A small pale figure lies in a Clown egg, upon waking, they thrash about in a panic, until they burst out of it, wheezing and coughing due to suddenly breathing air instead of the Clown whites that would have gave it nutrition inside, but becouse they were created Virginal and instantly, it still has most of its nutrients, and never dried into confetti.

  The newborn being is not a Clown though; it's a Jester, and its name is Matilda.

  They are not fully a "he" or a "she", so they can be most accurately referred to as a "they", but not for the reason you'd think. They are pale, yes, but as they breathe, the formerly white clothes Matilda is wearing turn blue and red, from the 2 horned cap to their jingly shoes, and even their puffy britches over leggings, all gain a stripe and star pattern, different from each other, but still consistent.

  Then they vomited on the ground, cursing before wiping their mouth using their Chemisette. and rocking back and forth on the ground on their side.

  "fuuuck!!! ,...fuck,...owww, blurfg,....whyyyyyy?!...what even? egg?! why? Was in? how?! Where am I?!"

  Just then, a piece of paper slaps them in the face; it's a pamphlet, and it reads: "hello, Hola, Bonjour, Hallo, Ciao, Olá, Здравствуйте, 你好, こんにちは, ????? ,????? ; you are conscripted to help kill this world, i am the local god of chaos, Serist, I am your observer, in case you get too big for your puffy trousers, i am supposted to snitch on you, and initiate your imediate termination of your paid subscription to life here, and possibly the liguidation of your soul into base star-stuff, you have the power of cards, here is a basic rundown of how it works:" Then it shows a diagram of how to play Magic Of Summoning. "in short: you can summon stuff and things, and you use them to kill all people. Hope this helps. I will not answer any more questions. This is just a piece of paper, and the ones I made before that could answer more questions needed food and water, but they were paper, so they died soon after, so I just printed this on a dead one. You might be able to buy more cards and build a deck, or we might just have you stick to the one you have. PS: you now have 2 souls, and they are gonna slowly mix as you do this work, hope that's okay, BYE~~~~~~~."

  They scream. wonders for a second why the parts not in the diagram are written in glitter pen and crayon, then screams again in confusion due to the part explaining living paper, and how what they are holding is a corpse of one. Oh, and what did it mean by THEY HAVE 2 SOULS NOW?!

  After gathering their thoughts and briefly going catatonic, they lay down what they know to ground themselves. They know what a toaster is, and electricity, and the answer to the universe is '42' for some reason, while things like former name, age, and family are non-existent, now the only name that comes to mind is 'Matilda', he thinks he identifies as male, so he'll shorten it to Mat. but even that feels off to him, like something else in them prefers 'Matilda' instead, in fact whatever part that is wants the full name 'Matilda Francesca Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the first of her name.' and the more he thinks about shortening it, the more their left hand seems to drift upwards to try to gouge out or tear out his eyes, so he stops for now; lest this targeted phantom limb syndrome kills him.

  He calms down enough to take stock of their current situation. They are in a wheat field, post-harvest. The air is tepid, and the sun is starting to go down. So late summer, early fall. So freezing to death isn't an issue right now. But finding a house would still be optimal. The problem is...they are small, so the sight distance is smaller than if they were taller. Fortunately, they can see wheel tracks leading off into the distance, but there's no way of knowing which direction is correct, since the cattle prints go both ways on what looks like a pathway expressly for hauling stuff from one end to the other.

  "If only I had a way to...i don't know, get higher up." their hand scritches their head in frustration, before shoving itself into their vest, and pulling out an uninflated balloon."...you have GOT to be kidding me..." they stick the drip point into their mouth as they decide to bite the bullet and walk one way down the path, absentmindedly blowing into it, and on the 5th or 6th blow, where they just continue blowing instead of letting make a fart noise, it lifts, with them in tow, a string materializing, around it's neck, and their lips. Needless to say, it was a humorous sight seeing him flail their limbs, while suspended by their lips. After tearing their face away from the knot, and still holding the string in their hand, they look around to see which way the farmhouse is. Upon seeing it, they remember: they are currently 15 metres up in the air.

  "...uuuuuhhhhh...let me down?...DE-cend!...go over there?...please?..." he hands their head, also pulling the string forward when they tug it by rotating their hand holding it, and that makes it go that direction."...this should not be possible to lift me in the first place, yet I can pilot it with a slight hand tug...so either I somehow weigh at most 11 grams, and breathe helium, or the laws of physics are ignoring me somehow. either way an adult man like me-" it dawns on him how different the current reality of his body is to the one he remembers having.

