“We’re still on for tomorrow?” Erianna asked as she opened her eyes after finishing her cultivation session.

  Sam shrugged and turned off his Sight. “Don’t ask me. Felix is the one in charge of our outings. At least to there.” He massaged his right shoulder. “Think I overworked it a little.”

  “Need to go to the doctor?”

  “No it’ll heal up by tomorrow. If not, Lin knows enough healing tracings to get me through my session with him. We stopping for today, or do you want to keep going?”

  “Up to you. I finished with my last obligation. But you still have”—her eyes glazed momentarily as she looked at her time-keeping pattern—“eleven more minutes until your one-hour deadline. So I’m assuming you’ll want to keep going.”

  “Hey.” Sam held up his hands. “If you want to head out for the night, I’m alright with just cultivating for those ten minutes.”

  “Nah, you promised me a race in three different karting games, and I want to collect.”

  “Alright, if you want to lose both time and… the races—”

  “Nice.” She rolled her eyes.

  “That’s fine with me.”

  “Whatever, just close your eyes, let’s work on your speed and instincts. First answer that comes to your head.”

  Sam nodded and proceeded to make a fool of himself, getting only two-thirds of the number of fingers right in the next ten minutes. “Not bad,” Erianna said.

  “It wasn’t good.”

  “I didn’t say it was.”

  Sam gave her the finger. “Oh before I forget, let me message Felix.”

  “He knows that I had to make allowances for tomorrow, right?”

  “I’m sure he does. And I’m sure he’s already set it all up. Stop worrying.”

  “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who had to use diplomatic channels to request that one of two sole Rulers on New Terran would be on standby to actively watch over me so that I could go to a pet restaurant without an entourage of bodyguards.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” Sam gave her a bright smile. “It was easy for me to say.” She threw a box of tissues at him, which Sam dodged before picking up and reaching to place it near the head of his bed. “Alright, he messaged me back a thumbs up. So we’re all clear. Now, ready to taste the bitter tang of overwhelming defeat?”

  “You only beat me by two places last time. And it’s not like you were first.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I still beat you.”

  Thankfully, his shoulder had fully recovered by the next morning, so he and Lin got to practicing straight away. Today’s lesson was mostly focused on magical combat, but still included some exercises for purely physical combat to keep Sam from fully pivoting into a magical fighting mindset.

  He had worked up a sweat by the time of the lesson’s ending, despite the fact that not an insignificant part of it was dedicated to less physically extraneous (instead mentally demanding) exercises. Of course, that was probably mostly due to the fact that last twenty minutes of the lesson consisted of an all out spar without any breaks where the new inclusion of magic into the mix didn’t prevent Sam from not being able to land a single hit on Lin unless Lin let him.

  His post-lesson shower lasted longer than usual, more to help his muscles relax than for any hygienic reasons, and after he finished, he started towards the mess hall for breakfast. His companions for the meal, Erianna and Felix, were already there waiting for him as he sat down.

  “Happy birthday,” Felix said with a bright smile.

  “Ugh.” Sam frowned.

  “I don’t get it,” Erianna said. “You’re always saying that you hate birthdays because you feel like you haven’t done anything of note in the passing year. But surely this year you have done several things that you should be proud of? Happy birthday, by the way.”

  “What’s there to get? I don’t like birthdays. Once a sentiment develops, it doesn’t need logical reasoning to keep going.”

  “Some would say that in your case, it never did,” Felix quipped.

  “Spare me the grandstanding. I agreed to have my birthday celebrated. I didn’t agree to be happy about it.”

  “I sort of feel like you did. At least, one could infer it that way.”

  Sam huffed. “Infer all you want. I reserve the right to remain grumpy and withdrawn. In fact, I will do just that. Hmph!” He crossed his arms.

  Erianna patted him on the back. “There there. It’s your birthday, so you’ll be able to have your cake and eat it too. But I, for one, am very excited about your birthday. I get to go out without too much supervision.”

  “Yeah, to a pet restaurant.” Felix smirked.

  “Do you have a better idea of how I should spend my Saturday evening?”

