Sam eyed the two trays his newly minted friend was carrying. “I don’t know whether to be more impressed by the amount of food or your ability to perfectly balance a tray in each hand.”

  “I told you I was hungry.” She frowned at him. “Leave me be.”

  “Hey, I’m just trying to lighten the mood. Make you forget all about your recent outburst.”

  “Ugh, you’re such an asshole, you know that?”

  “Oh, so it’s my for being surprised that the all too perfect princess was capable of human emotions like worry and self-doubt?”

  “It wasn’t self doubt. And I was just momentarily shaken. The shower left me haggard.”

  “We’re keeping to blaming the shower, are we?”

  “Damn straight,” she said as they sat down. “Mhm… the food looks good.”

  “Better than your royal servings?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. But maybe almost as good as the food at the Royal Academy. And”—she held a piece of waffle smothered in cream to her face—“of a different variety.”

  “God. The ways of your people are varied and strange. You have so much to teach me.”

  “OK, first of all… No, you know what? Not even going to grace that with a joke. Why hadn’t you asked Yvessa to teach you all about ‘the way of my people?’”

  “I think you know the answer.”

  “Well, Yvessa’s not a good person to ask, anyway. She prefers Terran food.”

  Sam chuckled. “Yeah, I heard about that point of contention between you two. Also, there’s no such thing as Terran food.”

  She pointed to her cup filled with coke. “What do you call that?”

  “Cultural appropriation. A liquid dose of Americana.”

  “It’s Terran food.” She gestured to her food laden plates. “It’s all Terran food. It came from…”

  “Yes?” Sam smiled widely. “From where?”

  “Terra…” Erianna finished meekly.

  “I’m sorry… I didn’t get that. Could the translator have stopped working for this one particular word? Not familiar with any world called Terra.”

  Erianna laughed. “Nope. You pushed it too far. Anyway, if it came from you guys, it’s your food.”

  “Hm… that’s like calling Asian food, you know… Asian food. It’s a very broad category considering the amount of people and cuisines in the region. I mean, khachapuri and sushi are very different things, all considered.”

  “So are matar and lephin. You don’t see me arguing against grouping them under Sarechi food. Or even elven food.”

  “Yeah, but that’s the point. You’re the elves. The culturally homogeneous alien race. We’re the ethnically, culturally, and linguistically diverse Terrans.”

  “I noticed you didn’t put politically there.”

  “Well, I mean… come on. We can’t just sit here and pretend that history hasn’t ended.” She made a puzzled face at him, which caused Sam to break out in a self-satisfied smirk. “Ha! Seems like you don’t know everything. You still have a long way to go before you can understand all of my references.”

  “Would anyone else have gotten that reference of yours?”

  Sam grimaced. “Eh… Probably not here, in our line of work. At least not so low down the ladder.”

  “Wow. Aren’t you an early achiever?”

  Giving her a thumbs up, Sam clicked his tongue and winked. “That’s me baby. Early to the finishing line because otherwise, being a lazy sack of shit, I would never fucking finish. In all seriousness, everything’s alright? The food’s doing its job?”

  “And what job would that be?”

  “Making you feel better.”

  “Of course. I was hungry before. I’m getting less hungry every…” She stopped to showcase taking a big bite. “Second.”

  “How about making you feel better indirectly, then? Like the old cliche of eating ice-cream after a breakup.”

  “Did you ever do that?”

  “I never suffered through the hardship of heartbreak. But I did suffer through many other mental anguishes. And thankfully my genes managed to not fuck me in this department, so my lactose tolerant guts didn’t have to suffer as a result of my melted ice-cream imbibing. Come on, don’t tell me you’re a stranger to eating your heart out? Emotional eating? Mental regulation through the waistline?”

  “Of course I’m not. I’m just playing ignorant because I don’t see why that behavior would have anything to do with me as of right now.”

  “Right…” Sam slowly nodded. “Nothing to do with you. But you were hungry before. And you’re less hungry now, yes?”

  She smiled. “Getting less and less hungry every second.”

  “Good…” Sam struggled to find the next words. Should he just completely change the subject? No need to further intrude on his new acquaintance’s mental space—

  “I’m just fucking with you.” Erianna laughed. “I’m feeling better, thanks. It was a combination of a ton of different things coming together while I was in the shower. You know the deal, I bet. Suddenly you have a lot of time for yourself and you find yourself thinking.”

  “Ha. Don’t I know it.”

