Adrien seemed to have caught her stare and winked at her in response. Causing a shudder to enrapture through Raven.
‘Just what was his deal?’ asked Raven. Her voice cold with a slight edge. Breath hitching. Barely containing a stifled scream.
‘Bloody hell,’ groaned Raven inwardly. Biting the soft tissue inside her mouth. ‘Why me?’
Raven balled her hands in her pockets. Letting her fingernails sink into her soft skin. Drawing almost blood.
The pain felt calming. But this wasn’t enough to soothe her.
Redirecting her gaze, she gave Adelaine a warning look.
If the boys noticed her change of mood, they didn’t show any visible reaction to it.
But Adelaine, in comparison, bit her lip. Fingers twirling with her hair.
“I know, Raven, we don’t do this. But they are new. Have no friends. And he was looking for you. And I thought maybe…”
“You thought what? Just bringing them here with no notice? You have a phone for a reason. At least try to act like you wanted to give me a chance to decide.”
Raven’s voice was sharp. Leaving no room for misunderstanding her words.
“But you would have said no,” Adelaine whined.
“So you know? Then give me a real reason why they’re here. And don’t bullshit me. They have no friends—please, let’s not lie now,”
Raven caught her breath. Rolling her eyes at Adelaine’s gasp.
“I bet you’ve seen them with your sister or one of their minions. So I ask again. Why are they here?” Raven ended her rant. Voice steady and low. Barely rising. Eyes locked with Adelaine’s.
Adelaine didn’t back down from her glare. And gifted her one just as fierce back.
A few seconds passed. Nobody spoke. And the boys seemed to have vanished into the background.
Adelaine and Raven’s silent conversation took the stage.
Whenever they stared at each other in this manner, they were exchanging a verbal battle. Sometimes as a squad. Sometimes as single defenders.
Yet this battle wasn’t about winning. It was about understanding your companion.
Two people who lied as easily as they bled. Eyes were one of the few truths.
Their eyes flickered. They danced. And they bared the insides of the heart.
And they understood. Raven understood Adelaine held truly no harm in this matter.
And how could she? She couldn’t have known. While she hoped Adelaine understood how deeply she was discomforted by this.
Then Raven saw it—the blank spark Adelaine so adamantly concealed. It was fleeting. But striking.
Raven sighed as they lowered their eyes. Murmuring under her breath, ‘Always the damn same.’
Pinching her eyes closed, a glimpse of Adelaine’s longing flashed before her. Biting her tongue. Raven swallowed down the hot bile warming her insides.
“It’s fine, I guess. Just stay,” one hand shooing around.
“It’s not like I can rewind time and make you forget ever coming here.” The words dripped with poorly concealed distaste.
A giggle left Adelaine as a response. The bright sound sucking up all the tension and seriousness that evolved through the whole ordeal.
Wrapped around them like a tight rope limiting their vision.
Clapping her hands, Adelaine drew attention to her.
The boys quietly observed the whole scene while standing firm in their place.
The wind ruffled through them. Playing with their hair—blond, deep chestnut brown, black, and rich dark brown almost black.
As Adelaine started speaking, she wasted no time. Her voice full of dramatics and bravado. Hands and arms moving at a matching pace. Leaving no space for leftover tension.
Raven’s pressed lips eased. ‘I don’t know how she does it.’
No matter how often Raven saw Adelaine taking the spotlight. Shifting the atmosphere at her will. It would never tire her.
The loud yet gentle voice boomed throughout. By now, however, the boys were sitting on the grass while Adelaine stood.
Forming a spacious half circle before Raven.
“So now that we’ve cleared this up, let’s get right into the introduction.
The brooding yet charming guy to my right is the one and only Aiden Schneider.
Who is also a new student. A round of applause, please.”
While talking, she pointed her whole arm and finger down at him. And finished by applauding herself.
And naturally Adrien supported this absurd act.
To Raven’s surprise, Aiden didn’t seem too keen about this introduction.
Only rolling his eyes in response while his hands were in his leather jacket. Giving Raven a subtle nod in her direction.
