Chapter 37

  Greenhollow’s Heroes

  Quest Complete: Greenhollow’s Heroes?

  You saved the village.

  Good job.

  Reward: Arcane Spectacles of Perception

  The lazy bastards.

  What sort of quest completion message was that? No, ‘what an outstanding effort, Pete. You absolute stud of a man! You showed that portal and all its little minions who’s boss. And, more importantly, you looked damn stylish while doing it.’

  Just a plain, old ‘good job.’

  I brushed the thought aside and turned my attention to the quest reward. I’m not going to lie — I was a little disappointed when I saw the name. I had visions of old-man glasses, similar to what Tarlin wore. The item’s icon did nothing to dispel my concerns; the image was of the most generic-looking pair of glasses you could possibly imagine.

  I suppressed my feelings of displeasure for a moment and read the item’s description:

  Arcane Spectacles of Perception

  Look cool. See magic. Ideally in that order.

  Equipping the glasses grants the following bonuses:

  + 3 intelligence

  + Allows the wearer to see magical auras

  + Reveals hidden enchantments and arcane traps

  + Displays the strength of spells via aura intensity

  Note: The effects of this item can be obscured or deceived by sufficiently powerful magic.

  I felt my disappointment fade away as I read the description. Look cool? That sounded promising. And the bonuses? They were pretty damn useful.

  I withdrew the item from my inventory…

  They were not ‘old-person glasses’ in the slightest.

  They were sunglasses.

  Thin black frames. Dark lenses. Very... modern.

  Almost reverently, I put them on.

  Now, you might be saying to yourself, ‘But Pete, you can’t wear those glasses. You’d be betraying the whole premise of peasant chic!’

  My response to that? Don’t be ridiculous. With all the time they spend outside, peasants should be more diligent than anyone else when it comes to UV damage to the eyes. If anything, by wearing the sunglasses, I might inspire a new trend that protects the eyesight of peasants across the entire Trial zone.

  When I put the glasses on, other than the world becoming a little darker, there was no sign of the magical effects. It was only when the thought ‘huh, how does this thing work?’ went through my mind that it seemed to activate.

  The sight of the portal almost burned my eyes out. Jeez, the ‘Lord’s sorcerer’ hadn’t been lying to Tarlin when he said the power involved in summoning the portal was immense. However, as I looked at it from the corner of my vision with squinted eyes, it soon became apparent that the energy was fading. And fast. Within a minute or so, it no longer felt like someone was assaulting my eyes with a blowtorch.

  Now that the light of the portal wasn’t so overwhelming, I noticed another, much weaker source of magical energy.

  My clothes.

  Although the glasses couldn’t identify the purpose of the effects, I already knew what they were: the self-repair and self-clean functions. They emitted a gentle aura, but one of them was flaring a little brighter, almost as if it were angry. I could only assume that was the self-clean function. I understood the anger. I’d be pretty pissed too if I had to cleanse buckets’ worth of spider gunk.

  I mentally dismissed the effect and turned to face Rel, curious about what he’d received.

  He was staring at me, and his jealousy was blatantly obvious.

  “It pains me greatly to admit this, but you look pretty damn cool,” he said. He raised a paw, and I saw a squirrel-sized ring resting on his palm. “I’ll trade you.”

  “No can do, buddy,” I said. “It’s clear what the system’s intentions were by giving me this item. They want me to serve as the official figurehead in the fight against the UV damage epidemic currently ravaging the peasant population.”

  “You could've just said no,” he replied. “You didn’t have to make up some bullshit reason.”

  I shrugged. He just didn’t understand.

  “What does the ring do?” I asked.

  Ring of Arcane Resilience

  Equipping this item grants the following bonus:

  + 3 durability

  + 1 intelligence

  + 5% spell damage

  Huh.

  On the surface, the item was pretty damn powerful. Compared to my sunglasses, however, it was a little… boring. I guess Rel had used up his share of unique item rewards when he’d received the wand on Floor Six.

  * * *

  As they walked back to the village, Rel was frustrated.

  He would never admit it aloud, but he was not entirely certain he could have defeated the portal boss without Pete’s intervention. As well as being fast and strong, the creature had been frustratingly… durable. Its shell had possessed a stubborn resistance to magic. Even when channelled through his wand, his lightning had failed to deliver the decisive devastation he had expected.

