Thomas did not even have time to greet Malcolm; the few times he caught his eyes, Malcolm looked away, his face becoming even colder.

  Everything happened so fast. After the knights of the Order had found Ava, the next few days were a blur, for Thomas, for the children, likely too. Whenever Thomas would ask Ava what she’d spoken to Malcolm about, instead of grief and instead of guilt, Thomas saw it briefly.

  Flickers of hate.

  After a few days, Ava finally gave Thomas orders, orders he missed so dearly. He smiled and sighed as if he’d been reunited with an old comfort, but it had only been months since they’d landed in the Levant.

  “Thomas,” Ava said, sitting on her bed, in the same room they’d shared for so long now.

  “We’re leaving. Tonight will be our last stay here; tomorrow, we leave Tyre.”

  “Where will we go?” his brow raised a twitch.

  “North.” Ava continued. “Far away from the Marshal. The Order will follow Louis, and Louis will follow the other Great Kings to Jaffa in pursuit of Saladin.”

  She exhaled.

  “If they are going south to Jerusalem, we will go north. Now pack your things, and help the children too.”

  Her face darkened, “And keep an eye on Khalid.”

  …

  Ava prayed that morning wouldn’t come.

  Dawn crept into the room, as always, Thomas was awake, ready, and early. She’d noticed he had a tendency to wake up before her.

  Sign of a loyal soldier, Reynard called it. It was a shame that the knight Thomas had entrusted his loyalty to was her.

  “Morning, Deputy—”

  “No more of that,” Ava said. “From today onwards, I am no longer your superior. Understood?”

  Ava looked away as she rose and got ready for the day.

  “It’s.. It’s just Ava now, okay?”

  Thomas fidgeted with his hair before replying.

  “Understood, Deputy—um, Ava.”

  “Good.” She nodded firmly, “Did you check on the children? How are they?”

  “They’re awake, ready to leave. I checked the boy’s belongings; all he has is the wooden sword from training and the dagger you gave him…”

  She sighed. That dagger. Was it already too late to steer him away from bloodshed?

  “Let him keep the dagger.” She murmured, “Dangerous as it is, he needs to defend himself. I can’t shield him from the horrors of the Holy Land forever…”

  Her gaze drifted to the wicker basket she had filled the other day with apples and cheese for Grainne.

  “Thomas, can you get the children ready and to the stables? I need to handle something.”

  A brief smile crept upon Thomas’ lips.

  “Understood, I’ll do it immediately, Deputy—Ava.”

  …

  Ava approached the stables where Grainne had been stationed during their time in Tyre. Her close companion neighed loudly as Ava approached.

  The white mare stood proudly in her pen, her blue and white battle armor hanging neatly along the stall’s frame, polished even after days without travel. Straw lay scattered across the ground where she had clearly been rooting through it for comfort, and the water trough beside her was nearly empty.

  Of course, Ava hadn’t visited for days now. Grainne must’ve thought she’d been abandoned.

  “There, there, Grainne, I’m here now,” Ava whispered as she petted Grainne’s mane through the stable doors.

  The mare snorted softly and turned her head away, refusing the embrace at first. Ava had always doted on Grainne, and Captain Reynard would tease her for spoiling her mount. At the time, she took great offence to it.

  Now, she would do anything to have Reynard tease her.

  The white mare reared her head slightly and stepped aside, avoiding Ava’s touch for a moment, clearly offended by her absence. Grainne’s temperament was never the easiest to manage. But Ava knew the mare well enough to know she would come around.

  “I’m sorry~” Ava continued softly, “I just… had some things to take care of. I missed you too, Grainne, so, so much.”

  Her voice began to break, the calm softness in it slowly giving way to something heavier. She pressed her head onto Grainne’s.

  “I still miss you, Grainne…”

  …

  Double-mounted yet again, Ava and Thomas rode through the gates of Tyre. Ava rode Grainne with Khalid behind her, while Thomas carried Ari on the horse behind him. Ava had pestered Thomas countless times to give his horse a name, something to help him connect with it, but each time, he had put it off.

  They rode along the shores of the Levant, the dazzling blue sea stretching beside them. The blazing sun hung low on the horizon, glaring into their eyes as they traveled north.

  Grainne’s hooves struck the sandy shore in a steady rhythm, spraying grains of sand behind her as she surged ahead. Ava could barely keep hold of the wicker basket she carried, whilst Thomas and Ari struggled to keep pace. Grainne was a warhorse bred from the finest pedigree and trained for years; there was no chance the other horse could match her stride.

  Ava pulled Grainne’s reins, signaling her to slow. As she did, her hair was swept back by the wind, catching the shifting gusts and flowing freely like a banner.

