The music took on an upbeat tone, like a game show.

  Admin Notice: This Special Event is being streamed to all special event subscribers.

  Admin Notice: Congratulations. You have been opted into the Beta testing program. We are testing a new format with this battle. You may be asked to complete a survey on the completion of the fight, should you survive. Thank you.

  Welcome to EXTREME (guitar riff) Big-Game Hunters Super-Spin: Dueling Wheel!

  Massive steel bars arced out of the surroundings, forming a cage-match dome over us, the gaps were huge, but it was also obviously an illusion, just decoration on a force-field.

  Here's your host: Chaco!

  A winged, wolf-headed man in a leisure suit appeared with a pop, waving to a non-existent crowd. Chaco. Pterolykos. Song Bard. Level 66. Host of EXTREME Big-Game Hunters.

  He lifted a microphone. "Wow, what an exciting day! Here we are at the start of a big boss battle, and it looks like things are even wilder than usual."

  He was looking uncertainly at the current form Lacie was in, his eyes flashing as he traded messages with someone, then got back into his spiel. "But this isn't just a round of EXTREME—" guitar riff "—Big-Game Hunters, this is also now a designated special event. Why don't we see what our hosts have to say."

  A window appeared in my interface, showing an orange lizard and a burly orc sitting behind a desk.

  "Thank you, Chaco," the lizard said. "That's right folks, this is the real deal right here. Six crawlers, seven hunters, an entire city boss, and someone had the bright idea to amp up the danger, because that wasn't enough. Magnificent Troy, what can we expect?"

  "Kevin, normally I'd say this was going to be some dead crawlers and some wealthy hunters, but Extreme Big-Game Hunters is a real wildcard. A bad spin will give us a boss that can even flatten the Shady Knoll Retirement Home."

  I immediately messaged John and Jack.

  Maddy: We're about to be fighting some hunter group called the Shady Knoll Retirement Home. Does anyone know who they are?

  Jack: Asking around.

  John: Good luck, Jailbait!

  Everyone had, by now, learned that the AI was calling me Jailbait. I was not pleased. Lacie thought it was hilarious. My one solace was that, as I had higher stats, she couldn't give me any party titles.

  "That's a good point, Magnificent Troy. Let's get those stakes clarified for everyone, why don't we?"

  The music amped up a bit, and Special Event slammed into the air.

  "There are some unknowns here today, which is rare for a special event, so we'll start with the Going Steady duet—" our portraits slammed into the air, bottom-left from the Special Event label "—Jailbait and Lacie!" Of course, they also used my nickname. "These two are turning into a popular romance plot. I'm certain many viewers are worried that one of these two might lose the other."

  Magnificent Troy cut in. "I wouldn't worry about Lacie surviving this, but Jailbait is hard to predict. She fights so slowly and survives for so long, recordings of her boss-battles are popular for white-noise machines. If she can make this another five hour endurance battle, not only will the viewers wander off, but the hunters and crawlers may die of exhaustion."

  "That point about the other crawlers bears mentioning, because when this started, We Got Your Back—" Their four portraits slammed in, bottom-right "—were trying to murder Going Steady. Carlita has been a brutal crawler for the past five floors. Staying under the radar of the big guilds has cost them some experience, but they are not to be trifled with."

  Magnificent Troy cut in. "These are minor enough crawlers that I'm cramming the recaps right now, and it turns out one of the few public recordings of Jailbait's early experiences involves this exact group. Let's refresh out audience."

  Six quick snippets played from when I reached floor 2.

  "Bad blood, Magnificent Troy. This is a grudge match, but I doubt the aggrieved duo will live long enough to face each other."

  A few portraits slammed in below the Special Event text, all of gnolls in riot gear. Kevin was about to speak, but Magnificent Troy cut in. "Now that is interesting. A little behind-the-scenes for our viewers, the system will conceal invisible entities, and to my eye the Shady Knoll Retirement Home is still invisible. We know from her gear that Jailbait has blindsight, and apparently it's acute enough that she had spotted the hunters before this all started."

  "Fascinating! And now, for the big boss, it's Resk!"

