Earth’s Greatest Sandwich Artist
When I opened my eyes, it was evident right away that something was seriously wrong. First of all, I was not standing on slippery ice covered concrete. Instead of the back of the restaurant where I'd just torn the bottom of a garbage bag—experiencing quite possibly the most traumatic moment of my life—I found myself standing in a...pod?
There was no other way to describe it.
Smooth curved white walls of the capsule surrounded me, just wide and tall enough for me to not quite yet feel like a caged animal.
A sudden tug in my stomach accompanied by having to regain my footing confirmed another detail; I was moving up. Fast.
Pod Escalator..?
While the sensation of the previous day's condiments running down my back was the last thing I felt, my slipping and cracking my head open right after was some awful luck.
Minutes before closing. Next two days off. Seriously?
Maybe I didn’t slip, however. Maybe, just maybe, this was something else.
My imagination only had to run so far, however, as a video game HUD-like holographic screen appeared before me. While most of the writing was written in a tiny alien gibberish font I couldn’t possibly make out, there were two words at the very bottom of the screen I could comprehend:
[Accept Terms]
I laughed at the absurdity of the situation.
I was no stranger to shady business practices. The used car salesman who will avoid mentioning the fact that the entire car is a rebuilt model, only to frame it in the most positive way when asked for a complete repair history.
The streaming subscription services that love to include additional paid channels, making them far too easy to accidentally subscribe to, and far too difficult to cancel. The option to not tip being the smallest and most difficult to find option.
Not allowing a person to read the conditions and terms of their own life was, however, a new territory of shamelessness. Crazy seemed more fitting.
“Accept terms,” I said.
Nothing.
Standing there like a fool when the verbal command failed to work, I raised my hand over the text, and found the motion proving to be successful. Acting as a mouse-like cursor, I managed to hover over the text. It took me a while to figure out the clicking mechanic as well, with the swiping of the hand motion and vocal commands failing to work. Closing of the palm worked, however, and I was greeted with the next text:
[Choose Class]
[Knight] [Shadow] [Clown] [Necromancer] [Reaper]
Despite not being religious, I’ve often found myself wondering what the afterlife would hold for us. Would it be a party for the good, a re-run of life's most embarrassing moments played on repeat for those not so good? Rebirth? Just lights out?
When imagining the purgatory state before said afterlife, however, a character class selection is not what I would have ever even considered.
Then again, that may just be my advantage going into this. Heavy character driven stat games that demanded more excel spreadsheets than any of my school projects? Absolutely.
Hour long RTS games where my internet cut off far after my neck had given up trying to maintain posture? Too many.
Solo rushing towards any enemy I see while running quads in a modern FPS shooter battle royale? I think you know the answer.
If there was any afterlife I was ready for, it was a video game.
[Knight]
- +15 Strength for every Ranker and PvE boss killed
- +50 % movement speed when within 100m of an enemy Ranker/PvE boss
- Obtain a second healthbar(shield = 100% of max HP, regenerates at 1%hp/sec out of combat) and enable shield items + drops
- Immune to poison attacks and movement speed debuffs
- Obtain UNIQUE ITEM: Holy Medallion(Immortal)
- Once every 120 seconds: for 15 seconds, convert 90% of current shield HP into bonus damage and gain +25% lifesteal attack.
Class Awakening available upon reaching lv.50
[Shadow]
- +15 Agility and +5 damage for every Ranker and PvE boss killed
- Deal 2.5x normal normal damage during the first 12 seconds of combat against a new enemy
- Dealing damage with a poisoned attack marks the target for 30 seconds. Marked rankers are visible on your mini-map and leave behind footprints
- Enable use of ranged weapons
- Obtain UNIQUE ITEM: Blood Contract(Immortal)
- Once every 300 seconds, claim a random enemy ranker within 600m. Claimed ranker and caster become permanently visible to each other's min-map. Eliminating marked rankers will result in significantly greater loot, while failure to do so will result in -100 agility penalty.