  She nodded. “And that’s what this was all about. But really, you don’t need to worry about me. If I was a little less tired or a little less hungry, you wouldn’t’ve even noticed anything wrong with me.”

  “Alright. Good. I’d hate to add yet another person to whom my existence caused great anxiety on only the first day we met.”

  She waved him off. “Oh, I wasn’t that anxious about you.”

  “Of course, I get it. There were other causes. The showers, the first time here, being a way from—”

  “No, that’s not what I mean. I meant that when I was anxious about my role as your teacher, it wasn’t really about you as a person, as Sam Anders. In so far as I only cared about you in order to do my duty.”

  “Ah, I see. Mental ill because of what the person represents, not because of who the person is. I am intimately familiar with that.”

  “Exactly. I was worried about being a teacher to the only Thread-Weaver Taken, and making sure he’ll be able to become a strong Ruler and such. Not that Sam Anders, the person, would be able to live a happy and fulfilled life.”

  “In your defense—not that you need any—I don’t think many people in our circles get that latter type of concern. At least not from people who we just met. And maybe we shouldn’t.”

  “You really believe that?” she asked.

  “I don’t know if I really believe it. But it is something to think about. I mean, I made it pretty clear to myself early on that being able to live a happy and fulfilled life was a very secondary concern compared to… all the other things. But I’ve talked enough about that shit with my therapist. And I think we both talked enough shit about mental health for having just met a couple of hours ago. I’m just happy that you’ve recovered and in awe of how little time it took you.”

  “I seemed worse than I really was. Also, I probably exaggerated it a little. It’s fun watching you suddenly turn into a different person.”

  “I resent that. But only because I hate the usage of such a description, literal or otherwise, for any person who doesn’t actually suffer from a mental disorder that actually invests one body with more than one personality. There’s only one Sam Anders. Sure, he might change his behavior and mannerisms on a dime’s whim, but he’s still the same person.”

  She shrugged. “It was fun making you change your gears, then.”

  “I don’t doubt it. Just as I don’t doubt that you won’t like that mode of me too much. I get really clingy. It’s because I get off on feeling like I’m really helping another person, that they really need me. I get to fulfill my moral duties and egotistical desires at the same time.”

  “You sure know how to ruin being nice to somebody.”

  “Hey, you go far enough in the literature and you’ll find assholes who say that we’re only being nice and moral because it makes us feel good.”

  Erianna smiled brightly. “There it is.” Her eyes twinkled. “An ethical discussion.”

  “We’ve already talked about ethics.”

  “Sure, but I was the one to bring it up. Now you did. I finally get a front seat to the authentic Sam Anders experience.”

  “Well you’re outta luck cause I’m not very well versed in moral egoism. Not much I can add to the discussion other than what we’ve said.”

  “But surely we can simply consider the question based on our preexisting beliefs and intuitions?

  “No. Why would you think that? Philosophy isn’t like politics or economics. You can’t just say that you think something is right because that’s what you think. You need to substantiate your claims. You need references and literature; clad-as-math arguments.”

  “I’m pretty sure that philosophy is the opposite of that.”

  “Yeah, maybe. But I was making a joke about people being dumb.”

  “Isn’t that most of your jokes?”

  “So?” Sam shrugged. “Let him who has never made a joke about other people being dumb while secure in the knowledge that he himself was not dumb, cast the first stone.”

  She threw a pea at him. “Nice,” she said as Sam caught it and put it on the tray. He didn’t like peas.

  “I didn’t take you for one to play with your food, princess.”

  The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  “What can I say? You somehow manage to bring out sides in me I didn’t know existed.”

  “Oh yeah, I do that to people. I like to imagine myself as the annoying character in a comedy sketch that finally makes the would be serial-killer snap. Like after we’ve seen them go through all sorts of shit, it’s the interaction with me that really puts them over the edge. It’s probably been done already, but if not, I think there’s a space for me as a recurring character on SNL.”

  “What’s SNL?”

  “Huh… that I didn’t expect you not to know. Well… let’s see.”

  “I can just google it.”

  “No, it’d be more funny if I explained it. So, like everything in comedy, we must go back to the greats, and the greatest of them all was, of course, none other than… Man, I really wish I knew more about theater at this point. Would’ve made for a killer joke if I remembered the name of the guy who wrote the comedy about Socrates.”

  Erianna shook her head. It was clear she pitied him and his ignorance. “I’ll give you one more try, but that’s it.”

