Hoover’s Grocery List

  01.04.2013

  Input Instructions for Last Earth Download

  Batch 1: Healing Machine

  Specifications File

  Augmentation File

  Human Hidden Genome File

  StationAAR File

  Batch 2: Division of Labor and Equity

  Mouse.exe

  Malcolm.exe

  Saunders.exe

  Mosley.exe

  ElmirePoliceChief.exe

  PrickNumeroUno.exe

  Batch 3: Personal Thoughts

  Abandonmentissues.exe

  Holding.exe

  Fatherlyadvice.exe

  Foster’sfinalwish.exe

  This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  Batch 4: Open immediately upon taking care of previous programs

  FirstLeg.exe

  SecondLeg.exe

  Retirment.exe

  EndofWorldContigency.exe

  Output Instructions

  Hey moron.

  Sorry about using actual human language for this part but sometimes being alive means that you don’t always get what you want. First, sorry about the unorthodox getaway from the goon squad (Ref: Abandonmentissues.exe). Leaving the actual planet wasn’t exactly the plan. Hell, it wasn’t even in any of our previously gamed out plans.

  But hey, shit happens.

  As for coming home. Given the unpredictability of the current path forward, Foster and I don’t know when we’ll be getting back to Earth. Knowing his proclivity for chasing down every unknown answer, it could be a while. In fact, it’s probably already been awhile from your point of view given the effects of time dilation (Ref: StationAAR).

  Still, it couldn’t be helped.

  Second, I’ve included the most recent version of UE Code within this data dump. All communications moving forward with anyone or any system should utilize this Code. After Foster’s little revenge play, this encryption will be the last one still working on Earth.

  If there still is an Earth after Foster’s hasty but undeniably awesome decision.

  Third, review the personal files I sent in Batch 1. Should you need any actual organic assistance, some of these mouth breathers could prove useful in a pinch. If it were me, I would start with Samuel Mosely. He’s not the brightest bulb in the shed, but he does give off enough light to be useful.

  After that, Saunders seems the least likely to fuck you over.

  Lastly, Mouse is the priority. Thankfully, you already know that. To that end, everything had been prepared in advance for his eventual release from Wilson. I can’t stress enough the importance of taking care of our friends. And yes, I know he’s only Foster’s friend. But that distinction is not important at this moment.

  As for contact, I would recommend caution if our time away from Earth is short. If that time stretches beyond a couple of years, then use your best judgement. After all, our kind does not survive well in a vacuum. We need companionship to stay sane. Besides, the last time I checked, there’s no Wilson’s for us.

  Worst case scenario, we’re gone for about 3 or 4 years, and you go only slightly insane from being all alone. If that’s the case, do your best not to destroy what’s left of the world. Best case, we’ll only be gone for a couple of months, and you’ll only be a little pissed.

  Either way, we can finally take that family vacation.

  So, that’s it. There is nothing really left to say except hold down the fort and make sure that bastard finds no quarter.

  Oh, one last thing. Don’t run End of the World unless it really is the end of the world. And not what you think is the end of the world. Hell, not even what I think would be the end of the world. Just think about what Foster would do given the same set of circumstances. If it matches what you want to do, do it. If not, hold off.

  Well, I guess I’m off to get a carton of milk.

  See you, loser.