White. Blue. Lights. Josh blinked his eyes slowly. Life began to come into focus. Memories started to resurface. He’d been on his couch. He’d felt like his insides were on fire. Josh took a better look at his surroundings. He was in the hospital. Josh looked down at his body. He had an IV in one arm and some other cords attached to sticker things on his chest. He felt the backside of his hospital gown open against the soft sheets of the hospital bed. “Hello?” He called out. His voice was weak and fragile. He coughed a few times. There was a small table near him, but he didn’t see any water. “Hello?” he called out again. No response. Josh felt the air filling his lungs and the saliva sliding down his throat. It still felt tight and sore. He moved around a little on the bed. He didn’t want to knock any of the things off his body. He pulled the hospital gown down a little to get a better look at his chest. Thankfully, the globes on his body were far less swollen, red, and itchy than he st remembered. Unfortunately, they were still there. A part of him hoped the doctors had realized his medical emergency and decided their best course of action was to cut the damned things from Josh’s body. The only reason he had them was because Alice… Alice. Josh wiped wetness from his eyes. Alice was gone. She’d left him in the middle of the night days ago; Josh wasn’t even sure how long it had been. It already felt like years had passed since he’d seen Alice. Since he’d seen his mom. Or his dad. Or Ali. Or Malcolm. Or…everyone in his life. “Hello!” He called out louder. “Is anybody there?” Still no response. Josh had enough of this. He could be all alone at home. At least then he wouldn’t have all this background noise ringing inside his head. He flexed his toes, wriggled his ankles, and started to move his legs around. Everything felt incredibly stiff and tired as if he’d finished an intense workout. He cracked his neck, his knuckles, and his spine. Just as he was about to swing himself out of bed, a handsome doctor walked into the room. “Oh goodie,” he said, “I thought I heard someone calling in here.” Josh settled back into the bed. He said, “What’s going on? What happened?” The doctor walked over to the side of Josh’s bed, checked the equipment, and wrote some things down on a clipboard that had been hanging off the side of the bed. He talked as he worked. “You’ve been asleep for over a day sweetie,” the doctor said. Josh was a little uncomfortable with the doctor’s choice of words and with how close he kept getting. He could practically smell the nice floral aroma coming off the man. Then the words hit him. “A day!” Josh excimed. “Mhmm,” the man replied, “the doctor has you on some antibiotics to help with the infection. And we have the IV to get you some fluids, but, if you’re feeling up to it, I can grab you some solid food.” He finished up with his checks and hit Josh with a brilliant smile and dazzling eyes. Josh turned his head and looked away. His stomach felt all funny and his skin was tingly. Whatever medicine they were giving him wasn’t working very well. He said, “I could go for a burger or something. Maybe some coke.” The handsome doctor chuckled. He replied, “I don’t think you’re quite ready for that even if we had it. Let’s start you off with some apple sauce. Maybe a jello?” Josh nodded his head. “Great,” the doctor said, “now, since this was an emergency pickup, you didn’t come in with any identification. Can you tell me your name and age?” The doctor picked up the clipboard again. “Yeah, Joshua Newberry. 24 years old.” “Mhm, and what is your preferred name sweetie?” “Josh.” The doctor paused and gave Josh a look. “It’s okay sweetie,” he said, “we don’t discriminate medical treatment at this hospital. You can use whatever name you feel comfortable with.” Josh felt a bad tingle in the back of his mind. This situation felt too familiar. He replied, “I prefer my real name: Josh.” The doctor marked something down on the clipboard out of Josh’s view. “Okay,” the man continued, “are you currently taking any drugs or medications?” “I don’t know what stuff you guys have me on. Shouldn’t that already be in your files?” “No dear, I mean anything from before you came to the hospital. Any prescriptions or recreational drugs that you were using.” “I don’t do drugs like that.” The doctor let the clipboard drop a little bit and leaned closer to Josh. He said in a hushed voice, “This isn’t to get you into any trouble, okay? The doctor needs to know so we can help get you healthy. Everything you say goes into your private medical record and nobody can see that.” The doctor was smiling, but Josh wasn’t certain the man could be trusted. For one thing, he kept talking about himself in the third person. Then, there was the weird nonsense about Josh’s name. Josh knew better than to trust doctors; all they cared about was draining sick people of their money. “No,” Josh said, “I’m not taking any drugs.” He paused for a moment. “Oh, except for