracted, and a sob ripped through me so hard it made me stumble. I went down hard, slamming into a tree in the dying light of the day.

  *You’re so stupid,* I chanted to myself. *Stop crying; you’ve no time for this,* it went through my head repeatedly, but my body wasn’t listening. My body was shaking uncontrollably as everything came pouring out of me. The hurt, anger, and betrayal all came out like a lake, bursting through a damn. I didn’t understand any of it. I always acted like I did, not wanting to look as ignorant as I felt, but not anymore. In the cold dirt, I didn’t care.

  Then something else took over, something angry. I was on my feet, my face encrusted with dirt. The first strike splintered the tree I’d slammed into before. My hand lashed out again and sent a large piece of bark flying into the growing darkness. My kick fell the tree with a loud CRACK!

  *That felt good,* I thought.

  I took two long strides, winding up and shattering another tree. While each punch or kick hurt, it seemed to more I did it the less my head hurt.

  The next tree was larger; it took several blows before it, too, went down. I don’t know how long this went on. I knew it wasn’t right. I knew there were other monsters in the trees that would be attracted to the noise.

  But I didn’t care; I wanted to rage. Bring on the monsters; I’d take care of them too. I’d take them all out so the world could get back to normal.

  Normal. What did that mean? Nothing had been normal in my life since that day in high school when Megan turned me down all those years ago. That was the last normal thing I’d been part of.

  Megan. I wonder what happened to her? Did she move on? She’d talked about military service; maybe she got away from here. No, probably not. She’s probably one of the rotting masses out there right now.

  The rock exploded into pieces. This gave me pause. I’d never broken a rock before. My hand stung; I wasn’t used to that either. But it didn’t stop me; my muscles bunched for the next strike, and the next, and the next.

  The white-hot rage carried me on into the night. I was blind, not seeing what I was doing and not caring. I should be worried about myself, but didn’t want to care anymore.

  So what if the world was fucked up now. *I don’t care,* I thought.

  I couldn’t feel my hands anymore.

  So what if my family was dead? *I don’t care,* I told myself.

  My arms were heavy; it was becoming hard to swing anymore.

  So what if monsters had driven us from our homes? “I don’t care,” I said aloud.

  So what if she didn’t love me...didn’t want to love me anymore? “I don’t care!” I shouted.

  I couldn’t care anymore. It hurt too much to care...about anything or anyone. No matter what you did or how hard you fought, it didn’t work. It wasn’t fair...nothing was fair.

  “I DON’T CARE!” I bellowed as I found myself on the ground again. I couldn’t move anymore. My arms were pins and needles, my legs hot iron rods.

  “I DON’T CARE!!!” I raged, the sobs again taking hold of me as I repeated the phrase over and again, each time becoming weaker and weaker.

  I realized, if I didn’t get up, I was going to die here. I’d broken my body just like I’d broken my mind. But it hurt too badly; it was too much. I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted it to stop—all this madness. Every time I tried to hold onto something good, do something good, it didn’t work. It wasn’t fair. It never was.

  My sobs had finally died to the point I lay there, tears and snot drying on my face in the cool night air. My body and mind finally exhausted; I was at peace. I was empty. Then, I was cold.

  Whatever had been pent up in me was gone now. All my pretenses had been burned away in this chaotic flight. All that was left was a scared little boy who desperately didn’t want to be alone.

  ∞?∞

  SHAE

  I caught up to him lying in the dirt, sobbing. He looked like he’d fallen, leaving a gouge like a meteor in the ground. I held back, trying to read him and only getting this chaotic barrage of feelings: shame, pain, anger, betrayal, confusion, self-loathing, and then the blind rage again.

  I didn’t like this; it scared me.

  I was about to do something, but he was suddenly on his feet again and beating on a tree, falling it in seconds. That seemed to get him going as he moved to the next and, after demolishing it, the next. I knew he was breaking up his arms; I could hear the bones breaking.

  I was about to try and stop him, but that’s when I saw the shamblers and began to dispatch them, leaving James to finish whatever this was. But it didn’t end; he just kept going.

