I ran through the tall grass, following a whole new smell profile that had nothing to do with humans despite the footprints in the muddy earth. As was now a common occurrence, I was totally distracted by something new.

  I broke through the grass field and stumbled as the ground rose. I paused. The scent profile continued up, but I was also now painfully aware of how exposed I was. The brush no longer kept me hidden. Something tall rose from up ahead, on top of this big hill and reaching into the sky.

  I lowered myself to the ground, looking around for footprints.

  Eventually, I found them. But no, these were different. These were boots, not the big foot-shaped soft prints. The rain was really coming in handy with making wet dirt for tracking. The boot prints didn’t really smell like anything beyond a hint of something plastic and rubber left behind.

  I followed my nose up the hill, keeping my head low as I tried to be fast and stealthy. It was kinda fun to run around like this after being so immobile. I could jump really far, too, but I just wasn’t any good at landing.

  I paused, awkwardly hopping onto a rock before stretching my neck up to see what was up on the crest of the hill.

  Of course, it was Nicole, but dressed in her new black clothes, her hair now short and dark. How had I known to follow her?

  She knelt in the dirt under the tree. The boots on her feet were the second pair of tracks I had followed, but… not the first.

  By now, the moons had shifted around a lot. Finding her had been very slow. I had looked in all sorts of other places. That didn’t diminish my pride at finally finding her.

  Her back was to me, and she was so still. Thinking. She got like that when she was all in her head. I hopped a little closer, curious as to what she was doing. Quite pleased with how close I was able to creep. I was so good at being sneaky.

  Then I saw it.

  The stick in the ground in front of her. I tried to frown, again an expression my face was not capable of. There were small gaps in the ground, crevices that stretched out in a rectangular shape. The dirt had recently been disturbed. Then there was the vegetation, flowers and plants amongst the large tree roots that burrowed into the hill. Small bowls of berries, a bundle of flowers, offerings left for the dead.

  I could recognize my name in squiggles on the wooden post.

  It was a grave. My… grave, buried among the flowers.

  Oh, Nicole.

  A new feeling of sadness bubbled up inside me, the way this body had grown to feel it. No tears, no tight throat, but the clawing at my chest was the same.

  I didn’t want to sneak up on her anymore. I let out a strangled whine, a sound which I had no control over, but it sounded as sad as I felt.

  Nicole turned slowly to look at me. She just stared, expression unreadable.

  “I’ve been… running calculations," she eventually said weakly. “There is one variable I had not considered, but now makes some twisted degree of sense, yet it shouldn’t. It really shouldn't. I believe I am detaching from reality.”

  I took a few steps towards her slowly. Unsure of how to respond to that as a human, let alone… this body.

  Nicole stared at me a moment longer, tears trailing down her face. “Are you in there, Elsy?” Her voice cracked, heavy with emotion. So alive despite everything she thought about herself.

  I bobbed my head. A simple short nod.

  I was right here. She didn’t need to hurt anymore.

  But Nicole didn’t come to me. Instead, she let herself fall back against the earth, looking up at the sky with a huff. She didn’t… she didn’t seem happy. The ache in my chest split open into pain. Why wasn't she happy? I was alive.

  I took the last few steps to reach her. Nicole said nothing as I looked down at her. I lacked the ability to say anything. So I lay down beside her, curling myself up as I pressed my snout into her side. She didn’t really smell like anything, except maybe a new machine smell. This way, I didn’t need to see her face. I could just feel her warm body beside mine.

  I didn’t need her to rejoice or cheer. I just wanted her to be… happy. All she seemed to be was tired.

  She gently pressed her hand to my back. I let out a sigh as she trailed her fingers through my fur, up along my spine.

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  “For the first time, I find myself wanting to reject logic,” Nicole eventually spoke. “Because I suddenly suspect that perhaps your secondary brain is… instead a parasite. I think I fear you truly being here as much as I fear you being a figment of my mind.”

  Why? Why, why, why, why? WHY?

  The demand for an answer only existed in my head. Nicole said nothing further. Why was she not happy to see me? After everything, why was this not a good thing?

  Frustrated, I straightened up, pulling away from her touch. I was angry, for the first time I was truly angry, uninhibited by anything. Confused and lost, I wanted to scream. I wanted to kick and scream and rage. What had happened to her? What had changed? Where was my Nicole? The one who had comforted me, explained things to me, and cared for me. I was furious.

  So I bit her.

  Nicole did not flinch, though she did snap to attention as I sank my teeth into her strange flesh. I regretted it immediately. Whatever hopes of some sense of satisfaction shrivelled up as I realized I had caused her pain, I had damaged a body which could not heal.