Which Raven acknowledged with a soft nod that was easy to miss if one was not paying close attention. ‘At least one normal.’
His behavior resembled more that of hers, noticed Raven, in comparison to the other two. Which gave her some sense of familiarity.
Adelaine didn’t even bat an eyelash at Raven’s and Aiden’s lack of enthusiasm. Focused on Adrien.
Golden boy’s face beamed. Lips pulled upward. Eyes shining. ‘Weirdo,’ thought Raven. Her fingers fiddling with the pen. Softly doodling on the paper.
The way he was acting—sitting upright. Smiling like a fool. As if he were about to receive an award.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
The image popped into her head: bright flashlights. A grand room. A lot of important people in the first row.
Adrien in a fitted suit yet sneakers. And a face too loose and emotional for such an event.
Aiden right beside him. Ignoring everyone. On stage the host—Adelaine—calling out the names for the awards.
It would be the same as now. Just a different place and people.
People who didn’t appreciate feelings or humor for that matter. So while they fit in, they somehow stuck out.
The tension fighting against Adelaine’s charm.
‘Yes, this is it,’ what Raven would give to be there and see those uptight old people have a full-on experience of Adelaine and Adrien in raw emotion.
Raven almost snickered. Concealing it with a little cough.
Before Raven could linger on the scene, Adelaine’s voice shot through her thoughts.
“To my left is the one and only unmistakably Adrien Anarché.
Also a new student. But not any less charming. And dare I say a great supporter. Another round of applause, please.”
This time again only Adelaine and Adrien reacted.
He even dared to wink at her again. Which Raven swiftly ignored. Eyes roaming while mentally rolling them. Clutching her pen tighter. Her palm whitening from pressure.
“Okay. Hard crowd to please. Never mind that. Let’s move forward,” muttered Adelaine. Reversing Raven’s attention back to her as she went on further.
“And lastly, not least, this lovely lady here,” pointing at Raven. She continued, “is my one and only bestie, Raven.
A girl that is hard on the outside but a real softie. A round of applause, please, for that lovely lady.”
The former statement sounded more like a question than a statement.
Which Raven would disagree with if she were asked. She was neither soft nor only hard on the outside.
Which resulted in Adelaine earning a glare from her. That Adelaine easily shrugged off.
Sitting down on the empty spot on the grass near Raven. Whereas Aiden looked like he was so over it.
Besides that, the lack of reaction remained the same. With the only difference being that this time Adrien spoke up.
And Raven should have known he was up to no good.
“I actually already had the privilege to meet this little madamé on various occasions. However, oddly enough,” stated Adrien.
He stood up. Waving his arms around to support his ridiculous claim.
“She seems rather prone to dislike me. A fact that deeply saddens this humble man.”
Adrien finished his small performance while keeping his tone polite. Yet coated in shameless dramatics.
His stance directed toward Raven. He started moving closer.
At first Raven thought she was imagining it. As nobody said anything. And just gave their attention to him.
Meanwhile her gaze was set in his direction. But never meeting his.
Yet as she heard the steps getting louder, she realized he was coming towards her. A fact she realized too late.
“Damn it,” hissed Raven. Biting down her lower lip. Pinching her eyes shut for a second. And she felt a light hum in her left ear.
By the time Raven opened her eyes, Adrien was right before her.
Quietly observing her. Body slightly bent down. Face relaxed. A faint grin on it. And his hands in his brown coat.
Her breath stuck. Her intake and outtakes haggard.
It took her a second to understand her foolish mistake. She should have left the second he moved towards her.
Instead, she handled it even worse. She had closed her eyes. Losing sight of him. A rookie mistake.
Survival 101. You never lose sight of your target.
Raven’s heartbeat sped up. Breaking the familiar pattern.
She needed a way out. Taking in a sharp inhale, the scent of freshly cut lawn and warm wood swarmed up into her nose.
Raven paused for a moment. ‘Warm wood?’
