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244. What [You] Want

  Fauna stirred as she woke from the deepest slumber she’d ever had.

  She stretched out her fluffy limbs and rose wearily from her log, groggily wiping the residue of sleep from her eyes.

  Down beside the dormant fire, Klax and Tara lay together. Though perhaps ‘lay’ wasn’t the proper word. Sprawled suited them – each of their limbs contorted in a different direction as though they had simply fallen on top of the other and dreamily pawed at each other’s faces as they slept. Fauna allowed herself a tiny giggle followed by a startled hiccup! at the sight.

  They were made for each other.

  She lay back as she took in the morning breeze, and only then did she realize that someone was sitting beside her.

  She turned abruptly to see Ethan staring out at the rising sun of morn, his expression oddly vacant. She opened her mouth and found that she had no words to say. Instead, she simply pawed at the air like a child before his eyes lighted on her and she gulped.

  “Good morning. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  His voice was calm. It was the voice of a man who’d solved some great mystery at the heart of his being.

  “I – good morning,” Fauna replied. Strangely, she couldn’t bring herself to care about how much of a mess she looked, or how much her hair must’ve been sticking up between her droopy ears.

  “Sleep well?” Ethan asked her.

  “I’m a bad drunk – you know that,” she smiled. “What about you?”

  “I didn’t get much sleep.”

  “Makes a change.”

  She searched his face to see if her words struck him. But instead, she only found a quiet resolve in his stare.

  She knew what he was looking at. He’d had this look ever since they’d left for Camoran – for the lands of the East that each of them knew they may never return from.

  He was looking out at where he thought Mistborne was – somewhere just below the horizon in the North. The Island that was to be his destiny.

  “Did you find what you were looking for?”

  He answered her without looking at her – without considering the worried look that had crossed her face.

  “I did,” he said.

  “And let me guess, you can’t tell us?”

  Now she understood why he wouldn’t meet her gaze. He’d become more secretive than ever these days.

  Remember what Tara told you, girl, she said to herself. Don’t guilt trip a guy. Listen to him. Try and understand…

  She spared a glance at Tara’s contorted body on top of Klax. Snot was currently dribbling down her nose.

  Maybe this wasn’t the kitten to take all the advice from…

  She learned forward, bringing herself closer to him, trying to ignore the rippling power that radiated from his arms.

  “Ethan,” she said. “We’re here to share this burden with you. Relying on us isn’t a weakness. Relying on me isn’t a weakness.”

  His brow furrowed.

  “I know. And that’s exactly why I can’t tell you.”

  She waited for him to elaborate. She wasn’t going to force it, and when he didn’t say anything she decided she wasn’t going to keep yapping away at him telling him things he already knew. Instead she leaned into him and rested her head on his arm.

  He twitched slightly but didn’t move away. She could feel the warmth of his wing wrapping around her and had to caution herself that she shouldn’t fall asleep.

  Even if he was really damn comfy…

  “Ethan,” she whispered. “I wish you could know how we see you.”

  She thought that he wasn’t going to say anything more at all. But to her surprise he bowed his head and touched hers gently, speaking in a way she hadn’t ever heard him speak before, to anyone.

  “You deserve to know,” he said. “I came here for a contingency. Something to stop me from abusing Kaedmon’s power. Something that can help this world function without a God telling everyone what they have to be and what they have to do.”

  Fauna frowned, even as she was enjoying the petting.

  “But why couldn’t you…”

  “Because I’m a human, Faun,” he said abruptly, though he didn’t raise his voice. “I might wear the bodies of a dozen different monsters of Argwyll, but I’m still a human under all this. And we’re a species that’s capable of boundless good and boundless evil, in the same portion. I think that’s what Lamphrey and Jun’Ei always wanted me to see and understand. I think they wanted me to know that the same desires that lie within people like Artorious or Haylock lie within me, too. The desire for power. For control.”

  Fauna wanted to interrupt him. But she listened, now. One ear raised erect at attention. Because he’d just never been this open before.

