“Why not?” Teresa asked. “They’re enslaving people, they have the population numbers we need, and we have access to higher level Portals. We just need a few powerhouses and I’m sure we can take them out.”
“Would you give us the room please?” Nikolas asked, looking at Randall and Saylee. They nodded and left, exiting the building to give them some privacy. “How many casualties amongst our people are you comfortable with?”
“As few as possible, but we have to at least do something. Are you really okay with letting a slave colony exist?” Teresa asked back.
“I’d prefer it never happen at all, but let’s be realistic. We can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep taking on huge fights. We did it with the Contaminated Zone because we had to, and as much as I wish we could do something about Nouarosso, we just can’t.”
“I’m not saying we attack immediately, we can take some time to prepare. Get ahead of them. We don’t need a lot of people if the few we’ve got are high level.” Teresa said.
“Let’s say we attack. Someone in Nouarosso is using a human shield, what do you do?” Nikolas asked, catching Teresa off guard a bit.
“What do you mean?”
“They’re willing to enslave people, you think they wouldn’t be willing to use innocents as cannon fodder?”
“No I get it, I just wasn’t expecting the line of questioning. I don’t know, maybe have Sarah shoot around the hostage? She has
“And if Sarah is busy fighting someone else? What then? You’ll hesitate, and you’ll die.”
“Alright, then I guess try rushing them? Shoot through the hostage? As long as it’s not lethal I can heal them.” Teresa replied.
“What about if the meat shield is a kid? What if they line up a whole bunch of children, and start executing them in public until we surrender? What if multiple guards have hostages like that, and every fight we take we have to deal with that?”
“Make sure the situation doesn’t come to that? We can make plans to ensure the people aren’t involved in the fighting. If it does happen, then what’s our alternative? Let them keep enslaving people? You can tell me about whatever awful strategy they might use, but to me that’s just evidence we need to do something.”
“That doesn’t answer what you would do. They take kids hostage in the middle of a fight, what do you do? Do you shoot through the kids?”
“I don’t know what I’d do, I haven’t thought about it enough yet. Maybe I can try to get
“Even if we plan out workarounds for this situation, we’d still have to deal with it.” Nikolas said. “Even if we’re perfectly prepared, we’d have to be the ones to go through these extremely stressful situations. If we mess up? Innocents die. Maybe kids. Are you okay with that?”
“Of course I’m not okay with that, but what’s the alternative here? Let them be?”
“The alternative would be to accept this isn’t a fight we can take. Maybe we can negotiate something with Stormwreck, but I doubt it. What you’re asking for Teresa, is a real, full blown war. Maybe not with the numbers we’re used to pre-System, but a war against people nonetheless. Sometimes, wars are fought where the people are, and if you want to suggest a war then you need to accept the horrible reality of just how bad a war can truly be. If we did this, I can almost guarantee innocents will die. Kids will die. Collateral damage will be inevitable when we’re flinging fireballs and armor piercing hypersonic arrows around neighborhoods. You might miss, your attack might get deflected into someone in the wrong place at the wrong time, we all might accidentally kill someone other than the intended target.”
Teresa took a deep breath and paused to consider the situation. While Nikolas may have been exaggerating a tiny bit with fireballs and hypersonic arrows, there was a lot of truth to it. Chernobyl had been in the Contaminated Zone, they didn’t have to worry about stuff like this.
“I understand.” Teresa said after a few seconds. “I understand war is terrible. Maybe I don’t fully understand, no, scratch that. I definitely don’t fully understand what it’d be like to fight such a major battle in a populated area, but this is the only way to fix this. We aren’t going to reform them from the inside. We aren’t going to get a bunch of level 0s and 1s to revolt, they would just get slaughtered. The only way we can realistically fix this problem is by killing the right people.”
“I agree to an extent.” Nikolas said. “You’re right that social reform isn’t going to be what helps the people of Nouarosso, outside intervention is necessary there for a change. Perhaps there’s some internal discord and disagreement and it’s all heading to one big meltdown, but we don’t know that. If we did this, we would be fighting people. Human beings. You remember what it was like fighting the Completionists from Arconette? That. That’s what we would be doing, but without an army on our own side as well.”