  “Aristophanes!” Sam burst out. “At least I think it was. Doesn’t matter though, I forgot where I was going with this. Anyway, for the real funny answer we gotta start with the Simpsons, but not for the reason you’d think if you were in my head. See, it’s a recurring theme that the new Simpsons is not as good as the old Simpsons…”

  Erianna nodded her head in fake eagerness and slowly replaced said eagerness with exaggerated discomfort as Sam’s long-winded explanation kept trucking-on. Despite the fact that she was actively eating a mere second before that, the moment Sam let a few seconds lapse without saying anything, signaling that story-time was over, she shook her head and shot upwards as though she was waking up from a dazed sleep. “Wha?” She looked at him dumbly. “Oh… it’s you. I was dreaming of red-haired sad lesbians.”

  Sam was touched. And so was his chest. “Farris was right. You teach me some things. And I teach you even more important things.”

  “Yeah, except Farris kept bitching all the time about you not talking about those things.”

  “Well, maybe Farris should’ve tried being less of an asshole that makes annoying jokes all the time.”

  “Would you ask a tiger not to stalk across the jungle floor?”

  “If it was a really annoying tiger.”

  Erianna snickered. “I hear the sounds of a wave calling another wave sea.”

  “What a lovely metaphor. Primitive, though. No mention of complex tools and appliances. Terran ingenuity wins once again.” He held his fist upwards.

  She gave him a thumbs up and pushed her tray away from her, settling back in the universal sign of, I’m done. “Ah…” she released a contented sigh. “This is the life.”

  “You are a weird egg, Erianna Ninae.”

  “Don’t be an ass. Biologically, there is literally nothing better than being able to eat all that you can. This is, quite literally, the life.”

  “Hm… you might be right. But us humans are complex creatures. Separate from the animals thanks to our rationality and…” He stifled a yawn. “Ability to philosophize.”

  “But I thought you couldn’t exercise that ability without having a pre-established epistemological foundation on which to build on.”

  “Good joke. Too bad you overstepped your hand by using philosophical jargon. Should’ve just used a dumb-people word like knowledge or information.”

  “Learn to admit defeat, Sam Anders. It would be healthy for you. So, are we ready to go?”

  “After you, princess. I thought we were waiting until you finished digesting the entire pig.”

  “There’s only one pig here, and he’s very fond of making references to stuff even people born around his time wouldn’t have understood.”

  Sam laughed. “Oink, oink.” Standing up, he grabbed his tray. “Need a hand, princess?”

  “It’s ‘want a hand, princess.’ I never need help. But I deserve it due to my station. Alas, your coarse and common palms are not suited to touch a skin as noble as mine.”

  “You take that back,” Sam said as they started walking to deposit their trays. “My palms are literally the best thing about my physical self. It was the only thing about my old body that didn’t need changing.”

  “It is not the matter of the skin gloving the hand which makes it worthwhile, but the worth of the person controlling it.”

  “Damn… that’s good. I’m going to steal it, make it worse, and claim it as mine.”

  She shrugged. “If that is your wish. I do not concern myself with the actions of the commons.”

  They cleaned their trays and left them with a thank you before starting to make their way outside. “So what now?” Sam asked once they were back in the open.

  “Now you call up Dan Ritter and we find out whether you get an early start to the day or not.”

  “I feel like I already got an early start, anyway,” Sam said as he took out his phone. He unlocked it, but hesitated.

  “What?” Erianna asked.

  “It’s just… is it OK to call so early?”

  “Dan’s a military man. He’ll understand.”

  “But if he’s sleeping, then it would be kinda… rude to make him get up and cater to your whims. And if he’s not, then messaging him would be just as effective as calling him.”

  “Yeah, but you’re calling him.”

  Sam sighed but dialed the contact anyway. “So it seems.”

  “Sam?” Dan answered after a few rings. “Everything alright?”

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s just that…” He looked at Erianna, who shook her head with a smirk. “I woke up early and I was wondering if you were fine with starting our lessons early as well.”

  “Huh, huh, I see. Well, I don’t have anything else planned. As it happens, I also woke up early myself. Feel free to come now if you want.”

  “Great, thanks. Be right there.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  Sam put the phone back in his pocket. “See?” Erianna said. “That wasn’t so bad.”

  “It was very bad. You’re a monster.”

  “Whatever. Let’s go.” She started walking towards Dan’s office without waiting for Sam, forcing him to dash in order to catch up to her.

  “Don’t need directions this time?” Sam asked, testing.