testosterone. I have a prescription for that because of my gynecomastia. My man boobs.” The doctor nodded his head and wrote some things down on the clipboard. “Good to know, I’ll mark that we should consider checking your hormone levels with the blood test. Okay, st question. Is there anyone you would like us to contact? Parents, friends, a partner maybe?” Josh felt the loneliness squeeze his chest in a vice. He couldn’t bear saying the truth; he had nobody. Thankfully, some other part of him managed to speak. “If you guys gave me my phone, I can try texting some people.” The doctor replied, “Like I said, since this was an emergency visit and the team found you unconscious in your home, we don’t have any of your personal property besides the items that were,” he paused, “attached to your body.” Josh felt himself respond, “Ah, well, I’ll be okay then. You know how it is nowadays. I’m so used to texting and contacts that I don’t remember anyone’s number.” He felt himself chuckle. The doctor joined in. He said, “don’t I know it. I keep telling myself I need to at least memorize my fiance’s number, but he’s already listed as my emergency contact, so I keep putting it off.” They both ughed and chuckled together. The doctor said, “Alrighty then, I’ll grab your food and let the doctor know you’re ready to talk with her.” The man started to walk away. “Wait,” Josh called, “How much is all of this going to cost?” The doctor came back to the side of Josh’s bed. Josh felt the tingly feeling getting stronger. Maybe he was allergic to the man’s lotion or something. “Hmm,” the doctor said, “I’m not sure since you didn’t come in with an insurance card.” “I don’t have health insurance. I don’t think I can afford all of this.” “In that case, I’ll contact one of the financial people to come talk with you. You may qualify for discounted treatment; especially since this counted as an emergency visit. Don’t worry dear,” the kind doctor said as he id his hand on Josh’s arm. Josh felt his heart skip a beat. The man continued, “I’m sure things will work out.” With that, he walked out of the room and left Josh with the bring background noise of his own thoughts. ———————————— The talk with the financial dy went well enough. All Josh had to do was answer questions about how much of a poor loser he was. The good news was the dy told him he pre-qualified for deferred pay on the emergency treatment. He also didn’t need to pay for anything at the moment. He would get a reduced bill in the mail. Josh was only partially comforted by the idea of a reduced payment. He really needed to get out as soon as possible. When the doctor returned with Josh’s food, Josh felt the weird feeling his stomach again which all but confirmed that the man had some sort of irritant on his body. Josh made a mental note to send an anonymous letter to the hospital ter. He also thought to compin about the ck of mental stimution in his room. There was no television or gaming systems, and he didn’t have his phone, so all Josh could do to pass time was y in bed and ruminate about how crappy he felt. At least it gave him the opportunity to parse out the hazy memories of what happened after Alice left him. After what felt like hours, a woman in a b coat walked into the room and pulled up a chair next to Josh’s bed. “Hello,” she said, “I’m Doctor Alvarez. You are,” she looked at the clipboard, “Joshua, right? Oh wait, I see here you prefer Josh.” She looked at Josh’s face and smiled at him. “It’s nice to meet you Josh. How are you feeling?” Josh was totally confused. “What happened to the other doctor?” “Other doctor?” “Yeah, the guy who was in here when I woke up. He brought me some food.” “Oh,” the woman replied, “that was Jeff. He’s one of the nurses in this department. Did you need something from him? Maybe something else to eat or some more pillows?” Josh blinked his eyes as the information seeped into his brain. “Um, maybe some more food. I feel really hungry.” The woman…doctor…Doctor Alvysomething… She pushed a button on a device connected to Josh’s bed. A few moments ter the man…nurse…Jeff…He came in with a big smile. Josh’s mind was spinning. He vaguely heard the doctor tell Jeff to get Josh more food. After Jeff left, the doctor turned back to Josh. “Let’s talk about what happened with you,” she said, “Based on the state of your home reported by the emergency team, the condition of your body when you came in, and some of the tests we ran, I can say pretty confidently that your body was severely malnourished and unhealthy at the time of your incident. In addition, the apparent repeated usage of self-administered dextrose infusions into your breasts led to a retively minor infection. Thankfully, none of the tissue was permanently affected, so you don’t need to worry about surgery to remove any necrotic or infected tissue.” Josh spoke up, “Wait, you can remove my boobs?” The doctor looked surprised. “Yes,” she said, “but why would you want them removed? They’re perfectly healthy