Sleep.
Study.
Practice.
Exercise.
Hunt.
Repeat.
I don't even think about the dreams anymore. They're immaterial. All I can do right now is survive each day. Push forward. That snake still has to go. I can feel it in my gut but I don't know why. I have to be stronger, faster, better. I can't let anger make mistakes. I can't let grief slow me down. I can't be Marie right now. She's not home. She can watch me survive and come back when it's safe.
Getting up is hard. It’s weird I never really had much of an issue with it before. Even pre-System. It’s still better than getting to sleep. It seems like closing my eyes just gives my brain an opportunity to show me things I never want to see again. I try to focus on other things. I try to tell myself stories or remember something I watched, anything to make it stop.
The good news is I found music. I know I listened to music before but I don’t know that I understood it. There’s two types of music for me. The kind I can understand and the kind I can’t. One of those gets me out of bed. That’s the getting started music where I can understand the lyrics and even somewhat dissect it. I’m too groggy to really get hurt my it mostly, though I’ve been surprised a few times and have to ban songs for a while. Just something else to come back to I guess.
The other music is the kind I don’t understand. Music from other cultures and languages, some metal, or purely instrumental music that I don’t have enough education to really appreciate. Or at least that’s what the forums suggest. I do have a language skill and I can understand a lot of it, like telepathic subtitles. But it’s a skill and I can turn it off. That’s the music I go to sleep to. You’d think metal would keep me awake but it works pretty well to keep me out of my own head. Mostly
Sleep.
Study.
Practice.
Exercise.
Hunt.
Repeat.
I’m trying to think about ecology. How the System is going to wreck habitats. There’s no way for me to really understand it well enough to do this right, but it’s the only answer I have. Even before the System humans messed up habitats and sometimes messed them up even worse trying to fix them. I doubt I’ll be different. I still think taking out the fungal colony was the right choice and if I see anything like that again I’ll do the same. I have to eat so choosing food is important. What I’ve finally decided is that I should go after predators that run the risk of wiping out a lot of other animals quickly. Predators like me.
I’m trying not to assign all blame on myself, but I feel what I feel. I’ve started looking into psychology again and find it funny that a lot of people apparently pick this major in college or as a career because they have emotional issues they’re trying to work through. If I believe some of the forum comments I’ve found then psychology majors are some of the most messed up people there are. Sounds perfect.
I already know I’m disassociating. I find myself talking to no one or myself often. Being alone is terrible for you. I read forum comments because it almost feels like attending a class where other people are participating and maybe I’m just shy. I know the truth but pretending is getting me through the day. Some part of me enjoys violence and maybe that’s about vengeance or maybe it’s a piece of me that’s really broken. I like to think it’s the former. I find myself becoming more and more clinical with my thoughts, with my journal, and my homework says that’s normal when facing a trauma. I disengage and treat it like something that happened to someone else.
I try not to be afraid, it doesn’t help and I start thinking I’d be better off dead. My studies say that’s not fair to me. They say there’s a world where I can get better, be whole. Not the Marie that was here before the System but a new Marie that is informed by the past but not defined by it. I really want that. That’s the good thing I think. I do want to keep going. There’s a level of excitement in the world that I find engaging. The idea of never being at the mercy of fate again. A lot of pre-System programs revolve around accepting things you can’t change and making peace with your mortality and failings. I can kind of get behind that last part but the first two are less and less true every day. I can control more, I can become immortal. Maybe. I’m kind of clinging onto maybe being a good first step.
Sleep.
Study.
Practice.
Exercise.
Hunt.
Repeat.
My aura control is getting better every day. I no longer feel like vomiting everytime I run or a strong breeze comes along. My mana control is still the star of the show, and I’ve been working on speed. Not with skills that are automatic but with making tools and weapons with just mana and my imagination.
My books say that I’m out of the “prime learning ages”. Just barely though. I wonder if I would be getting better faster if I were younger. Then again I barely survived this far so maybe that would be too big of a disadvantage.
I’m trying to make this all normal, shooting electric shells out of my hands, hunting and killing things to eat. Washing my clothes in a stream, making soap. Even when I’m doing the stuff that has to be done like cooking and cleaning I try to use my mana manipulation as much as possible. Every moment I waste is a moment I could have failed to improve. It could mean the difference between life and death.