  An image appeared of a rearing beast with a half-mantaur lower body, but instead of a humanish head it had a short, furry torso and then a massive pair of jaws, two huge fangs protruding. The jaws were about the same size as the entire rest of the body, so far more proportionate than a standard voggler, but still very weird. Just beneath the huge jaws were a pair of tiny voggler limbs, as useless as T-Rex arms.

  We'd only managed a covert glimpse at the beast—we couldn't risk fighting it early and losing the chance to use it here—and had thought it was a giant half-mantaur borough boss, but had also speculated it might be something far larger, so this wasn't a total surprise.

  Resk! Voggletaur Vampiricount!

  Level 80 City Boss!

  You know what happens when a half-mantaur is in rut and it finds a satiated voggler? Trick question, vogglers can't be satiated. However, they breed through the same orifice they do everything else, and a half-mantaur in rut will fuck anything with holes. The half-mantaur didn't survive the encounter, but its weird little baby did.

  Little baby Resk just kept growing. You see, that half-mantaur body always wanted to catch up to the head, but the voggler jaws will outpace anything and just kept going. Far larger than his kin, the monstrous Resk wandered the land, ravenous.

  Unfortunately—or fortunately for anyone watching this shit go down—recent mishaps have spread vampirism through the woods, and eating several tasty vampiric dinosaurs has corrupted Resk. He used to be eternally hungry, and now he is eternally hungry for blood, which he was also hungry for before. Actually, very little changed aside from his teeth getting sharper.

  "That's a weird beast," Troy said.

  "Indeed! But it doesn't stop there. Chaco, what do you have for us today?"

  "We have Lacie spinning on the twin wheels of EXTREME—" guitar riff "—Big-Game Hunters Super-Spin: Dueling Wheel. On your left, Lacie, you have the wheel of rewards. On your right the wheel of EXTREME—" guitar riff "—challenges. The boss you fight will, for whoever is the winner of this battle, give the resulting reward, but it will first receive the modifications of the EXTREME—" guitar riff "—challenge result."

  Kevin cut in with, "Before we dive in, I want to remind everyone that bets are open for all odds, including the wheel spins, and if you wager on the outcome of the whole event before the spins start, your winnings will double-up!"

  "These twelve rewards are not to be trifled with. Upgrade the prize box would turn this gold boss-box into a platinum. Triple, gives three boxes instead of one. There's a 1,000,000 gold coins tile, and you may notice that sliver that offers a spin twice."

  Chaco gestured at the other wheel. "Of course, there's a spin-twice on the EXTREME—" guitar riff "—challenges wheel as well. But let's look at the tiles here. Feral will give Resk the feral modifier, which we are all familiar with from the last floor." I had seen the tag on Shu-Tep but had no idea what it did. "Swarm will reduce the boss by two tiers—it won't affect rewards, no worries Lacie—but convert it into 50 separate bosses. I'm sure Magnificent Troy can tell us the oddds of this group surviving 50 neighborhood bosses at once."

  The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  "They're low, Chaco."

  "We also have Upgrade, which would make this a province boss. Odds of survival?"

  "That would be low."

  "Monogamous will result in the shocking discovery that Resk did find a mate, and she's also a boss of the same type and level. Four Times!? is a basic ressurrection challenge. Each time Resk is taken down, he'll pop back up at full health, freed from all buffs and debuffs, until he's slain for the fourth consecutive time."

  Chaco walked around the wheel to gesture at the last options. "And finally, splitting the last space, we have Spin Twice—that one does what it says—and EXTREME." Guitar riff. "The signature challenge of the EXTREME—" guitar riff "—Big-Game Hunters show, this will double Resk's level, making him level 150, a city-boss more suitable to floor 9 than 6. Back to you, Kevin."

  "Wow, that is some exciting stuff," Kevin said. "While people get their bets in, what do you think of these options, Magnificent Troy?"

  "This is a tricky one, Kevin. The Retirement Home only has six members, but they're well-equipped, so the Swarm may be best for them. Neighborhood bosses will have a hard time breaking through their armor. On the other end, I think that monogamous is probably worst for their make-up. A city boss can break anyone's armor, even if it needs a little luck, and doubled-targets means focus-fired debuffs are going to be tricky. Can three of these gnolls pin down one city-boss on their own? I have my doubts."