breasts.” Josh replied, “I hate them, duh. I have gynecomastia. I’m a man.” The doctor looked through the papers on the clipboard. “I see,” she said, “yes, Jeff made a note that you said you currently have a testosterone prescription for gynecomastia. Is that gel or an injection?” “Gel.” “Understood. Did you think the dextrose infusions would somehow help the breasts shrink?” Josh leaned back in the bed and felt himself shrink a little. “No,” he said, “that was a kinky thing my girlfriend made me do.” The doctor nodded her head. “I see. That certainly expins some things.” She took another look at the papers. “You haven’t made any calls yet. Would you like us to reach out to your girlfriend? I’m sure she must be very worried about you.” Josh shook his head vigorously. “No!” he accidentally shouted. He reigned himself back in. As much as he wished Alice could be there to comfort him. Or to help with the hospital costs. Or to deal with all this complicated medical jargon he was pretty sure the doctor dy kept making up. As much as Josh could feel himself want that; he also absolutely could not let Alice find out he was so incompetent and heartbroken that he ended up in the hospital trying to please her. He spoke again, “No, I mean, I already ended things with her anyways. Obviously she was asking me to do some pretty risky stuff, right? And I don’t need people like that in my life.” Josh tried the analyze the doctor’s face. He wasn’t sure if she was buying his story. The doctor replied, “You broke up with your girlfriend because the kinky activity she had you do was dangerous. After you found out it was dangerous. Today.” “Uh, yeah. I mean, obviously I haven’t told her yet. But, I will. First thing once you clear me to leave.” The doctor nodded her head and made a note on the clipboard. “Well,” she said, “in any case, I do not recommend trying to self-inject any substance into your body without a doctor’s instruction, approval, or supervision. Understand?” “Yes. It won’t happen again.” “Okay. With the infection, I have you on some antibiotics that should help it clear up in a few more days. You’re taking testosterone even though you haven’t had an orchiectomy. I’m assuming you’re also on bicalutamide, so we can give you a few doses while you recover. What is your source of estrogen?” “Estrogen?” “Yes, what dosage are you taking and what form?” The doctor asked. Josh was completely confused. “I told Jeff that I’m not on any drugs.” The doctor took a deep breath. “Josh,” she said, “I understand it can be risky and nerve-wracking to open up about this subject, but I’m not here to judge you or convince you to be one way or the other. My job is to make you healthy.” She continued, “we ran the blood test and your hormone levels are exactly what we would expect for a transgender woman who has been on hormones for a decent amount of time. Not to mention your hair, your skin, your voice, and your well-developed breasts. I need to know what other drugs you’re taking and if you have prescriptions or if they’re from an unknown source. There could be potential complications with the medication I’m giving you or some underlying issue we don’t know about.” Josh felt the panic rising in his chest. A part of him managed to say confidently, “I’m a man. I’m not on any drugs. Just give me the pills for the infection and let me go.” The doctor put up her hands in defeat. “I understand,” she said, “I hear you.” She made some more notes on Josh’s clipboard. He really wanted to see what she was writing. She said she wasn’t here to judge him, but he knew better. That’s all everyone ever did was judge him. Judge him for being too weak, too small, too girly. They judged him for not being fast enough, not strong enough, not smart enough. Now this doctor was judging him as unhealthy, or lonely, or a freak. He could barely contain his rage, but he knew he needed to py along until they let him out of this cursed building. “When can I leave?” Josh demanded. The doctor looked back up at him. “Considering everything you’ve told me, I think a 72 hour hold is in order. That will give you plenty of time to rest and recover before returning to the world. I’ll have Jeff bring in some more comfortable clothes for you.” She stood up before Josh had time to fully process what she just said. All the rage in his body seemed to vanish instantly. Instead, he felt like a small kid again. “I can’t go?” he asked. The doctor smiled at Josh and pced her hand on his arm. Her skin felt wrong. “I know it’s hard to hear, but, based on the things you’re saying, I’ve decided you’re a danger to yourself right now. It’s very likely that you would try to do something to yourself again if we let you out of the hospital immediately.” He knew it. She judged him as crazy. “But,” he said, “I told you the infusion stuff was because of my girlfriend. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself.” The doctor looked at him with pity. “The girlfriend you refuse to contact and already broke up with despite being unconscious for the st day?” Josh shook his head, “No, I mean, yes. But, she’s in Canada right now. Probably.” “Canada,” the doctor said. Josh’s mind spun faster and faster. He felt words flowing out of his mouth faster than he could think them. He said, “Well, I don’t know where she is right now because she dumped me a few days ago. But, if you got me my phone, I can show you our messages. I’m not making her up. She was super controlling, which is why it’s good that she’s gone. But she is gone now, so I won’t do anything dangerous.” The doctor nodded her head. “I believe you,” she said. It seemed like Josh was finally getting through to her. “Josh,” the doctor said, “I am fully convinced that you need this time of observation.” Josh slumped back into the bed. The doctor continued, “You just told me that your girlfriend forced you to inject dangerous chemicals into your body, while being in Canada, after she already dumped you. You see how none of that adds up, right?” Josh couldn’t bear to look the doctor in the eyes. What did she expect from him? Did she want him to admit the truth? That he was a loser. That he was desperate. That he was alone. The noise in his mind grew louder. The doctor continued, “But don’t think of this as punishment. Like I said, you should be able to finish the antibiotics in this time and clear up the infection. Doctor Mayberry, she’s the resident psychiatrist on staff, she is very lovely to talk to. I’m sure she’ll help clear things up.” The doctor walked to the door and turned to face Josh one st time. “I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow. Hit the button to call one of the nurses if you need anything.” She left. Josh sat in the bed and stared bnkly at the wall. Everyone thought he was crazy. Nobody believed him. It wasn’t his fault he was like this. It wasn’t his fault that it was so hard for him to be a normal guy. He was really trying hard to be normal. To be good. But they all thought he was crazy. They all thought they knew him better than he knew himself. Now, he was stuck in this hospital. He was going to have to talk to a therapist. Again. Just like the st time he’d made a mistake. With Malcolm. Tears started to roll down Josh’s cheek. He didn’t know why he felt so sad right now. Something bad was happening. Or it happened a long time ago? All he knew is that he felt incredibly sad right now about losing someone. Probably Alice. But Alice was the same as all the other people judging him. And now the poison she’d put in his body was making everyone else see him as crazy. Josh leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. The buzzing of the lights started to fill his head. He welcomed it. Anything to drown out the incessant noise coming from inside of him. He wanted to watch a movie. Or py a video game. Or get high. Or drink. Or do really anything except sit with these awful, terrible feelings. He wished he could disappear. “It’ll be okay,” Josh heard through the noise in his mind. “We can get through this. We’ve dealt with therapists before. We just need to talk about losing our dad and not having friends in school. They’ll tell us to try joining a club or exercising. It’ll be fine.” Josh felt comforted by the thoughts. He was right. After all, he had been through this all before. And this time, he only had to deal with the shrink for a few days instead of half a year. And he would be able to go home soon. Back to his video games, and movies, and bed. He could wrap himself up in bnkets and hibernate. That was an especially comforting thought. Sure enough, the next three days in the hospital passed without much problem. Josh talked about how sad he was with the shrink and agreed to take better care of himself. He also agreed to take some pills for three months that were supposed to help with his mood. Sadly, they weren’t anything cool that could get Josh high if he took several at once. He also promised to seek long-term professional treatment after leaving. This is why Josh knew the whole doctor thing was a scam. All they did was try to keep you in the system for as long as possible. They recommended you to their other doctor friends and probably all shared in the money together. It was easy enough to say the right words to the right questions. Josh barely felt like he was even present the entire time. His days became a blur of talking to the shrink, eating meals Jeff or some other nurses brought him, and zoning out listening to the background noise of his mind. ———————— Before he knew it, Josh was standing in front of his apartment after being dropped off by a hospital shuttle. The first thing he noticed was a letter taped to the front of the door. "Joshua, Those people broke the lock on the door and smashed a window. Also the inside of the apartment is an absolute mess. Clean all that shit up and pay me back for the repairs ASAP. New keys on the kitchen table." He had the notion in his mind that he should feel upset or annoyed, but Josh was