CHAPTER 6: An Empty Heart.

  Music filled the main hall of the castle to the brim. Cheerful lutes and mandolins played a happy tune. People of every age were dancing and having a grand time, dressed in their best attire. No expense spared for the success of a new Iron Vow knight. It made me wonder if my father had already started to receive money from Archibald, or if it was a gamble.

  “I thought I told you to get rid of that dress,” my father chided back to me as we walked. I paled and swallowed at his icy tone.

  “She’s 25, leave her alone. Thanks to you, she wont have many of these parties anymore. Let her live for once.” My mother sassed him. I bit back a smile at the defeated face my father made. Taken aback, for once he had actually listened to her.

  “You look incredible sweetheart,” my mom said to me over her shoulder with a knowing smile. My own smile broke through, as a thank you.

  I watched the crowd gather around the base of the stairs as my Father, mother and I approached the top.

  Trumpets sounded as we came into view, announcing us. I let out a subtle breath once all eyes looked to up to their leaders.

  “All hail King Edgar, Queen Marjorie and Princess Jade Alaric of Elsinora.” A man in puffy pants yelled out. The crowd bowed while I searched it for familiar faces. Madeline being the first at the very base of the stairs. She gave a little, inconspicuous wave, then pointed her thumb to the right. On the other side both Damien and Ares stood, bending at the waist.

  Ares against custom looked up, genuine awe on his expression as his gaze surveyed me. I felt a patter in my chest start to form. We finally locked eyes, and after a brief moment he winked, making a smirk pull at the corner of both our mouths as I hopelessly stared back.

  Blink Jade! I forced myself to bat my eyes several times, clearing my throat before refocusing on the others around him as they all stood straight.

  Damien sported his official, dark purple military uniform. Fit with the many medals he had earned up near his left shoulder. The cut of the uniform sitting well tailored to his slim waist and broad shoulders. White gloves on his hands, a gold sash across his body. His arm sitting in its sling. His blonde hair parted at the side and brushed back. He looked positively prince like.

  Ares’s jacket mirrored Damien’s in cut and color, but gold embroidery flowed from his shoulders in a delicate gradient down the sleeves. His brown, near shoulder length hair was neatly styled half up and pulled back into a gold clip. His wrists, fingers, ears and waist adorned with gold jewelry. A small contrast of dark makeup adorned his eyelids.

  He always had an eye for fashion, most mage's did. The more flamboyant, usually meant the higher the status. Ares was very good at keeping his attire not overly frilly, despite his title. Bordering on a feminine, romantic esthetic and yet masculine energy.

  Unfortunately for me and fortunately for Madeline’s plan, both men were incredibly handsome tonight. And both were smiling up at me.

  I jumped slightly at my fathers voice. “Welcome my dear kingdom. We are so incredibly excited to celebrate with you, our newest edition to the Iron Vow. Damien Healson!” The crowd cheered while Damien jogged up the stairs, taking his place next to my father. “We are so grateful for his hard work and dedication to the job, as we continue to fight the dreaded dragons.” The people clapped and cheered again.

  “So please, eat, dance, drink. Tonight we celebrate a great success for this kingdom.” The audience clapped once again and the music started up.

  My father patted Damien on the back and congratulated him personally, words I couldn’t quite hear, but my father must have said something funny because Damien laughed, throwing his head back slightly.

  “Yes, your majesty,” Damien chuckled, his eyes finding me over my fathers shoulder. My mom took my dads hand, pulling him down the stairs, probably so she could start socializing with Damien's mother. Both of them loved sharing the gossip that ran through the kingdom.

  “Damien! Id love to talk shop with you about that horse,” said a man approaching him up the stairs. Damien looked at me briefly in slight annoyance, because he had just started to come my way.

  I smirked in amusement and gestured with my head for him to go along, I'd be fine on my own for awhile.

  “I, uh. Yes.” Damien said, his discomfort quickly replaced with a charming white smile.

  I sighed and walked down the stairs, leaving him to his important conversation. People started to clear out the base of the stairs, moving to the different activities of the night.

  Madeline took my hand in hers once I reached her and gave it a squeeze. “I did such a good job,” she gestured to all of me. Then pushed a wry hair back into place.

  “I agree, I feel… Radiant. Thank you.” I returned the smile, turning side to side to make the dress shimmer. I felt beautiful, like sunlit rain against a powder blue sky.