  Suddenly, he was pulverizing rocks with his hands, feet, arms and legs. This was insane; there was no way he could keep this up, but he just kept going. I kept having my hands full, protecting him from the zombies he was attracting.

  When I heard him roar, “I DON’T CARE!” I stopped; I didn’t care about the zombies anymore. There was something in that voice that made what little blood I had left run cold.

  When I found him, he was just a mess on the ground. It looked like he’d collapsed. Both arms were just bloody bags; bone shards protruded from various places. His legs were similarly in a bad way. His breathing was faint with a rattle in it that sounded more zombie than human.

  Had I missed something in San Antonio, a skull fragment? Had his meds finally fried his brain and sent him over the edge? I’d never seen anything like this; he’d literally beaten himself to death.

  And that’s when I realized what I was looking at: a corpse in the making.

  I listened and could hear his heart barely beating; his breath was nearly gone. I heard his thoughts; he knew he was dying and didn’t want to be alone.

  *None of us want to be alone,* I pushed my voice into his head, knelt, and touched his bloody brow. *No matter how stubbornly we think we do.*

  His eyes were open, but looking into them, I knew he couldn’t see anything.

  And then the terror hit me. *No, not here. Not yet.* Before I realized what I was doing, I ripped open the two tubes I’d been carrying since San Antonio. I hit him with one in each leg and prayed. The next thing I knew, I had him in my arms and ran full tilt back towards the Hacienda.

  *I don’t want to be alone,* he managed.

  *You’re not alone,* I desperately tried to keep my mind voice calm, but I was having difficulty seeing; my eyes were blurry with tears. *You have people who love you more than you love yourself.*

  *I know,* his mental voice was weak.

  *I don’t think you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have done this idiocy.*

  Anger touched my thoughts, and I tried to keep it out; this wasn’t the time. *This may be the only time,* a voice in the back of my head whispered to me.

  *Yeah. But I want more than that; I need more,* he pleaded.

  *It’s never enough.* I was exasperated. It was like talking to a five-year-old.

  *But it was,* he thought, and I could feel broken things moving around inside him as I ran. *It was incredible; I was complete. I didn’t have these holes in me that I kept having to push around, trying to hide them. Or filling them with other bullshit that doesn’t mean anything.*

  Suddenly, he stopped; his mind was gone. I dropped to the ground and started CPR.

  *No, it’s not ending like this.* I felt him come back a moment later and was desperate to keep him talking/thinking.

  *I don’t know what you mean,* I tried.

  *I know. That’s what makes it worse. You used to. I always thought that if I found you again, things would return to how they were. Things would be better; I would be better. But that’s never going to happen; you can never go back. I don’t want to go back anymore. It hurts too much.*

  *Pain is how we know we’re alive,* I said.

  *Being alive sucks,* he said.

  *Sometimes.* I surprised myself with a chuckle. We were moving through the night again. We had gotten farther away from the Hacienda than I’d realized. *But sometimes it’s worth it.*

  *Like when?* he asked.

  *Like 14 years ago, apparently. You decimated a forest because you cared so much about a memory. Looks like a twister cut a swath right through the hill country.*

  *You saw that?* His voice was sheepish.

  *I followed the Tasmanian devil. Figured he’d tire himself out eventually. Plus, you weren’t in any shape to protect yourself.*

  *I would have taken care of it,* he said with a five-year-old’s defiance.

  *You didn’t. I had to do it for you as you were so wrapped up in ‘not caring’ to notice.*

  *Oh—* and he stopped again.

  I felt his ribs break this time as I started CPR again. I was not as careful as I wanted, and my terror began straining me; the serum was not working. He was not going to make it back.

  Miria was going to kill me.

  I looked around and made up my mind. I cleared the nearby fence with him and laid him down in the center of the field. The fence wasn’t high, but it would protect us long enough. I made short work of what I had to do.

  ∞?∞

  JAMES

  *You still with me?* Shae asked.

  *Yeah,* I managed, her voice pulling me back from unconsciousness.