  Jack: Sources say they're retired Shade Gnolls from real mercenary companies outside the game. They are all still in their prime, they just come in here to earn extra money. They have deals to work in other hunters' territories, giving up any items for 50% of the face value. They're all military and will be coordinated in combat. Expect all of them to have identical gear.

  Maddy: Thanks. It's six gnolls in black police-style armor, with clubs and shields. All levels 61 or 62.

  Jack: Fuck. Can you run?

  Maddy: What's that? Can they run? Don't worry, they can't.

  Jack: You're crazy. Good luck. Message me if you survive, Maddy.

  I wished he'd kept calling me Jailbait instead of letting his fear show through. But fear's only contagious if you let it be. I refused.

  "Alright, you all heard Magnificent Troy. Betting is done for a wheel as soon as Lacie spins it. Chaco?"

  "You heard the man, Lacie. Let's start with the benefits and Spin! That! Wheel!" Chaco punched into the air with each word.

  Lacie, still a tree, creaked slowly downwards, taking almost fifteen seconds to bend far enough to place a branch on the wheel, then another five seconds to flex the limb back. It sprang forward powerfully, sending the wheel clicking around in a circle.

  These hadn't been explained, but I could see that it had Upgrade, Triple, 1,000,000, Discount!, Reagents, and Juiced. It looked to be slowing enough for Discount!, whatever that was, slid onto 1,000,000, leaned against the peg at the end, and then just barely ticked onto Triple.

  "Wow, a Triple! That is a powerful reward on offer, Lacie. But first, the EXTREME—" guitar riff "—challenge. Spin! That! Wheel!"

  Twenty second later, Lacie sent the challenge wheel rocketing about. I wasn't at all sure what would be best. We hadn't thought the boss-buffs would be this bad. We'd assumed it was a borough boss, and we were expecting to mostly be using this as a trap to contain the hunters. Now, the boss was the big threat. From everything I knew, the others sounded worse than Feral, but judging from the tone they took, that one was really bad.

  It seemed to slow down on EXTREME—they had done it so many times that I subconsciously thought of a guitar riff—but didn't slow so quickly as the other wheel had. Feral, Swarm, Upgrade, Monogamous, Four Times!?, EXTREME, slowly through Feral, hitting the edge of Swarm, sliding towards Upgrade.

  It slid back.

  The image of the Voggletaur Vampiricount got a confused look on its face, then exploded in a fiery blast. As the smoke cleared, fifty hungry Voggletaur Vampiribarons (level 50) were revealed, crowded onto the rise the beast had been sleeping beneath like they were on a movie poster. It even gave them all their own names.

  Maddy: I love you Lacie. I know it's worse than we thought, but I love you.

  Lacie: It's not worse. It's given you a weird build, but I think the AI likes you.

  Maddy: What?

  Lacie: I hope to god they meant it about not reading the chats. That shirt charges up with deaths nearby, extra from kills. Killing blows on the neighborhood bosses will charge it quickly. If it was one boss, you would only have your remaining bit of spell-reflect for the whole fight. The gnolls will have spells-like effects from their tech, and the reflect should work on those, too. Try to get finishing blows to keep your charge high.

  Maddy: But I can't cover that much!

  Lacie: Trust the plan. It's worked better than we hoped, so far.

  Chaco snapped his fingers. The wheels exploded, their results slamming into the screen in fire-traced letters, replacing the Special Event tag. "And there you have it, Kevin. Three gold boss boxes for whoever takes care of a swarm of 50 neighborhood bosses. And to all the viewers at home, enjoy this EXTREME—" guitar riff "—Big-Game Hunter Special Event!"

  Chaco vanished with a pop.

  Kevin turned to his orcish co-host. "Magnificent Troy, you said the swarm was the best for the Retirement Home. Any more on that while final bets roll in?"

  "I said best, not good. But I've been reviewing the tape, and I think we shouldn't count out a wild plan. We've seen a lot of crazy plays work this season, including some big sacrifices. Lacie may have no tricks, but Jailbait's a wildcard."

  "Are you saying they have hope?"

