Level One

  The Bunkhouse was not at all like Cooper had left it. The neat pies of frek carrots had been disturbed. The map he’d drawn on the wall had been marked up with blue chalk, with roughly half of the rooms crossed out in blue chalk. At the same time, Geek 2 was sitting on Geek 1’s bench on the south side of the room. Also, Geek 2 appeared clean and well-cared for, which seemd like a good sign. Still, Cooper put some base in his voice when he hit Four Eyes with a “what the fuck are you doing here?”

  “I came here looking for you,” Four Eyes said.

  “Why?” Cooper demanded.

  “I didn’t get a chance to say thank you. I’ve been doing much better since you healed me. Also I wanted to give you this back.”

  The boy extended a hand. In it was Cooper’s .28 revolver. Cooper blinked his eyes to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

  “You’re just giving it to me?” he asked in disbelief.

  “It’s yours, isn’t it? And it’s not like we know how to use it. I was hoping it could be like a peace offering. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but things haven’t been going great for us since Itaja died. Yason’s doing his best, but we’re struggling. We could use a few friends.”

  Cooper just stared at the kid for a moment. It was good to finally have the gun back, but more than that, he was touched. Actually and sincerely touched. WHen he finally spoke, it was to say…

  “Are you hungry?”

  * * *

  In order to get the Lesbian back to the par, Cooper had to take him all the way back to the HIgh Roller’s Lounge to use the green maze symbol. There was some risk to that, but they didn’t run into any Kayins, so in the end it was fine. And it also gave them some time to talk.

  “So you’re telling me there’s an actual place somewhere called the Island of Lezbos?” Cooper was saying as they entered the Lounge.

  “Lesbos,” the boy corrected. “My father was born there, so that’s why they call me ‘the Lesbian’.

  “Crazy,” Cooper said.

  “I don’t see what’s so strange about that,” the Lesbian responded as Cooper punched the maze symbol.

  Amelia and Bird Girl were seated at the round table, talking. The moment they arrived, Bird Girl hopped up from her seat, marching over to the foyer.

  “Where have you been?” she demanded of the Lesbian in hooba-fooba talk. The rest of the conversation Cooper missed as the two kids immediately moved off to the corner to whisper at each other furiously. Instead, Cooper went over to the round table to talk to Amelia.

  “What happened to the other kid?” he asked, as Fidel was nowhere to be seen.

  “You’re speaking Minoan,” Amelia replied.

  “What?”

  “I can’t understand you. Can you speak English please?”

  “The fuck are you talking about?” Cooper began, only to realize that she was right. The words coming out of his mouth were in hooba-fooba talk. He still understood what he was saying, but it definitely wasn’t English.

  “Holy shit,” he finally said, in English this time. “What’s that about?”

  “It’s a side effect of a Mothertongue potion,” Amelia said.

  “What?”

  “A little brown drink that tastes like apple juice? It’s called a Mothertongue potion. It allows you to magically learn other languages, but it does have some side effects.”

  “Weird,” Cooper said. “What happened to the other kid?”

  “You mean Nejin? He ate a bit too much. I told him he could lay down in your room.”

  “What about Barry?”

  “He was acting crazy so I put him in the courtyard. I’ll just warn you, I think he threw up a couple times.”

  “The curry powder upsets his stomach. I’ll deal with it.”

  “I realize now probably isn’t the time,” Amelia said, “but at some point we should talk about the wisdom of keeping a wild animal in the par.”

  “You’re right,” Cooper said. “Now’s not the time.”

  Whatever Amelia was going to say in response to that, she was cut off by Bird Girl and the Lesbian returning from their little huddle.

  “Lord Rabbit,” Bird Girl said with a small curtsey, ” I respectfully ask you to return to my people.”

  “Okay,” Cooper said, pointing to the Lesbian. “What about the other one? What was his name?”

  “You’re speaking Minoan again,” said Amelia.

  “Fuck,” said Cooper in English. “What was the other kid’s name?”

  “Nejin,” said Amelia.

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “What about Nejin?” Cooper said in hooba-fooba talk.

  “I will go check on Nejin now. If it pleases your lordship.”

  “Yeah,” Cooper said. “Whatever’s clever.”

  Bird Girl gave him another curtsey before fucking off to the back hallway. The Lesbian, meanwhile, was over at the buffet table and begun preparing himself a plate.

  “Did that girl just call me ‘Lord Rabbit’?” Cooper asked once the girl was out of earshot.

  “Didn’t you tell them your name was ‘Wild Rabbit’?” Amelia replied.

  “I said my name was Bugs Bunny.”

  Amelia frowned. “Is that some kind of high school nickname or something?”

  “It’s a cartoon character. You’ve really never heard of Bugs Bunny?”

  “It’s probably after my time. That explains it then. Mothertongue potions are very effective, but they aren’t perfect, and translation is an inexact science to begin with. So there are going to be mistranslations from time to time. If you want me to go into more detail I’ll be happy to.”

  “Maybe later,” Cooper said. “So are these fuckers are going to be walking around calling me ‘Lord Rabbit’ now?”

  “Unless you tell them to call you something different,” Amelia said.

  Cooper scratched his chin for a moment. “I guess it’s as good a name as any. So you are going to tell me what you guys talked about or what?”

  “Whenever you’re ready,” Amelia said.

