The man with a hat wore a hat, it was a wonderful hat. The hattiest hat that ever hatted. Well not that hatty. It was a crazy hat, a wonderful hat a hat to hat forever. A happy hat a sad hat, a hat of hat. It sat on curious head, which sat on a curios man. A man who loved hats. Hat, that was the hats name if you wonder oh curious creature to read a hats mind, had a wonderful thought again. What if it wore a hat itself? Oh how curios it would be to wear a hat instead of being worn. A hathat one might say, or so would hat at least.

  “Oh shut up”, said the curios head. So sad was the curious head even though it wore a wonderful hat, the hattiest hat that ever hatted. A wonderful beautiful hat! How could the head be always this grumpy?

  “Because you don’t shut up!”, the head shouted using it’s weird thingy to make noise. It was good hat sat on the head because otherwise hat couldn’t hear. The hat got angry when hat thought too much, but hat was smart and smart things thought. So hat had to thought which angered the head. The head was nice sometime,s better than the last head hat had sat upon. Though as things were hat had not many heads to compare this one to.

  A groan came from the head wearing hat the hattiest hat, it was the sound head made when it wore hat, which the head did not do to often. It said that hat was loud, but hat did not talk just think.

  “And your every thought enters my mind so stop thinking!”

  Ah yes the head had told hat that but hat forgot. Hat may be the hattiest hat but no hat was as smart as a head. So hat tried to stop to think hatty thoughts, the only thought a hat who thought could think. But oh how hat liked thinking, for hat had not much to do but think. Though normally the hat was in a bag thinking its happy thoughts with other things around. It only knew they wer enot head or hats because none thought back.

  But oh what was hat thinking about? The head had told hat that there was something to do again! For hat was a useful hat the hattiest hat that ever hatted. So hat had to be useful to head or hat would be alone. Not that hat minded being alone, for hat had hatty thought and was hatyt that way. If hat were to be sad about being a hat that would not be very hatty.

  Though had liked sitting on a head, it felt hatty to be a hat for a head.

  “Oh by god shut up!”

  Tickle, hat liked being tickled it happened when the head was angry with hat. Because hat had not listened again, though could a hat listen? It could hear but was listening a thing for hats? Oh what a thought! Hat had to not forget for that was a thought for thinking for hat.

  “You already had that discussion with yourself!”, said the hat still angry. So hat didn’t think about it, if the head got to angry then it might throw hat away! Not a terrible fate but hat liked being a hat! And there was something to do.

  Or at least it was normally the case when the head wore hat. Oh how hat liked it to be worn to do what it was made for and to do the other stuff too! Oh the other stuff was weird for a hat, or so hat thought, but that’s why it was the hattiest hat. It did things no hat did! So hat prepared to be hatty, it did not know when, for it couldn’t see but it did know it was soon for the head only put hat on when it was soon, or so hat thought. In all truth, hat did not know time, time was what the head said passed between hat being worn, but hat didn’t know how time passed. Oh wait hat could ask the head!

  “Oh god fucking damn it! Will you shut up?” If the head tells hat what is about to happen, maybe.

  “Oh fine if it keeps you quite!” the head said, or did it think?

  “Yeah I think, because unlike you I have eyes and ears and see that there is a patrol of enemies up ahead they are blocking the connection, Joseph must be already starting his plan.”

  Uhh who was Jospeh again another head?

  “Yes! You actually know him, he was there when you were made.”

  Ooooh one of the HEADS, but hat didn’t really know what the head meant.

  “Of course you don’t. But you said youd shut up if I told you so be quite! And maybe I will let you have one.”

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  “Finally, good so be ready to open, there are five people, I could probably take care of them but the connection fizzles and I don’t want to risk alarming more people.”

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  “Hat do you understand?”

  Hat studiously didn’t think so the head let him have a head for later.

  “Did you understand what I mean?”

  Hat thought hard and realized it didn’t but hat would tell the head since then it wouldn’t get a head.

