Shit, shit, shit! Why do these kinds of messes always happen to me?

  I keep running, trying to avoid the trees before me. The ground is shaking. Birds are fleeing. My dress is tearing on branches. My headdress falls off, no time to pick it up. The smell of moss and humidity saturates my nose. I hear a howl of pain quite far away. A gust of wind surprises me from behind, followed by a dull cracking sound in front of me.

  Mmmh… not so far away anymore.

  One of my knights just landed on the tree facing me. Or rather, what was a tree. And what was a knight. The shock pulverizes both, leaving a furrowed trail as ploughed as a peasant's field. I hear the bawling of the troll pursuing me. I throw myself into a fox burrow not far away, hidden under a tree, hoping the monster will abandon the chase. The sounds of footsteps stop. Time seems to stand still.

  I need to give myself a safety margin, I’ll count to a thousand. One, two, three…

  A cracking of wood. Light suddenly engulfs my vision. Looking up, I see a massive grey body, towering half a trunk above the trees. Covered in bumps and grime, a bald skull and a bloody mouth with a visible scrap of armor between its teeth—it's definitely a troll. My tree is in its hands...

  

  
• "Uh… Hello?"


  

  It's about to smash the trunk onto my position. Quickly, I concentrate my magic in my legs. Then I jump! The trunk crushes the spot where I was standing a second earlier. I reach the level of its eyes. They are a sickly yellow. It looks at me with... anger? I don't really care. I look at the ground beneath me.

  One troll above the ground, and bam! Record broken!

  A shock shatters my mind. It just hit me with a trunk. It sends me hurtling a dozen churches away. Just like the knight before, I carefully plough the ground. I go through three or four trees before stopping. I vomit blood and guts. The earth trembles under the approaching troll's footsteps.

  

  
• "Miss! Is everything all right?"


  
• "I'm in great shape, can't you tell?!"


  

  I struggle to breathe, blood fills my lungs, I must have every rib broken. My blood drips over my eyes. I can't feel my lower body anymore, my spine must be broken. My heart pounds in my ears, I feel like my brain is going to explode. A man, no, a young adult, rushes towards me. He has deep green eyes, hair as black as coal. He looks like he just came from the charcoal burner. He has clothes in tatters, typical of workers, but he wears a sword at his belt. And then his mana, no... Enough observation.

  Close your eyes, focus, feel the magic.

  I close my eyes, trying to breathe as best I can. I concentrate my magic, first my lungs. I can breathe normally. Then my skull. Then I heal my other injuries. After about ten seconds of concentration, I am again able to feel my feet. I painfully get up. I wipe the blood that blocks my view. I spit out the blood from my throat.

  

  
• "Wow, I'd never seen magic that could heal."


  
• "Can you fight?"


  
• "A little, yes."


  
• "Then draw your sword from its sheath. He's coming."


  

  The man obeys. The troll faces us. Immediately, I cast a protection spell and then a physical amplification spell on the man. He seems confused but gives up trying to understand. The troll strikes, but his blow is deflected by the man. I don't hesitate, I materialize a magic dagger and rush forward. The troll tries to turn towards me, but he is immediately attacked by the man. I sever one ankle tendon, then the other. He falls face down, letting out a howl of pain. Immediately, I climb up his back, slicing his thick skin with my dagger. The man then takes his momentum, leaps into the air, and plunges his sword into the monster's skull with a single blow.

  It's over. We defeated a troll!

  I climb down from the monster. I reek of blood and mud. The man approaches me.

  

  
• "By the way, my name is Leims, nice to meet you."


  
• "Leims? Nice to meet you, I am Raine Lehart, Saint blessed by the goddess Melas. Now, Leims, can you point me to the nearest town?"


  

  As I decide to approach him, my field of vision blurs. I can no longer hear. All I can see is Leims rushing toward me, and then I faint. I must have consumed too much mana.

  I have such a headache.

  Cracking sounds are heard. I open my eyes with difficulty. The forest stretches out

  before me. The cold carcass of the troll is there, but gutted. A fire burns like a heretic at

  a God's feast.

  A man! There was a man!