She shouldn’t be smelling that. This place had a distinct fragrance. And warm wood wasn’t one of them. So it had to be…
The idea that it could be Adrien’s perfume made her stomach curl. Resulting in her instinctively pushing herself deeper into the bench.
Which proved to be an unfruitful attempt to create more space. As she still could smell the faint wood.
So deep breaths did little to soothe her raging heart, noted Raven.
She could hear the loud hammering in her ears. So loud and clear she feared Adrien could hear it too.
Before Raven could linger in her mind—find a way to escape—Adrien moved again.
This time, though, he put his left hand on her chin. Making her eyes automatically focus on him.
At first she tried to fight it off. But his hand tightened. Leaving an inch of space for her to leave if she really wanted.
Then the humming ceased. And—deep blue met rich brown—his thumb simultaneously brushing her underlip.
Urging her to release her copper-tasting lip.
At the same time Raven felt the right hand caressing her clenched hand. Taking her pen.
And his thumb softly tracing inkless patterns on her scraped palm. Again she tried to fight it. But the resolve wavered at the soothing sensations.
A mellow clicking of his tongue was heard as his thumbs explored the wounds further.
Raven knew not much time had passed as they stayed in the embracing silence. Until she felt the warm breath on her ear.
As goosebumps arose over the heated place, Raven heard:
“It’s not nice to have an AirPod in while talking to someone.”
Raven didn’t understand what was happening. Why didn’t he sound angry or annoyed even though he was correcting her?
She even listened to gentle chuckles filling her ear.
“It’s okay. If it’s you, ma reine des glaces.”
Raven couldn’t understand the last part. But assumed it was alright. As the tone was even lighter than before.
They stayed in that position for a while. Lofty breaths heating her ear. While soft patterns circled on her skin.
Still, despite the calming atmosphere, there was a muted nagging in the back of her mind that wanted to remind her of something.
It got louder the more time passed. And as if he could sense it, Adrien moved away. Giving her one last quick squeeze.
Creating space for Raven to breathe properly without the intoxicating warmth. The humming returning.
His steps carried a certain ease and natural elegance you grew in.
And yet again, before Raven could settle in her newfound state, a sharp ring ran through. Dispelling the last bits of calm.
Now Raven could understand the voice that wanted to tell her something.
That voice was her voice. Telling her to move. To think. To defend herself.
Raven cursed, “Fuck,” the sound featherlight. Soundless to anyone nearby. But full of disdain. “I gotta go,” whispered Raven into the air.
Her skin felt hot and sticky. Whereas the places he touched tingled coldly.
Raven had to leave before she bared more of herself. The reminding voice was now bashing Raven hard.
Asking her, ‘How could you let this happen?’ Calling her ‘pathetic.’
So she left before anyone could say anything. Not even daring to look at Adelaine.
Someone she had apparently forgotten along with Aiden in the process.
Raven left them in a cool and reserved manner. Steps heavy. Back straight. And head high. While the pain on her tongue grounded her.
A few strides away, breathing became harder step by step. The voice louder. And the vision darker.
Despite it, Raven kept walking until she reached a safe distance. Head turning around multiple times before she stilled.
Suddenly her feet gave out. And she gasped fast. Trying to catch the nonexistent air. Her vision swinging with white and black spots.
Raven lay on the ground. Clutching her heart. Eyes reddening.
‘You are weak, you are useless, you are pathetic, you…’
Snarled the voice at her. Over and over again.
Biting her tongue. The pain slowly spread as she counted absently.
‘1, 2, 3, pause. 1, 2, 3,’ again and again. Until her heartbeat followed the rhythm. Her breath coming out long and slow.
Another ring resonated through Raven’s breaths. The birds twitching. And the wind rustling.
The second bell signaled that time was running. And she had to be in her class soon.
“The world doesn’t wait for you,” mumbled Raven to the birds and wind.
——————————
A short moment later, Raven was walking through the hallway. Trying to reach her locker to get the things for the next class.
Moving on, her shoulders were wide and open. Gaze steady and forward.
The only remnants of her episode were her shaking hands in her jacket.
Raven still had some time before class. They were expected after the third ring.