  She felt the familiar rise and fall of Grainne’s stride beneath her. The gentle rhythm of the ride stirred old memories, her first days with the white mare, simpler days that eased her heart, if only slightly.

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  The sky above them was a deep blue. Heavy waves crashed nearby, sending cool droplets of seawater against Ava’s cheeks. High above, seagulls circled and cried, a familiar sound along the Levantine coast.

  With every gallop, the city of Tyre got smaller in the distance.

  …

  Ava noticed it first, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not ignore it.

  In the far distance, a village lay in ruins. And at its center stood a church in decay, its stone tower cracked and hollow.

  She turned toward Thomas. His face twisted in the same quiet agony.

  There was no mistaking where they were.

  “Let’s stop here for today, Thomas,” Ava said quietly. “The sun is about to set.”

  Three of them dismounted, and Ava stayed atop Grainne. The moment Ari slipped off Thomas’ horse, she sprinted toward the ocean, skipping and darting across the sand toward the vast blue sea. When she reached the water, she let out a loud scream, her eyes wide with wonder.

  “Whoa!” she exclaimed.

  Ava smiled faintly. Ari was learning the language more slowly than Khalid, but she was learning all the same. Small phrases like that seemed to come easily to her.

  Khalid climbed down from Grainne next. His hair fell over his face, hiding his expression. Unlike Ari, he approached the sea slowly, dragging his feet across the sand, leaving long lines in his wake.

  Samira… Samira…

  Ava watched him from atop Grainne with quiet concern as he walked toward the water, hugging himself tightly. The anger he had carried for so long seemed to have faded, replaced with something emptier. Something colder.

  “Ava, would you like me to hold your things while you get off?” Thomas asked.

  She blinked. Ava had forgotten she was still holding the basket of apples, carrying it for days now, ever since Tyre, since before the Order had arrived.

  “No thank—”

  She hesitated, then changed her mind.

  “Yes, please, Thomas.”

  Thomas stepped forward, taking the basket from her hands before offering his other hand to help her down from Grainne. The two shared a brief smile before the words Malcolm had told her resurfaced in her mind.

  “Captain Reynard is dead.”

  Her footing weakened, and if not for Thomas, she would’ve found herself falling face-first in the sand.

  “Ava!” Thomas exclaimed, “Are you okay?”

  She nodded meekly.

  “Yeah, I’m fine, let’s start making camp—"

  The sight of Ari wading through the sea, her face filled with glee, softened her heart. How she splashed Khalid with saltwater, and how he did his best to ignore her.

  “Actually, let the children enjoy the sea for a bit. Youthful innocence is rare in this land; we’d best let them play for a while longer.”

  She paused, then lightly patted Thomas on the shoulder.

  “You too, Thomas. My last order is for you to enjoy yourself. Okay? Gaze upon the sea, take in the sights, this is meant to be the birthplace of our Lord, it is a beautiful land, if only it were not scarred by the avarice of man…”

  Ava saw Thomas look at the sea, then to her again, and then a wide grin emerged on his face.

  “Yes, Ava!”

  …

  Ava walked slightly down the shore, still close enough to hear the cheers of Thomas, Ari, and Khalid, but far enough so that she could not make out precise details.

  There was another reason she walked down here, though.

  Ava turned her head to the village behind her, tiny and distant along the horizon, to the hilltop she had scouted from a month prior. Memories of war flooded her mind. Her sickness of the soul ached.

  She had killed far too many in Fiana.

  On her left, she smiled as she took in the sight, a sight she never thought she’d see in the Holy Land.

  Ari was the most energetic. She flailed and splashed the two boys with seawater constantly, with a grin on her face. All the while, she would pick up strange orbs, shaped like horns, and press them near her ear. As she did, she yelled.

  “It’s roaring! It’s roaring!”

  Thomas had taken off his crusader armor, revealing a plain white top and dark grey trousers. It suited him; he looked like a regular boy in it, not scarred by the pains of war.

  Ava shook her head quickly, not boy, he was growing up into a fine man.

  Khalid kept his distance, Ari would exclaim and fling her fingers to no avail; he stayed in place, staring outwards. Perhaps the sea was important to him, too.

  Grainne had always been a happy mare, sure, she could be brash, maybe a bit entitled, but she was a happy mare. Ava knew this from the day she’d first ridden her.

  The white mare gnawed and nibbled on the apples Ava had bought in Tyre, occasionally knocking a few off onto the sandy beach. When she did, she would neigh repeatedly until Thomas or Ari would pick it up and dust it off for her. But even still, Ava knew she was happy deep down.