  And the creature’s attacks? Rel almost shuddered at the thought of the damage he would have suffered had one of those razor-tipped legs struck him.

  He shook his head, dismissing the image.

  It was further proof that he had much work still to do. However, the challenges posed by Floors Six and Seven had not been without reward. He had learned a new spell, and both Floors had pushed him to his limits, forcing him to utilise his magic in genuinely dangerous situations.

  As a result, given the timeframe, his stat gains had been significant. And his ring, though not the most exciting of items, was undoubtedly powerful. Not only that, but his wand provided a considerable boost to his intelligence.

  Current strength: 18

  Current durability: 25

  Current agility: 25

  Current intelligence: 34

  As he examined his stats, a thought occurred to him.

  The leaderboard.

  The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  A small smile played at the corners of his mouth when he saw that he had climbed back up to seventh place for total stat gains.

  That was only the beginning.

  You had better watch out, Pete. First place will be mine before the Trial is over.

  * * *

  Once the fact that they were safe had finally sunk in, I quickly learned something new about the goblins.

  They knew how to party.

  Preparations for the celebrations were carried out with the same enthusiasm and dedication as the preparations for the defences had been.

  Firewood was assembled for a huge bonfire in the village square, the cellar of the tavern was plundered for barrels and bottles of alcohol, and goblins rushed out to gather a random orchestra of instruments. Some – like the drums – I recognised, but they also had bizarre string instruments that looked like the long-lost cousins of a guitar.

  As darkness fell and the village was bathed in the comforting amber light of the fire, I discovered yet another effect of my increased stats – one that I couldn’t quite decide if it was a positive or a negative.

  I couldn’t get drunk.

  Now, I had no idea which stat caused the effect. Perhaps it was durability increasing my resistance to the physical effects of alcohol? Or maybe intelligence resisting the mental effects? Perhaps the two were actually buddies and were working as a team.

  Or – and this is my favourite theory – it was a result of my strength. Maybe my liver was now an absolute beast, flushing that shit out of my system with incredible speed.

  Despite the inability to get drunk, I had a great time.

  However, all good things must eventually end, and Rel and I bid farewell to our goblin friends and set off for the next Floor.

  We received a pleasant and welcome surprise when we reached the tunnel that led to Floor Eight.

  Checkpoint unlocked: A new tunnel is available on Floor One that grants direct access to Floor Eight.

  Rel must have received the notification at the same time because our eyes met instantly.

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he said. “I think we’d better go and check on Kaelis and make sure the guild hasn’t fallen apart.”

  * * *

  As Rel and I made our way through the busy market, I couldn’t help but feel a little smug. Many of the townspeople were admiring my new sunglasses, whispering to their friends and gesturing in my direction.

  Damn, it felt good to be cool.

  My thoughts were interrupted by raised voices coming from one of the nearby stalls. Rel and I shared a look, then headed over to see what was happening. We had to push our way through a crowd that had formed a ring around the stall.

  I could sense the tension in the air. It felt like a mix of frustration and fear.

  For fuck’s sake.

  It was the green, scaly bastard who’d told me about the guild.

  He’d flipped one of the stalls and fruit was scattered across the floor. The vendor himself was cowering, raising his arms placatingly as the Trialist dragged him to his feet by the collar.

  “Look at what you’ve made me do!” the Trialist hissed, waving a hand to indicate the spilled fruit. “You have some nerve, trying to make me pay.”

  The Trialist looked towards the gathered crowd, as if expecting to find them nodding along enthusiastically or perhaps to shout out ‘I can’t believe the nerve of that peasant – expecting a Trialist as glorious as yourself to have to pay? Outrageous!’

  Instead, he was just met by flat stares, anger simmering in the depths of their gaze, but none of them dared to speak out. They felt powerless. They knew that the Trialist was an arrogant douche who deserved to be ran out of town, but what could they do about it?

  And then the Trialist’s eyes found me and Rel. I’d been expecting him to suddenly deflate, all the bluster and righteous indignation abandoning him.

  Instead, our presence seemed to embolden him.