Class Awakening available upon reaching lv.50
[Clown]
- +20 to a stat of your choice for every Ranker and PvE boss killed
- Your level, rank and player kills are hidden from other rankers(does not work if marked by an Assassin)
- +4 Item Slots
- 25% Chance to dodge normal attacks
- Obtain UNIQUE ITEM: Mirror Of Envy(Immortal)
- When an enemy ranker uses an active item ability within 100m, you have the option to duplicate it into a castable item ability. The duplication process lasts 15 seconds, and is uncancellable. Empty item slot required, max stack of 3.
Class Awakening available upon reaching lv.50
[Necromancer]
- +15 Intelligence for every Ranker and PvE boss killed
- Revive slain PvE enemies of equal or lower level to fight for you(max 20 concurrent summons, scales to +5 summon for every ranker level)
- Immune to aura debuffs
- Enables use of ranged weapons
- Obtain UNIQUE ITEM: First Oath(Immortal)
- Once every 300 seconds: turn a slain enemy into a permanent minion. Permanent minions level with you(up to 80% of your level and stats) and have 2 equipment slots.
Class Awakening available upon reaching lv.50
[Hunter]
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
- +20 to a stat of your choice for every Ranker and PvE boss killed
- Enables the Arena Extended Fashion System. Epic and higher tier cosmetic items now have a visible tracer aura effect. Cosmetics set system[s] unlocked
- Summons a cosmetic-only companion visible only to you that will actively seek and retrieve to you dropped loot within 100m
- Obtain UNIQUE ITEM: Emperor’s Boots(Immortal)
- Once every 10 seconds, teleport to any visible location within 100m. Creates a permanent rift(usable by anyone for 30s before fading; using rift reveals your position for 5 seconds)
Class Awakening available upon reaching lv.50
I considered the options.
The knight class build was by far the best duelist, its immortal tier Holy Medallion item alone making it the scariest in early engagements. Gaining access to a shield system would also allow for more survivability and made it a tempting choice not knowing what kind of game we were about to be thrown into.
Whatever it was, without the promise of a respawn system there was no way I’d risk a class that was prone to taking damage.
The shadow class build was an interesting one. It had one of the most direct engagement abilities in allowing you to initiate a high stakes duel. It also offered a ridiculous early damage multiplier, allowing for the most toxic kind of gameplay: camping.
Definitely a class to consider.
[6m38s]
Ignoring the bothersome timer at the bottom of my display, the Clown class was the most non-traditional among them all. Being able to allocate points where one deemed most appropriate was an incredible perk. After snowballing early and dumping points into the specialized stat, I could scale to create a powerful hybrid build. If finding lots of items enhancing spells and relying on the duplicated spells, focusing on an intelligence would be the way to go. Passive auras and items relying on more classic head to head combat would benefit from focusing on the favored damage stat, as well as dumping a good amount into strength for survivability.
Since the shadow class already hinted at there being a mini-map, the ability to become a ghost while also making other players doubt whether or not to engage my completely hidden profile also seemed promising. Not as strong early game as the shadow class, but a potential monster late game.
Reading the description of the necromancer class, I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. Twenty concurrent summons. Five additional levels per level. An army of high level monsters and players. It was a monster class, the kind I favored in a traditional ARPG game. Another potential late game monster, if one could survive the start.
Having read through the hunter class next, it struck me as a weaker fighter class than a shadow, and less scaling potential than that of a clown with its additional item potential. Then, however, I read it again. And again.
More than ten cosmetics slots. More than ten auras.
Incredible late game aura stacking potential, accompanied by the survivability of the instant teleporting boots. There was no other choice.