  I quickly scan the surroundings. Then I see him; he's coming out of the troll's carcass

  his arms laden with fat wrapped in what was his coat. He finally notices me.

  

  
• "Ah, finally awake, Raine?"


  
• "Well, such familiarity towards a Saint who just saved your life."


  

  He mutters under his (non-existent) beard. My remark clearly didn't go well, even though it's the strict truth.

  

  
• "Madam is visibly back on her feet."


  
• "I prefer that tone, thank you... Anyway, where are we, when are we, what are we doing..."


  
• "And who are we?"


  
• "No, I remember that, thank you."


  
• "For starters, it's already been three days since we took down the troll."


  
• "THREE DAYS!?! But why didn't you wake me up sooner, you idiot!"


  
• "Hey, calm down, alright. I tried, but you were completely dead, sleeping like a log."


  

  Me, a log? Has the other filth looked at himself?! No, calm down, don't get carried away.

  

  
• "And so why are you carving up the troll, exactly?"


  
• "It seems logical, doesn't it? I take the fat to fuel the fire, and I cook the meat so we don't starve."


  

  Tell me this is a joke, the jerk didn't make me eat the troll, did he?

  

  
• "You didn't make me eat the troll, did you?"


  
• "Well, yes, why?"


  

  It seems my fist found its way into his mouth by ACCIDENT. His body was, however, stopped mid-flight by the monster's corpse.

  

  
• "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?! Madam brings a troll down on my face, faints before my eyes, does nothing for three days while I bust my ass to feed her, all for what?! TO GET HIT AS THANKS!?! This one's crazy!"


  

  I clearly hit a nerve, didn't I?

  

  
• "Well, Leims, we started off on the wrong fist, you and I."


  
• "Wrong foot, you mean?"


  
• "No, in your case, wrong fist."


  
• "I'm gonna kill her."


  

  I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

  

  
• "Well, to explain why you must NOT eat troll: first, it's toxic in the long term if not purified; it's monster meat, after all."


  
• "Really?"


  
• "Well, yes, but for three days it should be fine, but secondly, being the meat of an evil being, and furthermore a semi-human, it means we have just committed two blasphemies in the eyes of the Gods. Well, at least you have, since I wasn't conscious. But anyway, where are we?"


  
• "We are south of the Great Forest of Treste, a day's walk from the village of Waldas."


  
• "Hmm, good, we should already go to this village to find some semblance of civilization."


  
• "No thanks, I've had my share of that godforsaken hole. I'm trying to reach Leg?u, three days' walk east of here. I'd already be there if someone hadn't practically fallen asleep in my arms."


  

  That's strange, why go through the forest to reach a big city instead of the road? Maybe he's...

  

  
• "Tell me, Leims, why go through the forest rather than the road? Are you a criminal trying to flee?"


  
• "Hahaha, no way. No, actually, the local charcoal burner completely ripped me off when it was time to pay me, and since he's also the village chief and I'm a stranger, I preferred to leave. As for why the forest, the roads in the region are full of bandits and semi-humans who set ambushes. But if you want to try your luck alone in these woods and on those roads, nothing is holding you back."


  

  His story holds up. My mana is not yet regenerated, and I no longer have an escort. Venturing into these woods in search of Waldas or the road without help would be suicide.

  

  
• "Well, it looks like we'll have to put up with each other for a little while longer."


  
• "Ah, I've been waiting for that for three days."


  

  One week. It's been a week already since we've been walking. Not once has he pulled out a map. Three days' walk, he said. "Don't worry, I know where we are."

  My ass !! It's obvious we're lost!

  And it's not like we have anything to talk about. A week of only speaking out of necessity—hell. After a week, I've learned only one thing: he's a vagabond. He wanders from village to village, works for a while, and then leaves.

  Well, here we are, then.

  We just arrived in front of a decomposing corpse. Slashed all over. Obviously, it's the troll we took down almost a week and a half ago. The nauseating smell of death saturates the air. I cast a small spell on my nose to mask the smell. Leims stops. I make sure to adopt the most contemptuous expression possible. He turns around, looks at my expression of pure disgust towards him, and then starts to speak.