  “You’re about to see what happens to those who disrespect members of The Order of Pete and Rel,” he roared triumphantly. “The Guildmaster has arrived!”

  The crowd followed his eyes and, suddenly, Rel and I were the focus of attention. Whispering erupted amongst the crowd.

  ‘I thought they were the champions of Oakreach…’

  ‘Just like all the others…’

  ‘Surely not…’

  When the Trialist saw the lightning start to arc across the surface of Rel’s paw, his grin deepened, and he turned to look back at the terrified stallholder with a smug ‘see what you’ve done now’ expression plastered all over his face.

  It’s fair to say that the expression fled rather quickly when the bolt of lightning struck him in the chest. The Trialist screamed as he was launched through the air. He travelled nearly ten metres before his body crashed to the ground, rolling several times before coming to a stop.

  Rel and I followed, the crowd close behind. They formed a large ring around us and the Trialist, like some sort of human arena.

  The dazed Trialist pushed himself up into a sitting position, gazing down in horror at his chest. The lightning had scorched the guild symbol from his tabard, the surrounding material blackened by the heat. Little trails of smoke still drifted from it.

  “You arrogant little worm,” said Rel. “You think this behaviour is fitting for a member of The Order of Pete and Rel? Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough during the recruitment process. We do not use our power to intimidate and bully those who are unable to defend themselves.”

  The Trialist attempted to mumble a response, but Rel’s eyes darkened and lightning started to crackle once more across his outstretched paw.

  “Silence! I am speaking now,” snarled Rel. “Your actions today have brought shame upon the guild. I'm now going to have to work hard to repair the damage you have done to our reputation.”

  The intensity of the lightning suddenly grew, and for a moment I thought Rel was just going to blast the scaly bastard into the afterlife.

  He paused for a moment, taking several deep breaths to master his anger.

  “You have one chance, and one chance only,” he continued. “Leave Oakreach immediately. If Pete or I ever see you again, I can promise you that your death will be most unpleasant.”

  The Trialist, the first lightning bolt having clearly fried his brain, tried to speak in an attempt to defend his actions.The words died in his throat when a bolt of lightning crashed into the ground by his feet, covering him in a shower of stone and dirt. He actually looked to the crowd, as if he expected to find some support from the townspeople.

  The guy’s arrogance was off the charts.

  Fortunately, it seemed as if Rel’s words – bolstered rather effectively by the lightning – had finally sunk in. He glared at us both as he rose to his feet, brushing the stone dust off what was left of his tabard and armour. His lips twitched as if he were about to snarl some parting words, but after meeting Rel’s eyes, he clearly thought better of it. It was quite possibly the first wise decision the dumbass had made all day.

  Rel and I watched as his retreating form disappeared around a corner, and then Rel sighed.

  “I’ve been foolish,” he said softly. “In my excitement to start a guild, I’ve overlooked the nature of many of the Trialists. Before we do anything else, we need to speak to Kaelis and ensure nothing like this happens again.”

  With this, we turned to face the crowd. A lot of the fear had faded away now, and while many of them nodded or smiled gratefully, there was still the undeniable presence of distrust and frustration.

  Rel hopped onto his impromptu speaker’s platform – my head – and his eyes drifted over the crowd.

  “I’m sorry,” he began. “I know that many of you will be familiar with our names. You have no doubt heard the story of how we dealt with the Trialists causing trouble in the Oakreach Arms.”

  There were some nods and grumbles of acknowledgment at this.

  “My friend Pete and I made a promise on that day. A promise to make sure that no other Trialists behaved in such a way in Oakreach.”

  His eyes moved to rest on the overturned stall and the fruit littering the ground.

  “What happened here is proof that we have failed. All I can promise is that in the future we will do better.”

  He hopped down and started to gather the discarded fruit. I moved to help him, flipping the table back into the correct position.

  Much of the fruit had been dirtied or trampled during the drama with the Trialist, and the stallholder looked on with despair as he realised his day’s business had been ruined. I walked over to him – and very, very gently – rested a hand on his shoulder.

  “Don’t worry about this,” I said. “The guild’s insurance policy covers any damage done as a result of guild member’s negligence.”