  “Ok you open up when I say open got it?”

  Hat got it. Hat thought studiously waiting with baited thought for the head to tell hat to open. Oh open, that was hats specialty, being a hat was what made it great, but opening up was all the heads ever cared about. Typical hat, not appreciating hat for being such a magnificent hat alone!

  Mark stood near the Esher gate, it was tedious and his consiounce did not let up. Sure, he didn’t kill anyone, but what a professor wanted with alive people. He shuddered again. Don’t think about it, he told himself, that road leads to hell.

  Jen stood not far away he still remembered their talk, especially about Barnes. It was a shame really, he liked Barnes and now the whole world was fucked up. If he didn’t stop thinking about it, it would drive him crazy. That wasn’t the goal here. He would’ve done all this for nothing so stay cool and … wait what was that?

  The connection to Esher was well fizzeling, Mark never understood why people calle dit that until now that he saw a connection fizzle. A connection could look very different he had only ever seen 6, but each was different one was a stone Arch that just somewhere else, another a pool of water you had to think through. The one to Easher was a more common voriaty with it’s own twist. It was a whirlpool in the air, swirls of air building a tunnel and from the outset looking like it came down to a single point. The only reason one could see it was because the air was colored. Why Mark didn’t know some of the others had told him once it was something about twisted Particles, or paranormal particals interacting with broken space time. The guy had to bee full off shit or heard some scientists talk about it in a past job.

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  Some connection could be entered from only one Side like this one, some like the pool were omnidirectional in theory. Where you entered mattered with those, not with the ones like the one to Esher. This made it easy to guard, but when a connection fizzled it became opace, strands of translucency started appearing making it look like the Connection was partially not there. It made it look unreal fake, like an unfinished three dimensional Painting. These strands of translucent space were also dangerous, incredibly so. Mark had only seen it twice in his life, at the same incident. People so desperate they risked a fizzling route, confident they would make it through and failing. They were ripped apart, it had been gruesome.

  This Connection was fizzling badly. Really badly. It made seeing anything hard but it also meant there was little risk and not really a point for them to be here. Anyone stupid enough to try it would die unless incredibly lucky and getting a spontaneous stabilization, when all the strands vanished for a few seconds to a minute.

  But Mark had seen something move in there, something large, at first it had looked like a man in a long coat but then he had seen the head and knew it couldn’t be, some kind of twisted animal? Some may be though enough to manage but Mark didn’t know of anything like that in Esher. He was just about to dismiss it as a trick of the eye as he saw it again. He lifted his crossbow.

  “Uh guys, somethings in there!”, fear was in his voice, whatever this thing was it was bad news.

  Jen scoffed looking up from where she was toying with her own crossbow, it was even coked.

  “Whats it now Mark, nothings in there, stop being a wuss”, she didn’t even look at the Connection Mark knew because he had seen it again, he aimed his loaded crossbow and he saw Jen stir next to him from the corner of his eyes.

  “Shit! Gyu Marks right somethings in there get ready!”, she said fear clear now in her voice, she also knew this was bad, the other started to move to them all loading their crossbows, Ken getting his gun out, should Mark too? Too late. Jen struggled next to him to get the Crossbow ready, she fumbled the string once, a twang. A second try, a twang followed by a curse. Stupid bitch, Mark thought in anger at his friend, you know you struggle with it and didn’t have it ready!

  Mark acted quickly, fear and anger and worry for his friend moving him fast never looking away from the connection as the thing came nearer. He grabbed Jens Crosbow and gave her his own, tugging at the string he wordlessly bend it back, slowly carefully, not letting it slip like Jen in her haste. He got it ready and loaded right as the thing came through, the Connection stabilizing for just a second.