  “Sure, how about getting shitfaced?”

  “I can get drunk wherever I want.”

  “Have you actually ever been drunk?”

  “No. I always stop drinking before I really lose myself. Those rare times that I do drink.”

  Sam nodded. “I’m exactly the same way. Though not for the same reason.”

  “Right.” Felix rolled his eyes. “You’re a cheapskate. We know. Well, now you have an almost ridiculous allowance, so you no longer have a reason to avoid drinking until the sun shines.”

  “Sure, I do. I have work to do the following day.”

  Felix sighed. “This is going to be the worst birthday celebration I’ll have ever been to.”

  “That can’t be right,” Erianna said. “What about Sarah’s a few months ago? We just went to Maurice’s for dinner.”

  “Yeah, you’re right… I need new friends.”

  Sam blew a raspberry. “Shove off with your hedonistic act. I bet you’re perfectly fine celebrating a birthday like this. And I’m not saying I’m particularly excited or happy to be celebrating mine; but I feel like going with your friends to a place with good food and furry company is one of the best ways to celebrate anything.”

  “Wow… You really make it clear just how much you don’t want us to celebrate your birthday. Well if that’s the case, I might just call the restaurant and cancel. Let’s just stay here and watch some TV.”

  Sam shrugged with a smile as he pointed to Erianna, who was giving Felix a death stare. “Don’t you dare,” she said. “We’re going to that restaurant. I’m going to see the cats and dogs and all the other cute animals they have on offer. I’m going to take Sam’s menagerie away from him. And I’m going to do that without a gaggle of bodyguards dogging my footsteps. If you even think about canceling, I’ll have you blacklisted from any bar or nightclub within a hundred-kilometer radius.”

  “You can’t do that.” Felix scoffed.

  “Wanna bet? You’re willing to take the risk that the Sarechi monarchy doesn’t have enough money and diplomatic influence to prevent a single lowly cadet from going out to party?”

  Felix gulped. “Hey, I was just joking. Obviously I wasn’t going to cancel. Sarah would kill me.”

  Erianna clasped her hands and put on a sweet smile. “Good, I’m happy we could come to an understanding.”

  Felix leaned over the table to whisper to Sam. “You’d have told us if she was using threats or violence to keep you in line, right?”

  Erianna squeezed Sam’s shoulder. “Sam knows that I only have his best interests at heart. After all, I’m one of the main reasons why he has achieved so much in the last year and that he should be happy celebrating this birthday.”

  Sam frowned and shook her hand off unconsciously. “It’s not like I’m where I wanted to be at this point in life,” he muttered. “I still don’t live…” He shook his head as his mind refocused. “Never mind. Yeah, great achievements all around.”

  Erianna gave him a long and scrutinizing look as an awkward silence descended on the table for a few moments. Finally, Felix broke it by saying, “Alright, so we’re set to leave at six. Come with your best casual wear and a good attitude. And once again, I promise, no birthday candles.”

  “And…” Sam said.

  “No birthday songs.”

  “And?”

  “And no sign of any kind that the restaurant staff or anyone besides us at the premises knows that it’s your birthday and might be planning to point it out in some way or another.”

  Sam leaned back, mollified. “I’ll hold you to that. Just know that if things shake out differently, I’m personally blaming you.”

  “Why me? It’d probably be Sarah’s fault.”

  “Then you better watch over her, no?”

  Felix tsked before sighing. “As usual, I’ll take care of everything. I assume that you’re not changing anything in your schedule despite the occasion.”

  “Not until six.”

  “Well, that’s something at least.”

  “Actually, we do have that training session we will have to do afterwards,” Erianna pointed out.

  “Oh? A late-night training session? Tell me more.”

  Erianna shrugged. “We’re working on identification and recognition of complex and large threads, and the first steps of unraveling. The sky is really good for that since you can easily see the major differences that it goes through. We usually do this earlier, but since we’ll be at a restaurant celebrating…”

  Felix sighed. “Fuck. I really hate you guys sometimes, you know that? And since when were you happy to look at the sky?” He turned to Sam.