  "..." he stretches their pants outward and looks."...i regret looking." The balloon descends slowly downwards. setting them down almost gently, 50 metres from their destination. "okay, so not only am i shorter, im also...not a man anymore...sure...okay...I AM GOING TO SUE THE HELL OUT OF WHOEVER DID THIS TO ME! i might have belived that bull about gods or whatever, but now that i've had time to think, it only makes sense that somone kidnapped me, had plastic sergery done on me to turn me into...this...and stuck me in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, to...i don't know, get sodomized by billy bob or some shit! well, as soon as i get access to a phone, im gonna call the police." As he was on a tirade, their left hand made the 'cuckoo sign', and stopped when he finished.

  After knocking on the front door and waiting, a man, probably in his mid-40s, answers the door." Eh? whaddaya want? it ain't timma da year fur da circis ta commaround, and ye don't look oldennuf tu be uh proffesonul." he clears their throat and tries to talk in the deepest voice their little body can muster, only amounting to sound like a kid pretending to be an adult." Hello, kind sir, might I ask to borrow your phone? I'm pretty sure I've been kidnapped, forcibly had plastic surgery done against my will, and dumped in your wheatfield, inside of some kind of egg or pod filled with goo...im 80% sure it wasn't semen. But I digress, I need to call the cops.

  " The farmer blinks at that, looks around to see if anyone is close by, maybe some neighbor kids who put this little girl up to this, or a parent for him to question and/or throttle. But no one is even close to his fields at this time of early night. So he asks a question that his grandpappy told him to ask anyone acting funny and using words not of this world." do yu know whadda pizza baggle is?" This question confused Matilda, but they answered nevertheless." Yes? It's a tiny junkfood you eat at a sleepover, what does that have to do with anything?" The farmer does a prospector dance in the doorway." well, I'll be, I've found misself a gen-u-ine reicarnator, I'm gonna be rich!"

  Matilda just stands there, confused. before the farmer tried to snatch them."Whoa! Hey, I may look like a child, but I don't want uppies!...did i really just say 'uppies'?! who writes this crap?" There is a brief pause due to neither party understanding that last part. before the farmer tried again, this time using his whole body to try to trap them in a hold, but they duck backwards just in time."now hold still lil piggy, im not gonna hurt ye." matilda balks at that statment "that sounds HELLA RAPEY!" a chase ensues, but given Matildas legs are only a foot long, it is over quickly, and while in the dirt, the farmer holding their wrists to the ground with one hand and his free hand getting rady to hogtie them, SHE retaliates.

  She kicks him off of them with a quick blow to the navel, while he is staggered, she pulls their wrists closer to their mouth and bites his wrist with teeth that are momentarily sharp for the express purpose of the bite. While he loosens his grip from the pain, she frees one of their hands and pulls out a... sawed-off shotgun painted green with doodles on the side? and immediately fires on their attacker, blasting him 3 yards away, covered in confetti and small bean bags.

  She speaks for the first time." welly-well-well, it seems like this is my introduction...i would have preferred a stage. but no, some inbred wheat farmer thought he would be 'the guy', well, hows it working out for you now? did you feel like a 'BIG STRONG MAN' chasing after a little thing like me? chasing and tying them up, like some common swine at the county fair?" she pulls out 7 cards from nowhere, flicks one, where it lands a boldler materializes, she she holds up another, and an ogre with a handlebar mustache and a tigerprint leatard pops out of it."hows about you face somone closer to your own size, eh?"

  she clicks her fingers"...Gustav, bend him like a prezel, i need to ask some question, so keep him alive...long enough to talk for; oh, lets say 30 minutes. that should be long enough, afterwards you can eat him for all i care...maybe with a salty seasoning or glaze." she chuckles, the ogre stronghman looks at the farmer, and licks his lips, before approaching the downed man.

  Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

  After farmer Bob was broken, contorted, tied with his own rope, and stopped screaming. The "interview" commenced. "soooo, your a farmer, and your name is... Bob...not McDonald? becouse you look old as fuck." She pokes his face after the question. "IM 43, YU IDJIT MIDJIT!" she bitchslaps him for that last comment.