  “Nope…” She smiled. “I know where it is.” He gave her a thumbs up and an approving nod.

  “Open,” came Dan’s voice from behind the door, which was a sure sign as any that Sam’s visit today was unusual. He hadn’t knocked for a very long time now. Well, it would be up to the disguised woman beside him how she wanted to play this. He wasn’t going to start lying for her. Just go along with her lies. No lying was necessary in the end, though. Because as soon as they stepped through the door, and Erianna closed it behind them, Dan got up from his table chair and gave a deep bow.

  “Greetings, Your Highness. It is my solemn pleasure to welcome you to New Terra and New Point Academy.”

  Erianna shifted in annoyance. “I thank you for the formality, Colonel, but I was already welcomed to both New Terra and the academy. And I have been welcomed to enough places before in my life to not require any more. So please, drop the pretense and regard me as you would any other student. Or at the very least, as you would, Sam.”

  “As you wish.” Dan straightened. “I was never one for formality as well. But sometimes, when meeting new people for the first time, it is quite necessary. Better to be overly formal than not formal enough, no?”

  Erianna sighed. “You would think. But modern society means that even such simple truisms may not necessarily hold true. May we sit?”

  “Of course.” Dan gestured towards the chairs. “I’ll go grab us some drinks—”

  “Water please,” Erianna said as she sat down. Dan nodded and quickly set down two glasses of water to join his, already placed, cup of tea. He sat down and took a slow and measured sip, the steam rising to obscure his face.

  “Hm…” Sam muttered. Turning to Erianna, he said, “You know what I just realized?”

  “I can hazard a guess.”

  “I haven’t shown you a single modicum of respect. None. Hell, I forgot you people needed to be addressed in a certain way.”

  “What do you mean, ‘you people?’ And you didn’t just show complete disregard to my royal self. You made jokes about it. You kept calling me princess.”

  “I know what it is.” Sam nodded to himself, disregarding her. “I was so focused on the comedic nature of our initial meeting that the more… narrative elements of it escaped my mind. Because trust me, as an avowed fanboy of good kings and queens in fantasy fiction, there is nothing I would’ve liked more than to say something like, well… what Dan said. Maybe not as dry, though.”

  “And I implore you to heed those urges when you meet any other royalty in the future,” Dan said. “Not all of them are as welcoming and gracious as those you have met so far.”

  “Counter-argument. I could postpone meeting any until I’m strong enough to not give a crap about what they think of me.”

  Erianna laughed. “Considering the fact that all three ningana Chosen are considered the head of their clans, and thus royalty. You have the majority of Chosen being royals, and thus, a very long way to go.”

  “No problem. I’ll just buddy up to the Silent Seer. She’ll be my go to Chosen so that I wouldn’t have to meet any of the other seven.”

  “That’s a horrible plan,” Erianna said, and Dan nodded.

  “Well I don’t care because all I was trying to do is break the ice and the tension in the room. I did my part, now you two talk.” He made a show of picking up his glass and loudly drinking it half-empty.

  “Sam makes a good point,” Dan said. “I’ve been informed, early this morning, about your arrival here and what that entails, for me and the academy in general, and for me and Sam in particular. General Farris was very insistent that we treat you as we would any other cadet. But that’s obviously not going to happen.”

  “Why not?” Erianna raised an eyebrow in challenge.

  “First of all. Because we don’t have such a thing as an international student exchange. I literally do not have the administrative tools to handle your full last year of education.”

  “But there are some elven students here,” Sam said. “And I assume, Terran students at the kingdom.”

  “Only in limited capacity. For a trimester or semester. And they are a part of specialized program; their curriculum was purpose-built to take into account the exchange.”

  “Alright, but just because Erianna is one of a kind doesn’t mean anything. Just treat her as you would me, no? Build her an educational profile or whatever. What she already knows. What she was supposed to learn this year at the Royal Academy. Mix and match until you have a curriculum that meets all of her requirements. Then just let her do her own thing; take whatever courses she wants.”

  Erianna laughed. “My counselor makes some good points, Mr. Ritter. But you don’t need to worry too much about my studies here. My uncle already designed for me a framework of a curriculum.”

  “Which would include?” Dan asked.

  “A bunch of different courses similar to those which I was supposed to learn during my third year at the Royal Academy. Not all that many, I assure you, and all of them match up quite nicely to my prior knowledge and the requirements for my graduation. So you needn’t concern yourself with my basic education.”