  “Since I could try and unravel its mysteries and fully see the imitation that it is,” Sam said. “Also, it’s nice to stargaze, I’m not going to lie. I’ve lived my whole life in pretty urbanized areas, so not a lot of nights spent without a ton of light pollution.”

  “Whatever. Want to join me and some other guys for some sparring?”

  Sam waved him off. “Nah, I’m pretty set on my combat training for now. Don’t feel like there’s any reason to put any more time into it as long as I can’t spar with magic outside of my lessons with Lin.”

  “Fine, makes sense. Erianna, want to come?”

  She cupped her chin. “Hm… I have been neglecting my combat training as of late. Alright, I’ll join for an hour or so. It’ll give me just enough time to beat all of you two or three times.”

  “Give ‘em hell.” Sam gave her a thumbs up.

  He spent the rest of the morning cultivating and responding to birthday congratulations over text whenever he took a break. There weren’t that many, not that he knew how much would many be. But there were definitely more than he had gotten on any of his previous birthdays. Which, obviously, only managed to make him feel worse.

  After breaking for lunch to eat a small snack and unwind with a few minutes of watching videos, he redoubled his efforts to finish reading the suggested material for the dwarven patterns course. It was a lost battle, as Sarah had already informed him, and not strictly required by the course’s curriculum. But Sam figured that if he was already committing to spending hours of his week studying dwarven patterns, then he might as well give it his all. Especially since the supplementary material felt like it would actually be of help him. Somehow, he ended up fully engrossed in the book and decided to just keep reading until he was finished with it.

  He managed to finish the book with a little over an hour to spare until he had to leave for his… birthday celebration, which he decided to use in order to practice his imprinting since he wouldn’t have any time for cultivating until his lesson with Dan tomorrow. Which also meant that he could also practice his free-form tracing whenever he had free time in the next few hours; so long as he managed to go unnoticed by Sarah’s keen eye.

  Sarah was already waiting for him downstairs with a big hug and happy birthday wish, the former of which took him almost a minute to extricate himself from. She gave him a smiling frown as he pulled her off of him, and after yet another set of congratulations they finally started towards the parking area.

  “Happy birthday, Sam,” Yvessa said as they all met up. She twirled her keys at him. “Want to drive?”

  “God no.”

  “There’s something seriously wrong with the fact that only two of us know how to drive a car.” Felix shook his head as they started following Yvessa.

  “I know how to drive a car. I just don’t like doing it.”

  “And why would I need to drive a car?” Erianna asked.

  “Anyway, it’s your guy’s fault for not making any substantial improvements to self-driving cars in the last century.”

  “There have been improvements actually,” Sarah said.

  Felix nodded. “Yeah, they say that in twenty or thirty years only self-driving cars would be allowed on the roads.”

  Sam scoffed. “That’s gonna be a bitch of a legislation to pass.”

  “Why would they even want to forbid people from driving on their own?” Sarah asked.

  “If it were determined that self-driving cars are safe enough to be allowed free-reign over the road,” Erianna said. “Then it must mean that they’re also safer than your average driver. Ergo, better to just do away with human drivers wholesale.”

  “Now you’re just doing it on purpose.” Sam jabbed a finger at her shoulder.

  “What? That doesn’t have anything to do with politics.”

  “Alright, who’s riding shotgun?” Yvessa asked as they reached her car.

  “Well I think we all know that it’d either be me or Erianna,” Felix said.

  Sarah rolled her eyes. “Fine. Just for that, I’m riding in the front.”

  “Which seat is the most fit for royalty?” Erianna asked.

  “The driver’s side is the safest,” Sam said. “But I think the center fits more because it’s like you have two bodies protecting you.”

  “You just don’t want to sit next to Felix, huh?”

  “Screw you.” Felix laughed and went to sit behind Yvessa.

  “After you.” Sam beckoned Erianna. “As the birthday boy, no way in hell I’m going to sit in the middle.”

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

  “Ah, so you do know how to celebrate your birthday when it suits you.” Erianna smiled and took the seat.