  " Moving on, Bobby; can i call you bobby? ima call you Bobby. see, im not sure what is happening, with myself, or where i am, so you better make like a barista with Parkinsons, and spill the beans, before i get mad." she slaps him again" where am i, why am i here, what did you mean reincarnator, can you make me a sandwich, why did i know how to do that, do you have a bathtub, may i use your bathtub, why souldn't i kill you, and what even this whole thing?" she quickly slaps him between each queastion, alternating between backhand and forhand, punctuating them.

  "Reincarnaters are folks who come to our world. They usually have uber powers, and tend to change the world, they also are a good money maker if yu can catch one before they git powerful, some places even give anyone who finds a fresh one enough money to be set fer life. the gods tend tu send your lot to solve problems, soma yu guys just know how to do the things ye do." she squeezes his face tightly." and the bathtub?" bob spits back" do i look lik-im madda money?!" slap"...uhhh, the local lord might have a tub...please don't kill me, i have a wife and 3 halfwit children...and a girl." she pulls out a dagger from the breast pocket of their vest." or i could leave you to die with a glasgow grin, dressed up like a scarecrow, and have gustave here take your place."

  the farmer looks at the both of them with confusion."...i don't got a mustace like that, nor am i that large, oh, AND I AINT GREEN!" she presses the dagger to his cheek." and whats wrong about being green? i know it aint easy being green, but i'de bet your wife wouldn't care about the...upgrade." Farmer Bob looks incredulous and disgusted at that."are you implyin ... I ....dat he....wit mah wife?" Now she feigns disgust."oh dear heavens no! i meant doing ferm jobs, you twig." After that, she thinks, hand on chin."...maybe lil ol me can pay them a lil visit. my prime directive, my meaning for being in this life, is to end the lives of all peoples of this world." Bob tries to struggle, cursing all the time, but Matilda only calmly goes up to him."dats enough, ima cut yu!" and stabs him in the head...with a gag knife that retracts.

  After laughing in his face, she snaps her fingers, and Gustave eats the man like the pretzel he is currently shaped like. "Did that yahoo seriously want to sell me to some dusty old king or duke? He does know almost all authority figures in such positions are ruthless perverts behind closed doors, right? They would have passed me around like a doobie...maybe he wanted to give them sloppy seconds?

  ...but all kidding aside, Gustave, do you think I should go to the local lord first, or get these chumps out of the way first?" Gustave grunts."... I don't know what I was expecting...of course we should finish up here, before moving on to the next part! good thinking big guy!" a brief pause"...but that hillbilly was right, do don't look too much like him, you have a mustace, while he had a beard."

  Gustave belches up said beard, and Matilda points at it on the ground." like that!"

  she makes a pondering pose after crawling on top of gustaves shoulders."hmmmmmm." she opens her deck hand, and fingewrs through the cards." nope, no, thats a octopus..ima save that for later, ....this might work. MAAAAAAKUUUUUUUUP!" She holds it up and slaps it onto Gustave's face. In a puff of smoke, Gustave looks almost identical to the farmer Bob, minus looking JACKED. She then hops down and produces a full on makup kit from their puffy pants pocket. After opening it, she expertly changes her face color to, well, Caucasian. strips off their clothes to their clown undies[litterally, the bottom has a clown face on it, and the bra has the inscription" honkers" on the cups] before taking the tattered remains of the real bobs clothing and tailoring it to fit them with a pair of scissors, needle, and thread from under their cap. she then takes that off, revieling brown hair, with blond highlights, and a streak of purple on the side, pinned up in the back, with bangs.

  After unpinning it and putting it into a ponytail, she then does a second layer of makeup, this time to imitate bruises and scrapes on their face, knees, and arms. Gustave tried to eat Bob's shoes, so Matilda had to improvise sandals with leather strips and some pieces of wood the farmer had on his person before dying. The result is they now look like a little farmer girl in work shorts, a bloodied white tee, coveralls, and sandals." Sometimes a starlet needs to know how to do her own makeup and costume," she flicks their hair. and clears their throat before running some vocal scales. After closing their eyes, she opened them, and the most innocent eyes you can imagine replaced their normal eyes, and in the voice mimicing sherly temple." Golly gee miss, won't you help me? im sooow cowd and scawd!" in her normal voice. "Yes, that'll do." Afterwards, she hides their normal clothes in the toolshed next to the house's front door.