  It wasn’t an animal, it was worse. Mark never met their new employer, the Professor he only ever had heard stories about the scary fucks. This man screamed the essence of these stories. He should’ve looked ridiculous. He wore a long black coat, flapping openly around him, a floral shirt like from old picture of people on vacation. Mark always hoped to find a zone with a nice beach and no dangers after he had seen his grandparents’ old photo album they had saved from the Pandemodium. The Jeans he wore just clashed even more with his look. And the hat, it was a massive pointy hat, folding in on itself due to how large it really was, it had given the man his weird outline. It also had a long round bottom, stretching over the mans face outwards for at least ten centimeters. It didn’t buckle a bit. It was grey with patches of colors mixed in it, it looked hideous, and clashed with the other clothes more than the rest did put together.

  If he hadn’t walked through a fizziling zone Mark would’ve thought him a mad man, if he didn’t have those eyes, which looked at 4 crossbows aimed at his chest and not even flinched. But it was the two weirdly shaped guns at his side and the long sword on his back that made Mark certain. This man was a professor. There were rumors about them all, sometimes a new one appeared or reappeared. But there were multiple well-known Professors. The man with the hat, was one of them and Mark knew they were dead.

  “Open up”, the man with the hat said, tipping it slightly back and a black void opened. Sucking away all of Marks thoughts as he spun around In space and time, he saw his parents, grandparents, his dead brother killed by some bandits. He saw Barned face as he was killed by the boss for trying to warn people. He saw Jen and the others all melding away. He saw his grandmother again, looking at him disappointed, for being like the men who killed his brother. Cowardly, selfish. And he hated himself as he died.

  Hat was happy. Oh how long it had been since he was happy. Oh yes, he was a he now, well for the time being. All these new memories were sad however. But hat was happy. He was always happy when he ate, or she or it. Well it really made no difference to hat. The grumpy human was at least not complaining anymore now that hat could reign in his thoughts again. It was always difficult when the memories ran out, but Renoir had trained hat well enough to not eat his thoughts. Though hat believed Renoir would survive that too.

  He was though like that didn’t even flinch when the one crossbow hit his stomach, just pulled it out and the wound had closed again. Hat liked being “owned” by Renoir, though he didn’t like the word owned. He was a person after all! Well a hat person, so he could understand why people trated him like a thing. But hat also knew people knew enough to be afraid. Renoir was nice but didn’t trust hat enough and that was fair when he had gotten hat, hat had killed a lot of people and gone mad with memories. Too much to eat. So Renoir gave hat only a few heads to eat nowadays, Hat didn’t like ti but the only other option was getting locked away again.

  The fact Renoir had used hat meant however there was dangerous prey in here and hat brimmed with excitement. But lets not disturb Renoir he was always sad when he ahd to kill people. Lets look at the memories, hat only had eaten small parts of three people and had gotten to eat only one full head. So there wasn’t as much as hat liked. But there would be more. Oh yes when Renoir got hat out there was always more.

  “Oh please shut up!”, echoed another voice to hat, not Renoir. Ahhh yes pointy sticks, hello pointy sticks, forgot I can talk to you when I can think properly!

  “My name is Gustav Fredrickson Adroi the second!”, the haughty voice answered. The pointy stick was normally silent, it wasn’t like hat, smart! Hat was certain Renoir didn’t even know pointy sticks could talk to hat!

  “Yes he knows you told him once and I like being silent like the others, we can only think because of your secondary ability!”, said pointy sticks, he sounded like a old grumpy man, like the grandfather in the vision.

  “Yeah leave us be!”, flower said, the voice like the woman’s memories,” do you know how terrible it is to be awoken as a partially formed mind every time you overindulge? It is quite the displeasure! I don’t even know how I remember our last conversation!”

  Ah yes hat remembered a talk with Renoir now, Renoir had wondered if hat created the voices and just felt the other twisted objects and gave them voices because hat was, in Renoirs words, a crazy hat. Or if the other twisted objects all had a gestalt entity in them and only when hat was smart enough to reach beyond his brim, he was able to communicate. Hat liked the idea they were all real.

  So hat talked with the other things the man named Renoir carried. Cheerily talking as they went to kill another old friend.