  “And when the power of a God lies at my fingertips…who’s to say I, or anyone, should have that kind of power?” he went on. “Who’s to say that power like that can ever be used for good?”

  “You – Ethan,” Fauna protested dimly. “You’re good – I know it. You would be the one.”

  Stolen story; please report.

  He smiled down at her. But she could tell it was a bittersweet smile.

  “Maybe there is someone out there,” he said. “A purely good soul, who does everything they do for the sake of nothing but honest-to-goodness progress. Who believes in what they do, and what they say, and never gets anything wrong in between. But It’s not me, Faun. I’m human. We’re fallible. We make mistakes. And I’m not fit to inherit the order of this world.”

  “This is about the vision, isn’t it?”

  Without looking up, she knew he nodded. She gripped him tighter.

  “It won’t come true,” she said with more blind confidence than she’d ever had in her life. “We’ve seen who you really are, Ethan. Even if you are human. You’ve acted on the good in you more than the bad. You’ve beaten the odds time and time again. Sanctum wouldn’t be standing without you. We wouldn’t be here, alive, without you. And this world wouldn’t be on the brink of its greatest era in history without you being here, as you are, right now.”

  He was silent for a moment. Both of them were. Klax snored like a bear by the ashen fireside and the sun continued its uncaring rise in the north.

  “Faun,” Ethan said. “Do you know why I came here?”

  She hesitated.

  “Because Jun’Ei chose you to lead us.”

  “That’s what she knew I’d end up doing. But it’s not why I was chosen.”

  His hand stopped for a moment.

  “It was about control,” he said. “I hated my life. Hated my job. Hated who I was. Couldn’t care less about who I was becoming. It was a nice, complacent existence. The kind of thing that anyone who’s had any real problems would probably describe as lucky. But one day I couldn’t stand being a slave to so many systems that had power over me so I…”

  He trailed off, his hand quivering slightly before Fauna grabbed it and rested it on her head again.

  “I used to read books about heroes who came to worlds just like this one,” he continued after a few moments of silence. “Fantastical places full of fantastic people and situations. They came, conquered, made a difference – and kept on doing it. Those stories never ended. Because – well – why would they? And I always thought that, if I was ever placed into a story like that, I’d be just like those heroes who stood up and really made something of themselves.”

  Fauna listened intently while watching the pale orange of morning light criss-cross over the land. Right now he didn’t sound like an angel or a demon. He sounded completely like himself – the human that was still inside that tiny hat on top of his Host’s head.

  She wanted to hear that more often.

  “But the heroes of those stories were more like Arty than me,” he said. “Human beings fighting the good fight. Never thought I’d be on the side of the monsters. Never thought it’d make me see that I had way more issues back home than just wanting to have some control over my life. I mean – I was grateful for nothing, Faun. I had so much, and I didn’t give a damn. I was the type of guy who I told myself I’d never grow up to be – guys who hate themselves, and wanna do anything but the job they’re good at. Even though a good life was handed to them on a platter. Even though it’s their job.”

  She felt him shift, probably to look down at her.

  “You guys are better than I ever was, Faun,” he said quietly. “That’s why I came here. To make sure that, no matter what happens, you’ll all be safe. If the one thing I did right was saving you all, then I think I’d be content with tha-“

  “Stop.”

  She said the word in a kind of dream-state. And yet still, she said it with force. Maybe it was some residue of alcohol talking. But she wasn’t having any more of this. She was done taking Tara’s advice to listen. Now it was her turn to ramble.

  “Alright, Mister Demon Hat,” she said as she bolted upright and pointed one fluffy finger at his chest. “It’s time for some tough – hic! – love. Because I’m sick of you beating yourself up!”

  He blinked his five eyes down at her.

  “Fauna, I –“

  “Don’t, ‘Fauna’ me!” she said – a tad louder than she’d meant to. “Your real problem is that you think way too much! You’re always trying to be five steps ahead. You’re always in your on head trying to work out what’s best for us, what we want. What’s best for this world. But you still don’t get it, do you?”