  

  
• "Yes, fine, I admit we're lost, there, are you happy?"


  
• "Frankly, I don't even know what to say. For a vagabond, I've rarely seen worse. But since it seems everything has to be done myself, we're sleeping here tonight, then heading East, marking trees. That will keep us from going in circles this time."


  
• "Yeah, well, I'll let you do it, apparently."


  

  We prepare what we need to spend the night. Troll meat, tree moss water. In all my life, I've never wanted to find even a peasant's shack so badly. A week in the forest without preparation and I'm already closer to a goblin than a human. Well, eventually I've found tree branches quite comfortable, despite a persistent backache. Leims, meanwhile, seems to be enduring the situation quite calmly. But the troll meat is going to make me crazy; it's completely vile. It's full of tendons, fat, and completely inedible cartilage. It's all viscous, yet it cracks under the tooth like a stone. The meat is grey and has a very unpleasant metallic aftertaste. I tried burning it, and guess what, it tasted like charcoal, cracked like charcoal, stained like charcoal, without being any less viscous. And it wasn't charcoal.

  Seriously. And he just eats it like that. Sometimes I wonder if he's not messing with me.

  And on top of that, I have to bless the moss water to counteract the toxicity of troll meat. It gives the water a soapy taste, in addition to the earthy and damp wood aftertaste. We haven't crossed paths with any streams or animals. For a Great Forest, I didn't imagine it to be so empty.

  What I wouldn't give for a piece of wild boar.

  Oops, I'm drooling. While I was fantasizing, the other one is eating his troll like it's his last meal. It disgusts me.

  

  
• "How can you eat that with so much appetite?"


  
• "Mmmh? Well, compared to nothing or dirt, it's already better. And if you don't like it, you can just cast a spell on your taste buds like you did for your nose."


  
• "Oh, you noticed? Sorry, but no, it doesn't work like that. We can't alter the senses with magic, all I can do is block the air entry. But how do you not know that? It's basic knowledge, though."


  
• "Sorry, but I never had anyone to teach me that."


  
• "Don't you have parents or anything?"


  
• "No, I grew up on the streets."


  

  Oops.

  

  
• "And how did you end up knowing how to fight with a sword then?"


  
• "I don't know, I never learned. One day I was attacked by a bandit, so I subdued him and stole his sword and money."


  
• "Well, what a man. But why didn't you killed him? If someone attacks me, I kill them. Otherwise, they might come back. That's a basic life lesson, isn't it?"


  
• "I don't think so. Everyone makes mistakes. If every person had to die for a single mistake they made, there would be no one left on this earth. And besides, isn't it better to see someone wiser afterwards? Personally, I prefer that. You never know everything about others; maybe the thief had a good reason, maybe he had to feed his family but couldn't."


  
• "Yes… maybe…"


  

  The next day we set off towards the East, I follow the direction of the sun, Leims carefully follows behind me. Yesterday's conversation has dampened the mood. I should try to find a topic of conversation; it's absolutely out of the question to spend another three days without speaking, or boredom will be the death of me before the troll meat.

  Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

  

  
• "So tell me, Leims, how did you end up in this region of the forest?"


  
• "It's obvious, isn't it? I wanted to go to Leg?u, but I got lost on the road."


  
• "Yes, that's logical…"


  

  Well, back to square one. I have to keep trying.

  

  
• "But other than that, don't you have any friends? No distant family or anything like that?"


  
• "No, otherwise I wouldn't have been lodging on the streets for so long."


  
• "Yes, that's logical…"


  

  AAAH DAMMIT TO HELL!!!

  My temper finally exploded, and I strike a rock within kicking distance.

  

  
• "Well, is Madam having a fit?"


  
• "Oh, you shut up, alright! I've been desperately trying to break the ice for a while now, I'll have you know!"


  
• "Calm down, alright? You're the one who's bad at finding conversation topics."


  

  Just as I was about to continue my outburst, the ground began to tremble. Birds are fleeing. I don't like this. The trees creak. The rock I kicked starts to wiggle, then begins to slide across the ground, just like a snake. Then suddenly the earth splits in two, and an immense grey body emerges, as long as the nave of a church but as thin as a tree trunk. It is covered in dirt, but it's impossible to mistake it.