  “And your non-basic education?”

  Erianna shrugged. “Don’t know yet. Like Sam said, it’ll be up to me to pick whatever elective courses I want. Feel free to advise me on my choices. And I would probably seek out your advice by myself. But I am not, strictly speaking, your responsibility. At least beyond the technical level. I have all of my plans already mapped out for me. I don’t require any of the guidance the likes of which you so expertly give to Sam and those similar to him in talent.”

  “Technically, you’re the only other person similar to him in talent. But alright, I won’t concern myself with your own studies like I would Sam and his peers.” Dan held up his hand. “Just give me the list of your chosen courses and I’ll make sure you’re enrolled in them.”

  “Can I pick the time and teacher?”

  Dan hesitated for a few moments. “Yes… You can.”

  “Good, then put me in with these guys.” She pointed at Sam.

  “I’ll make sure to do that.”

  “Wouldn’t it be just Sarah, though?” Sam asked. “How could you be studying the same courses as me—when I do eventually stop being home-schooled—and Yvessa and Felix?”

  “Different curricula mean different years for mandatory courses.” Erianna shrugged. “Also, I wasn’t just talking about the mandatory courses. I’m not even sure if I’ll go to mine.”

  “Be that as it may,” Dan said, “I’ll make sure you’re always sharing attendance with a familiar face. I was already planning to do the same for Sam, anyway. And the Twins mostly ended up with that setup a year ago, already.”

  Erianna turned to Sam. “I like that nickname. Why don’t you ever call them the Twins?”

  “Your best friend doesn’t like that.” Sam shook his head.

  “Really? Enough to dissuade you? Huh…”

  “In any case,” Dan said, “if we solved the question of how to handle your studies, we can move on to the more pertinent question. How exactly would you affect Sam’s studies, and, in turn, my tutoring of him? From what… General Farris boasted to me, he made it sound like you’re going to be a stand-in for him. If I take that statement at face value, it would mean I’d be out of a job.”

  Erianna snorted. “Yeah… don’t listen to my uncle. He’s at his worst when he’s talking about me to other people. Just based on the fact that we are here now, it should be pretty obvious no one’s replacing you. I’m here to just teach Sam about threads. That’s all.”

  Sam cleared his throat.

  “I’m getting to that.” She shushed him. “That’s all my job description entails. In addition, I could spend more of my time helping Sam with every other matter.”

  “As a friend or a teacher?” Dan asked.

  Erianna sneaked a glance at Sam before answering. “Officially as a friend. Functionally? As both. The whole idea is that no one else is quite as uniquely suited to help Sam with his training. Seeing as I am the closest to sharing his starting position and goal.”

  “And would that unique help entail stepping into my role as well?”

  “Supplementing it. Providing advice to you and to Sam. Honestly, it’d pretty much be the same thing as Farris been doing. Just a little less expertly, a little more normally, and a lot more actively. To give an extreme example of how I would have acted in this role: Advised you to skip over studying gathering by holding. I would’ve known that Sam would use seeking, because he’s a Thread-Weaver.”

  “Farris also knew that and didn’t say anything,” Sam pointed out.

  “Yeah, because Farris is an ass and likes his jokes. But also because, as I said, that was an extreme example. No reason to risk the chance that you might be the first Thread-Weaver more suited to gathering by holding. Not when it only takes a few hours to find that out.”

  Dan nodded. “I understand. So far now I’ll keep acting as I have. The initiative is in your hands. Leaving us with only the subject of your official teachings. How should we modify Sam’s schedule to accommodate you teaching him threads?”

  “It won’t be just me teaching him. It would also be him studying and, mostly, training by himself. But…” She grimaced. “I’m still not sure. I never actually taught anyone before, let alone a subject as… complex as threads. So I don’t know… I mean, I haven’t yet made up my—”

  Dan held up his hand. “It’s fine. I understand. We’ll do this on an ad hoc basis for now. You take whatever chunks of Sam’s day if you want or feel like you need, and I’ll work around that. Once a plan starts coalescing in your mind, we’ll all meet here and come up with a more permanent schedule. And… just because you do not require my help in your studies, doesn’t mean you cannot request my help in your teaching.”

  “I… Thank you.” Erianna nodded.

  Sam clapped her on the back. “So I’m guessing that the main reason we’re not studying threads today is simply because you haven’t made up your mind on how to teach me. And when to teach me. And—”

  “Don’t say where.”

  “What to teach me.” Sam stuck out his tongue.