  Sam entered behind her and closed the door. “Some way of celebrating this.”

  “Everyone’s ready?” Yvessa asked.

  “Just a minute,” Sam said. “I have to teach the princess here how to use a seatbelt.”

  Erianna gave him the finger as she did just that. “All ready, Yv.”

  The drive passed quickly as they all jumped from topic to topic, and mostly talked over each other, as you were supposed to. Before too long, they were all seated in the restaurant, waiting for their food and drinks, and Sam had a cat in his lap.

  “You’re right,” Erianna told Felix, “it is ridiculous.”

  “I know, right?” Felix shook his head in disgust. “He immediately came to him as soon as we sat down.”

  Sam patted Rufus’ white mane with a placid smile. “It’s just because he’s habituated. We always come here on the same day and at the same time. Cats are creatures of habit.”

  “Don’t lecture me on what cats are,” Erianna spat at him as she tried to lure Rufus away with coos, pspspss, and rubbed fingers. “Damn. He really has taken a shining to you.”

  “Excuse Erianna,” Yvessa said. “She has the false belief that she’s God’s gift to the feline race and that all cats automatically like her.”

  “Well, they do.”

  “All the palace cats did. And that’s because they were literally conditioned to.”

  “You’re just jealous because Talpha scratched you that one time.”

  Yvessa cleared her throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Sarah laughed. “Alright, before everything else, Sam. Happy birthday.” The rest of the table chorused the wish. “And this, is your gift.”

  Sam released a disgruntled sigh. “You know how I feel about gifts.”

  Sarah nodded. “Yes. We all do. Which is why this is a collective gift from the four of us, and none of us require a gift back.”

  Sam narrowed her eyes at her before focusing on the small package she handed him. “Huh,” he said as he opened it. It was a framed list of Sam’s grades and rank in all the courses that he had completed and been tested on thus far. The lowest rank was nine, and it’s not like he had ever bothered to figure out what his average rank was (it was three). “Thanks… that’s actually… I really like this. Thanks, guys.”

  “It was Erianna’s idea.” Felix gestured at her. “Guess prodigal minds tend to think alike.”

  “Well thank you, Erianna.” Sam reclined his head towards her. “That was a very smart and thoughtful gift. And none of you are getting anything like it from me.”

  Erianna waved him off. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Now, if you could just go to the bathroom for a few seconds and have your lap vacated, though.”

  “Give it up, Erianna,” Yvessa said. “You’ll have better luck luring some of the other animals.”

  “Tsk.” Erianna chewed on her thumb. “I’ve made too many threats to back out now. I need to maintain my credibility.”

  “So is everyone rested and ready for the new trimester?” Sarah asked.

  Felix shrugged. “The only people here who haven’t really rested are these two.” He pointed at Sam and Erianna. “And they also have the greatest obstacle before them.”

  “Stop it. The course isn’t that bad.”

  “I think it’s going to be great.” Erianna smiled widely. “I always wanted to study some dwarven magic. Theirs is the most unique out of all the six races, after all.”

  “Maybe there’s a reason for that,” Sam muttered.

  The food had arrived a moment later, and the conversation subdued a little as everyone was focused on their plates. As the dinner continued, more animals slowly arrived (and some had left) to keep them company. A poodle found a good route for getting scratches, alternating between Felix and Yvessa. A small black puppy had plopped down near Sarah. And a fairly fat tortoiseshell had decided to grace Erianna’s lap with her presence. She gave Sam a triumphant smile that quickly dissipated a minute or two later when a ginger cat decided that there was enough room to snuggle with Rufus on his Sam’s lap. Sam gave Erianna a helpless smile as he scratched both cats behind the ears.

  “He’s gotta be hiding catnip on him somewhere,” Erianna said.

  “You’re the one with the magic eyesight, you tell us,” Felix said.

  “Look, Sam said, “at the end of the day, it’s not the love of strangers that we crave, but that of our, aptly named, loved ones, right? I would trade my skill of befriending most stray cats I meet for a…” He cleared and throat. “Just better to have a pet at home, yeah?”

