Hajime, none the wiser to the taboo he awkwardly created, says:
“Now that the bureaucratic portion of this tour is finished… what else do you have to show?”
Deus replies:
“Next stop on the tour is the place of holy worship by the angels: The Bureaucropolis. Pay attention Hero, and don’t disrespect the hard work of the clerks!”
Hajime follows Adael into a multi-floor chamber reminiscent of a mosaic of staircases going in every direction and nowhere at the same time. He sees angels in multi-spatial cubicles writing all sorts of nonsense—paperwork that nobody will ever care about, yet somehow must be done.
Hajime whistles and says:
“Damn… that is truly a pointless endeavor.”
Deus snaps:
“Watch your tongue, Hero! Their work is integral to the functioning of reality.”
Hajime responds:
“Are you sure you’re not running a sweatshop disguised as a legitimate business?”
Deus, confused:
“They do sweat, and they do shopping? I don’t see what that has to do with holy bureaucracy.”
Hajime thinks: Does she not understand what I’m implying?
Valiant chimes in:
“She understands the words, but the meaning is lost in translation.”
Deus, trying way too hard to sound hip:
“Of course I get it! Let’s sweat-shop it up, BABY!”
Hajime groans:
“Ughhhh… please just keep being yourself.”
Deus proudly:
“Of course I’ll be me! When have I ever been someone else?”
Hajime chooses silence.
Deus continues:
“The Bureaucropolis was designed by the Council of Administratum Terminalis—angels of the highest premium tier who like to be managers in their spare time.”
Hajime asks:
“Spare time? Then what do they do full-time?”
Deus answers:
“They design ads for mortals who play a part in our grand designs.”
Hajime:
“When was the last time they were physically present in this room?”
Deus thinks:
“Probably… since the inception of the administration.”
Hajime:
“So they’re never here to supervise reality?”
Deus:
“They don’t have much spare time, they’re full-time producing ads for mortals.”
Hajime:
“That explains why reality sucks.”
Deus:
“Everything is working as intended. That is the beauty of bureaucracy.”
Hajime mutters:
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
“…Everything works out and nobody knows why.”
Deus beams:
“Exactly! I knew you were quick on the uptake!”
Deus finishes a long explanation:
“…and that is how the first ad was created for the consumer.”
Hajime, with black frustration lines on his face:
“I think I’m familiar enough with this room… anywhere else?”
Deus:
“Yes! Now let’s go to the Talentorium.”
They leave the angelic floors and descend to the mortal-tier strata of the citadel.
Deus continues proudly:
“The Talentorium: our first and greatest achievement in expanding to the mortal realm.”
Hajime:
“So this is where you harvest the victims.”
Deus slips:
“Yes, this is where we harvest the v—talents!”
Hajime raises an eyebrow. She almost confirmed it.
Deus resumes:
“Through prayer and monetization we permit prospective idols to sell their expertise to the parent company.”
Hajime:
“Meaning you—”
Deus interrupts:
“ We devote resources to our highest earners and provide basic assistance to mediocre ones.”
Hajime:
“That’s to be expected…”
Deus continues:
“All idols must promote our Safe-For-Work values and behave properly on all things ToS.”
Hajime stops her:
“Hold it!”
Deus:
“What is it, Prop?”
Hajime:
“Explain to me why Elnora can do bathtub streams and use my underwear as collateral?”
Deus:
“Because she’s above the rules.”
Hajime:
“That’s totally unfair to the other talents!”
Deus, unimpressed:
“Yes. And?”
They wait a few seconds in suspense.
Adael and Deus spit dramatically:
“Fair competition is heresy, Hajime. Abandon that ideal from your world.”
Hajime thinks: This is insane.
Deus:
“You’re the crazy one! This is standard procedure. Do I need to put you through the Educational Course?”
Hajime gulps:
“Educational… course?”
Deus:
“Yes. The place where people like you are told what to think and never ask questions.”
Hajime, terrified:
“No thanks… I’ll manage.”
Deus quietly makes a note to send him educational-seminar ads later. Hajime shivers.
Deus continues:
“Our talents are numerous and they entertain the tastes of the modern audience to the fullest.”
Hajime:
“Is that the mythical modern audience that everyone tries to cater to but rarely succeeds in retaining?”
Deus:
“I wouldn’t put it like that, but sure.”
Hajime:
“You know that’s a recipe for failure.”
Deus:
“Hold your tongue. This business model has worked since the creation of orb magic-tech!”
Hajime:
“Is it because you’re too big to fail?”
Deus repeats dramatically:
“Too big to fail… Too big to fail…”
Hajime:
“Deus?”
Deus:
“Those words resonate with me. I’m going to engrave them into my desk later.”
Hajime decides to shut up.
Hajime continued the tour that Deus so graciously provided. He decided to just zone out and stop commenting. The fear of changing the world for the worse—himself—was too much to bear. Recognizing that the patron goddess of this world was a whimsical, irresponsible CEO willing to do anything for profit, he chose not to give her ideas. He entered a Zen state that would put cultivators to shame, and began cultivating his sanity.
Deus says:
“This is the end of the Citadel tour. You may mingle or wait in your room for the Saintess Selection. It was a pleasure. Please rate your experience.”
A floating pop-up appears before Hajime. It is already set to five stars. He has no choice.
He clicks it.
“Thank you for the tour.”
Deus:
“You may visit me at 11 Angelic Time for future Heroic Expansion Counseling.”
The screen turns off.
Adael sighs:
“Now I have to go back to the desk… see you later, Hero!”
She leaves Hajime in the main lobby on the mortal-tier subscription floor.
Hajime sighs.
“Am I forgetting something?”
He flexes his fingers and feels a cold metallic sensation.
“Ah—I remember. I forgot to ask how to contact Morrigad.”
The skull ring flashes with ominous balefire light.
