Hajime is currently watching a real-life anime battle. Gods are fighting—not for the fate of the universe or any romanticized reason—but out of pure pettiness. It’s such a waste of time... yet oddly entertaining.
Hajime munches on imaginary popcorn as the universe burns all around him. The world has turned to glass. A gigantic, star-sized ad slams into the world, firing multiple projectiles that shatter reality, attack ads viciously compete against each other in a fury of neon blinding colors. Truly, an epileptic would convulse in excitement at this wonderful display!
Knock, knock.
Valiant sighs and says to Hajime, “This is the six-hundredth time they’ve done that.”
Hajime blinks. “Odd… it’s the first time I’ve seen it.”
Knock, knock.
Valiant replies gravely, “No, it’s not. We’re caught in a loop.”
Hajime frowns. “Is it because Deus controls time?”
Valiant nods. “Yeah. Whenever she loses, she reverts everything back to the beginning of the fight.”
Knock, knock.
Hajime smirks. “Pfff… she’s lost six hundred times?”
Deus roars, “I’ve never lost you idiot!”
Valiant shrugs. “Technically true—she’s just save-scumming reality.”
Hajime tilts his head. “Have we had this same conversation before?”
Knock, knock.
Valiant replies, “Yes and no. Sometimes we go steady, sometimes we kiss, other times…”
Caladblock interrupts flatly, “Stop lying. You’re bound to that stupid desk.”
As if on cue, divine chains shimmer into view around Valiant’s ankles.
Valiant sighs. “Why ruin the fun? I almost had him flustered!”
Ignoring their banter, Hajime asks, “So when exactly does she revert time?”
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Knock, knock.
Valiant answers, “Usually when Invader-san breaks through the dimensional door and unleashes her horrors with fully marketed eldrish power.”
Hajime rubs his chin. “Any way for me to gain time-based immunity?”
Valiant smirks. “Sure is! Come over to my side.”
Just as Hajime takes a step toward her, the world shatters, and a beautiful, many-tentacled being bursts into the dimension. Hajime dives toward Valiant’s desk—then everything resets again.
Now both Hajime and Valiant occupy the desk together.
Hajime squints. “Hey Valiant, why am I over there?”
Valiant replies, “That’s one of your possibilities. You didn’t reach the time bubble, so you’re talking to another version of myself from that specific timeline.”
Hajime sighs. “How many times has this happened?”
Valiant counts. “It would be… eight hundred times.”
Hajime raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t you say six hundred a minute ago?”
Valiant shrugs. “Time’s wonky. Doesn’t really matter tough.”
Hajime groans. “Then how am I supposed to escape this?”
Valiant grins. “You’ve got to do something none of your possibilities have tried. It might break reality for a few seconds…”
Hajime mutters, “Something none of us have ever tried, huh…”
Valiant adds casually, “No pressure—we’ve got eternity to figure it out. Literally...”
Hajime thinks. “Did I ever use Caladblock?”
Valiant nods. “Yeah, three hundred times. Didn’t work—her blasts never landed.”
Hajime asks, “Did I ever use you?”
Valiant smirks. “You did about fifteen hundred times—but don’t say you used a girl Hajime-kun. Makes me sound cheap...”
Hajime sighs. “How many times have I used Whalescalibur?”
Whalescalibur chirps proudly, “I bet he’s used me over a bazillion times!!!”
Valiant counts her fingers. “Three times. Maybe less.”
Whalescalibur screams, “HAJIME! HOW COULD YOU?!”
Hajime facepalms. “Let me guess—she told me to watch a ten-year-long ad to make a slash strong enough to break reality?”
Valiant nods. “Yes indeed Hero. Looks like some of your past memories are bleeding in.”
CRACK!!!!
Hajime glances up at the beauty breaking through reality again. The world resets once more with a flash.
Hajime and Valiant are still at the desk.
“By the way,” Hajime asks, “how are we immune to the time mumbo-jumbo ?”
Valiant answers, “Because of the contract. I’m siphoning some of Deus’s power to create this safe zone.”
“How many resets have happened now?”
“About the power of seven… nine hundred ninety-nine resets with exponential probabilities.”
“She’s losing a lot...”
No reply from Deus this time. Hajime frowns. “Can Deus hear us in here?”
Valiant shakes her head. “We’re outside of time—she can’t.”
Hajime grins. “So… how many times have I used Whalescalibur now?”
Valiant glances at her notes. “Only two times.”
Whalescalibur yells, “HOW HAS THE NUMBER GONE DOWN?!”
Valiant narrows her eyes. “That is indeed very strange.”
Hajime smirks. “Bingo. One of my probabilities escaped.”
Valiant nods slowly. “It makes sence, If you remove one data point from the sample… it means the answer lies in how you used Whalescalibur?”
Whalescalibur puffs proudly. “I told you! I’m a holy sword worthy of being used!”
Hajime groans, thinking long and hard about what he’d never do with that sword… then realization hits him.
“I think I know what my other self did…” He slams his fist on the desk. “I fucking hate myself for it.”