Right? I’m trying to convince myself that’s how it has to be. It’s working a little. When I started every time I used magic was kind of like a little wonder. Like my world got bigger in an unexpected way. I don’t really feel that anymore, it’s just work. And work needs doin. That’s what a hundred blogs say anyway. I don’t read too much into it. I don’t want to find out I disagree. Something must be going right as I get another point in intelligence.
Sleep.
Study.
Practice.
Exercise.
Hunt.
Repeat.
Pushups, situps, crunches, leg lifts, run for an hour. I haven’t added more to the weight yet but I know it’s coming. I know it’s hard to get started every day, the music comes back for this to help me through it. To time me. I have to be careful, I find myself taking off a minute here or there to change the song or adjust my clothes. I have to keep a rigid schedule so I don’t stop altogether.
I’m starting to hate Burden of Atlas. I already feel heavy when I wake up and when I go to bed. I’m not sure how much of the weight I feel all day is because of the skill and how much of it is just me now. I’ve gotten 2 more points in strength and dexterity, already seeing the drop off in rewards. Whatever, keep pushing.
Sleep.
Study.
Practice.
Exercise.
Hunt.
Repeat.
Badger. Badger. Badger. Badger. Mushroom. Mushroom. I don’t even know how I found that video, but it won’t shut up in my head as I observe the badger. I almost want to smile or laugh but there’s something contrary in me that stops it. Like I don’t deserve to laugh or be happy again. Especially considering I’m probably going to kill the badger. I’ve been watching it for a while, making sure it wasn’t going to prove to be important. So far it had avoided the mama bear I’ve decided to leave alone. I just can’t. I make myself stop thinking about it. There will be other bears. In fact I already spotted a few by the river. I guess it’s time for them to come fish. I made the mistake of researching bears and ended up down some weird rabbit hole. Now I’m hunting for old angry alone bears that would probably eat people if given the chance. Until I find the right one or ones I’ll stick to the badger. Or smaller targets. It caught my attention, killing a snake of all things. At first I was rooting for it. Until it clearly started torturing a snake. A little bit of research and now I’m trying not to give myself an excuse to enjoy it. To find some comfort in removing an animal that enjoys killing from the world. I don’t like that feeling and I know I have to deal with it eventually but I just can’t right now.
I still don’t like insects so I haven’t felt too bad about fighting them. I haven’t fought as much as I probably could have. I’m spending more time making sure I’m ok with the target. I’d kill for another fungal colony. See, I’ll be ok I can even make a joke. Ants are starting to be more prevalent, centipedes and worse of all mosquitos. It’s keeping me busy but they’re barely breaking 20. I’ve only managed to get 3 levels in the last week. I even have a skill point but I don’t know what to use it for. The badger isn’t much better at level 22, but I’ll take the experience. Seeing what it did to the snake it caught made me make a mistake. I went and checked on THE snake. My snake. Level 37. I’m falling behind.
This isn't.
This isn't working.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
I wake up starving. I don’t know when I got kicked out of the tent but I don’t think it was today. I don’t know if it was yesterday. I’m running low on jerky. There’s plenty of… Other meat I haven’t cooked yet. Some mushrooms. Some cake. I haven’t had anymore cake since before. I don’t know why I’m punishing myself, I guess because no one else is here to do it. I’m so hungry though, so I take out the cake and eat a piece.
I don’t know how or why it makes me feel a little better. OK Marie get up. I have to repeat it a couple times before I do it. No one’s coming to make you do what needs to be done. I hate saying stuff like that to myself but I’m right.
I’m not a robot. I want to be really bad some days but I know I’m not. I’m being stupid. Or emotional. I wish I had someone to explain the difference to me. I think I should be allowed though. I think I’ve been through enough I shouldn’t have to keep pushing forward. I shouldn’t have to worry about stupid snakes. I should be going to school and playing with my friends and. And that world is gone. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know what I need to do though.
I get up and go down to the river to wash off. I play some music and for the first time I let myself enjoy it. It’s not just something I’m doing to get through the day. It’s not even the right music. Baby Metal is what they’re called and something about that feels right for me right now. I go ahead and do a little exercise but I’m still so hungry. I know what comes next and it’s hard but I’m gonna do it.
“I’m sorry mama pig. I wish I hadn’t done what I did, but you attacked me and its ok for me to defend myself. I’m sorry about your ba…” I choked up. It took me a few minutes before I could finish the thought and even then it was hard. “I’m sorry about your babies. This world isn’t fair. It’s not fair to me either. I promise not let your death go to waste.”