  Madeline looked over my shoulder, then back at me, “Have fun tonight, let me know when you start dancing.” She said with a raise of her brows. I looked at her a little puzzled, then glanced behind me. Ares was making his way through the crowd in my direction.

  When I looked forward again, Madeline was gone, straight to the food tables.

  Madeline!-

  “Excuse me, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can find the princess?” Ares voice said out of view. My heart skipped a beat.

  “She shouldn’t be too hard to find,” I gathered my courage and faced him, pulling my hands together to rest in front of me. “Why do you ask?” I arched an eye brow.

  Ares clicked his tongue, then surveyed the people around us, leaning down to lower his volume so only I could hear. “I heard she was absolutely stunning tonight. I just had to see her up close for myself,” He smirked.

  My heart fluttered at that. “Well, try not to drool. I wouldn’t want anyone slipping and getting hurt.”

  Ares chuckled good naturedly, taking his gaze up the stairs to Damien, who was still talking with the man about the horse. More people started to make their way up and take their turn for his attention.

  “I have the feeling I wont see him at all tonight,” I told Ares. Jealousy surfacing from within me.

  “That’s how it goes for every Knight festival. He’s like a celebrity for the next several hours.” Ares shrugged.

  “Even more so with Damien, he was popular before this.”

  “True… If Elsinora had a prince, it would certainly be him,” Ares replied, a soft smile in my direction.

  I rolled my shoulders back away from my ears, hoping to brush off the negative feelings that welled inside me, and returned the smile. “Ares?”

  Here we go… was all I could think, while trying to keep my breathing pattern normal.

  “Yes?” He answered, giving me his full attention. Flirtatious eyes studying my face, sweeping my thoughts out from underneath me.

  “I-I’m starving,” I stammered out. “Care to join me?”

  The corner of his mouth twitched, then he got close to my side and offered his arm for me to take.

  Ares and I had managed to get separated late into the night by our different social circles. As princess I couldn’t entirely revolve it around dancing. I needed to check in with my people, and Ares was swarmed by the magic students he taught on a weekly basis.

  I was outside now with Madeline, in the garden, watching the party goers around us, talking to her about Ares. I was mostly anxious to tell her about when he had asked me to dance.

  Recalling the memory, the particular dance we shared was growing in popularity over the last few years. The pace was slow, bodies usually held close as you spun in a lazy waltz.

  Ares's hand laid on my waist, mine on his shoulder. The others clasped in together and slightly extended. It was a nice way to speak without having to remember too many steps.

  “I can feel his stare boring into the back of my head.” Ares had complained softly. “Its like he’s never seen us dance together before.”

  I had briefly caught Damien’s eye, an unwavering stare and flat expression on his face pointed directly at us while he was stuck in conversation on the stairs above.

  Damien’s words from earlier pricked at my mind. “He might be upset with me from earlier... I wouldnt let him go to war for us.” I whispered back. “He said I was being selfish.”

  Ares sighed and shook his head in disapproval. “A part of being a knight is knowing where someone’s weak points are. Even for him that is a low blow.”

  A sigh escaped me as well while silence and music had fallen between us. Ares looked up at Damien again, almost making sure he was watching then returned the gaze to me, the wheels turning in his head.

  “I have an idea, your majesty.” Ares whispered close. “Follow my lead..."

  Ares’s warm hand on my waist smoothed around to my back, and pressed till our torso's met flush in the middle.

  “Ares…” I said a little breathless, my eyes darting around his face. My heart thrumming in my chest, watching him grin with amusement.

  His cheek lowered to rest against mine, his lips brushing my ear. “Since I probably have about 5 seconds till a sword is at my throat, I might as well make the most of this.”

  “Ares!” I hissed and laughed. He chuckled along, pulling me in tighter. I stiffened with worry and had to remind myself to breathe. Upon an inhale my nose was met with his herbal scent. My shoulders slowly dropped one by one. My long eye lashes brushing his cheek as I blinked. That's when I noticed his hand that held mine was shaking slightly.

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  Was he… Nervous? I scrunched my lips to stop the smile that wanted to form.

  I had wanted to tell Ares how I felt about him, about the proposal; and I let the words nearly jump out of me. But I caught Damien staring at us again, this time his expression was somber instead of cold. He didn’t deserve this.

  I told Madeline about the interaction, while we ate finger foods out by the fountain in the courtyard.

  She fanned herself with a hand, a wiggle of her eye brows followed suit. “Oh my… Sounds like the dress is doing its job.”

