9 Rebirthed

  Life returned to Mainwood. Everyone was shocked at the news of Joseph’s health. His death was inevitable, yet he survived. He was feeble and small, but he was alive.

  Lily, the maid Robert assaulted, ran away from London. Robert returned, believing he had done nothing wrong. Stewart confessed everything to Joseph. The way his father had pursued Lily and raped her, and how Stewart lost his temper and hit Robert on the head with a stick to save Lily. Robert claimed his son’s words were nothing but lies. But with Joseph’s valet’s confessions, Robert’s crimes doubled.

  The young valet told Joseph about the night of the anniversary. He told him how Robert left Joseph to die and prevented others from helping him. The valet also confessed that he had witnessed Robert assault Lily at Joseph’s bedchamber. He was in the room that day but couldn’t make a noise or show himself because he was afraid.

  Robert got imprisoned for assaulting Lily and attempting to murder his son. Joseph didn’t let the news about Robert’s intention to kill him spread because he didn’t want Robert to be executed for betrayal. The Capell family was sent back to their home with a notable amount of money so they could live by for a few months.

  The second chance at life felt surreal. Joseph had succumbed to the pain and was ready to leave, but fate had other plans in hand. Everything had slipped through his fingers, including his youth and will to live. He spent most of his time in his bedchamber, and the reason was not his physical condition. He simply despised everything and everyone for no apparent reason. Seeing others and hearing them frustrated him.

  The servants tried their best to look after him and make him find his vigor. “My lord,” the valet said, peeking inside the bedchamber to see if Joseph was all right since he did not respond.

  Joseph was in his bed, covered with blankets. He opened his eyes and looked at the valet, then coughed a few times and said nothing. The valet stepped inside and rushed to Joseph when his coughing didn’t stop. He grabbed the medicines from the table.

  “Here,” the valet said as he moved a spoon of the syrup that the hooded man had given him to Joseph’s mouth. Joseph coughed again and pulled back his head, refusing to take the medicine.

  “Please, my lord,” the valet said. “You have to take it.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Mary told me you haven’t taken it for two mornings.” He tried to feed him again.

  “No!” Joseph argued, pushing the valet’s hand away from his mouth.

  “You won’t get better if you don’t drink it.”

  “I don’t want to get better!” Joseph shouted, surprising him. The valet looked at him in disbelief. “Get out,” Joseph said with furrowed eyebrows, but the valet didn’t move. “I said get out!”

  “I’m afraid I cannot do that,” the valet said lowly.

  “Are you disobeying me?” Joseph asked in disbelief.

  “Yes! I won’t watch your health recline. I shall stay here until you take your medicine.”

  “I don’t want to get better! Why do you feel the need to save me?”

  The valet’s hand fell by his side, and he watched Joseph with a half-open mouth. It shouldn’t have been hard for him to understand how upset Joseph was, yet he found it difficult to see someone awaiting death.

  “I was to reunite with my family…” Joseph said with a lower voice. “I was to see my son… My only son. You took it away from me!” His tone rose, and his eyes got teary. “You kept me alive so I would die every day in this resentful life!”

  “No!”

  “Yes! You did! Look at me! Look at the pathetic man before you! Why must I live when I have nothing and no one?”

  “My lord… Please, don’t say that…”

  “How did you do it?” Joseph asked, and the valet looked at him blankly, not understanding what he meant. “I was dead… You gave me something.”

  “I gave you medicine.”

  “It wasn’t medicine! I remember a smell and a lot of vomit. What was that?”

  “My lord…”

  “What was that, Jack?”

  “I don’t know!” the valet blurted. “I got it from someone.”

  “From who?”

  “I-I… I…”

  “Talk!”

  “The Pedlar!”

  Joseph coughed lowly. The sickness was draining him. He stared at the valet, waiting for more explanation, but he got none. “The pedlar? Am I supposed to know him?”

  “Have you not heard?”

  “Heard what?”

  The valet sighed, and Joseph grew more impatient. “Say it!”

  “He has always been a story and nothing more,” Jack said.

  “And?”

  “On the night of the countess’ death day, there was no choice but to find him and ask for his help. You were… My lord, if I hadn’t reached him… You would be…”

  “I would be dead,” Joseph completed Jack’s sentence, and a silence fell upon them. “You never stopped to think I wanted it, did you?”