I hate how delicious my breakfast was. I accept it but I hate it.
I know my next steps. First the Badger, then I start really hunting. I’m getting the bear ingredients. I don’t know what’s the matter with me. Not really. I can read books and study but trying to figure it all out myself is stupid. I do know one thing though. Being alone is making me worse. It’s ok sometimes, maybe I can even go a while and be alright. But not for months and months. And not right now. People are people as far as I know. Morrigan was just a person, Hecate too. They aren’t human but they’re people. There have to be some people from the Fae. Someone to talk to. Maybe someone who will help me. Not to get stronger but to be some kind of OK.
I’ll get there. But first the badger.
Badger. Badger. Badger. I let my intrusive thoughts win. Treating this almost like a game as I stalk it through the woods. I was really just registering it as a badger, mechanically walking after it trying to find a reason not to kill it. I know the world doesn’t work like that anymore. I have to keep telling myself that or I’ll never really believe it. Is it stupid to still sometimes think I’ll wake up in bed with mom telling me to come get breakfast? To really, truly believe it for just a little while? I let myself think about it while I follow the badger. I wallow in it. I let myself get upset and mad. Mad at the badger. Scared I’m making a mistake. Upset that I know I’ll keep making mistakes.
The badger starts digging at the base of a tree and I know I’m letting this go on too long. What’s the word? Morbid. Why do I have to always be having these feelings? Can’t I just have them for a little while and put them away? Am I supposed to carry this with me forever?
Get out of your head Marie. Bonk the badger. I read something about firefighters and emts having morbid senses of humor to deal with all the death. Worth a shot I guess. OK, let’s take this seriously. I inspect the badger.
Level 22 Striking Badger
The problem with following the same enemy around for days is all the missed opportunities. The benefit is that there are no surprises. Shield up I approach from behind. It stops digging and I’ve already fired two shots before it turns all the way around. It lunges and rather than run into the air I move forward too. I slam my mana shield in it’s face and shoot another two rounds into it.
*DING*
Level 22 Striking Badger Defeated
Experience Rewarded
I knew this was going to be easy but that was ridiculous. I guess levels really make a difference this early and I have 4 more. I can feel a little anger there. Disappointment. I wanted this fight to mean something, to have some kind of impact. So what do I do? Go around attacking everything higher than me all will nilly? I kind of want to. Still.
I’m not satisfied. I got up and did things and I want something real to happen. I’m not ok enough to challenge any bears. I can see that. I go the other way, away from the river and start looking for trouble.
I wander aimlessly for a while. I'm getting agitated when something hits my aura and I stop midstep. I jump back but it doesn't move. A straight line from above me to the ground. A spider web. I relax and that’s when I realize I’ve had all of my muscles tensed like something was after me. How long have I been walking around like this? It’s almost funny, like jumping at the water hose because you thought it was a snake. I saw Nana’s dog do that once. It jumped and barked and we all laughed. Benji jumped in going “Get it Roscoe!” The memory almost makes me smile. Almost, but this grumpiness doesn’t go away that easily. I go to swipe it out of my way. Pain. I quickly pull my hand back, blood dripping down my arm. TWANG, the web snaps.
Oops?
My stomach drops like I’m on a roller coaster as something comes flying down the tree. Shield! Something big and grey and furry bounces off the shield and lands in front of me. A spider that looks like it’s made out of one of those metal sponge things mom used on the cast iron pan. What were they called? I slightly shake my head, not important right now. What’s important is this waist high spider staring at me, making a weird hissing sound. What is this thing?
Level 29 Steel Wolf Spider
Oh crap.
The spider stops hissing and jumps almost straight up. Uh uh. No way. I aim my blaster and get off two shots before it starts falling again. BANG BANG ZAP ZAP the shells hitting sounds like rocks hitting a trash can. To my surprise it’s so light that the shells hitting it spin it around. It almost hits a branch before falling towards me. I run backward with my shield up. Huh. If I hadn’t fired it might have landed on the branch. Is it trying to get above me to sneak up on me again?
No way mr. spider. As soon as it lands I fire another shell. BANG ZAP the spider is turning visibly red from the blasts. It lunges at me again but I have my shield up.
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What the?