  No, tell me I'm dreaming...

  

  
• "WATCH OUT, STONE WORM!!! RUN!!!"


  

  I scream at Leims while taking to my heels. A rocky shriek pierces the air, the worm slides towards us and begins the pursuit at full speed.

  

  
• "First a troll, now this thing, what's your problem with monsters!?"


  
• "I don't know, I've always had bad luck with these things!!"


  

  We keep running, trying to lose it through the trees.

  

  
• "I'm sure it's because of your damn kick, that must have been the big one's kid!"


  
• "Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck !!!"


  
• "Can't you pull out your dagger or cast a spell!?"


  
• "The dagger will be useless against its stone body, and attack spells aren't my specialty, I need time!!"


  
• "Time? I can give you time! I'll draw it to me, you find a spot where I can see you and cast a spell capable of hurting it!"


  
• "It works, I'll be at the top of that swirling tree over there!"


  

  I point to a tree with my finger; it's one of the tallest, but most importantly, the most recognizable with its swirling trunk, he nods. I look at him, completely absorbed. He stops just long enough to pick up a rock and throws it at the worm. He resumes his run, this time with the monster on his heels. He's fast, faster than when he was running beside me. I hit a tree head-on.

  That'll teach me not to look where I'm going.

  I'm lying on the ground. My head is spinning. This is really not the time. I try to gather my wits. The ground continues to shake, the beast's cries grow fainter. I get up and start staggering. I need to spot the swirling tree. It's easy, I didn't choose it at random either. I head more or less straight for it. It takes me a good five minutes of walking to reach it. Unfortunately, I can't jump to the top; with my head spinning, I could really mess up my estimations. So, it takes me another five minutes of cautious climbing to reach its top.

  Finally, I can see the forest from above. The vibrations are no longer very intense, and its cries seem distant, but I can clearly see the trail of dust and uprooted trees it leaves behind.

  He seems to be doing not too badly after all.

  Just as I begin to think of a spell capable of hurting the worm, a large stick hits my ribs and knocks the wind out of me. I fall but catch myself just in time on a branch, my feet dangling in the void.

  What the hell is going on?!

  I lift my head toward my aggressor. A girl my age stands there, though quite thin for her size. Malnutrition is evident. Her hair is as black as night, her crystal-blue eyes illuminate her face and tanned skin. But most importantly, her long ears form a point at the tip. She's a dark elf. She has only a simple cloth cape as clothing. The large stick in her hands, she looks at me more scared than truly conscious of her act, even if she tries to maintain a serious and confident face. She proclaims:

  

  
• "W- Who are you approaching me in silence during my nap!"


  
• "Please, I need your help! My friend is being chased by a stone worm, they'll be here any minute!"


  
• "A-A stone worm? What is that?"


  

  Seriously?

  Clearly attracted by the beast's cries, she looks up. I too turn to see the situation. Leims is heading towards us, the beast still pursuing him. I climb back onto my branch, but the elf points her stick at me.

  

  
• "B-Be careful! I'm an exceptional mage, no sudden moves!"


  
• "Too bad, on Leims, that kind of bluff might have worked. But I know very well that dark elves are the worst species when it comes to magic."


  

  I finish healing my injury. The elf looks at me disconcerted but keeps her guard up.

  

  
• "And besides, mana can only regenerate if the user is in good health. That's not your case. You have a single weak spell at most."


  

  I resume my ascent to her branch; she doesn't strike. Once I reach her level, I approach her slowly, without hiding my hostility.

  

  
• "You proclaimed yourself a mage, didn't you? Let me show you what a real spell is."


  

  I make my mana flow into my hands.

  Without my staff, I'll have to do it the old way.

  I begin creating a magic circle in the air. I simultaneously recite an incantation.

  

  
• "Oh Earth, nourishing mother and counselor, grant me the power to pierce stone. May your children forgive me, Melas, Goddess of Creation and Life. Telluric Lance!"