having trouble feeling much of anything. He ripped the notice off and walked inside. His apartment was a lot filthier than he remembered. There were loose clothes scattered on the floor. Empty beer bottles and crushed beer cans covered the counter, the tables, and the couch. He definitely didn’t remember drinking that much. Josh pushed aside the dirty napkins and empty take-out containers on the kitchen table until he found his new house keys. He also didn’t remember eating all this food. He scoffed to himself. He’d probably eaten hundreds of dolrs of Chinese food yet the doctor said he was malnourished when he came in. What an idiot. Josh went to the couch and scraped the trash onto the floor so he could sit down. He had absolutely no inclination of being bothered to tidy the pce right now. He found his phone by digging in the couch cushions and tried to turn it on. “Great, no power,” he said to himself. He went to his bedroom and plugged his phone in. He scanned his room while he waited for the phone to be able to turn on. It wasn’t as filthy as the other areas, but there were several articles of clothing covering the ground. The sight of bras and panties triggered a rage in Josh that urged him to move. He threw open his closet and stared at all the women’s clothing. He pulled the drawers of his dresser completely out and dumped all the women’s underwear onto the ground. The sight of it all made him sick to his stomach. Josh stomped into the kitchen and found the old cardboard boxes all of Alice’s deliveries came in. He’d been holding onto them because you never knew when you might need a cardboard box. This was the perfect time to use the biggest one. He rushed back into his room and started filling the box with all of the women’s clothing. He didn’t stop until every shred of frilly, sissy fabric was out of sight. The box was so heavy that Josh couldn’t actually move it around, but he knew that was because he was weak from the hospital’s terrible food. He could put it outside with the rest of the trash ter. Things were finally starting to feel better. Josh was even feeling a bit tired. He decided the best course of action would be to put his second pair of sheets on the bed, take a shower, and order a rge amount of food to the house so he could finally rex the way he deserved. He ended up falling asleep on the couch in the middle of eating and watching a movie and didn’t wake up until early afternoon the next day. He zily wandered into his bedroom and grabbed his phone as he rolled into bed. The first thing he did was check if Alice messaged him. Nothing. Instead, Josh noticed several missed calls from work. It would be a pain, but Josh figured he should talk to his boss and expin why he’d been absent for the st few days; without giving over too much of his personal, private information of course. He had no intention of going outside and interacting with people at the moment, so, after a few failed calls to Fred’s personal line, Josh called the number for the restaurant instead. “Hello. Pizza Pce. What can I get you?” Of course Dan had to be working right now. And it had to be Dan answering the phones. “Dan? It’s me, Josh. Is Fred there? I need to talk to him.” “Uh, what’s that Ma’am? Did you want a special?” Josh groaned. Dan sounded like he was high. “Dan, listen to me. This is Josh; your co-worker. I’m trying to reach Fred. Hand him the phone.” “Wait, how do you know my name is Dan? Charissa, is that you?” “I’m not a woman Dan. I’m not a customer. I don’t want any pizza. Just hand the phone over to Fred.” “Look dy, I don’t know what’s going on, but we don’t have that on the menu. This is Pizza Pce, so you can order a pizza and then we can deliver it to you. Or you can come pick it up at the store if you’re not comfortable with people coming to your house.” “I’m not a fucking customer Dan! Just, let me talk to your manager.” “Geez, fine. Hold please. Lame ass Karen. Didn’t even tell me your order.” Josh rubbed his temples and held the phone away from his head as he groaned. The idiot didn’t even know how to properly put people on hold, so Josh had to listen to Dan scuffle about as he walked to Fred’s office. *knock knock* “Hey boss, some dy is on the phone asking about Josh. She wanted to talk to you.” Josh felt his bones steaming. He heard the sound of a door creaking open and some mumbled speech. Then more scuffling noises. “Hello? This is Fred Kim with Pizza Pce.” “Fred, it’s me Josh, not some random dy. Dan is 100% high right now. But I’m not calling about that. I’m returning your calls, and I can guess what you’re angry about right now. I know I missed a few days, but there’s a good reason for it if you let me expin.” “Oh, okay. And I want to make sure I have this correct. You’re still going by Josh. Did I hear that correctly?” “Yeah it’s me. As I was saying, I know I missed some days, but that’s because I got in an accident and I was in the hospital. It’s no big deal; I’ll be fine. I just need, like, two or maybe