  I pushed my shoulder gently into hers, a blush and smile seeping through as I did.

  It was fun seeing people drunk trying to walk straight, and laugh with one another. Seeing them with this freedom, their carefree souls gave me a glimmer of hope and purpose for my impending future. This is what I would be protecting.

  I lived for moments like these, I lived for balls, music and dancing. Something about it all lifted my sunken spirits every time. Letting my body move to the rhythm of my favorite songs and joining others in the swell of a magic in and of itself. It was my happy place.

  Damien was off by the fountain being adored by anyone and everyone. He had hardly gotten to sit down and eat with all the fuss around him. He had told his dragon story at least twenty times in the last hour. I could tell he was getting tired.

  “I should save him…” I told Madeline, she sidled next to me with a goblet of her own wine and sipped generously.

  “Maybe ask him to dance,” she suggested. I watched Damien’s eyes droop as he forced a laugh at someone’s witty comment. He was surrounded by a hoard of girls in varying ages. They hung onto his every word like he was the very star that would grant their wishes.

  One girl reached out and touched his arm as she said something funny, He smiled but it didn’t meet his eyes. The apathetic gaze met mine, and that’s when the smile faltered.

  “Hun, I think you better go get him,” Madeline said wide eyed as she watched the circle of girls hone in on their prey.

  I handed Madeline my plate, and my punch to which she sipped from with no hesitation. Sometimes I wish she had more manners, but truth was that I was done drinking it anyways. It would be a shame for it to go to waste.

  “Wish me luck,” I told her and sauntered my way over to him. His eyes never left mine as I approached, the relief evident in his shoulders once they relaxed when I neared.

  “You are so brave!” Swooned a pretty brunette girl taking his arm. Damien awkwardly refused to be rude and froze as she hung on him.

  “Tell us about how you defeated the Dragon, again please?” Another girl whined.

  “I think three times is enough,” I smiled kindly at them. Some of them gasped, turning to me and bowing.

  “Lets give him some air, poor thing fought a dragon and now he’s here telling bedtime stories,” I winked.

  I eyed the girl that held his arm, and she returned it with a bit if stubbornness. Everyone looked back at her, and after a moment she finally broke under the pressure.

  Damien offered his uninjured arm to me and I slid mine into the crook of his elbow.

  “Goodnight ladies,” he said with a nod to either side of him. Some of them pouted, and others sighed heavily. I couldn’t help but chuckle as we walked away.

  Instead of dancing, we made our way to a secluded bench in the garden. We could see the whole party from it, and still be alone. The full moonlight casting a blueish glow on our faces.

  “So, tell me the story,” I teased, trying to break the ice between us. Damien sat down with a groan, and leaned back on the bench. He shook his head in exhaustion.

  “You didn’t hear it the last thirty times I said it?” He chuckled. I smiled and sat next to him, taking in his face in the moonlight. “Thank you, by the way. You saved me. I felt like that rotisserie boar they had cooking on the spit,” Damien ran a hand down his face.

  “I hope its okay I stepped in...” I said.

  “I am so glad you did,” he said sitting up and putting his injured arm around my shoulders. “I noticed you had your own puppy following you around.”

  I knew instantly he was talking about Ares. “He was just keeping me company. The three of us always spend parties together, thats nothing new.”

  “I think tonight he wanted more than your company.” Damien sighed. “Not that I don’t blame him, especially is that dress,” His gaze lingered below my shoulders for a moment. I smoothed my long curled hair over my shoulder to sweeten the view for him.

  “Wait-… I'm not jealous or anything…” His eyes wandered around me, contemplating his answer. “No,” his expression turned a little weak. “Maybe…”

  “Well you don’t look so bad yourself,” I leaned into him. He chuckled, and undid his top collar button like it was suffocating him.

  “Ill admit, I think this monkey suit is designed to make the women crazy, so the birth rates for Iron Knights goes up.” Damien plucked a piece of lint off the sleeve.

  I giggled and covered my mouth with a hand delicately. He looked back at me a sultry air about him now. “Its working, huh? ”

  Heat flooded my cheeks, a sheepish nod following. “Just a little,” I giggled again.

  “Eight kids doesn’t seem impossible now?” He chuckled.

  I smirked, a single laugh caught in my throat. His happy expression melted into somberness, thoes baby blues filled with the realization of his words.