  I withdrew a hundred gold pieces from my inventory. I was pretty damn impressed that rather than it all just coming out at once and clattering to the ground, it appeared in my outstretched palm in an appropriately sized bag.

  The stallholder’s eyes widened so far that for a moment I was worried they’d pop right out of the sockets.

  “But, sir, that’s more than I’d make in a year.” he said, gesturing to the scattered fruit. “It’s far more than is needed to make up for this.”

  I waved his protests aside, and passed him the money.

  “The guild insurance policy is very generous,” I said. “Listen, if you refuse it, I’ll get in a lot of trouble with the guildmaster. Can you do me a favour and just take it?”

  The stallholder glanced nervously at Rel and then nodded.

  “Yes, of course,” he said. “Thank you.”

  With one last hesitant smile, he turned and wandered back to his stall.

  “Guild insurance policy?” asked Rel, one eyebrow raised.

  I shrugged.

  “Why not?”

  * * *

  When we entered the Guild Hall, we were greeted by an incredibly enthusiastic Kaelis.

  “Grandmaster! Master!” he said, bowing respectfully. “How did you fare in the Tower?”

  “Later,” said Rel. “We need to have a guild meeting first.”

  Kaelis’s eyes widened, but then he nodded and led the way to Rel’s office. Once we were all seated around the desk, Rel filled Kaelis in on the details of encounter with the scaly dickhead at the market. Our apprentice’s expression grew darker with each word.

  “I’m sorry, Grandmaster,” said Kaelis, bowing his head. “You left me in charge of the guild in your absence, and I failed to ensure the members were behaving appropriately.”

  “Nonsense,” said Rel. “The fault is mine and mine alone. In my haste and excitement to create the guild, I failed to carry out any form of vetting process. That is an oversight that will need to be addressed immediately.”

  We spent the next thirty minutes examining the guild roster, discussing each of the members and trying to decide whether they were a good fit for the guild. Well, I say we, but as I wasn’t around when the guild was set up, I didn’t have a fucking clue who any of them were.

  Instead, I played around with my new sunglasses, using them to study random objects in the room. I’m disappointed to report that the plant pot in the corner of Rel’s office did not posses a potent magical aura.

  Finally satisfied, Rel sat back in his chair, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

  “Do you think you’ll have trouble with any of them when you tell them they’re being removed from the guild?” he asked.

  Kaelis considered the question for a moment, but it was pretty obvious from his poorly disguised expression that he was a little concerned.

  “I’m not sure, Grandmaster,” he said slowly. “Some Trialists do have a very… volatile nature. But I’m sure the threat of your names will be enough to dissuade them from any foolish actions.”

  After seeing how the dumbass at the market had behaved, I wasn’t so sure. But fortunately, Peter Brookes was here to save the day with another one of his genius ideas.

  Kaelis gasped when a Great Axe of the Demon King suddenly appeared in my hand.

  “If they try to cause any trouble,” I said. “Just give them a whack with this bad boy.”

  “I… I can’t… Master,” he said, “this is far too generous a gift! It must be worth at least forty thousand gold!”

  I shrugged.

  “Who cares,” I said. “I’m rich.”

  Kaelis just nodded dumbly and took the offered weapon, his eyes running along the length of it reverently.

  Rel snorted and then cleared his throat.

  “There is one other matter I would like to discuss,” he said. “As I mentioned previously, one of the primary benefits of a guild is that members who qualify for Galaxy Showdown will automatically be grouped in team events. The problem is, if our guildmates are pathetically weak, that benefit becomes a detriment.”

  I shuddered at the thought of having to spend large chunks of my time on Galaxy Showdown surrounded by Trialists like the green scaly guy.

  “As a result,” Rel continued. “I want to focus on ensuring we have a small but well-coordinated group of five. This will obviously include the three of us. Kaelis, while Pete and I return to the Tower to finish our business, I want you to prioritise finding two other guild members who you think would be a good fit.”

  Kaelis nodded thoughtfully, his eyes leaving the axe and drifting back to the guild roster.

  “And then,” said Rel, his lips twitching as he fought back a grin, “Your training will begin in earnest so that we can secure you all a qualification spot on the leaderboards. I know you’ve had to neglect it, what with managing the guild in my absence, but do not fear, my apprentice. We shall make up for that very quickly.”