POV: Baggage
And that had been ten. She put the quill down. Kai hadn’t given her a time limit, but it seemed like the kind of thing that she should have completed before breakfast. She was almost certain he didn’t expect her to turn it in. It bothered her not to show the work. Twenty-five years in academia did that to a person.
She stepped outside to find the others looking up at the sky. There were juvenile wyverns in the distance, probably scouts.
“Good morning, why are we staring at wyverns?”
Three sets of eyes turned to Baggage. They were the ‘how does she know this’ sort of look. Green bead. Xenobiology. Rigorous study for knowledge expected to be required for two months of life, two weeks in her case. She should have stopped at blue and taken Xenosociology, but she was told she’d never have to interact with Chthonic Elves or Orcs. They just gave her a list of bad guys to memorize as part of the standard training.
“The ratio of wingspan to body is different on juveniles than on adults”, she said.
Kai recovered first, “Good job. How do we avoid them?”
“You don’t”, said Baggage.
“We’re on a tight schedule,” agreed Sayaka.
“Yes, but we’re much farther ahead than where we should be.” mused Runa. They might not expect us if we go fast enough.”
“That sounds like a bad idea”, said Drake.
“Of course it’s a bad idea! The second we move the air sled, the camouflage goes away. The only worse idea is to try to speed through the mission and refuse to listen to why it’s crazy. My Drake did that and I can’t imagine you’re more patient.”
“He started shooting people the second he arrived, confirmed Sayaka.”
“Hysterical.” Runa gave Drake an affirming nod.
His response was an uncertain frown. Well, that's what happens when you try to murder people as soon as you arrive.
Baggage had been thinking of her future plans; they were becoming clearer. Assuming she survived this trip, she was going to advocate for hero rights. For a start: updated welcoming protocols and Facilitators should have a required green bead in psychology. Or maybe an assigned psychologist upon arrival for the transition. That person could be drawn from one of the girls who failed out of the program.
Drake was unlikely to take her with him. So she was going to look out for these men. No one else was.
Like right now, he was behaving oddly. Sayaka and Runa were going back and forth on options. Drake was shutting down though. Why?
Was it just because he couldn’t be aggressive? Was that it? A little pathetic, if that were the case. He’d been a leader in a large company, this should be easy for him.
Then she remembered:
Oh. She needed to figure a few things out before passing judgment. He didn’t seem to be involved in the strategy decision. She could pull him out of it.
“Kai? One of my bags fell inside the air sled and I can't pick it up because I am a girl.”
A social fiction and not her best moment. Sayaka flickered a sneer at Baggage, probably intentional. Baggage returned the sneer with a soft smile.
That should do the trick. Runa did not seem fooled either, though she didn't seem to care.
Kai simply went along with her.
When their backs were turned she heard Runa say, “Don’t worry Sayaka. She hasn’t made a move yet and I’m not sure she knows how.”
Insulting. Baggage knew how. There had been a class on that topic.
Kai entered the air sled’s carriage, looked briefly around, and flopped down on a bench without ceremony. “No bags are loose anywhere. Just tell me what you want, I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
He should be ready for more healing and he would need it before the next fight. She cast the spell, it was not to her usual standards; she wouldn’t get close enough for that.
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“I guess we’re not even pretending I need your help?”
“No. Your healing feels good. What’s on your mind?”
“I still don’t understand your behavior. I think it’s prison-related.”
“Stop,” he ordered.
“I don’t think I will. What are the common symptoms for men released from prison?”
“Can’t you just heal me while those two argue about what insane risk we take next?”
He’d been through a lot, and so had she. This was why heroes normally took a longer time to get to the citadel. Social transition and recuperation were important.
“Kai? I’m trying to find a way for us to be on the same side.”
“Dammit, Baggage. Whatever. Fine. We’ll do this.”
Kai breathed in and out a few times before starting. “I was told to expect hypervigilance, anxiety, depression, PTSD, isolationism, institutionalized personality, and odds are good I'll become a drug addict.”
That was a lot of information, more than she expected.
She had to have PTSD explained to her. It meant Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Institutionalized personality meant that he had adapted to strict rules and had difficulty adapting to restored freedom. Making decisions was hard because there were so few he had been permitted. He’d adapted to a hostile, dangerous environment and was expected to figure out how to move on by himself.
“How long will this last?” she asked.
“I was told that some of it would last weeks, then more in one to five years. Part of it might be a permanent change.”