It stops short of the shield somehow and ducks around it. Before I can adjust it’s got its fangs in my leg. The cloth actually doesn’t tear but I can feel it being pushed into my leg and it hurts. Pyrrhic Shock gets both of us and it lets go, leaving behind little metal hairs in my pants leg. There goes 27 points of health. I’m not just level10 anymore though and that’s not even 10% of my health. Still a lot for a bite though. It skitters away, this time behind the tree and my stats work overtime to help me come up with a plan. Luckily it’s one I’ve used before.
I pull some of the little metal hairs out of my pants leg (and my leg) and make my blaster around them. “Hecate guide my shot,” I say. I don’t even need to bleed for it, the hairs already have blood from my leg. I get a little light halfway up the other side of the tree. There are also smaller dots out in the woods, but they’re hard to see and almost flickering. That worked pretty good. I start walking up away from the tree with Mana Walking while keeping an eye on the spider. It’s slowly walking around the tree looking down. It skitters a little way down before I can see it without the spell.
I decided to try something I haven’t used much. I overcharge Voltaic Railblaster, putting 80 mana into the shot before firing. BANG ZAP I knock it off the tree and it’s turning red again. It stops mid air and swings around. I barely notice something cutting into the bark. OH, it’s got a little web hanging out that’s attached to the tree. That’s how it’s changing direction in the air. I let my mana recover while I wait for it to come back around the tree but it seems frozen on the other side. I wish I could see how much health it has, or how much I’ve hurt it, something. I inspect the light it’s giving off.
Spider Spell Marker
That’s kind of neat I guess. And useless. Maybe I can be sneaky snake. I start creeping around the tree, trying to stay as far away from it as possible. I see a leg before it scampers around to the other side. Well this is new. Wait a minute. I look around making sure I’ve checked the area all around me. OK I was wrong, it’s not waiting for backup. I keep walking around and as soon as I can see any part of the spider it moves to the other side.
I’m starting to feel like a bully. It did jump out of the tree at me though. I really don’t want it doing that again. I’ve chased it around now so it’s back on the side I was originally on. I have an idea. I make a blaster on the other side and just wait for my mana to get back to full. BANG ZAP. I get a shot off that makes it go straight up before swinging back to the tree. Using my remote blaster I shoot firecrackers above it just to get some mana up there. I also shoot some mana below it onto the tree. Spike trap time!
I start making a blaster above it and I’m so focused on my plan that I don’t react in time when it comes running around the tree and jumps straight at me. It tackles me out of the air, biting my blaster arm and knocks me off my Mana Walking. We’re pretty high up at this point. I desperately start trying to use gravity magic to make a point of dense gravity above me to slow my fall.
It works, is that I only get the breath completely knocked out of me and take a few points of damage from the root I land on. That’s nothing compared to the damage in my shoulder. The bite itself only took about 30 points, the spider getting ripped off from our impact too another 48. My left arm is completely useless right now. Instead of a shield I make a mana blade and swing down on the spider. It bounces off and jars my whole arm. I almost fall over. The spider seems confused though, it’s trying to get up on its feet but it’s wobbly. I bring down my right hand again but this time I make a giant hammer while casting Burden of Atlas on my mana construct.
BONG. The spider gets pushed into the ground, it makes my arm hurt but I do it again. BONG. I’m not letting up and finally I hear CRACK. The hard shell opened up. I don’t even think I just jump down in the freshly made hole and push my hand into the crack. Pyrrhic Shock.
Oh the spider doesn’t like that. It starts flailing its legs trying to get me off and trying to get out of the hole. I’m holding on the best I can, I cast Burden of Atlas on me. Now it’s really stuck but still trying. I manage to push more mana into making me heavier and I’m trying to keep an eye on my health. 6 levels ago this would have been death for me. I wouldn’t have stood a chance. My mana and health are both dropping but I have a lot more than I used to so I can do this for a few minutes. My health is getting towards half though and if this thing isn’t dead soon I’ll stop with Pyrrhic Shock.
Actually. I open my hand and make a blaster. I let go of the skill hurting me and fire. OW, never again!. I think I just broke all of my fingers. The Spider flexes one last time and then
*DING*
Level 29 Steel Wolf Spider Defeated
Experience Rewarded
Level Up
Stat Points Awarded
Whoo! My face is hot and I’m sweating. One arm is dangling uselessly and my hand hurts so bad but I feel better than I have in, I don’t know, forever! I’m definitely hurt but I’m not almost dead or crawling away from barely surviving a fight. I made mistakes, sure, but I think I’m getting better. No. I’m definitely getting better. And not just at fighting, I can do this, I can be ok. I look at my stats and like what I’m seeing.