  The valet frowned. “Pardon?”

  “I wanted to die!” Joseph said louder for him to hear.

  “My lord! To take one’s life is one of the greatest sins!”

  “I wasn’t going to murder myself. I was already dying.”

  “You were not the only person dying,” the valet said, which made Joseph look at him again. “Mainwood was dying.”

  Joseph shook his head. “It was not.”

  “We were all dying.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous! You were not dying!”

  “We have lost the countess and your son. We wouldn’t lose you too,” the valet said in a higher voice. He knew he had crossed a line, but he didn’t care. “I wouldn’t lose you, My Lord. Yes, it’s selfish, and yes, it’s silly because we have never shared any bond other than a servant and a lord. But no, I wouldn’t let you die when I knew I could do something about it.”

  Joseph’s heart broke even more. There was something the valet could do to save Joseph, and he did it. A man, who—as he just mentioned—shared no bond other than an employee and an employer with Joseph. Yet he saved his life. But Joseph couldn’t do it for his son and wife.

  “Wouldn’t you do something?” the valet asked, and Joseph’s lips flattened into a line, fighting his tears. “If there was something you could do,” the valet asked, “wouldn’t you do it, no questions asked?”

  A lump broke in his throat, and tears rolled down Joseph’s cheeks. He didn’t wipe them nor control them. Jack was right; he would do everything to save his son and wife. But he hadn’t done anything. Margaret and Francis were dead now, and Joseph was alone. He looked down at his hand and unclutched fist. His son’s wooden horse toy was in his hold. It was the only meaningful thing in his life that he could feel connected to after all that he had been through. More tears streamed down his face.

  He nodded without answering Jack’s question as a sign of his understanding. While Joseph silently mourned his son’s death again, the valet refilled the spoon with syrup and made Joseph drink it. Joseph didn’t resist this time. He drank it, lay back on his bed, and let sleep slowly take over him.

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  Everyone wondered how the earl had survived the terminating disease, but the valet said nothing. He knew how people thought about a healer with skills beyond their comprehension. They believed that men such as the hooded man worked with the devil, hence their possessions of superpowers. That’s why the valet kept his mouth shut and let people think it was indeed a miracle and a favor of God for Joseph to return from death.

  Time lost its meaning for the man with an altered destiny. Days turned into weeks, and weeks stretched into months. Despite his indifference, the servants did their best to feed Joseph and make him walk to reform his muscles. Joseph understood Jack’s kind gesture to save his life, yet he couldn’t feel linked to anything from this world. The lack of will and reasons to continue heightened the detachment. He sensed that he didn’t belong. The idea of reuniting with his family had been calming, but the mysterious hooded man had intervened and disrupted his discipline.

  Finally, Joseph was back on his feet. He wasn’t skinny and feeble anymore. The deep delves underneath his eyes were full, and his cheekbones didn’t seem too sharp now that they were covered by more volume. His small figure had turned normal, and he was once again strong and stable, but was more jaded than ever. He tried alcohol to soothe his pain and restlessness, and it helped to some extent.

  On one of the cold nights in London, Joseph had already drunk enough to lose his logic. He found himself in one of the inns that weren’t too close to Mainwood and sat at one of the tables. It wasn’t wise for an earl to visit a deprived corner of the town in that time, but he was determined to order enough alcohol to lose the last bit of his consciousness. The innkeeper placed the drinks before him, and Joseph nodded shortly. He started drinking as he looked at the people around him.

  A few people recognized him and stared at him. Some still didn’t believe he was back on his feet. Some were curious why Joseph was on this side of the town, drinking alone. Joseph didn’t care. He sat there and drank without starting a conversation with anyone.

  The alcohol started working. The room started spinning around his head. He sat there and looked at the empty bottle. It was time to order a new one.

  “You look exhausted, Ma Lord,” a feminine voice cut into Joseph’s thoughts.

  He glanced up at the woman. She was wearing tight, revealing clothes. Her lips were red, and her light-colored eyes were shaded by the black shadow on her eyelids. She sat next to Joseph, touching his arm to seduce him.

  “I can feel the tension in your muscles,” she said, inducing Joseph’s attention.

  He expected her touch to be comforting—he needed it to be. As she leaned more toward him, Joseph stared at her revealed cleavage. He blushed like a teen. It made him uncomfortable.