  

  The moment my prayer ended, a spear of earth shot out from the magic circle at an impressive speed. It closed the distance in a fraction of a second, before crashing onto the monster's head. Its lifeless body continued its momentum until it reached the foot of the tree.

  I saw Leims look at me with a satisfied smirk, and I myself couldn't repress a wide smile followed by a V for victory.

  I suddenly remember that I'm not alone on this branch, but before I remember who, a feminine voice intervened.

  

  
• "Wow! That was amazing! And without a staff too!"


  

  I turn around and was immediately surprised by the elf, who looks at me with stars in her eyes, and leans closer and closer to my face. Fortunately, I am half a head taller, so I am not truly intimidated. However, her excitement forces me to back up more and more, until I'm against the trunk.

  

  
• "Hello! What are you doing up there? Come down! And who is she?"


  

  I had forgotten him, but Leims is waiting below. Here is my chance to extricate myself from the elf's grip. I jump from branch to branch to finally land below. But the moment I land...

  

  
• "— Aaaaaaah!! Bam!!


  

  The elf also jumped, but she landed on me. Aside from being flattened against the ground, her weight is surprisingly light; I almost felt like I had lost my balance and fallen by myself. Well, only if her elbow hadn't landed right on my shoulder.

  

  
• "Well, I must say, what an entrance."


  

  He doesn't have an ounce of compassion for me.

  More disappointed than angry, I get up without even noticing that the elf was still on me. I adjust my dress, or what's left of it, then I address the malnourished girl.

  

  
• "So, who are you, and why did you almost kill me?"


  

  Leims raises an eyebrow in surprise.

  

  
• "Kill? Seriously?"


  
• "Yes, kill. So, I expect an explanation," I said in a threatening tone.


  

  The elf lifts her head, her ears droop like a dog that just did something wrong. She sits down as best she can.

  

  
• "W-Well, my name is Abbia…"


  
• "And?" Leims interrupts, crouching near the elf, "How did it feel to hit her?"


  

  Huh?

  

  
• "It was surprisingly pleasant… I didn't know why, but I felt appeased…"


  
• "Oh, yes, I see…"


  

  What?

  I need to take back control of the conversation quickly!

  

  
• "Hey, stop it! It's not nice to hit people!", Leims turns towards me


  
• "Wasn't it you who said, 'I'm attacked, I kill'? Huh?"


  

  But! They're ganging up on me!

  

  
• "Yes, well… maybe not all the time."


  

  I'm forced to concede. At least for a while.

  After that, we made a fire at the foot of the tree. Cooking troll meat is long, and collecting moss water must be done during the day, otherwise, we might collect toxic water. Once finished, the sun has set, but it's time to eat. Or rather, survive, because you can't call it a meal.

  

  
• "Mmmmh, how good this is!!" the elf exclaimed.


  

  But while I look at her disgusted, Leims smiles at her.

  

  
• "Ah, finally someone who doesn't complain!"


  

  Bastard.

  

  
• "How can you enjoy troll? Is your culture so backward?" I said in a condescending tone that made Leims swallow awkwardly. A crackling from the fire is heard.


  
• "Woah, woah, woah. What is that supposed to mean?" Abbia said indignantly, her confidence regained.


  
• "Well, don't semi-humans eat each other?" I continued, second crackling from the fire.


  
• "It's you who are backward for thinking that! I knew humans were supremacists, but this much!" she retorted.


  
• "Obviously, humans were the first! The goddess created you from us; you are failed beings!" third crackling from the fire, a branch breaks.


  

  Leims, who finally overcame his shortness of breath, intervened.

  

  
• "Alright, that's enough! I'm going to take one to hit the other if you continue!"


  
• "Are you taking me for a kid or what?" I replied.


  
• "Given your behavior, yes!"


  
• "Hmph, I'm sure that of all of us, I'm the oldest!"


  
• "Oh yeah? Go on, say your age then!" the elf retorted


  
• "Are you serious right now?" Leims objected


  
• "Very serious. I'll be 18 next month," I declared, full of confidence


  
• "Hah! I'll be 117 this year."