  *Good, you scared me there for a second,* Shae said in my mind.

  *What happened?* I asked.

  *You stopped breathing,* she said.

  *I did? Didn’t notice.*

  *I did. No dying on me until we get home, OK?* She tried to be playful with her tone but couldn’t hide the worry in her voice. *Drink this.*

  I didn’t realize there was something to my lips until I felt her hand tilting something into my mouth. I sputtered at the warm liquid that coated my mouth. *The hell?*

  *Shut up, SWALLOW,* she ordered.

  I obeyed. It was still vile but seemed to warm my insides. I hadn’t realized I was cold. So cold it hurt inside.

  *Take MORE,* she commanded.

  I obeyed. The second time, it wasn’t as bad. It was still vile, but my body seemed to welcome it. The thought was startling.

  *Why does my chest hurt?* I asked.

  *Sorry, I broke a few ribs,* she said.

  *Why?*

  *Your heart stopped,* she said simply.

  *Oh,* I said as if it were normal for someone’s heart to stop. My head was still foggy. *I can’t see anything.*

  *DRINK!*

  The third time, it slid down easily. My body didn’t shutter at the stuff this time, and I couldn’t seem to taste anything.

  *Still with me?* her voice came again in my head.

  *Hmmm?* Warmth seemed to be spreading through my entire body now. *Yeah,* and then I drank more without prompting.

  *Come back. Follow my voice,* she soothed.

  *Hmmm?* I found it hard to stay awake, but I couldn’t tell the difference between conscious and unconscious anymore. I seemed to be drifting somewhere between the two.

  *That’s it. All the way now,* she continued.

  I could feel something touching my hand, making my arm jerk.

  *Good. How about this?* she said.

  My leg jerked as something poked one foot, then the other.

  *Cut it out.* I was groggy. It's like I was trying to wake up from too much cold medicine the night before. Something poked at my other hand, causing me to pull it in protectively.

  *Five more minutes,* I tried.

  *Wakey wakey,* her voice teased, but I sensed an underlying anxiety. She feared something. I tried to look at what she was afraid of and heard her gasp. An image appeared: me, bloodied and broken, lying in her arms on a baseball field. I wasn’t moving.

  *Gentle...gentle,* her voice told me firmly, like someone telling a dog to be careful as it took the treat out of their hand.

  My attention snapped back to her face. I could see genuine worry lining her eyes. I’d never seen lines on her face like that before.

  I opened my eyes. Had they been closed?

  She was still staring at me. It was daytime now, even though crickets were chirping. I reached up to touch her face.

  *You OK?* I managed, running my hand down her warm cheek. I noticed there was blood on her mouth. *Are you hurt?*

  *No, not me, lie still,* she said.

  I assessed my body without moving. *I feel fine. A little stiff, sure, but nothing some vitamin M won’t cure.* I flexed my hand, her eyes still carrying those worry lines. *Really, I’m OK. Had worse mornings after a trip to the gym.*

  Then memory caught up to me. *Oh God, what did I do?* The blur of the night came back in bits and pieces.

  *No, you’re fine,* Shae soothed.

  I groaned, embarrassed by what I’d done. *I’m an idiot.*

  *Eejit,* she corrected. *And for once, you’ll get no argument from me,* a bit of the miffed tone from the night before came back.

  *I’ve...never...lost control like that. Never,* I whispered.

  *I think a lot of repressed thoughts suddenly caught up to you, along with your withdrawal. It was bound to happen. You were the last one.*

  *Last one?* I said.

  *Yes, everyone else had already had their breakdown. It was a while ago, but I don’t think they were as used to repressing things as you are,* she said.

  *Is everyone OK?* I asked.

  *Yes. Everyone ELSE is fine.* When she laughed out loud, I could see her eyes were moist.

  I looked at my hands. I seemed to remember having broken both of them. *Am I fine?* I felt confused again, off-kilter.

  *After a fashion,* she smiled.

  *I was hurt,* I said

  *Yes.*

  *I lost my mind,* I said.

  *That is a BIG yes,* she said.