Name Marie
Species Human LVL 0 Percent bonuses
Class Master Autological Mage LVL 27
Stats
Strength 122
Dexterity 112
Intelligence 243
Wisdom 233
Vitality 158
Health 107/316
Mana 189/486
Skills
Natural Linguist
Class Quick Learner
Greater Mana Manipulation
Free Form Identify
Mana Sense
Basic Hexagon Shield
Water Magic
Pyrrhic Shock
Mana Walking
Flame Magic
Basic Air magic
Basic Earth magic
Voltaice Railblaster
Psychokinesis
Basic Space Magic (Gravity)
Basic Mana Firecracker
Burden of Atlas
Poor Electromagic Aura
Blessings
Permanent Disciple of Hecate
Touch of the Fae Queen
Temporary Boon of the Newly Integrated
Titles World's Weakest
Child Prodigy
Over Achiever
My mana pool is so much bigger than it was. Which means it takes more time to fill back up but also means I’m not out of mana after a few attacks. Shooting my blast inside the spider might have worked but it also did a lot of damage to me. I drag the spider’s body behind me on the way to camp, sure there’s something I can do with the metal.
I make a mana cast for my arm and hand and carefully walk back to the tree house. I listen to music as I use mana to make dinner and then clean up the stuff I’ve been putting off. Luckily I still have my clothes I made so I can wash the ones Morrigan gave me. I even start the process to make some more soap and jerky. Getting stuff done. Yeah! Sleep comes easy tonight, because I’m so exhausted.
I sleep through the next day. I want to blame my injuries but I’m mostly healed, just kind of sore.
I barely get up the day after, just to use the bathroom. I don’t even go back in the tent after I’m kicked out the first day, just sleeping in the treehouse.
Once again hunger makes me finally move. Why is this so hard? I thought I was feeling better. I thought I was getting stuff done. I manage to make myself do some homework and find out that wolf spiders are generally neutral towards humans. Which means I might have just scared the crap out of it and then killed it for no reason. What happened to that feeling after the fight? All I want to do is feel that again. And just that.
I’m doing a little better today I think. I have to scrap the jerky I was working on but the soap gets finished. I make a pork chop for breakfast. I miss scrambled eggs but I’m not sure I want to go hunting for eggs, with my luck I’ll have a half dead baby bird come out. I look at the spider body and regret bringing it with me. I hate looking at it.
Still though, I should probably do something. I take it to the creek and start pulling the insides out. I’m left with the metal outside and I actually have a good idea. I bring it back to the tree and set it down while I start researching metal work. It doesn’t take long to figure out this isn’t going to be something I can just pick up and do immediately. It makes me want to just stop. I manage to keep going anyway. I can’t keep doing this, I have to keep doing stuff.
My schedule is basically gone now. I get up whenever and do whatever I want. Or whatever I make myself do. It’s after noon and I’m just kind of wandering around in the woods when I see something that actually makes me stand up straight and pay attention. That’s a butterfly. One of the three things I still need for Morrigan’s spell. The thing is beautiful though and I don’t really want to kill it. It’s even bigger than the last one I saw, its wings are taller than me. I get closer and inspect it.
Level 17 Butterfly
Not even upgraded. I walk up to it, I’ve been trying to keep away from things below my level. They usually run away anyway. Not this one though it’s just hovering. It takes me a minute to realize it has its proboscis (long weird mouth tongue thing) stuck in a dead deer. My thirst thought isn’t “gross” or “poor deer” it's “I haven’t seen any deer in a couple of weeks that would have made good jerky”. I tense up automatically but the wave of guilt doesn’t come. It’s like I don’t have it in me to care.
I look at the butterfly again. Can I kill it? Easily. I said I don’t want to but I don’t really feel one way or the other about it. No, I feel something. A little ball of something in my stomach. Anxiety. Whether I walk away or kill it I’m going to feel something afterwards. I almost just do it. Maybe it’ll get me back into doing stuff the right way. Doing the stuff I need to be working on. I can’t move. Or maybe I can move but my body isn’t really listening to me. I’m just standing here staring at this thing. This choice.
The proboscis comes up and I’m stuck in my own head when the butterfly throws up on me. Ahhh! It burns!. I create water and start trying to get the throw up off of me, raising a shield when it vomits again. Fine. Two quick cuts with a mana sword and it’s crawling on the ground without its wings. Lets see if the System lets you regrow that.