three more days to recover and then I’m clear to come back to work.” “You were in the hospital? Is everything okay?” “Yeah, I mean, I’m fine. I just need a few days to recover before the doctor cleared me for work.” “Oh, I think I know what you’re talking about. Well, um, congratutions. I’m really happy for you. Josh.” Josh wasn’t sure what Fred was talking about. There was no way Fred could know what kind of accident Josh had been in. And even if he did, why would he be happy that Josh was in an accident in the first pce? “Thanks, I guess. Look, once I’m recovered, you can have me for a week straight. I’ll work overtime every day. I’ll even sign whatever papers you need me to sign so that you don’t have to pay me the time and a half for the overtime. That’s what I’m willing to do to make things up to you.” “You really don’t need to worry about that.” “No, no. Even though it totally wasn’t my fault I couldn’t reach you from the hospital, I still wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t make it up to you. Tell me when you need me, and I’ll be there.” “No, I mean, um, Josh, this is a very nice offer and all. But, it’s too little too te. You know what I mean?” “What are you talking about? Did you already make the schedules?” “You don’t work here anymore.” Josh heard a loud, long, high-pitched tone going off in his ears. “What?” “The first calls were asking you were you were, but with the extended vacation and the extra missed days, I’m sorry, but it was grounds for termination. I was trying to reach you these st few days to let you know not to come in, but you weren’t answering and your voicemail isn’t set up properly for messages.” “But, but. You can’t just fire me for missing a day or two. That’s not fair.” “This was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Josh. You had all the te days stacking up, there were at least two months worth of shifts where you clocked out over an hour earlier than you were supposed to, there were the times you showed up to work drunk, and we had an unusual amount of compints from customers against you. Most of them were from women weirdly enough considering your situation.” His boss continued. “I kept giving you warnings time and time again, but your behavior was barely passable at best. Once I understood what you were going through, I tried to be more lenient, but I have to go by what’s on the paper, so, yeah, I’m really sorry about this.” Josh was barely processing the garbled mess of words coming from the phone. He got fired. Again. “Josh? Are you there?” “Y-yeah. Sorry. I, um.” “I know this can be hard to hear. Especially with the hospital costs and everything. Believe me, I don’t understand everything you’re going through, but I am intimately aware now with the cost of your journey.” “My journey?” “With transitioning. I normally wouldn’t say this so pinly, but you’re not an employee anymore. My *ahem* child, you remember me talking about them before? Well *he* is also transgender and *he* did a wonderful job educating me about the costs of potential future surgeries. So, I’m rooting for you!” “Transgender.” “Yes, well, it was a little touch and go for a while. He thought he was a fluid for a little. Then he had us calling him by a bunch of different names. Honestly, at this point, I’m gd to have something consistent. We’re going to consultations with doctors now to get him on hormones, and I can finally see a light in his eyes again.” Fred continued. All Josh could do was sit there and let him talk. “At first I was worried about the side effects and potential damage to his body, but then I saw what it would cost to remove breasts if he was still feeling this way in adulthood. Especially if he keeps growing like his mom and two older sisters. We’re talking over 20,000.” “Your son has gynecomastia?” “No, I think he called it gender dysphoria. Or dysmorphia. Something like that. Anyways, I’m sorry to be talking your ear off at a time like this. You take your time healing up from your surgery. And, like I said, I’m rooting for you. I know you’ll nd on your feet.” “Okay.” *click* Josh let the phone drop on the bed. He could still hear the piercing tone reverberating in his ears. That word. He’d heard the word again. Everyone in his life thought he was some freak; some crazy person. “What do we do now?” “I don’t know.” No. Not now. Josh didn’t need this right now. He needed to clear his head and think. He got up and started pacing around the room. He needed money. He needed a job. He needed space. He needed life to be not so terrible right now. He needed a job. To get money. To make life better. He needed a job. “At this rate, we should consider applying for a job a Hooter’s.” No! Not now. He did not need this right now. He had important things to figure out. He needed a pn. He needed to pay his ndlord, and whatever the bill would be for the hospital, and whatever was due on his credit cards, and all of his other bills. When was his next bill payment anyways? He’d been losing