It seemed the Drake they met in the tower was a dream to the man in front of her. An unattainable ideal.
Unfortunately, the existence of that Drake was a sign Tenka did pull heroes that were, mostly, unbroken. One constant was true: all the heroes were dragged from their world into hers. These men needed someone they could trust. The vows enforced it, because they didn’t have time to establish normal bonds that form between people.
Of course, any Earthling woman would run screaming from such a prospect, but it seemed to Baggage that they lived in an idealized world with no looming threat of extermination. She’d read their history, she knew of the atrocities, there wasn’t ever any credible mention of rampaging demons or people with the power to blow up the landscape. It sounded like a wonderful place to live. Maybe that was a consequence of having no magic.
The only monsters Earth had were people.
Baggage said cautiously, “I’m surprised your wife dared to cheat on you at all. Punishment sounds severe.”
Kai sat up, “What? No. Adultery isn’t a crime in Vermont. It's rarely prosecuted in my country in general.”
Which meant trusting people was dangerous. Baggage bet the ancients understood that. The system was a result of the ancients trying to solve an impossible problem for an unknown future using people from an unfamiliar world.
If the heroes were to be flooded with power from Tenka, they needed immediate trust and support. They’d go mad otherwise. Baggage knew this for a fact because Kai didn’t realize he had that trust and he was fighting to maintain what stability he had left.
A sad truth: the vows worked and were necessary, in the same way as a tourniquet. Tenka didn’t have time for allegorical patients to arrive at metaphorical hospitals; they needed results.
That left one major issue. “Kai, I understand there have been circumstances in your life. I'm truly sorry. However, I should be able to walk behind you without fear.”
His response was immediate and horrible, “No, you shouldn’t. Baggage, I should be able to say what I want without hurting you and driving you to tears.”
“No,” she said viscerally. “You shouldn’t.”
A tension filled the room. He wasn’t scowling or angry. She was still healing him. There were only a few walls between them. Large walls.
Damn. What if they were both right? That was too much for her. She stopped the healing and tried to figure out what to say. How to explain-
*thump* *thump* *thump*
“Are you two done in there?” Runa said loudly.
Baggage yelled back, “No!”
“Don’t take much longer. And clean up after yourselves.” Runa had misunderstood.
Of course Runa would misunderstand. Baggage buried her head in her hands
Kai didn’t say or do anything.
“Not satisfied with your conquest, mighty stallion?” Baggage asked bitterly. Runa and Sayaka would never believe her. Kai was probably smug.
“You don’t think it’s funny so I don’t either. I don’t have much of an opinion otherwise.”
He understood. He had empathy. He could care about others, even someone he didn’t like so much. That was both sweet and frustrating.
Parts of the original man remained. Surfacing now and then, committing ransom acts of kindness. Those parts taunted her, “You’ll never see the rest of this man,” they whispered. “He’s gone.” According to Kai, maybe gone forever.
Baggage didn’t have luxury to heal the damage Kai received before coming here. Sayaka wanted to hammer him, like a blacksmith forging a sword. Runa, the Runa they had right now, wanted to manipulate and control him. He needed a safe place, no one was stepping up to provide it, and they still expected him to just snap his fingers and be normal.
She closed her eyes and thought of Mio. She wanted that name back, but she didn’t want to be that person anymore. The girl with the diamond bead, held in a princess carry. Baggage beat Mio up because Mio was hurting her. Mio was still hurting her. Taunting her in a similar fashion to Drake, only in her case it was random flashes of conviction.
If she wanted to be a version of Mio again, there would have to be rules. Strict ones. Fortunately, they were the same rules Kai was going to need her to have. Baggage and Kai required the same very dangerous thing: confidence in each other, starting now. This was not about forgiveness; it was a path to simply existing near each other in the same stressful place at the same time.
“Kai, your ethics demand that you respect my ability to have agency, even if you don’t agree with it.”
“Eh. They’re limits. I won’t let you hurt yourself.”
She stood up and got ready to leave the coach.
“Very well. I'm not sure we’re going to survive this trip, but if we do, no matter what happens, I'm renewing my vows and if I can make them stronger, I will. You’ll always have one person, Kai, even after you return home.”
“Baggage… It's your life.”
She didn’t say anything, there had been no expectation of gratitude and she did not receive any.
Kai sighed and stood up, “Let’s go. I have a feeling they’ll want to charge through this mess.”
Baggage wasn’t sure she understood what he meant but decided he was supportive.
What else was she supposed to do?