Although each ring only lasted a minute, there was a difference of 2 minutes between them.
So they had, all in all, 9–10 minutes after the first round of the alarm.
Hence why Raven faltered in her pace. Ears sharpened as another sound came out of the speakers.
This time, though, it was short. Barely around 15 seconds. Before the voice of the school secretary resonated through the school.
She was announcing that all seniors had a school conference in the auditorium. And were expected to be there in 5–10 minutes.
‘Just my fucking luck,’ grumbled Raven inside.
With that, she swiftly changed her course from the locker towards the auditorium.
It was on the other side of the school. If she wanted a good seat, she had to be early before it got too crowded.
At Raven’s pace, it didn’t take her too long. And she was sitting in the back of the auditorium near a big window.
The schoolyard had a lot of greenery that was being highlighted by the sun. Raven’s eyes wandered a bit further.
Observing the hurrying little figures.
A small group of teens. And in between them, a trio. The familiar sight of a blonde, a brunette, and a black-haired.
Her heart spiked. Making her choke lightly. Nonetheless, Raven didn’t turn away.
She rather focused even more. Noticing the small huffs and laughter.
Her chest tightened. Her ribcage closing in further. Restraining her airway.
Still she didn’t avert her eyes. Her fingers playing with her cuticles until she felt something wet on her finger.
Hissing, she took out her left hand. Watching her reddish thumb. Shrugging as the light breeze grazed her wound.
Licking her wounded lip, Raven replayed the moment at the bench. Musing at the moment Adrien took control. Ending the vision.
‘I knew better. Didn’t I?’ sighed Raven. Her hands heating.
‘I distanced myself. I played my part. So why the fucking hell does this shit happen again and again?’ Her stomach turned a degree warmer.
Nothing should have made her lose her cool.
Not the illusion of safety under the tree.
Not the lack of sleep.
Not the fact that her mind was finally quiet.
He was like a parasite. Exploiting the chaos in her. Infecting her. Creating a space so big it overshadowed hers.
‘—Nothing,’ screamed Raven inside her mind. Her hand trembling. Blood smeared on her fingers.
‘I push him away. He comes running even faster. I try to see this as a game—he rules it. I am trying. I really do. And this shit isn’t working—I—I must have somehow subconsciously underestimated him.’
Raven stopped. Soundlessly laughing. Face stoic. Heart beating loudly in her ear.
‘And it gets even better—I let my ego talk. Fool me—what game? The only game I played was his.’
No matter how much she wanted it to be a lie—that the quiet moments.
Her silence. Got to him. Were proof enough that her plan was working…
Raven wouldn’t and didn’t lie to herself. After all, it was one of the few graces she still granted herself.
Today may have been a lapse of judgment due to misfortunate circumstances.
But it was proof enough that what she was doing wasn’t working. That she wasn’t strong enough.
What happened today could never happen again. Raven would personally ensure that by any expense.
Her heart sped again. Her breath hitching. ‘Goddamnit.’
A sudden exhaustion befell her as the thought struck. However, she couldn’t rest yet.
So Raven resumed to the best alternative. Closing her eyes briefly. Ears sharp. Body tense. While counting her heartbeat till it slowed.
An unclear image swarmed around in her brain. Accompanying her slowing heart. Stretching long, calm breaths.
It was a faceless face without vivid details. Just a bright smile accompanying her. She couldn’t figure out who it was.
Maybe she was too tired. Or she simply couldn’t be bothered enough. Or maybe she was too distracted by the warmth that filled her.
Even though she felt a little lighter as she opened her eyes again.
Her head high. The sound of the room filling and doors closing filtered in.
The undeniable truth lay bare. After all this time, she was no better than the frightened, dumb 17-year-old girl crying out for her mother and sister.
Who were no more.
‘Fuck.’
See you next Sunday! —( N.N)
Little teaser:
“Faces. No distinct features. Just mouths. Smiling. Laughing. Bright. Warm. Consoling. Mouths moving—no sound. Silent screams. Wrong. Wrong. Mistake. Your fault. Death.”