“I think we can pull it off.” Teresa said. “We go on the offensive, talk to Benjamin for as much inside information as we can get, and we can win.”
“I’m not clearing anyone to go.” Nikolas said. “We just got back from the Contaminated Zone, nobody is mentally clear to go fight another large battle like this. You remember Erika, the girl who lost her arm? She’s on suicide watch, she tried to kill herself. Theo’s party disbanded, Noah is still active, but the party is taking a break at the very least. William, Mijo, and I have all been doing as much as we can to help the survivors of Chernobyl, but that takes time. Time that hasn’t passed. If you asked them personally, I’m sure quite a few would be willing, but I’m telling you not to do that. We’ve got several people showing signs of PTSD and depression, I’m not okay with sending them off to fight again. Honestly Teresa, if I thought I could stop you, I wouldn’t want you going out and doing anything either.”
“I see.” Teresa said, taking his words into consideration once again.
“I mean it when I say I don’t think you should be out fighting. You’ve been through a lot. We all have, and I think we need to take the time to process that. Sometimes, I wonder why my party feels smaller before I remember Liam is dead. The kids, Mathew and Gabriel, they’re definitely not in the right mental space. While I doubt you’d take children with you to fight, I recommend you don’t mention this to them or they’ll demand to come along. Honestly, those kids scare me a bit now. They hunt all the time, and we don’t have a reliable way to help them grieve their dad. It’s a shit show right now. But Teresa, when I saw you fight the Prime Avatar, you were laughing. I’m pretty sure you thanked it at some point. I know the heat of the moment might have impacted you, but you have to understand that these things can impact your mind in the long term as well. I’m not saying this to undermine you or anything, I’m saying this because I’m worried.”
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
“I’m… doing alright enough.” Teresa said. “If I said it didn’t affect me, I’d be lying, but the world doesn’t stop because I’m not feeling well. When I was fighting Cher, I’ll admit I lost it a bit. I was so focused on the Prime Avatar that everything else just melted away. Things became simple, there was something in front of me that deserved to die and I was capable of killing it. The rushing feeling of adrenaline, the way I understood what I needed to do and that I was capable of doing it, it felt fun. I get that I should probably talk to someone at some point, but I’m not worried about myself. I know Jake just found out his mom is dead, he could definitely use a break, but he’s been pushing through it. He was more quiet than normal for a few days, but I think keeping himself busy helped. He keeps moving because he has to. We all have to.”
“So you want to send people out to fight anyways?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. Not at all.” Teresa quickly replied. “I’m saying we all deal with things in different ways. I can acknowledge bringing everyone with me to fight Nouarosso would be terrible for their mental states, so I won’t bring everyone. But there has to be some people able to help out.”
“I don’t think killing is a healthy coping mechanism.”
“No but it’s a damn productive one.”
“Not if it pushes people into a questionable mental state. Having people cope by killing more people isn’t going to help. Besides, everyone doing well mentally is already busy. Like I said, we don’t have the numbers for everything. I wish we could do something for the people of Nouarosso, but our hands are tied. Trying to do something about it poorly might just make the situation even worse.”
Teresa sighed, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do. She didn’t want to push people from one fight to another again and again. Teresa knew damn well what it was like to deal with mental difficulties, and not everyone reacted to trauma the same way. Sarah hadn’t slept well since torturing the Completionists in the Contaminated Zone. Jake was able to keep up appearances and even joke with the group, but when he thought no one was looking he seemed exhausted. Preston was working with his emaciated father who had been enslaved, trying to rehabilitate him into a new world.
Was anyone in her party doing well?
Even Randall had seen her kill several people, it must be weird for a father to watch his daughter go on a murder rampage. The whole situation was difficult. Was Teresa pushing her party too hard? It was tough to balance morality and necessity. What did they do about these kinds of situations pre-System? Fuck if Teresa knew, but the pre-System world was different. They weren’t living in developed countries, they were in the apocalypse for crying out loud!
No matter what option Teresa considered, she didn’t like it. Push for war regardless of people’s mental wellbeing? That was cold and even hypocritical, Teresa would struggle to deliberately ignore the mental health of her allies when she had experience struggling in that department herself.