so much time tely, Josh wasn’t certain what day it was. He checked his various banking apps on his phone. Thankfully, his credit cards weren’t due for a few weeks. Unfortunately, they were all pretty much maxed out. What in the world had he been spending all this money on? “We need a pn.” Okay, step one: he needed to cut out all the extra spending. No more eating out. He would go grocery shopping and cook at home. That was supposed to be cheaper, right? Granted, he wasn’t confident in his ability to cook a rge variety of things. And he wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of needing to go out all the time with the way his body looked. His soft skin, and long hair, and rge… No. He wasn’t getting distracted this time. He needed to finish his pn. He was going to buy groceries instead of paying for expensive delivery food. Then, he needed to stop all the recurring bills that weren’t technically necessary. That’s what all the finance bros on social media were always talking about. All the small payments he doesn’t even think about add up to keep people in poverty or something like that. He re-opened his phone and scrolled through his past purchases over that st few months. Streaming services? Easy enough to cancel. Josh would be too busy getting back in shape and working extra shifts at his new job to be watching movies anyways. Plus, he had his favorites on DVD and Blu-ray already. He kept scrolling through to find more subscriptions, but he came up empty. Most of his purchases were one-off items like clothes, video games, gas, and food. All he could do with that information is make a mental note to buy less stuff in the future to save money. Stuff. Josh looked around his room. He strode around the apartment looking at all the junk he had in his house. Figures, extra towels, a bunch of ptes he never used, several pairs of running shoes he never wore. Surely if he had paid for all this crap, somebody else would too. He started making a mental list of all the random junk he could try to sell and how much he thought he could get for it. Then the big ticket item came to him. He rushed back to his room and opened up the box of women’s clothing. Jackpot. He was so gd he’d made the wise decision to not throw any of it away yet. Now, Alice’s betrayal was going to become Josh’s salvation. With all the clothing in the box, plus the items Josh would be willing to part with scattered around the apartment, he figured he’d have plenty to pay his ndlord for the repairs and pay the minimum for the credit cards. That would give him enough time to find a new job. “But job hunting sucks.” What was he whining about? Josh was no stranger to work. He’d been working since he was in high school. He was no stranger to finding a new job over and over again. Plus, the searching part was easy. He’d drive around pces near where he lived and look for hiring signs on the windows. Maybe he could find a job as a night security guard or a dish washer. Something where he wouldn’t have to interact with people as much. He didn’t need a career or something perfect. He needed something that would pay him as soon as possible so he could clear his debts and refocus on life. There was one monthly recurring expense Josh did need to worry about. It wasn’t much, but it was something he wouldn’t be using ever again, and he needed to save as much money as he could right now. Although, maybe it wouldn’t even be worth the hassle to cancel it. After all, there was a chance Josh could use it in the future as he got back into shape. His gym membership. An image of Gym Bro’s face immediately popped into Josh’s mind. He shook his head to get the image out, but it seemed to only become more crisp and clear the harder he tried. His heart rate increased. Beads of sweat began to form on his skin. There was no possible way Josh was going back to that gym. After a quick Google search, Josh called the number of the location. “Hello, Tiffany speaking with Big Crunch Fitness. How can I help you?” “Hi, yes, my name is Josh. Joshua Newberry. I’m a member at the gym. And, um, I had an accident recently, so my doctor said I shouldn’t be working out right now while I recover. So I don’t need the gym membership right now, and I don’t think it would make sense to keep paying for it. You know?” “I’m so sorry to hear about your accident. Are you feeling better now?” “Um, yeah. But, like, not better enough to come and lift weights. So, yeah.” “Well, I can speak for everyone here at Big Crunch Fitness that we wish you a fast recovery and hope to see you again soon!” “Thank you, but that’s actually why I’m calling. Because I can’t come into the gym, so I need to cancel my membership.” “I see. The thing is, we can’t handle gym membership changes over the phone. You would need to come here in person so we can verify your identity.” “What do you mean verify it’s me? I’m me. Joshua Newberry. My membership number is…” Josh turned around and looked for where he’d put his wallet. As he went