  Erianna nodded and gave him a thoughtful look. “I guess so. So how many pets would you like, then?”

  “Well, that’s not really on the cards now, right?”

  Erianna’s eyes narrowed. “Right, I guess not. But I’m guessing that you wouldn’t prefer to be a one-cat household.”

  “No, I guess not.” Sam smiled wistfully as he rubbed the friendly golden that found his way to their table (and some treats).

  “Can I have another one of these?” Felix asked the waiter, drawing Sam and Erianna out of their conversation.

  “Are you actually trying to get drunk?” Erianna asked.

  “Not just trying.” Felix smiled. “The alcohol might be pricey, but Sarah’s paying. And it’s not like I need to get up early tomorrow, like some people at this table.”

  “Careful, Polaris. I’m willing to take this kind of talk from Sam because he’s going to be there with me, but you… Just remember what kind of power a person in my position can wield.”

  “Yvessaaaa… Your best friend is being mean to me again.”

  Yvessa ignored him and went on talking with Sarah. “So I think I’ll also take a healing course next year. Just have to decide whether to wholly focus on self-healing or to branch out a little more.”

  Sarah nodded. “I know it sounds a bit hypocritical coming from me, but if I were you, I wouldn’t bother with any general healing but the very basics. Unless you’re willing to specialize in it, or at the very least, dedicate a significant amount of your time to it, you’re not really going to make much of a difference at the end of the day.”

  Felix groaned. “Does no one at this table know the meaning of taking a break? And on the last day of a vacation? On our friend’s precious birthday. For shame.”

  “You spent like four hours today sparring,” Erianna pointed out.

  Felix sighed. “Yeah… I guess none of us do. Still, I’m going to do my best to get completely shit-faced.” He raised his glass. “Cheers!”

  Erianna chuckled. “So, Sam… Sam?”

  “Hm…” Sam shook his head. “Did you say something?”

  “I was about to… You OK? You seemed completely out of it.”

  “Yeah, sure… I’m fine. Just… thinking of something.” He forced a swallow and tried to appear nonchalant as he brushed Rufus from head to tail.

  “OK…” Erianna frowned and tilted her head. “Hm…. Anyway, how did Farris end up congratulating you?”

  “You were pretty spot on. He just sent happy birthday. Purposefully in English and with no caps.”

  Erianna sighed with a smile. “He means well. I guess. And it’s not like the two of us have any ground to stand on when criticizing other people’s sense of humor.”

  “Yeah, I suppose not.” Sam nodded, still not fully back in the real world.

  “Hey.” Erianna snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Want to do something fun?” Sam looked at her questioningly. “Open your Threadsight. Bet you haven’t looked at any animals with it yet.”

  “I haven’t, no.” Sam decided to comply and opened his Sight while looking at the two cats on his lap. It was still a lot of information. A multitude of different threads just to describe the cats themselves, and Sam still wasn’t good enough to group them together. Trying to distance himself from the deluge of information and the oncoming headache, he focused on his fingers as they drew shapes on Rufus’ head. There was a thread there, and he managed to follow it all the way back… to him.

  “Ehmm.” Almost choking, Sam quickly turned off the Sight. He turned to Erianna with a forced smile. “Pretty cool.”

  She nodded back. “So it is.” She kept her gaze fixed on him for a few more seconds before turning back to the table. “Alright, I think we’ve waited long enough, and it’s time to order dessert, no?”

  Sam barely noticed the time passing, and before he knew it, the restaurant was preparing to close and it was time for them to leave. A strange calm came over him as he was forced to coax Rufus off of his lap. The elderly cat was not amused at being woken up so rudely and made his displeasure known by making sure that the lower part of Sam’s pants was covered with his white fur. With a sigh, he bid the cat a final goodbye and then felt the tension he’d been holding the entire day flowing out of him. Leaving only contentment and sorrow.

  But it was a good feeling. Almost like being drunk. It was surrounded by this relaxing mental haze that he followed Yvessa back to her car and settled in for the short drive back to the academy. He took joy in the conversation flowing around him during the drive, even though he took no part in it. A comforting blanket of friendship and ease, that’s what it felt like. And he almost drifted to sleep listening to the rising and falling of his friends’ voices. Erianna actually had to nudge him to get out of the car once they arrived.