I take a couple of steps before I turn around and kill it with my blaster. Now I feel like throwing up. The wings are foldable thanks to their size. Regular butterfly wings are really brittle. I fold them up and stick them in my bag. I finally acknowledge the system message and head back to the treehouse. I try not to think about the wingless butterfly wriggling in the dirt.
Why would making something else feel helpless make me feel better? It’s like I was waiting for an excuse to be a bully, and I took it. I do need these wings so I probably would have killed it anyway but jeez, that felt icky. Like it was someone else making me do it and I was just watching them be bad. No. I have to take responsibility for what I do. I did that.
The feeling like I should punish myself is strong. These intrusive thoughts get weirder and more violent every time. I get these, like, flashes of me slamming a rock into my head. They scare me. I’m starting to scare me. I have to get the rest of the stuff for Morrigan’s list. I need someone to talk to about all of this and maybe they can send her a message.
I got up two days in a row. I have some cake to celebrate. There’s only a few pieces left now. No more putting it off, it’s time to get the next item on the list. I know where some bears are, I just need to pick one. I exercise and even play some music but I can’t recreate the feeling from the other day.
I do a little more reading about metal working but I'm not sure how close I am to being able to do anything. I play with my flame magic trying to make something like an acetylene torch but I’m having trouble getting it hot enough. I experiment on one of the legs of the spider and its turning red but not really melting. I make a hammer and hit the side of it but this just makes the whole body move. I need vice grips, and an anvil and a bunch of other stuff I can’t really make right now. Maybe I can find a nice rock to use.
I start wandering to the river and remember to put on Mana Walking and Burden of Atlas. It feels like a week since the last time I used it like I planned to. I try to enjoy the walk, I do actually like the woods. Or I did pre-System. That little bundle of trees near my house always felt like it could contain anything. I doubt I’ll ever wander there now. I wonder if this is what moving would have felt like? You go somewhere new and leave all the stuff you know behind. Oh. I guess that’s what I actually did.
There was grass in the forest but not like my yard. It never got really long. There was a lot of moss, at least the way I picked and I kind of got lost just watching it while I walked. Not lost like I didn’t know where I was, my mental map was still going. Lost like the world started to look like something that belonged in a sci fi movie. Like I was on a whole different planet. Something in my head fell into place. Something big. I hadn’t just lost my family and my home and the people I knew. I lost my entire planet. Trying to understand that thought made my head swim. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t even understand the world before. So whatever I lost wasn’t even real. I mean it was real to me. I don’t understand the world now.
I don’t have to force myself to stop, I literally can’t continue. Like my brain can’t follow wherever I was going. I don’t know if studying more or harder would have helped. The crazy thing is I felt a little more like me. Being a kid, not understanding the big stuff. I didn’t even know I was missing that. I actually smile and mean it. I’m still me. All of this didn’t take that away. I feel like I’m in the same place, I only kind of understand a little bit of what that means. I grin even harder. I can still feel all that other stuff underneath, that’s still me too. But not all of me!
I find my first bear easier than expected. I don’t know what level the fish it caught was but I doubt it stood a chance. Unlike the other animals I don’t think the bears grew all that much. I mean they were still big but they weren’t like dinosaur big. So where did their stats go? I inspected the bear in front of me.
Level 31 Tough Brown Bear
I had a bad feeling about its stats. If I’m going to fight one I definitely want to be higher level than it. And also trap it. And make sure it absolutely cannot get to me. I’m not ready. If I had gotten up? If I had gotten up I might be ready but I didn’t. That’s ok, I got up today. So I can go find something to fight. Maybe liking to fight is ok. Maybe I could celebrate winning instead of killing. Or the fight. System, why can’t you just give me monsters to fight? Just some evil ole monsters that definitely want to do evil things and need to be stopped. Come on, please?
Unfortunately no monsters appear. My head doesn’t feel as muddy and a thought keeps bothering me though. Can I afford to be picky? I know I said I don’t want everything to just be like a bag of exp but this isn’t an actual game. What if the next enemy I don’t fight is the level up I don’t get? Am I choosing them over me? It’s too much to think about. The less I fight the longer it takes me to get the ingredients I need. It’s one more thing making me feel like I don’t have real choices. But if I want real choices I have to get stronger, right?
