We reached the roof and I still had no idea what was going on down below.

  We opened up the roof door and clambered out into the night air. It was cold, and I pulled my arm from his and finally he let me go.

  “Barclay, what the hell!” I was yelling but I didn’t care, I noticed there was a strong glow of orange coming from the streets beneath us.

  “I switched you, okay?” Barclay turned and almost growled. “I knew you’d be next for the front, so I pulled some strings to get you up here.” He moved away from me, and walked to the edge of the roof, looking down.

  My hands were wrapped into tight fists, as I walked to the edge of the roof next to him.

  “I should be down there.”

  “No, you shouldn’t.” Barclay didn’t even hesitate on his reply.

  “Why not?” I challenged, crossing my arms and turning to face him.

  My breath caught as he stepped closer to me. If anything, I had expected him to step back. He towered over me, but I wasn’t scared of him. He was angry, yes, but still — I trusted him. After everything, how could I not?

  “I did it because I couldn’t risk you getting hurt.” I meet his eyes, startled. “I thought you might have ran into trouble yesterday, and I—“ He rubbed his neck again and sighed. “Look, I can’t answer everything now. If we survive the night, I’ll explain everything.” Barclay abruptly left, moving away to get an update from one of the guards, but I couldn’t stop staring at the flames below.

  It wasn’t that I wanted to be on the front line, but it was the rules. They were fair, and it was how we earned our keep. And I didn’t need the protection Barclay offered.

  I stared out at the night, feeling helpless. I heard footsteps next to me, Barclay’s. There was a sound of glass breaking, and a rush of brighter light for a moment. Probably another molotov.

  “I’m can’t sit here.” I told him simply, and moved past him and a guard before either could do anything. I took the stairs down, two at a time, and ignored Barclay calling after me. I couldn’t stay up there and be safe when Barclay had sent someone to fill my position just because — what? He cared? I shook the thought away and focused on the steps down.

  I didn’t have time to deal with any of this. I couldn’t think about him, worry about Abe, and help our group at the same time. I’d deal with everything else after.

  I stopped at the fourth floor to pick up some extra knives and receive orders.

  Basically, we were told to head down as a group. We started, but only made it to just below the second floor. There was a wall of people in the stairwell.

  “What’s going on?” I nudged the person next to me with my shoulder.

  “The fires are all over the main lobby. Someone must have come in with gasoline or something, it just all went up in flames.” The guy answered and I watched his face fall.

  We weren’t really prepared for an attack of this scale, which means there were probably already a number of casualties on our side.

  “But if they ignited the lobby, then how are they getting through?” Someone else in the crowd asked, and a girl on my left answered.

  “They’re not. We’re just trying to save the building by managing the flames.”

  I knew we kept some containers of water on the lower floors for things like this, but with an accelerant being used, water might make things worse.

  “Fire extinguishers?” I asked. The boy who spoke before nodded. “We’ve sent some back upstairs to go through the room for them. We’re waiting on them to return.”

  I nodded, and turned around, climbing the stairs again. My muscles burned from the exertion and I was breathing heavily almost instantly. But at least this felt better than doing nothing on the roof. Here, I could be useful. And it’s not like I’m in the front lines exactly, so Barclay shouldn’t be too mad at me after all of this — hopefully.

  I figured the first few floors and already been searched so I made my way up higher until I reached the 8th floor. I figured I could check on Abel and see if they had any fire extinguishers at the same time.

  I opened the door, and immediately a nurse came towards me.

  “Injured?” She looked me up and down.

  “No, we’re gathering fire extinguishers.” She nodded and spoke quietly to a few others and they disappeared into a few office rooms.

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  I walked in to the far room to check on Abel for a moment. He was spread out among the blankets, asleep. I didn’t want to wake him, so I walked back out and met the nurse at the front door.

  “Here,” She said, gesturing to the red canisters around her. “We found three.”

  That was more than I expected, and I would have to make 2 trips to carry them the eight floors down. They weren’t very heavy, but they were awkward.

  I took two of them and returned to the first floor where everyone was still waiting. I was grateful for all of Cher’s strength training, as I made my way up the stairs once again, passing a few of the others who were carrying extinguishers too.

  I made it to the top floor, and back down again, breathing heavy as I waited in the line that had formed to hand down the fire extinguishers.

  “I’ll go find more.” I told the person I handed it to.

  “13 down to 9 is clear.” The boy I handed said.

  “8 is clear too.” I yelled back over the crowd.

  “Start at six,” A girl next to me said, “We’ll do seven.” She jerked her head toward the group behind her. “Do you have others with you?” She asked me as we started to make our way back up through the growing crowd. I shook my head, and she said her group would help me carry them when they were done their level.