  "If you roll back, you can see that they had already found this boss two days ago, and during the run-up, while We Got Your Back was attacking, Lacie stretched her roots past the Retirement Home's lines and Jailbait sent a long, arcing throw all the way into the lair to tag ol' Resky. They intentionally trapped themselves with these hunters. It seems like a bad plan, but it's definitely a plan. But that also means they have a 83-meter radius on this fight, so those 50 bosses are less cramped than any of us expected. I suspect that gives the Retirement Home an edge."

  Maddy: That jerk ratted us out!

  Lacie: Yeah, that's a kick in the cooch. Don't count me out, but also don't quit on me.

  A ringing like a boxing bell sounded and the world moved.

  Lacie activated the Change Weather scroll, filling our little expanse with the thickest, hottest fog the game allowed, while my hitai-ate closed to improve my blindsight. I suspected that the gnolls had some sort of heat vision—these were special-forces, after all—but Lacie had correctly thought she could make the dense fog almost body-temperature. It was so thick, before I landed from the flip that time-stop had frozen me in, I was drenched.

  While she did that, I sent a spinning fastball with the Extremely Sharp Knife below the furthest gnoll. I wanted a sense of their timing, and his tree was thin enough that I could cut enough of the trunk to make it fall.

  He didn't miss a beat, leaping off and gliding down. The others descended as well, forming up in a broad pattern, probably some intentional spacing that made explosives less practical, as if that mattered to me.

  I'd raced up Lacie's tree and leapt high as I did that, so Carlita's cry of, "You fucking imbeciles!" was mostly dampened by the soupy fog.

  As I fell, the roars of approaching Voggletaurs echoed off the dome. Doom approached.

  The shade gnolls moved with efficiency, advancing towards the cluster of crawlers, towards Lacie. I was sending breaking balls as quick as I could, the flying blade darting between the gnolls. It caused tiny flickers of blue and popped shield-bars above their heads.

  The murderers were stumbling about, trying to orient themselves in the soupy fog. As the gnoll closed in, it became clear that the fog was working. They had to turn suddenly when Trenton stumbled almost directly into one of them, but were enough faster than him that a pulse from one of their batons knocked him flat before he could swing. They all focused in that direction, another blast flattening Jenny and Chue while two more gnolls rushed in to club the downed targets.

  "Quick work of those three!" Kevin said.

  Only Carlita kept clear of the blasts. As they moved towards her, still ignoring the plinking of my throws against their shields, Carlita activated something like rush, blasting past two coordinated strikes.

  A gnoll went flying, shield gone, health dipping. I sent a pitch in, tagged him just before a new shield popped up. Unfortunately for him, it turns out that his shield was outside the body, so it trapped the breaking ball and I got the blade into a tight spin. It took him to the red and started a severe rupture.

  A swing of Carlita's massive hammer swung at an approaching gnoll, easily battering past his flickering blue shield, but getting stopped by the physical riot shield he held, not quite knocking him down.

  The others moved, four strikes landing at once. She was replaced with a haze of blood.

  "We Got Your Back lasted longer than I expected," Magnificent Troy said. "Carlita coulda been something, if she hadn't crossed the Retirement Home."

  I hammered a chain of heavy fastballs into the gnolls, trying to keep them away from the downed gnoll. They turned sharply, shields up, the knockbacks only sliding them a foot at a time. Two turned and I moved.

  It turned out my diversion hadn't helped. The injured gnoll had closed the rupture and his health was rising.

  That was a side-thought. Every throw I had was focused on defending Lacie's tree. I'm sure there was some theory for Tree being a good spell, but I didn't entirely get it. I guess she got really hardy for a bit, replacing her CON with INT and gaining a ton of armor, but she also just stood there and took it.

  Maddy: Don't be brave.

  Lacie: I'm being careful. Promise.

  The Voogletaurs arrived as I got in front of Lacie. I could only defend one side. Hopefully the dumb creatures would ignore a tree. The gnolls were formed up tight, shields high, batons swinging between to beat the beasts back.

  As a unit, they suddenly leapt away, leaving me among a swarm with Lacie. I rushed after them. Hoping. Behind me, Lacie's health jumped down.

  "The tree is down!" Kevin called out. "You were not wrong about the risks, Magnificent Troy."

  "No!" I shrieked, rushing back as one ripped the trunk from its roots. An X appeared where Lacie had been.