I have to make a decision. My decision is that I can’t answer any of that right now. I have to get stronger any way I can. Yeah I’ll stop if it’s something I can definitely say is wrong but I have to stop investigating and inspecting everything for reasons to fight or not fight. Gotta fight. Gonna fight. I slap my cheeks with my hands lightly like I’ve seen anime characters do. Not sure that did anything, probably won’t do that again.
Wisdom +1
I’ll assume that’s from decision making and not slapping myself. I head out, eyes open for opportunities. A squirrel here, a dragonfly there, I see birds sometimes in the air but they’re all really fast so I’d rather not go after them unless I can trap them. I’m walking on mana, gravity increased to the point that my mana is actually going down a few points every second. It’s hard work but I actually feel like I can focus.
I don’t really have a place in mind, sometimes walking away from the river and sometimes back towards it. On my way back towards it I see something weird. It’s like an upside down anthill made of sand. It’s huge though, like the size of one of those above ground pools they sell at Walmart. I walk over to the edge of it, still Mana Walking. The sand all starts moving towards the middle. My heels fall down and I lose my balance. What the? I fall on my butt and see the sand is actually taking chunks out of the mana constructs on my feet. The constructs fall apart and my feet land in the sand. The sand surrounds my feet and starts pulling me towards the middle.
Uh uh. Nope. I throw a thread of mana around a nearby tree and tie it around me. OK ow, this thing is pulling hard. I fight back trying to pull but it’s not working very well. I summon a globe of water and start spraying off my feet. I finally manage to pull them back. I jump in the air and cast Mana Walking again. What in the world? The sand that had me starts thrashing around where my feet just were. I try to inspect it but I get nothing. Maybe something under the sand?
OK, time to think Marie. I make a mana blade and cut off a small limb. Then I do something that just seems right and poke the sand with my new stick. It does something but not what I thought it would do. It pushes the stick out of the hole. OK, what if I put some mana on the stick? Just like it did to me the sand rubs the mana off the stick. Then it pushes it back out. Weeeeeeird.
I take my bag off and pull out and unwrap a piece of meat and toss it in. It gets dragged to the middle super fast and I think I see something barely come out of the sand to grab it. OK take two, I repair the mana rope around the tree and tie it to a piece of meat and throw it in. The mana rope breaks immediately. Right, duh. Maybe a little more thinking before doing.
I dig around in the bag and start pulling out the thread I had made before meeting Morrigan. A few issues, I don’t have a lot of it and I don’t think it’s all that strong. It was fine for tying my hair up and even the sewing I did for my leather armor, but that sand was pulling me hard. I still have my stick though. I pull out another piece of meat and tie it to the end of the stick. I push the stick out over the hole as far as I can reach. Not far enough.
I look around, the trees aren’t close enough to have limbs directly over the hole, there are some at the edge of it. Only one thing left to do I guess. Using mana I float the stick with the meat over the hole, pretty high up. When I get it over the middle I start letting it come down, meat first. I’m going slow, if the sand jumps up I’ll pull it back. A few feet above the middle the whole thing starts shaking. Two pincers bigger than my arms explode from the sand to grab the meat. Quick Identify!
Level 26 Mana-Eater Antlion
Mana eater? Why is that even an option? So I have to get this thing out of its hole and it messes with my mana constructs. If it didn’t eat mana I could probably just pull it out with a mana rope. What about gravity magic? Maybe I could trick it into jumping again and make it super light? I don’t know that my reflexes are that good. That thing was fast. There has to be a way to get it out of there though. Fire won’t work, this isn’t like those tunnels. Forget using earth magic, that thing is clearly better than me. Ah hah. That’s good, really good. I did say it was as big as a swimming pool
I use Mana Walking to get up on a limb that slightly hangs over the hole. I sit down on it and release my active skills. I still have a little mana in the air above the middle and Water Magic. The water starts building up surprisingly fast. I don’t want a big blob though, I want to make it rain. It doesn’t take long for me to figure out how to release the bottom of my water bubble. The result is less like rain and more like a little water fall. It’s more than a water hose for sure but not really what I’m trying to do. I push more mana into it. Come on Marie you have a lot of mana now, PUSH.
Waterfall
Don’t go chasing them. Summon a cascade of Water on a target. Speed of Water based on Wisdom, amount dependent on Mana investment.
Hey wait a minute! Ok my Water Magic skill is still there. Why doesn’t it say branching? Unless. Maybe basic skills like that are just starting points? My gravity magic has branching though? Maybe because it’s a specific type. So if I had just gotten poor space magic I could make skills from it but still keep it? I really need to make a list of things to ask Morrigan and Hecate. I stop what I’m doing and switch to the active skill.