  *But I’m fine now?*

  *That’s yet to be seen. Can you sit up?* she asked.

  I pulled myself up easily. There was no pain, not even the feeling of muscle straining. I looked around. We were at the baseball fields in Manchaca. I’d played little league here for a year when I was younger. I sucked at baseball.

  *We’re not that far from the Hacienda. Why’d we stop?* I asked.

  She avoided the question, *Can you stand up?*

  I stood easily, looking around to ensure no shamblers were sneaking up on us. I didn’t see anything, but I could sense...something. I couldn’t make out what it was, but it bugged me.

  *Not bad,* she nodded, chin in her hand as she walked around me, giving me the once over like a used car. *I don’t know how...I mean, it was my first time...but look at you! Can I cook or can’t I?*

  It was...I focused harder on what was drawing my attention. There was something...just outside...and then I had it, “A heartbeat!” My voice startled the deer sleeping in the ditch, and it sprinted away. The sound of my voice jarred me; I didn’t recognize it. I glanced around again, spotting the sun.

  *Shae, the sun!*

  But she wasn’t bursting into flames or even smoking. She stood there with her arms crossed, looking at me. Not crossed...her arms were wrapped around herself as if trying to keep herself together.

  And then the pieces fell into place, one acme safe-shaped piece after another.

  *That’s not the sun, is it?*

  She shook her head.

  *That was really me I saw in your head,* I said.

  She nodded apprehensively, too afraid to speak.

  *I died, for real, didn’t I?* I finally said.

  *Twice. The second time…* she said.

  *You couldn’t bring me back,* I said slowly.

  She shook her head, her eyes shimmering.

  A shiver ran through me. *Your skin...the deer’s heartbeat...my...voice.* I looked up at her. *How are we talking without blood contact?*

  *We’ll always be able to do this now. A creator can always hear those they created and vice versa.*

  *Creator...* The ground came rushing up to meet me as I landed roughly on my rear. *I’m...a...vampire?*

  She nodded solemnly, *My first.* When I didn’t reply, she continued, *You were dead. You wouldn’t respond. I panicked and tried. I’d never done it before; I wasn’t sure if it would work. We’re not allowed to without permission,* she rambled. *But it did work, and you’re here. You are...still you...right?*

  I didn’t recognize the mental voice coming from her. I was hearing the voice of a scared young girl.

  *Of course I’m me. Who else would I be?* I frowned.

  *Sometimes, people change...personalities change with the crossing,* she said.

  *I’m a vampire.* The thought wouldn’t sink in. *Oh God,* I groaned.

  *What, what?* She was at my side, her hand on my shoulder, concerned.

  *What am I going to tell Miria?* I groaned.

  Shae blinked at me. Twice. *What?*

  *How am I going to explain this to the others?* I said.

  *I turned you into a vampire, and your first worry is how you will tell the others?*

  I shook her off and turned around. *No...not the vampire part. I basically...* I swallowed hard, trying to speak the thought. *I killed myself.*

  Her arms surrounded me, holding me with strength I’d never realized. How much had she held back before? Would I ever have that sort of restraint?

  *Of this, I’m certain. You did not go out there with the intent to kill yourself. Did you go bonkers for a while? Sure,* Shae said.

  I sighed and turned to face her, still in her grasp.

  *You were right; I had been bottling it up. You didn’t cause me to lose it; I did. I had the grand mal of temper tantrums, and it killed me.* I tentatively put my arms around her, and she pulled me tighter. I was still trying to deal with the fact we were talking about my death...in the past tense.

  *How do you feel now?” she tapped my head, *in here?*

  I had to think about it. *Clearer. The headaches are gone,* I said, looking down at her. *I have to admit, though. Trying to follow your moods is making me dizzy. One minute, it’s cuddle time; the next, keeping me at arm's reach.* I buried my head on her shoulder.

  *Trust me, I’m not always following it either,* she said.

  We sat there for a while, not moving, when I suddenly recognized the large brown shape next to me. *Why is there a dead cow there?*

  *You had to feed,* she said.