  Somehow, he managed to forget that he still had a training session with Erianna to go through, only remembering that when Erianna kept walking with him and Sarah after they bid goodbye to Felix and Yvessa. And it’s not like he could tell her that he didn’t feel like training now; not without making Sarah think that something was wrong. And besides, nothing was wrong. He was just a little tired. A good session of stargazing and trying to unravel the magical qualities of the world they lived in was as good a wake-up call as any.

  Thankfully, both Erianna and Sarah seemed not to realize that Sam was lost in thoughts and mentally exhausted, as Sarah simply bid both of them goodnight, with a last hug and happy birthday wish for Sam before she parted for her dorm. And Erianna simply followed Sam up to his room with nary a comment.

  “I just need to go to the bathroom and then we can begin, alright?” she asked.

  Sam nodded and opened the window to fully let the moonlight in. In an attempt to wake himself up a little, he decided to start the session without Erianna and opened his Threadsight. Suddenly, he felt Erianna tapping at his shoulder and with a start realized that he had just spent the last minute or two staring at the sky’s threads without any feeling of discomfort.

  “You alright, Sam?”

  “Yeah, just started without you. Guess I was too drawn in.”

  “Saw anything interesting?”

  “Nothing that I could understand. But also nothing that made my head hurt.”

  She nodded with a smile and pushed her chair to sit next to Sam and also gaze out of the window. “That’s certainly something to be proud of. And definitely not something to gloss over as though it’s not a meaningful achievement.”

  Sam sighed. “Well you just get so inundated with those that you end up becoming jaded. I’m sure you know the feeling.”

  “I’m sure I do. So let’s see how far you can go now, shall we?”

  According to Erianna’s pattern, he managed a little over five minutes by the time he decided to stop. He could certainly keep going, but he was starting to feel the full brunt of a headache coming, and he didn’t want to further ruin his mood by having to contend with that as well. The rest of the lesson passed swiftly and uneventfully. Erianna simply gave him short time limits in which to try and accomplish certain tasks of recognition and identification, before finishing with some consolidating, which also allowed her to cultivate without too much trouble.

  An hour or so later, Erianna stretched upwards with a yawn. “I think we can call it a day here, no?” she said. Sam nodded and closed his eyes, leaning back and releasing a tired sigh. “Tough day, huh?” she asked

  “Not really. Just the sort of day you… where you’re not really happy no matter what happens.” He opened his eyes and gave Erianna a feeble smile.

  “I have to wonder about that. I get your aversion to birthdays, at least in a general sense. But surely you don’t dislike them so much as to ruin feeling happy and proud of everything you’ve done and achieved so far?”

  “It’s not that. This is probably the… I don’t know, best birthday I’ve ever had. Or the one I should be the happiest with, especially considering what I’ve… achieved in the last year. It’s not about the birthday… not really.” He sighed. “It’s what it… I don’t know. Represents, I guess.”

  “And what is that?”

  Sam let out a weak chuckle. “Doesn’t matter. The day’s already over. Let’s just leave it at that, alright? I really don’t want anyone to actually feel sorry for me.”

  Erianna crossed her arms, not convinced. “You must really not be feeling your usual self because that’s the most god-awful attempt at convincing I’ve ever seen. If you don’t want anyone to feel sorry for you, that must mean that you think there’s a reason why we should. And you think that’s going to convince me to drop the subject?”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m tired of wallowing in my own sadness and constantly being reminded by my obsessive mind of reasons why I should be depressed and anxious and angry.”

  “Just a thought. Might be crazy. But is there a chance that talking to someone about some of those reasons will help?” She shrugged. “Crazy, I know.”

  Sam laughed. “I have a therapist for that.”

  “And did you talk to her about the reason why you’re so down on your birthday?”

  Sam avoided her gaze. “No… But I might tomorrow. We have a session after breakfast, after all.”