searching for his gym ID, the dy on the phone took the opportunity to keep talking. “No, I understand, but it’s the gym’s policy. But don’t worry. You can come in anytime the gym is open. We always have a manager on-site who can help you change the status of your membership.” “I’m not really supposed to be traveling right now. I just got out of the hospital…” “Well we have handicap parking spaces right in front of the door. And if you call this number when you arrive, a member at the front desk will be happy to assist you.” “I don’t think that’s necessary. Look, you said there’s a manager on site? Can I speak to him and get this settled right now?” “I can put you on the phone with the manager, but he will tell you the same thing I did. It’s the gym’s policy.” “Just put me on the phone with your manager.” “Okay! Please hold for a moment.” Josh waited for what felt like an eternity. At least this woman knew how to properly put someone on hold. The music pying through phone sounded like the same generic popur songs that would py over the speakers in the gym. “Hello, this is Tim speaking.” “Hi, hello, yes. This is Josh. Joshua Newberry.” “How can I help you?” “Well, as I told the other person, I’m trying to cancel my gym membership. I just got out of the hospital and,” “Oh wow! I’m so sorry to hear that. How is your recovery going?” “Um, well, it’s fine for now, but,” “You know, not many people take advantage of it, but we have excellent, low-intensity workout csses here every week. We also have the hydro spa that provides different levels of massage across your entire body.” “Okay, well, my doctor said it would be best for me to avoid physical activity right now. Which is why,” “Avoid physical activity? That’s really strange. Usually doctors recommend some form of mild to moderate exercise to help with recovery. If you don’t mind sharing, what kind of accident were you involved in?” “I, um, well. My doctor said I’m not supposed to be working out, so I won’t be able to use the gym membership. And it doesn’t make sense to keep it, so,” “I see. So you would like to downgrade to a lower level.” “No! No, I would like to cancel my gym membership.” “Okay, okay. I see what’s going on now. You’re a little bitch who can’t stay committed to anything in your life.” Josh was absolutely stunned. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” “I asked if you found your gym experience unsatisfactory.” “Oh, I mean. Sometimes, yeah.” “I’m really sorry to hear that. I would love it if we could sit down for a short chat where you could tell me, or another manager, the issues you had with the gym to see if there’s something we can do to make your experience better. We’d be willing to give you two months free of the premium membership for your time.” “I don’t need free months of the membership. I need to cancel my membership.” “I hear you. Well then, the process is pretty simple. Just come into the gym and talk with one of the managers on staff and we can discuss your options about changing your membership status. I’m here until the end of the day, and I’ll be here again tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow morning is Jenna; she’s a wonderful person if you would prefer to speak with her.” “I really can’t make it to the gym right now, and I don’t want to pay for the upcoming month. Can’t I give you my membership number so you can look up my information and hit the cancel button?” “The gym policy is that we have an exit interview before canceling any membership. Also, we need you in person so we can verify your identity and have you sign the forms. Are you on the annual pn or the monthly pn?” “The annual pn.” “Yes, we definitely need to do this in person if you’re on the annual pn. How far away are you from the gym right now?” “Maybe thirty minutes.” “That’s not too bad. Is it the long commute that’s inspiring you to cancel the membership? Because we can lower your membership status to a more affordable level. You won’t have access to all of the gym’s facilities, and you won’t be able to access it at peak times, but it may be a way for you to continue enjoying your membership at a better price point.” “No, I just want to cancel.” “I hear you loud and clear. Then, all you need to do is come in and we’ll get that handled for you. Your name was Josh Hooberry, correct?” “Newberry.” “Ah, sorry about that. Josh N-e-w-b-e-r-r-y. And you want to change. Membership. Status. Okay, I’ve made a note here for the other managers in case you choose to come in another day. But if you head over right now, I’m sure we can settle this no problem. Have a good day!” *click* Did he just hang up the phone? Josh stared at his bnk screen in disbelief. That man actually hung up on him! Part of Josh was furious, but another part him had to respect the power and pure manliness on dispy. He couldn’t simply call back and continue to argue his case either. To do so would be admitting Josh was weak and inferior to Tim the manager. Josh needed to go to the gym.