  
• "HUH!?"


  
• "There, kid, does that shut you up!" The elf continued confidently


  

  I turn towards Leims, seeking little comfort.

  

  
• "What? I'm going to be 19. Is that a problem for you?"


  

  I am defeated. Did I really lose an age contest? Leims, clearly seeking to finish me off, threw in:

  

  
• "What did you expect? Even I know elves are longliving creatures."


  

  Yes, I should have expected it. I let myself be fooled by her childish appearance. Leims, visibly trying to deliver the final blow, launched:

  

  
• "But well, for two people so old, I expected more mature behavior."


  
• "I-It's normal, dark elves take time to become mature," Abbia tried to defend herself,


  
• "A-And me, my occupation as a Saint doesn't leave me time to have contact with people my age!"


  
• "Exactly, your title as a Saint should require permanent maturity!" Leims finally said.


  
• "W-We should sleep. The day has clearly been exhausting for everyone," Abbia resigned herself to saying.


  
• "Yes. We should" Leims replied.


  

  I say nothing. We each find a place to rest, then try to sleep. Thinking back, shame consumes me, and I blush completely. I must concede, he's right. I shouldn't have gotten carried away. That age contest was stupid; just because you're older doesn't mean you're always right. I'm exhausted, I need to go to sleep; the night brings counsel, as they say.

  The next day. I apologized to Abbia.

  

  
• "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten carried away. And even less called semi-humans failed beings."


  
• "It's alright, I'm the one who hit you first; I was sleeping carelessly, and you surprised me, so I hit you. I shouldn't have, I'm sorry."


  
• "As for you, Leims, you're right; I am the Saint of the Goddess Melas; I shouldn't have behaved with such immaturity."


  
• "Well, what a surprise. But not an unpleasant one this time. So, Abbia, what are you doing now? We're going to the nearest town, do you want to come?"


  
• "C-Can I? Truthfully, I have no reason to stay here. If you hadn't arrived, I would have died of hunger or thirst in the next few days."


  

  Leims gives her a compassionate smile then looks at me for confirmation. I have no objection, I nod. Only then does he say:

  

  
• "Good, then since that's settled, onwards to Leg?u!"


  

  Interlude

  A cold, stony room. A single stained-glass window depicting a woman with a halo, arms spread facing naked men on their knees, illuminates the room. An oval table stands in the middle of the room. Documents of all kinds are scattered. Only eleven people are present, all properly dressed in white robes and gold stitching, five on each side of the table, the last at the head of it. One person begins to speak.

  

  
• "And? Do we know where the Saint has gone?"


  
• "No… still no trace of her. But according to the research, her escort ran into a troll. They were decimated. There would be no survivors."


  
• "Mmmh… I must remind you that her body has not been recovered. And the responsible troll is dead."


  
• "Impossible! A troll doesn't die just like that! And she couldn't have defeated it alone."


  
• "Well, according to the investigators, a second troll is located in place of the first one's carcass. It is highly probable that it was he who defeated the first."


  
• "But I seem to have been informed that parts of flesh are missing from the corpse."


  
• "Yes, but again, trolls have many mysteries. They are known to be eaters of anything that passes under their nose. Killing and then eating one of their own does not seem unrealistic. Especially since pieces of armor were seen in the corpse's mouth. That the Saint was killed and then eaten, it does not seem unrealistic."


  
• "Yes… That would even be the most probable. Even trolls wouldn't kill each other when they have a human to share first. And it seems that the observers posted in Waldas saw nothing particular. Her death is almost certain."


  

  Everyone reflects for a moment on the course of action. Then, the one at the head of the table finally spoke:

  

  
• "So, verdict? I propose to declare her death. Any objections?"


  

  No one moves.

  

  
• "Then it is decided. It will be made public tomorrow at the first hour. Her introduction as a Saint has not yet taken place. No need for overly important tributes. She will be presented as a simple parishioner having been violently devoured by the monsters that are trolls. No need to name her. Erase all internal records citing her. Thus, our position against monsters and semi-humans will be strengthened, and within a month, everyone will have forgotten this story and who Raine Lehart was."