  We wouldn’t get to experience any of that together. It was like we kept forgetting the doom that hung over us. It made me wish I could go back to a time where politics didn’t rule my life. When life was so simple and carefree with him.

  Damien cleared his throat in the awkwardness. The elephant in the room felt like it was sitting between us now. Waiting for one of us to acknowledge its existence.

  I worried talking wouldn’t solve anything. If anything, from my experience, it made things worse with him.

  Looking up at Damien and meeting his wounded gaze, trying to find some middle ground; I moved in and met his soft lips with mine, closing my eyes.

  Damien reached out with his dislocated shoulder and winced. I pulled away, regret filling me.

  “You should be resting,” I whispered.

  “A dislocated shoulder is like a paper cut at this point,” he smiled and pulled my head in to kiss before I could protest. I gave up, sinking into him like a soft pillow.

  This was the most I had kissed him since before the dragon raid last year. Part of me worried it was fueled by imminent goodbyes, or jealousy. My heart ached at the thought. Though my body was excited and responding, I felt a bit empty. Like it was simply to satisfy some sort of wanting to be held. Some anchor of familiarity.

  Before I knew it my hands were in his hair. Our breathing becoming ragged and heavy. His free hand was on my thigh, my waist, my neck.

  “Damien.” I sighed, pulling away somewhat. Wanting to admit the truth to him, to remove the weight on my soul about us, about all of this.

  But before he could reply, a cough made us jump. We quickly separated, embarrassed about how awkward it must have been to watch. I felt the pink in my cheeks deepen, and Damien seemed more angry then anything. This kept happening, and it was understandably frustrating.

  “Oh, uh, sorry…” Ares interrupted and laughed. Damien and I sighed in relief it was just him. Had it been either of our parents we would have gotten an ear full.

  “Get on with it Ares,” Damien grumbled, getting right to the point.

  “Sheesh, lighten up buttercup. Kiss her later, okay? I was told to tell you that Elis needs to see you. The party is almost over and its urgent," Ares put his hands on his hips in a sassy fashion.

  “Ellis? Now?” Damien groaned.

  Ares gave him a expression that asked if he looked like he was kidding. “Yeah, and it seemed very important,” he said annoyed.

  My throat went dry. What could Elis want with Damien? A pit started to form in my stomach.

  Damien looked back at me and rolled his eyes. “If I’m not back in ten minutes, come find me,” he said giving me a final passionate kiss. “I have something I need to tell you, I promise ill try and be quick,” he said about to jog away.

  “Bye,” I sighed.

  “He’s waiting in the kings office,” Ares said. Damien glared at him and picked up the pace.

  The kings office... Then it must be official business like I thought. I didn’t think my heart could sink anymore than it had.

  “You’d think he'd be in a better mood,” Ares joked. Waiting till Damien was out of ear shot to speak.

  “Well…” I said with a shrug.

  “Hey, I am just the messenger.” He put up both of his hands defensively. His lips broke into a smile and sat next to me on the bench.

  “You don’t know why they asked to see him?” I furrowed my brow.

  “No idea, I’m sure its nothing. You know how Ellis can come off too serious about unserious things,” he said simply and swirled his hand to make a lantern come out of his palm. Now I could see his face clearly. “Maybe its about Archibald coming soon.”

  He made a good point, that relieved some of my nerves. Yet something about this didn’t sit right. But maybe that was just my anxiety talking.

  “I am sorry for interrupting...” He said with some regret as I watched him closely. Ares set the lantern down on the table behind the bench.

  I didn’t reply, because I didn’t totally believe him.

  He looked up at the stars for a moment, then back to me. “Did you have a good night at least?”

  I laughed once, shying from his gaze and nodding. “I think I ate half the dessert table.”

  Ares laughed, “I had a suspicion it was you.” I shoved his arm. This made him laugh harder. “The servers were so confused where they kept disappearing too.”

  I covered my face with both of my hands to hide my embarrassment and laughed along.

  “My sweet tooth will get me in serious trouble one of these times. And don’t act like you weren’t inhaling all the cake, I saw you on your third slice.” I chuckled. Ares shook his head in mock disappointment, wanting to protest, but ultimately surrendering.

  Our laughter subsided and I looked at the people leaving over the bridge, torches and lanterns trickling off the castle grounds. Crickets filled the moment of silence, fireflies bobbing around the garden.

  “I need to apologize Jade,” Ares said quietly.

  I raised my eyebrow skeptically. “What for?”