  “Huh ah. And will you?”

  Sam gulped. “Maybe. Probably, I guess. If I feel like it.”

  “And what’s so bad about talking to me as well? I’m not Sarah, you don’t need to worry about me worrying about you. In fact, don’t even see me as your friend. I’m just your teacher, and I want to make sure that you can keep training at 100%.”

  “I guess you must be feeling the same as always, cause that was very convincing.”

  She smiled. “Not bad. But I’m still not going to let this go.”

  “Seriously?” Sam let out an exasperated sigh.

  She held up her hands. “If you really want me to drop this, I will. I’ll tell you goodnight and leave you here to fall asleep with this weight on your chest. But I wouldn’t be a good friend—I mean, a good teacher—if I dropped it before I was really sure that you don’t want to talk about whatever it is.”

  Sam swallowed and turned his head away from her, staring at the star-filled sky. “It’s nothing really…”

  “That’s up to the subjective observer, I’m pretty sure. Which means that it could also be a really big something for a certain subject. Let me help you a little bit: does this have something to do with you missing your cat?”

  “Easier to miss a cat than to miss your family members, huh? Simpler to wrap your head around it.” He gave her a tired smile.

  “I don’t really think that’s fully what this is about. But it’s hard not to notice you closing off every time the subject of cats and dogs or just pets in general comes up.”

  Sam sighed. “Yeah… that’s pretty much it. More or less.”

  “What is?”

  He turned to look at her. “Having cats. Having dogs. Why I my stupid brain still won’t allow me to be happy with this birthday despite this being the best year of my life, warts and all.” He gestured around with his hand. “This, all of this. It’s awesome. I’m constantly amazed by myself and what I’ve managed to do and keep doing each and every day. And I love the person I’m becoming, even if it’s not fully by choice. But, it’s not what I always dreamt of. Plentiful achievements and great friends and everything else that’s good and wonderful about my current life aside. This is not where I would’ve wanted to be at any point in my life if you’d have asked me to choose.”

  Erianna nodded. “Well sure, most people would prefer not having to carry the weight that we have to. It’s perfectly—”

  “It’s not that.” Sam clenched his fists. “I mean, it is that. But I’m mostly used to that feeling by now. And I’m not going to lie and say that there’s a part of me that isn’t happy and glad about me needing to become a hero and a great fighter and everything else. It’s not that… it’s what I have to give up in order to do that.” He furrowed his brow as he choked back a tear. “It’s such a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things that it’s ridiculous that it makes me feel anything. But it’s literally what I’ve been dreaming of ever since I can remember myself.”

  “Then it can’t be a small sacrifice.” Erianna squeezed his shoulder.

  “Guess not.” Sam scratched his head. He sighed. “It’s like this: growing up, I always wanted just the one thing. Everything else, I didn’t care about, it wasn’t under my control. Career, relationships, friends. Not solely up to me because it depended on other people. So I only really wanted this foundational basic setup for my life. Everything else would be a bonus. This is all I really needed.”

  He shrugged. “To live on my own; in my own apartment, house, whatever I don’t care. To live on my own, and to have a cat and a dog. Don’t care about breed, size, sex, don’t care about anything else about them. I just wanted to have my own place and share it with my own cat and my own dog.”

  He swallowed. “And it’s like I have this vivid memory—but it’s not really a memory, more like a dream of what it should look like. But I can remember picturing the scene ever since… I don’t know, since forever. I’m lying on a bed, with the window to my right—almost like how my parent’s bedroom looked, the vision of adulthood, right?

  “But I’m lying on the bed, it’s Saturday morning, and I have nowhere else to be and nothing else to do. The sun is shining through the blinds, and I just keep lying there in its warmth. And my cat and my dog are there with me. They’re both curled up against me. And I keep reaching over with my left hand and petting the dog, and reaching over with my right and petting the cat. And I’m just lying there. There is nothing that I want to do more than just keep lying there with the two of them.