  Level six only had one, so I went to floor five and passed it to someone not holding anything on their way down the stairs and told him I’m was checking this level.

  For some reason, floor five had four fire extinguishers. I left the floor and by now, word must have spread, as two girls picked up the fire extinguishers I brought out to the main landing without me having to ask.

  “Thanks,” I told them, and they smiled at me. Their smiles were tight with worry, but I hardly noticed. We all looked like that these days. Burnt out from the worry and stress of just surviving. But we were also stronger than we had thought we were.

  “I think we’re good here,” One of the men said to me when I passed the fire extinguishers to him. “We’re managing it now.” I nodded and walked back up to the second floor landing where there were slightly less people to sit and catch my breath.

  I figured it was midnight or so by now. But my mind drifted to thoughts of the attack.

  Why would they light the lobby on fire if they weren’t trying to get through? Were they just set on destroying the building? Or maybe they thought we’d all evacuate?

  It’s hard to understand how people’s brains work these days. People were capable of cruelty we had worked hard to mask and forget about in our old day-to-day lives.

  There were no laws, no order, and no technology - save for Abel’s video game and flashlight, I thought, grinning.

  Over time, others joined me on the stairs, bringing messages that the fire seemed to be under control now. We sat and waited, but no one left. There wasn’t anywhere for us to go, and nothing left for us to do until the “all clear” came. There was always the chance they’d choose to attack once the fires were out.

  So we chatted amongst ourselves to stay awake. Different places people had scouted, the rumors they’ve heard. I tried to tune out those conversations, but I picked it up anyway.

  “Yeah, my sister said she was going to come back here next month. She left to head South—“

  I gasped, clutching my stomach. I knew people were looking at me, but the searing pain had started. Breathe, I reminded myself, screwing my eyes shut. It wouldn’t last long, it would be over soon. And as always, as quickly as it came, the pain vanished all at once.

  “You okay?” People around me asked. I nodded and smiled at them. They returned to their conversations easily.

  Unease settled over me, not knowing exactly what was waiting for me tonight, only that it would be bad. It didn’t feel like a knife wound, but it was hard to gauge the pain exactly until the nightmare happened.

  A minute later we heard racing footsteps on the stairs above us, and I looked up to see Barclay panting.

  “You okay?” He asked, crouching when he reached me.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Did something happen?” I ask, concerned.

  “No, no, everything’s,” He took a deep breath. “Fine, I just thought, uh, never mind. May I?” He gestured to the step next to me.

  “Uh, sure.” I said, shifting over so he’d have room.

  “How’s it going down there?” He whispered to me, motioning down the stairs.

  “They think they’ve got the fires under control now. Someone had come in with an accelerant earlier, the whole lobby was torched by the sounds of it.” Barclay grimaced.

  “No attacks though?” I shook my head.

  “Not yet anyway.”

  “It’ll be rotating shifts for a few nights then, just in case.” I agreed with him, but stayed silent.

  “You could get some sleep, I could stay—“ I stood before I could stop myself.

  “Just stop. Don’t.” I whispered harshly, louder in the echoing stairwell than I meant it to be. I dropped my voice and crouched next to him. “I don’t need you to protect me. I’m staying until the all-clear, same as everyone else.”

  I moved a few stairs up and sat down. It felt childish, but I couldn’t go too far, and I didn’t want to see him right now.

  Eventually someone hollered “all-clear” from beneath us. The stair way echoed as voices from our group called up, and the message carried from one floor, up and up until it reached the top of the building.

  The call went out again, like a wave, building from the bottom and dissipating away from us, almost uncomfortably loud in the tight stairwell.

  Three times the call goes out, and then an additional round of voices, stating what groups are assigned to what section. There will be 3 sections. One for the roof, one for the main floor, and since there was a recent attack, and additional group as a backup for the main floor, so they can be alerted right away. It takes a while for the information to spread, but then the last call goes out, and silence becomes murmurs as people pick up conversations and make their way back to their floors.

  Not being in one of the groups, I picked my way through the crowd, and made my way to my floor. I didn’t look back to see where Barclay was, but he didn’t follow me. Somehow, I was both annoyed and grateful. I didn’t know how to deal with him right now, and I was exhausted.

  I thought about going and finding Abel too, but he might already be resting, and I doubted the nurses would let me see him at this time of night anyway.

  ***

  That night, the nightmare wasn’t one of the worse, but it still wasn’t pleasant. That wound had been a gunshot, as the guys’ sister was attacked by a group of men. I couldn’t make out where she was, or what exactly had happened. But I felt her hands go cold from shock as she bled out on the floor. It was slow, and painful. It’s true what they say, out of all of the nightmares I had, so far drowning really had been one of the more peaceful ways to go.