  She gets into character, before opening the door, while holding fake Bob's hand, and meeting the family. "Uh ,hi..im-my name- i am Matty, im lost, and my pawents are gone...idono wat happen tu dem... i 'hic' i scawed!" she cries convincingly. the matriarc goes into mom mode, and rushes over to comfort the small child."oh, no, don't cry darlin, it's alright, shhh-shhhh-shh. calm down and tell me what happined. alright?" she holds matildas small form in a cradling motion until the tears stop."i..'blimp' my mommy and daddy were doin the farm stuffs, den some weird thingie walked in. an, an den, dey told me to run after it got in our house, afta we ran frum it." stroking the child things hair, Gertrude, the farmers wife tried to console her while her children get some tea from the kitchen on her orders. "oh, dear, dear, sweat thing, i know it hurts, but try to discribe it to me."

  matilda smiled internily."well, it looked lika lil girl, wit pale skin, ahnd a big hat with jingly bells." slightly confused gertrude asks a follow up question."how did it get inside your house if it was just a lil thing like that?" almost smirking, matilda answers" well, it got in our house by first making us think it was just a little girl, even making a convincing faximoly of dad, to trick mom into letting it inside, and let our guard down." before she gertrude could react, fake bob broke her heart...litterally, by tearing it out of her chest by plunging his hand trough her chest from behind her, and crushing it like a tomato.

  Matilda dusts herself off. "...one down, 4 to go. wipe that stuff on your shirt, it'll hide that you were the one who killed her, but for now, lets set the next scene:.. 'A-hem' ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

  The 3 adult boys and their 7-year-old sister rush back into the living room to see the gruesome sight. "What happened?!" "oh, no, mom's dead!" "what did this?!" "MOMMY!" Matilda, back in character, acts like a scared child."da-tha thing! it's here! it kiwed her! then it scurried off somewhere!" The adult triplets spread out and search each room alone. The little sister is kept with the fake bob with Matilda. Matilda curls up in the corner, and quietly checks her card hand, and checks their mana totals on their wrist."a white from planes around me,and a red from that boalder i threw, currently unused. what triggers the rollover? a pause, or maybe outside actions. nevertheless, how to dispatch these 4? 2 reds, the oldest book of tricks, boned, no, no, no..." sees the house has air vents."...pop lad." she flicks a red mana card out the window, landing in the soft dirt, muffling the thud, spends it on the book to matirilize, gustave sits down in a chair, suddenly exausted, finally she slips a final card into the air vent.

  Pop lad is here.

  One by one, the trio is 'surprised', never to be seen again. Only hearing a POP and seeing a spray of confetti before Pop-Lad gets them. Always from the vents does he come; the last one was caught from a trunk normally used to store clothes. Blood still fresh on his deformed mouth, talons digging into the poor man's shoulders as he was caught from behind. The only consolation is it's a quick death; their only sins were inherited misogyny, terrorizing the other farmers around to get them to sell their property to them, and being Luddites towards better farming practices, indirectly leading to food shortages, [which caused 1 poet to be eaten].

  "...well, they went down like...some kind of aquatic organism in a container that holds water... oh, pop lad died from bleeding out? Good to know now, rather than later, they can die." Matilda turns to see the little girl asleep on the fake Bob's lap."...now what to do with her? Smothering seems too...uncalled for...." She walks over and touches the girl's sleeping form. A prompt appears:" Would you like to convert the target into a card? Y/N"

  Matilda grins and picks yes, the little girl glows and is compressed into a "clown girl" token card before flying into their hand, not with the other cards, no, into their palm where it disappears into motes. " Well, that was more theatrical than I expected. But not unwelcome, i wanted to move quickly here, because I still feel dirty. On to the Manor! Hopefully, it will make a good home base; because this house is not up to the level of fancy I desire. "

  she sighs." i can feel him coming back, like he is frantic to reasurt control over this body, i can feel my control left an impression on both of us, we are already becoming one slowly the longer i am in command, i frankly enjoy my mental facalties for now, and do not wish to see them entwined with his ireperably just yet. I will get changed back into our costume, for it is as a part of us as is our vary blood....also it would mess with him, and I grow bored with nothing to torture or insult."

  She stops for a second."...game end." All the rocks and Gustav, even what's left of pop lad and the farmer's family, are sucked into her hand, turning into cards, before she closes her hand.

  Afterwards, she dresses themselves back into their original clothing, and after a quick dusting to bring it back to a presentable state, she lets him return to the forefront. their body going limp and falling before he pushes up from the floor with a confused and shocked look on their face. " GAAAAAAAAASP, ...what that fuck just happened?!"