  She put one hand on Joseph’s lap and rubbed along his inner thigh. “What do you say, ma lord?” she whispered into his ear. When no one was looking, she put one of her hands on the lower part of her breast and squeezed gently. “Perhaps a wee squeeze here and there? If ye want, ye can spread me like a piece of bread and fill me up with yer butter.”

  Bloody hell, Joseph thought! He had never heard such words. She was different for sure. Women like her at the rich clubs would be more persuasive, smiling more elegantly, having better clothes, and saying wicked things to make men come to their room and sleep with them in exchange for money. But the woman by Joseph was not even clean. Her dress looked cheap, and her hair was messy. She had smudged makeup, and her face didn’t look appealing.

  Joseph wasn't normally one to chase after women, but this particular lady caught his eye out of desperation. He couldn't help but wonder if a woman from downtown might bring a new sense of excitement into his life. His gaze was on her breasts, and she was aware. She assumed Joseph was a man with no control over his desires like any other man she had met. So, it was again a lucky night for her. But Joseph had so much control over himself that it was overwhelming. For one night, he wanted to disappear. He was an earl and had to pay dearly, which excited her. She grabbed his arm, lifted him from his seat, and guided him toward her room upstairs.

  Joseph imagined doing so much; He wanted to rip the cheap dress off her body and be inside her without hesitation. He felt like an animal for having such raw desires for the first time in a long time.

  Since he was too drunk, he stumbled on the bed and lay there, feeling no power over his body. The room spun around his head. The woman stood at the foot of the bed. Without any expression on her face, she lifted her skirt and lay on top of Joseph’s crotch. Joseph had never done it like that before. Margaret and Joseph’s sex was the traditional way.

  “Wait,” Joseph said, his head still spinning. The woman didn’t listen. She wanted to finish quickly and have Joseph out of her room. With a fast movement, she pulled down Joseph’s trousers and then lowered herself onto him. Joseph took a deep breath and didn’t exhale.

  “Woman, I said wait,” he mumbled. “I don’t feel good.”

  “Close yer eyes, eh?” She continued, and Joseph tried focusing. He was going to come within seconds.

  The woman moved a couple of times up and down, and that was it for him. He pulled out and clutched onto the bedsheet. His eyes were focusing on the ceiling. The woman moved away from him and stood by the bed, lowering her skirt and fixing her bosoms inside her dress. Joseph took a few short breaths and covered his cock again with his trousers. He got on his feet but stumbled into the table.

  “Don’t act sick now,” the woman said. Joseph’s head turned to her to face her. “I want mi money,” she added, which made sense of her previous sentence. She thought Joseph was acting sick so he wouldn’t have to pay.

  Joseph pulled a couple of coins out of his pocket and threw them on the bed. Then he started walking outside of her room.

  The streets of that part of the town were shelters for criminals. Joseph walked to his house with no horse or carriage. What a meaningless sex! He never thought life would be this insufferable. All the men around him over-enjoyed sex and always talked about the women they had slept with, but he couldn’t even reach satisfaction. Perhaps something was wrong with him. What else was there to enjoy if not a woman’s touch? He breathed deeply, trying to forget about it.

  Someone stumbled into him, and he almost fell but managed to steady himself. The speedy stranger was a young man. Before Joseph could protest, the man spoke. “Have you seen the Pedlar?” he asked, and Joseph frowned. “Have you seen her?” he repeated, grabbing Joseph by his arms and shaking him.

  “Her?” Joseph said with a shocked expression.

  “Please,” the man said. “I need to find her. If you have seen her—”

  “No! I don’t know any Pedlar!”

  “I don’t care if she’s a witch or the devil himself. She is the only person who can help my daughter.”

  “I don’t know where she is,” Joseph said in a firm tone, pulling his arms away from the stranger. The man walked away from him, running in another direction like a lunatic.

  It was strange that someone asked him about the pedlar in the middle of the night. Joseph watched him approach others and ask them the same question, and he realized the man was only asking random people in the darkness of the night because he was desperate. It made Joseph wonder how much the people in London relied on the pedlar’s help.

  The next day, Joseph woke up with a severe hangover. The valet was already inside his room, waiting for him to open his eyes so he could give him his medicines. Joseph rolled his eyes at him and tossed the blanket to the side. He got on his feet and stopped when his head started spinning.