  A series of more rapid blinks followed her outburst. She didn’t know whether to scream at him or kiss him.

  “What do you want?” she asked, flustered beyond belief now that she knew she must have been blushing at the thought. “You’ve never asked yourself this question once, have you? Even after all this time. And I don’t mean you the Archon, or you the human, you the ‘hero’, you the person you see in the vision of fire – whatever! I mean what do you – Ethan Hawke – the man who is still behind those big eyes, want? Because that’s what the rest of us are thinking about all the time. And I wish you’d just – I don’t know! Stop torturing yourself trying to please us, or trying to please this world by trying to save us. Because if anyone deserves to be saved in this world, it’s you, Ethan.”

  She wasn’t sure if she even understood half of what she was saying. If he did, he made no reply at all. She expected him to laugh – anyone else would have. But instead, he just looked at her with a face that was half confusion, half admiration.

  And that made her flop down on his lap again, and let her mind rest.

  “I’ll tell you what I want,” she said. “Because I’m a selfish girl. I think most of us are but – I want you, Ethan. Is that so bad?”

  She felt her consciousness begin to trail away as the sun finally rose on the surface of her new home.

  “So…don’t let us go,” she whispered into him. “Promise me you won’t…go…”

  He knew that she’d fallen asleep almost instantly after uttering those words. Possibly, she’d thought that the entire conversation between them had been nothing more than a lucid dream.

  But even so, he sat there for a time, cradling her in his renewed wings, and when he spoke his reply to her plea, he didn’t even know he’d said it out loud.

  “…I promise.”

  And that whisper – oddly enough – was what roused Tara from her slumber.

  “Guh!” she groaned into the air. “I – fuck me – my – head…”

  She then realized who she was lying on top of, and slowly, but surely, her head turned to Ethan.

  “…A peeping angel, huh?” she asked.

  He smirked at her.

  “Peeping on what, Miss Tara? An upstanding kitten and puppy taking a nap together?”

  She frowned at him, even though a smile was plastered across her face.

  “Dogbrain’s still out cold,” she said. “But so’s your little catch, it seems.”

  Ethan stroked Fauna’s ears as she purred in his lap.

  “We can give them a few more minutes, at least,” he told Tara while she started vigorously slapping Klax. “Might be the last chance they get to rest for a while.”

  “It was a nice little party,” Tara replied, mid-slap. “Like old times, huh?”

  The way she said that told him she knew that things were going to change. More than most of them, she always knew that.

  “Like old times,” he agreed.

  He then rose and marched towards the edge of the mountain with Fauna in his arms.

  “I got what I came here for,” he said, looking beyond the horizon again. “Now, it’s time for the final stretch.”

  She stopped smacking Klax’s inert, snoring form and gawked up at him.

  “Mistborne?” she asked. “You really ready this time?”

  He answered her without turning a single inch: “It’s time. I know it.”

  “So…you gonna tell us what you dragged us all here for? Or am I gonna have to claw it out of ya?”

  He smiled. “I’ll tell you on the way. Wake Klax, get yourselves sober, and then meet me at the ruin’s edge. We fly out at noon.”

  He was about to walk off to give the lovebirds some final moments alone when Tara let out a squeak.

  “H-hold up.”

  He expected to hear another impassioned speech about how their time together had been worth it, that they’d both grown from their experiences and that, whatever happened, that was enough.

  Instead, he turned to see the Minxit gawking at the smoking ruins of the mountains that lay behind them – the results of two battles the girl had drunkenly ignored and/or slept through.

  “What the fuck happened?”

  ***

  From within its impenetrable den in the center of the earth, the Architect watched Ethan and his team depart its mountain lair.

  It lowered its wings, dusting off ash and stone, and curled up in the darkness of its cave to return to slumber, pleased to be able to have some peace again.

  But that thought, and the sight of this newest Archon, lingered in its mind. And in the back of its brain, a question whispered:

  It seems you are fond of making promises, Archon Ethan. But I wonder, when the time comes…will you fulfill your end of our bargain?

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