Whoa! That actually looks dangerous. Honestly the stream isn’t much bigger than what I had but it’s pouring down so fast! Hey, if I can make the water warm I could have showers. Even with my new skill this is gonna be a while. I have a lot of time to think but I manage to keep it all about cool stuff I can do. When I was looking into metal working I saw something about cutting metal with water, I don’t think I can do that with this skill though.
Maybe 15 minutes later and the water stops sinking through the sand and starts rising to the surface. Not long after that the pincers appear again. Wait no, it’s the bug mouth things, mandibles. I did a lot of research on bugs after one landed on my face. Behind the mandibles the bug trying to crawl out almost looks like an armadillo. It has thick armor (chitin) on its body (thorax). Well at least the top, the bottom is probably easier to attack. That’s not my plan though. I cast Burden of Atlas on it and watch it sink. I can feel the skill slipping and try to pour more mana into it before it just disappears. Well that’s one question answered.
I like lightning. I know my friends were always scared of it, or maybe it was the thunder but I like it. It’s neat. I picked it as my spell of choice so of course I studied it. Electricity and lightning aren’t the same thing, not exactly. Electricity is a constant flow of controlled energy. Lighting is a huge release of static electricity. Or close enough. I can use both. Phyrric Shock works like electricity. Voltaic Railblaster shoots shells that create lightning when they break. I can use Mana Manipulation to make lightning strikes too. They aren’t as powerful as real lightning yet but they’re still dangerous. The really cool part though? My lightning skills only need the spark to make real lightning.
Mages are supposed to be smart. At least as far as I can tell so the more I know the better. I know that different things have different levels of conductivity. I know that water, at least pure water like what I create, doesn't conduct electricity well. But water is almost never pure, especially if you dump it in a bunch of sand. All the sand and dust and minerals get mixed in and the electricity can really spread out.
ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP! The shells don’t even make it to the antlion before breaking. It’s fine because they’re close enough to do some damage. The antlion dives back under the sand. I’m still pouring water and the hole is filled up, I’m gonna make a muddy mess. The thought makes me smile. Suddenly the ground starts to raise near the edge of the hole closest to me. A line of raised dirt races towards the tree before the mandibles snap out and take a chunk out of the tree.
Oh no you don’t. ZAP ZAP I get two off before it dives back under ground. I wish I had a way to see it but I don’t have any ingredients for sympathetic magic. The tree starts shaking. Um, no thank you. I turn off the Waterfall and start Mana Walking away from the tree. Splinters are flying out from the tree as the ant lion is obviously trying to eat its way up it from the inside. Did this thing just trap itself? While it eats its way up I run to the bottom. Using my mana knife I make a hole where the splinters start and pour in Flame Magic. As long as I can get it going it doesn’t need mana to burn. Turns out whatever it’s doing to the inside of the tree makes it burn good.
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEE. Ow, my ears. It doesn’t like that at all. The mandibles burst out of the tree and I can see it’s actually on fire. It shows me it’s belly so I do the smart thing. ZAP ZAP. SKREEEEEEEEE. It pops all the way out onto a limb but loses its balance. Lets try the mana spike gravity combo. It kind of works. It's not in the air long enough to stop the gravity but the spikes might as well not even be there. It’s ok though because it hits the ground with a big splat followed by a system message.
Level 26 Mana-Eater Antlion Defeated
Experience Rewarded
I just leveled up so I’m not too disappointed I didn’t get another. Wow, I really beat something made to beat me. I’m not even injured. I know there’s some luck there though. If I hadn’t been Mana Walking, if I hadn’t gotten out of the hole, if I hadn’t gotten the sand off of me I would have died. If it had gotten those mandibles on me that would have been it. I’m pretty strong now, and working to get stronger. I need a real weapon for fights like this. If I ran into a spider or something else super fast and immune to magic I could be in big trouble. I lucked out that this thing was kind of dumb and easy to trap.
I got up again today. It was hard, like really hard. I’m so proud of myself I have another piece of cake. The day gets a little easier after I get going. I have to get ready for the bear. Then the snake. I have to finish getting the ingredients for Morrigan’s spell. I have to get stronger. I have to figure out where I’m weak. So I’ll work on my fire magic so I can do something with the spider body. I’ll fight until I can take the bear. I’ll kill that snake. I’ll live.
I’m going to live.