Earth’s Greatest Sandwich Artist
Rank: 999999~
??0
Hunter, Level 1
ITEM 1: Emperor’s Boots(Immortal)
- Once every 10 seconds, teleport to any visible location within 100m. Creates a permanent rift(usable by anyone for 30s before fading; using rift reveals your position for 5 seconds)
ITEM 2: Empty
ITEM 3: Empty
ITEM 4: Empty
ITEM 5: Empty
ITEM 6: Empty
Consumable 1: Empty
Consumable 2: Empty
Consumable 3: Empty
Class Awakening available upon reaching lv.50
[3m22s]
“Greatest..Sandwich Artist..” I read the title out loud, unsure whether I was being praised or insulted. Probably both.
If judged by the shop owner, I was the worst: doing just enough and not taking too many toilet breaks to warrant getting fired. If judged by customers, however, I can proudly say that I happily gave double the meat portion when asked, and even happily gave away cookies that would have been tossed out later anyway.
My stats screen also pointed out several other things.
My hunter class, which I would have to boost to level fifty as quickly as possible to upgrade, specialized in both agility and luck. If taking traditional ARPG games into account, agility would mean faster movement, reaction speed, and possibly even faster attack speed. Luck, on the other hand, was a strange one.
Better loot? An evasion buff?
Hopefully I’ll last long enough to find out.
The rank and kill count were also an interesting detail. To include. Besides the clown class which allowed the user to hide its stats, I should in theory be able to check not just other peoples ranks and names, but also their kill count.
[1m08s]
Waiting for the timer to countdown, I imagined several different starting scenarios.
A hilly countryside with hundreds of thousands of us suddenly spawning next to each other, abusing our single items as much as possible in hopes of snowballing faster than the person closest to us. The shadow class folks tagging and marking those around them, only to run off into the forest and return with a thirst of blood having found a shiny club or something of the sort.
I imagined spawning in the back of an overfilled aircraft where some npc character prompted us to jump out, only for us to fall over each other and go SPLAT before even figuring out how to trigger the parachute mechanics.
Maybe even-
"Congratulations, Greatest Sandwich Artist!” A deep, way too overenthusiastic voice cut me off,“ as of this moment, your planet has been held hostage!”
As if on cue, my surroundings suddenly changed. Instead of the brightly lit opaque white that I had found myself surrounded by, I now found myself wondering if I was standing on anything at all. Translucent, perfectly see through visible glass. Scratch that, whatever material this elevator pod was made of, it was definitely more advanced than any material I was familiar with from earth.
That wasn’t the most disturbing part, however.
On the other side of my platform, lined up in perfectly arranged rows going further than my eyes could see, stood thousands-no, millions of people. Each one of their eyes landed on me.
“What in the actual fuck?” I asked bewildered, making eye contact with the man closest to me. He looked straight out of the 18th century, rocking a redcoat and a tricorn hat to complete the fit. He looked even more puzzled than I was, finding himself in a sleep paralysis-like state where only his eyes and eyebrows seemed to function. To his side stood a lady far too well dressed for any occasion I could think of, although the older style of her glasses made me think she must have lived towards the end of the 19th century. She looked just as confused as the redcoat. This pattern continued for the caveman era looking man who looked like his hair never saw a wash, to the astronaut beside him, who, while I couldn’t see through his helmet, was probably just as confused as the rest of us.
I continued to rise up several of these floors, the most random mix of people across different eras continuing the pattern of thousands of eyes staring at me while I just shrugged, holding up my hands in a Im not to blame for this, guys manner.
Eventually reaching a floor with no observers, the pod escalator slowed down drastically. Familiar opaque white walls surrounded me once more. Before being forced to shield my eyes from the blinding light accompanied by the familiar system announcer's voice, I realized that I was no longer inside my pod. The room I found myself in was much bigger. A room, with a particular object hanging from the corner of it that I was hoping I would never have to see again after graduation.
[Arena Selected, Horrors Of Humanity]
[Arena Difficulty Selected, Immortal Tier]
[Arena Loot Quality Has Been Adjusted Accordingly]