Ignore Nouarosso and move on? She also didn’t like that option. With all of Teresa’s abilities, she ought to be able to do something. A darker part of her thought that even if The Mall couldn’t deal with Nouarosso, humanity didn’t deserve to keep going on if they couldn’t stop them. Maybe it’d be better for everyone to die and get it over with than for them to just ignore these things.
Teresa shook her head as if trying to dislodge the thoughts that seemed more in tune with an edgy middle schooler than herself. She couldn’t think of a solution that fixed everything, at least not a good one. There was one idea she had, but even she knew it was dumb.
“I think I’m going to clear my head and think about this more, get some levels while I’m at it. Trying to gather my thoughts in a rush isn’t going to help at all, this isn’t the sort of thing that gets decided over the course of a few minutes between just us.” Teresa said eventually to break the silence.
“That’s a good idea, you go do that.” Nikolas nodded his approval as Teresa began walking to the door, though he stopped her just before she opened it. “If you need someone to talk to, we’ve got a therapist who’s been spending time with the survivors from the Contaminated Zone. It’s too soon to see any results, but he’s been helpful with the others. He used to specialize in eating disorders or something, but he can work as a generalist just fine.”
A therapist. For a while now, Teresa had been willing to admit she should try therapy out, and this might be a good chance for that. Therapy would be good for Teresa, probably, and this was an opportunity that she should take advantage of.
However…
“If there’s only the one then I imagine he’s pretty busy. Give the time slot to someone who needs it more.” Teresa said before leaving.
The option had been right there and available to her, but she just couldn’t take it. What she said was true, she did fully believe there were others who could use therapy more than her at the moment. Then again, to say that was the only reason would be a lie.
Teresa could give the classic line of being too busy herself, but that would feel like a hollow excuse. Part of it was that acknowledging she needed help and facing the option to receive it were two different things. Part of it was that she wouldn’t feel good knowing she was taking time from the therapist when she was sure there were a lot of people he needed to talk to. Part of it was she was worried she just wouldn’t like the guy.
What would she do in that case? What if she just disliked the therapist for one reason or another? Maybe that was a bad excuse, but she’d feel more comfortable with it if there were more options. Teresa wasn’t sure how often people changed therapists to find one they liked, nor did she know how often someone found the ‘right’ therapist on the first try. Sure, she didn’t have to stick with the therapist here forever, but truthfully Teresa was looking for excuses a little bit.
Besides, maybe she didn’t feel comfortable having a guy as her therapist. Not because of any stupid gender wars bullshit, but rather that she might feel more comfortable and relate better to a therapist that was a woman. Then again, there were reasons she wouldn’t feel comfortable with that and would prefer a male therapist, but that was stuff she didn’t want to get into at the moment.
The truth was, if Teresa talked it over with her friends, they would probably all tell her to try it out. She even said it herself that she’d give therapy a shot, but somehow fighting bloodthirsty monsters was just easier. Teresa promised to herself that next time, she wouldn’t come up with an excuse to weasel out of it.
Teresa considered for a moment that it wasn’t too late to turn around and change her mind, but by the time she thought that she already opened the door and was standing outside next to Randall and Saylee. The words God fucking damn it crossed her mind more than a few times, but she could always think on it while hunting monsters.
“I’m going to go out and get some experience. Anything you need help with before I do that?” Teresa asked the two.
“No, I just have to set a few things up with the new skills I’ve gotten, but I can do that on my own. Thank you though.” Saylee told her.
“You want company?” Randall asked.
“Not this time, I need to think a few things over.” Teresa said. “Plus I’m going to look for some stronger Portals, I don’t think bringing anyone else along will be a good idea.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Well, be safe Teresa. Love you kiddo.”
“I will. Love you too Dad.”
Teresa made her way out from the grounds that made up The Mall at a normal walking pace until she was far enough away that she wouldn’t cause problems suddenly accelerating to what was definitely well over 100 miles an hour. Once she was a good distance away, she activated
After looking through golden threads that appeared, she found one and pulled on it. Information on the monster’s whereabouts went into Teresa’s mind, as well as a second pullback that signified the monster had sensed her tracking it.
It was pretty far for a normal person, but Teresa would be able to run there in a few minutes or so depending on the terrain. She took off, left alone to her thoughts, pissed at herself for avoiding therapy.
Fucking damn it.