  Regret coursed through me as I jerked away. Horror, guilt, I didn’t mean to, not really. I licked at her arm, tasting her metal skeletal structure and slippery lubricant.

  I stopped. It would do no good. This body’s instincts were of no use right now. I let out a whimpering noise, trying to seem… apologetic. I willed her to understand.

  But Nicole was not angry. She was never angry with me. Instead, she extended her hand towards me. Grateful, I rubbed my face into her palm, my nose brushing against that same familiar line. She brushed her fingers through my fur.

  “I missed you desperately,” Nicole sighed sadly. “I have been… different without you. Lonely. Lonely and… cold. I did not know loss could do that to me. And yet the suffering was unnecessary, and now I know the pain that will come when you do stay dead. And now I feel guilty for letting that fear control me.”

  I whined. I couldn’t respond to something so complex in my current state. But I forgave her, of course, I forgave her. She was just scared. I was so used to being scared. So I pushed myself closer again, laying my head on her chest. We both seemed to find some comfort in tangible touch.

  “I buried you here, amongst the flowers,” Nicole spoke up weakly. “Every time I visit, there are more offerings. The indigenous inhabitants leave you things.”

  The indigenous inhabitants? Like… people? Not just animals? I perked up, looking around uncertainly. Suddenly, we were far more exposed, the planet seeming far more dangerous if we weren't the only intelligent life.

  “Oh, relax,” Nicole huffed. “Don’t be like the rest of them.”

  Scolded, I lay back down. Unsure of why I was even being scolded, but I didn’t have the words to ask.

  “They have only been respectful. Though I fear conflict is brewing. The settlers are fearful and arrogant, which has given Tobias something to unite everyone against. Even Captain Tameron and his loyalists have seemed to fall into line,” Nicole went on. “I fear things may escalate.”

  Unsure of how else to respond, I awkwardly manipulated my paw into a thumbs-down. I didn’t want people to get hurt. Except I was now in even less of a position to do anything. Only after realizing my initial reaction had been to do something. I felt so… brazen now. So unstoppable. Had the inhibitor really controlled me so much?

  Nicole smiled fondly before turning back up to the stars. “The scavenging mission was a great success. Progress is slow, but Tobias has announced that within the week, contact with the Imperium will be restored. If that happens, then survival is largely guaranteed if we can survive long enough for help to come.”

  That was good. Everyone would be okay. They would be able to build lives for themselves here. That was… good.

  Good, but… something that had nothing to do with me anymore. Oh… gosh, it really didn’t. I could do whatever I wanted. I could do whatever I wanted. It was horrible and thrilling.

  It was a lot to process.

  I snuggled up to Nicole. For the first time in my life, I had no idea what the future held for me.

  “I suppose we’ll need to find a way to communicate,” Nicole added. “It’s not your fault, but this conversation feels rather one-sided.”

  I laughed, for the first time in a long time, I laughed.

  Nicole looked at me as if I had grown a second head.

  Begrudgingly, I let my head flop back down, turning my attention to her injured hand. Nicole was still hurt, leaking lubricant, a hole pierced in her synthetic skin. As far as I was concerned, that was the most pressing thing. But if Nicole was not getting up, then neither would I.

  It was not something I would ever dare to express aloud, but I had the odd desire to crawl inside of her so we would never be apart again. Such a desire felt… inappropriate now knowing what I was.

  “I’m fine, I promise,” Nicole replied, gently. “I have the repair pod now. Even without it would be an easy fix.”

  That made me feel a little better. It didn’t change the fact that I had hurt her.

  We lay like that for a while, Nicole occasionally updating me on this and that; everything I had missed. Her valiant effort to return my body to N7, the unease of the crew of shuttle three. She was an excellent storyteller.

  She brushed over her grief, but not well. Had anyone consoled her? I suddenly doubted it. It had been just the two of us, and then she thought I had been gone. I couldn’t imagine how I would have handled it if I had been in her place.

  As strange as this body was, I was ever so grateful for it.

  I had missed seeing her face. I had only one other friend on this expedition who now thought I was dead. Tobias was my husband, so he was hardly a friend. But Nicole was more than a friend; she was a girlfriend. The kind of best friends that came in groups, and you got up to all sorts of trouble with. Though admittedly, I wasn’t totally clear on that, Tobias had quickly turned that movie off.

  Words didn't matter in my own head. Nicole was my person. And I vowed to do everything I could to not lose her again.

  I felt so safe curled up against her that, despite my best attempts, I fell asleep. It was the best sleep I had had in weeks.