  Ava gazed out across the horizon. She’d made sure no one had seen it yet, but underneath her travelling cloak, she carried it, the sword Malcolm gave to her. Reynard’s legacy. Her stare lingered beyond the sea, her mind remembering simpler days, days with Constance, with Grainne.

  Days with Philip.

  Philip… Where are you right now? What are you doing? Are you still alive? Are you still in France? …No. I can tell. You’re still with us, and you left France, didn’t you? I want to see you so badly. There’s so much I need to ask. Perhaps God will cause our paths to cross once again. I pray for it every night.

  “Hey, Ava!” Thomas yelled, “What are you doing over there all alone!”

  Thomas walked up to Ava as she unraveled Silveredge in front of him.

  “Come on, don’t you want to play in the sea—”

  He stopped, his eyes met the sword.

  “Ava…” he began, “That sword… is that what I think it is…”

  She nodded as she rose from the floor, dusting the sand off her.

  “Yeah, it is,” Ava muttered, her head hung dejectedly.

  “Captain Reynard gave it to me…”

  Thomas edged closer, in awe of the lustrous shine of the weapon.

  “I knew it wasn’t a myth!” he exclaimed, “How did Reynard have Silveredge? I heard it was lost years ago!”

  Ava stood completely quiet, watching the waves rumble and turn over on the shore, Thomas continued.

  “Speaking of, where is Reynard—”

  “Thomas.” Ava cut him off, her tone as sharp as the blade she carried.

  “Do you recognize where we’re standing right now?”

  His face dropped, then he looked around the sand, at the faint traces of men that had camped here before, of the occasional waterskin and bottle of ale that had been drunk.

  “Ava, this is—”

  “Yeah.” Her gaze rose to the sea, “This is where we camped with the Third and Fourth Company, before the raid on Fiana…”

  She took multiple steps forward, holding Silveredge straight upright with one hand.

  “The conversation we had that night, about the true nature of what it meant to be a crusader?” Her voice broke, merely a fraction, but it began to strain, “Do you remember it?”

  “Y-yes,” he stuttered, “I do, Brother Malcolm told me to exercise restraint, whilst you advocate for action… am I wrong?”

  Ava did not respond; she merely looked over to the two children, Khalid and Ari. The words of Bishop Alexei came back to her.

  I fear the road you walk is stained in blood. When you have finished the path of the Crusader, visit me again. We will pray for those whose lives you have taken.

  Waves continued to crash upon the coast. Malcolm’s voice rattled in her brain.

  The next time you try to play hero, the next time you think you can save both sides, remember there are those who fight for you.

  Ava looked once more; her horse, her beloved Grainne, had finished her apples, and she now grazed the desolate beach.

  Grainne…

  The words of her spiritual mentor rang through the shores.

  Justice. Mercy. Humility. All three are threads of the same cloth. If you pull one free and cast the others aside, the whole unravels

  “Thomas.” Ava finally replied, and he saw him perk at the sudden noise.

  “Yes, Ava?”

  “I, I was thinking about that night. About what it means to be a crusader…”

  Her voice quietened.

  “To protect Christians, to value the sanctity of all life, how do I do both at the same time? I save one side, and the other retaliates… is it even possible? How do I keep my hands free from the stains of war?”

  Tears welled in her eyes as they fell down. Upon reaching Silveredge, her tears were split perfectly in two, the blade edge sharp enough to slice even the tiniest of things.

  “Ava, are you okay?” Thomas placed a hand on her shoulder.

  “Do you think we were wrong to save those children?” she whispered under her breath.

  “What did you say?”

  “Nothing.”

  She took one more step forward, freeing herself from Thomas’s grip, and tightened her grip on Silveredge; her grip became so tight her knuckles were white.

  “Say, Thomas, do you think this land will ever be at peace? Do you think that one day we can create a land without this vicious cycle, this cycle of killing, this cycle where even children are dragged through the hands of war?”

  Thomas lay quiet.

  “Because.” Ava’s voice began to break.

  “Because—if not, then all of this is meaningless, then how are we meant to exert His justice on Earth?”

  She turned, finally facing Thomas.

  “Because if not.” Her face contorted into a ball of guilt.

  “Then Reynard joined the pile of corpses beneath my feet for nothing.”

  >>End of Book 1<<

  Some things to expect moving forward: this series will be four books long, with two books set in 1191AD, the other two set in 1196AD. Whilst Ava is the central main character, there are two other pretty large plot threads (Philip, Louis) that will be getting covered.

  P.S: I tricked you all into reading a 90k-word prologue :P

  Thank you for finishing the second arc, “Land of Sorrow.”