  Ares's tone became a little stressed, “I’m sorry about our conversation earlier. I realize I put you in an awkward position about me, being an option for marriage,” he avoided eye contact. “I promise my heart was in the right place… I know I’m not the most likeable person to you. But seeing you worried this week about the arranged marriage-…”

  “You were just trying to help, I understand.” I smiled with no teeth. Ares relaxed his shoulders and breathed out a little and smiled back. “May I ask you a question?” I said then made myself more comfortable on the bench.

  “Of course,” he played with the necklace in his hand, moving the crystal charm that hung there side to side along the metal chain.

  “I don’t want to sound too bold…” I looked down at my hands.

  “That’s kind of our thing, Jade,” Ares chuckled. “Don’t start being nice to me now,” his eyes squinting as he laughed.

  I shrugged a single shoulder. “Alright then… Was Damien the reason you didn’t ask me sooner?” I pressed my lips together and looked up at Ares through my lashes. Afraid he would cast a spell on me for being forward.

  “Partially,” Ares glanced at me, but took his gaze to the night sky. “And partially because…I-…"

  “… Its not just as an escape plan for me…” I said quietly.

  Before I could say anything further, Ares stood up with his hands on his hips and paced back and forth. There was a bit of a pause in the conversation as he looked anywhere but me. It was like when his hand was shaking at the dance, he was nervous. But now his whole body couldn’t keep still.

  “Ares…” I called softly. He stopped in the middle of the path, facing away from me. My heart rate began to gallop. “Its me then?...The girl you said you had your eye on?…”

  The air between us fell deathly silent. His hands grew antsy and flexed in and out of fists while he adjusted his stance.

  Looking to the side, but not at me, his brow was furrowed.“…Its always been you, Jade.” He admitted, closing his eyes like he was waiting for a punch.

  “All this time?” I asked, my tone barely above a whisper.

  He ran a hand through his dark shoulder length hair, and kicked a pebble with his foot. “Since the day I met you.” A breath of relief leaving him in a laugh.

  I began to speak again, but he cut me off. “I have loved you, since the moment you came to see me in the infirmary.”

  My heart was running at this point, and I didn’t know how to answer. Everything in me wanted to tell him I felt the same, but I couldn’t. The guilt settled in my stomach. What was I doing? I leave in two weeks, and Damien-… This was wrong.

  My heart beat begged to differ. It had fallen for Ares a long time ago. This was a mess. I shouldn’t have listened to Maddie. I should have ignored Ares all night.

  The way Ares was looking at me over his shoulder, his sweet puppy eyes, vulnerable and waiting for my response. Perhaps he deserved some truth.

  “Ares, I-" I kept my volume low enough that only he could hear me. “If I say how I feel, it wont change anything, I leave in two weeks…”

  Ares eyes blinked rapidly at my words, a bit of confusion written on his face. He finally turned to face me.

  “What do you mean how you feel?” his chest rose and fell, like had had sprinted a mile. A smile threatening to break through him.

  “It wont-”

  He closed his eyes and waved his hand for me to stop talking. “I don’t really care for that part,” he laughed, closing his eyes to continue processing what I just said. “You feel something for me?”

  I opened my mouth to answer him, then quickly closed it before I admitting anything straight out. “I should go look for Damien,” I panicked and stood, smoothing out my dress.

  “Jade,” a sad inflection in his voice.

  “I can’t,” I told him, shaking my head. Realizing I had made a mistake.

  “You can’t or you won’t admit you have feelings for me?” Ares asked quietly. “I know you felt something for me during the dragon raid. I know over the last several months since, you have been avoiding me. I know this morning, you knew marrying me wouldn’t be half bad, I’m willing to bet you actually thought it’d be nice.” Ares licked his lips before talking again, a sternness in his eyes now. “Dancing with you tonight… I haven’t seen you that relaxed in months.”

  I stopped in my tracks and looked back at him. Standing there amongst the flowers, a heart on the verge of breaking.

  “I have spent so long, waiting for this very moment. I have dreamed for those words to fall off your lips, Jade…” He chuckled a bit deliriously. “Break me if you must, but please don’t deny me those words.”

  “I-" I felt my legs trembling under me as I stared at him. My own heart hurting at his words. My throat tightening, that first sign I felt before I cried.

  “I’m sorry Ares-” I shuffled my stance, inhaling as best as I could to keep my composure. “This was a mistake,” my voice faltering before turning and walking away, leaving him alone in the garden.