  “My lord,” the valet said, approaching him to help him.

  “I’m fine,” Joseph said, pulling his arm away from the valet.

  “What happened? Are you feeling ill again?”

  “No. I’m merely intoxicated by alcohol.”

  “Do you—?”

  “Get out, Jack.”

  The valet hesitated at first but then started walking toward the door.

  “Wait,” Joseph said, and he turned around. There was silence for a few seconds, and then Joseph talked. “Who is that pedlar?”

  The valet was surprised by the question. He didn’t answer and just stared at Joseph. “I know you said you don’t know him,” Joseph said, “But there must be something about him that you know. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to find him.”

  One of the servants knocked on the door, and Joseph got distracted. “Yes?” he said, and the footman entered.

  “My lord, Mr. Lancaster wishes to see you,” the footman said.

  “All right. Tell Thomas I’ll meet him at lunch.”

  The footman curtsied and left the room. Joseph’s look returned to the valet. “I don’t feel good. I need something to get rid of this headache.”

  “A walk will help, my lord,” the valet said.

  “Under the sun with this hangover?”

  “The sun is not out much. It’s going to rain.”

  Joseph sniffed. “I’m not sure. But let us take a walk then.”

  They started their walk in the garden. “We were in the middle of a conversation,” Joseph said. The valet said nothing. “You were going to tell me how you found him.”

  “I don’t know him, my lord.”

  “Stop giving me lies, Jack. I’m not going to punish you for knowing him. You must know me by now.”

  “I have no idea who he is.”

  “How did you find him?”

  “I had heard rumors. The Pedlar was simply a gossip heard in the kitchen or the bedtime stories. No one believed he existed.”

  “Go on.”

  “I had to find a solution, anything that would save you.”

  “You’re not giving me answers, Jack.”

  “I heard from one of the maids that the Pedlar is a priest.”

  “A priest?” Joseph asked with shock.

  “Yes. In the orphanage.”

  “The Hoffman orphanage?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was he?” Joseph asked, and the valet looked blankly at him. “Was he the priest?”

  “I don’t think so. When I visited the orphanage, the nuns were awaiting the Pedlar’s help for one of the sick orphans.”

  Joseph put his hands in his pockets. “Who is he then? How does no one know about him?”

  “Is it important to know him?”

  “Yes,” Joseph replied without considering his response. He didn’t think about it by then, but it was vital to find him.

  “Why, if I may ask?” the valet asked, and Joseph stopped walking. He started thinking.

  “I was dead.”

  The valet wanted to say something and deny Joseph’s statement, but he couldn’t. Joseph was about to die, and the valet knew it better than anyone else. He was there when Joseph vomited blood. He was there in the three months that Joseph had lost his ability to walk, eat, and speak.

  Joseph started walking again, and the valet followed him. “I have many questions,” he said, cutting into Jack’s thoughts. With a few sniffs, he squinted. “It shall not rain. I can’t smell it yet.”

  The valet was confused. “Smell what?” he asked but remembered the important part of Joseph’s sentence. “What questions do you have?”

  “I can smell rain,” Joseph said casually without looking the valet in the eye. “How did the Pedlar cure me? Is he a witch of some sort?”

  The valet decided to ignore the rain part of Joseph’s statement since it sounded mad. “A witch?” he asked, his eyes widening. “My Lord, he was none but a Pedlar. And aren’t witches women?”

  “I was dying!” Joseph said without realizing how loud his tone was, and the valet said nothing. “A pedlar doesn’t heal people. I’m sure you’ve heard of the rumors enough to know everyone believes he has supernatural powers.” The valet nodded, and Joseph continued. “What if he is a…?”

  “A what?”

  “What if he is the lord himself?”

  The valet’s mouth opened widely. “You mean God?”

  “Yes.”

  “In the body of a man?” His voice raised. Joseph glared at the valet so he would get his voice down. The valet looked down. “Pardon me, My Lord,” he said with a lower voice.

  “You act as if we don’t believe the Lord appeared in a body before.”

  “Jesus was different, My Lord.”

  “I don’t know what he could be. A witch, a healer, an herbalist, a pedlar, or a God. But I know he’s capable of things even our physicians cannot do.”

  Does the pedlar have super powers?