  “And that’s it. This is all I want. All I ever wanted. The prerequisite for me having a happy life. Sure, I want other things. Money, friends, love. But like I said, that’s not wholly up to me. And yeah as I grew up, I started thinking that maybe two cats are better, so that they’ll never be alone. And maybe I’ll prefer this or that breed, or maybe I want both of them to be big and chunky. But the point is that whatever else I’ll have in life, I was never going to be happy unless I had those three basic items. A cat. A dog. And a place to myself.

  “But I can’t have this now, can I? I’ll never be able to have this. At least not for a very long while. Long enough for who I am to most likely change completely. The Sam Anders who spent twenty-three years of his life dreaming of just having those three things. He’s never going to get that. Maybe Sam Anders at forty, at fifty, will be able to have that. Maybe he’ll still want to have a cat and a dog. But it won’t give back the thirty years of sacrifice, of not living his dream.”

  He smiled weakly at Erianna. “And that’s pretty much it. What I really want, what I’ve always wanted, I can’t have. So I can’t be happy with having all these other amazing things. At least not on a day like this.”

  She returned a sad smile and reached over to squeeze his hand reassuringly. “I guess I have it easy, then. My dream has always been to do this. To be where I am now. Well…” She chuckled. “Maybe not exactly where I am now. But I always wanted to fight. To lead. To be the kind of person that you and I are training to be. Sure, I became more driven after my father died. But it’s not the same, right? Whatever I had to give up, it was never something that was wholly necessary for me. I never actually had to stray or sacrifice anything to accomplish my dream. Certainly never had to abandon it.

  “And you know what? I think most people here in the academy didn’t as well. Hell, most people like us didn’t. We always wanted to be here, to become this, and reach those heights. Everything else was secondary. Nice to have, but not a prerequisite for our happiness. Even Felix and Yvessa, maybe even Sarah—at least since she came here—I don’t think that there’s anything they’ve ever wanted to do more than this. Anything they wanted to have more than power and the strength to fight.

  “So you know what that makes you, Sam? Stronger than us. Stronger than me. Stronger than Farris. Stronger than my grandmother. You’re always going on about how mental resilience and fortitude are subjective and about how you’re weaker than other people. But you’re not. You have your strong points and you have your weak points. Just like everyone else. But unlike most other people, you don’t stop; you don’t give up. You know what the right thing to do is, and you try your very best to do it. Even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard. And even when it demands of you to give up the one thing that you have always dreamed of.

  “You’re talking about being proud of what you’ve achieved in the last year. I think this should be your proudest achievement. To keep going, to struggle each and every day and still manage to exceed everyone else’s expectations. To be where you are now despite the fact that it forces you to not be where you’ve always wanted to be. That takes amazing strength. Forget being a Taken. Being a Thread-Weaver. To be the Sam Anders that you have been in the last year despite the fact that it prevents you from being the Sam Anders that you have always wanted to be. That’s what really makes you special at the end of the day.

  “And if you feel sad about not being able to adopt a cat and a dog, you should. If it makes you angry, you should get angry. It’s not fair. It’s bullshit. And it’s extra bullshit because you definitely can have a cat and a dog. But you won’t because you know it won’t be right; it won’t be fair to them. You keep doing the right thing even though it fucking sucks! So fuck it! Wallow in your sadness. Obsess over what you can’t have. You sure as hell deserve to.”

  She gave him a wink. “And besides, the most important thing is: it won’t take you twenty years to reach a point where you can wake up on Saturday with a dog and a cat by your side. You’re going to be a Ruler in less than a decade. And once that’s done with, forget it. We’ll go buy you a place and adopt however many animals you want.”

  Sam’s laugh came from his belly. He could feel his shoulder relaxing. “I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as that. I don’t think I’m going to have a whole lot of time away from the front. At least not while the war’s still going.”

  Erianna shrugged. “So what? We’ll have a house built for you by the portal, and a private on standby to escort your pets to safety if it’s necessary. You’ll be a Ruler, you know what kind of conditions those guys get? And worse comes to worst. I guess we’ll just have to make sure to win the war before you turn forty. Scratch that, before thirty-six.”

  Sam smiled. “I guess we’ll have to, then.”