  I pushed her far enough away to look into her eyes. “I drank a cow?” I said aloud incredulously.

  She nodded sheepishly. *It was either that or someone from back home.*

  *That’s why you didn’t take me all the way back,* I said.

  Nodding, *If it worked, you were going to need a lot more than any of them could have given.*

  *Where’d you find it? I thought the shamblers had gotten them all,* I said.

  *It was sleeping under that clump of trees over there. Almost like it had been waiting for us,* she said.

  I thought about that for a while.

  *Come on, we’ll need to get back soon; the sun will be up,* she nodded towards the horizon, which was already starting to lighten.

  *That will take some getting used to,* I said.

  *I thought you said you knew how it felt after living in England,* she said.

  *Shut up,* I mumbled, giving her a shove that sent her flying ten meters. *Oh shit, I’m so sorry!*

  She landed nimbly on her feet and pirouetted back towards me. She glided across the gravel road, hardly making a sound.

  When she was next to me again, I swallowed hard and said, *How’d you do that? I’ve never seen you move like that.*

  *You have no idea how hard it is to move in a way that is ‘natural’ to humans. But you will, I’ll teach you.*

  We walked down the road in silence a while, both our minds reeling from the new status quo.

  *Yes, I’ll go,* she said finally.

  *What?* I said.

  *To look for Natalie. I’ll go,* she said, not looking at me.

  *But, I thought...* I started.

  *I can’t have you running off on another temper tantrum again. I wouldn’t be able to help.* She glanced sideways at me.

  *Hey, at least when I lose it, I just hurt myself, not try to drink three other people dry!* I said playfully.

  She turned a flat stare on me.

  *I’m never going to live this down, am I?* I said.

  She shook her head. *But seriously. I want to go. If the memory of us was powerful enough to drive you to this, I want to know why.*

  *But you can see my thoughts,* I said.

  *I want to know for myself. I know you miss this other Shae, but I need to do this for me. Someone did something to me, and I want to know who and why. Also, what else was done to me that I don’t know about?* she seemed surprised by her thought. *Not to mention, I’m curious about this other Shae in your memories. I’d like to meet her.*

  *Alright,* I said as we rounded the corner and could see the fence line for the Hacienda. *Oh God, this is going to be awkward.*

  *You have no idea,* she smiled and patted me on the shoulder. *But I’m here; I’ll help.*

  *Thanks,* I thought a moment. *Does this mean I can call you mom?*

  She looked at me knowingly, *Do you need an Oedipus complex on top of everything else?*

  *Right. Nevermind,* I said quickly.

  *And don’t call me mom, ever,* she said seriously.

  From her “tone,” there was something more to that. That was the second time she’d said something like that. I tucked it away to ask later, knowing I’d probably not get an answer.

  We waved at the house as we approached. Richard should still be on guard duty, and we didn’t want to get shot coming home.

  *Hey Richard,* I called as we passed over the roof and into the house.

  *Honey, he can’t hear you,* Shae said.

  *Oh. My bad.* I shook my head. *This is going to take some getting used to.* It seemed that speaking mentally was easier than speaking aloud.

  She patted me on the shoulder as we silently moved through the house to the small room we’d been sharing. When I say silently, I mean it. It was almost as if my feet weren’t touching the ground. I could only hear the shuffling of my clothes when I moved.

  As soon as I saw the couch, I was suddenly bone tired. I ripped off my ruined shirt and collapsed onto the couch with a whisper, *This is too weird.*

  *You’ll get used to it. Now, get some rest. Your body should be crashing any time now. You’ve had a rough night.*

  *You’re not coming?* I felt a wave of apprehension at the thought of not being around her.

  *That’s a natural response. You and I will be inseparable, even for us, for a while. We call it fledgling syndrome. I’ll be right back; I need to make a few arrangements, five minutes tops. Now REST.*

  The last was a command from her, and I immediately felt myself go limp, my eyes fluttering closed.

  *I’m going to have to watch that,* I heard her say before I passed out.

  Another shameless plug to read Book 0. [Yeah, I got nothing. -Rhiannon]