  As it turned out, both the Blue Teamers and the Kayins were both ancient Greeks. The Blue Teamers were Minoan Greeks and the Kayins were Achaean Greeks, which apparently meant they were completely different cultures and different languages and whatnot. Cooper was a lot less interested in the difference between Minoans and Achaeans than he was in knowing how all these people were still alive, but Amelia’s response was to simply tell him that time works differently in the Game, and this won’t be the last time he runs into folks who should have been dead for a few thousand years.

  Their conversation was cut short by the return of Bird Girl. She told Cooper that Fidel - Nejin, apparently - had decided to stay a little longer, as long as that was fine with him. Cooper had no objection, so he put one of the “ally” collars on Bird girl and they went back through the maze symbol to the Blue Teamer base. Cooper wasn’t expecting an ambush or anything, but he took two of the Geeks with him, just in case.

  The three remaining Blue Teamers - the Cyclops, Lurch and Spiro - were in the amphitheater arguing when Cooper and Bird Girl arrived, just as they had been when they left. Cooper wondered if they had been there doing that the entire time. He removed the collar from Bird Girl’s neck and turned back toward the maze symbol, but Bird Girl asked him to wait a second. Once again, the Blue Teamers formed a huddle and began whispering at one another furiously.

  Cooper could have just gone back to the par anyway, but instead he waited for them, like a chump. Once they were done talking, Spiro stepped forward and asked Cooper to take him back to the par so he could talk to Amelia as well. Cooper may have rolled his eyes a little at the request, but he agreed soon enough, and he popped the collar that had just been on Bird Girl’s neck around Spiro’s.

  When they arrived back at the round table room, the Lesbian was gone. Amelia said he had gone looking for Nejin. Cooper offered to help Spiro find the two boys, but of course Spiro went straight for the buffet table. With Spiro stuffing his face, Cooper decided to go looking for the boys himself.

  The Lesbian he found on the badminton court, playing badminton with the Geeks. Fidel he found in the ice cream parlor making himself an enormous sundae. None of them had any questions for him. They were just running around like a bunch of kids on a sugar high. Which was fine, really. Cooper had told the kids to look around if they wanted to. But it still kind of annoyed him.

  Cooper went up to the courtyard to check on Barry and change out his water dish. Then went down to the sauna for a bit to relax. He had been in the sauna for maybe two minutes before the door opened and Fidel - Nejin - stuck his head inside and asked Cooper to take him back.

  “Give me just a minute,” Cooper sighed, toweling off and putting his clothes back on.

  When he found the Lesbian and Spiro again they were both on the badminton court playing against the Geeks. Cooper offered to take them back with Nejin, but Spiro said he still had some questions to ask Amelia. Then why don’t you go fucking ask them?, Cooper thought, but he didn’t say it. Instead he snapped a collar on Nejin and took him back to Blue Base.

  To Cooper’s increasing annoyance, the same thing that happened when he dropped Bird Girl off happened again. The four Blue Teamers huddled up and argued with each other at a whisper, then Lurch stepped forward and asked if he could go speak to the Lesbian as well. Cooper sighed inwardly, but once again, he did as he was asked.

  Like his colleagues before him, Lurch made absolutely no attempt to find the Lesbian once he arrived at the base. Instead he went straight for the buffet. Cooper tried returning to the sauna, only to discover Spiro was inside. Instead, he went back to his room to take a shower and clean his clothes. There was a little machine in the corner of the room which Amelia had explained was a sort of magical washing machine. You put your clothes inside, then wait 5 minutes, and they come out perfectly clean. Cooper hadn’t had a chance to try it yet, but he figured now was the time.

  The clothes-washing machine worked just as he had been promised it would. Ten minutes later, he was back in the round table room, freshly showered and in clean clothes. Amelia was waiting for him. When he arrived there, Lurch was gone but Amelia was back.

  “Did those kids find you?” Cooper asked. To his surprise the answer was no. Neither Spiro nor Lurch had come to speak with her at all.

  “That tears it,” Cooper said. He returned to the badminton court, where all three blue teamers - Spiro, Lurch and the Lesbian - were enjoying a rousing 3-on-3 gream against the Geeks, which they seemed to be winning.

  “Five minute warning!” Cooper shouted at them. “Anyone who’s going back to the maze tonight, get your ass to the round table!”

  There was a lot of bitching and moaning, as the Blue Teamers were apparently very anxious to finish their game, but Cooper held his ground, and five minutes later all three of them were standing in the little foyer with the three maze symbols in it.

  “Are you sure you want to go back?” Cooper asked the Lesbian. “They’re not going to like torture you or anything are they?”

  “I should be fine,” the Lesbian said. “And anyway I need to be there to cast my vote.”

  “I guess that makes snese,” Cooper said. “How long do you think it’ll take you to make a decision?”

  “Probably until tomorrow,” Lurch said in his reedy-ass voice.

  “Definitely tomorrow,” Spiro added.

  “Alright fine. Whatever I guess,” Cooper replied. “Just remember what Amelia said. Down on the next floor there’s going to be a whole bunch of different ways to get this fucking stick off my hand. So as long as guys don’t mind hanging out for a little bit, this plan is definitely going to work.”

  “We understand,” Lurch said.

  “Thank you for your help, Lord Rabbit,” the Lesbian said.

  “Call me Rabbit,” Cooper said as he punched the maze symbol.

  * * * * *

  Name: Cooper of Vancouver

  Gender: Male

  Affiliation: None

  Age at Entry: 29

  Current Level: The Labyrinth (1)

  Jing: 10/10

  Qi: 14/14

  Shen: 0

  Life #: 2

  Status: Cursed (3)