Evelithria descended into mad, gurgling, giggle-adjacent noises.

  If she couldn't use the fleet anymore, if Nexxali's railgun bolt to the head didn't do the job… Then she would make sure that her best, most jolly assassin would conceptually, permanently erase the Emperor of Humanity from existence!

  "Appreciate the pep talk, Marshal," she finally relaxed ever so slightly. "I'll call you later, if I require a cleanup."

  She hung up on the serval with a determined grin.

  "Cast the local Stabalist ship!" the ex-Admiral ordered, mentally rearranging her features and recoloring her feathers from jet black to gray-blue stripes with her Phase-Shift.

  The ring flashed for a second trying to reach the Stabalist receiver.

  Suddenly, an image of a water-maned, blue-skinned Kelpie in silver-gray uniform appeared on the holo projection.

  "Good Tomorrow!" The Kelpie smiled. "I am May Hydralline, Stabalist Oversight Monitor and Tidecast Archmage. How may I be of assistance?"

  "Monitor May!" Evelithria smoothed her feathers, trying to look dignified in the cramped room. "Slayer be praised, thank you for accepting this call! It's a pleasure to finally speak with a representative of the Omnithornian Senate! I've been waiting for this blessed day for so long!”

  "The pleasure is all mine!" the Kelpie replied with far too much merriment. "We were quite surprised to locate an entire Frontenachii fleet and a non-magic Earth here! It's pretty exciting! I’ve never seen a world this… full of humans!”

  "Exciting?" Evelithria stated, letting her voice tremble to suggest a fragile psyche teetering on the edge of collapse, which wasn't that far from the truth. She hunched her shoulders, shrinking in on herself to appear smaller, less predatory. "Oh, Monitor... perhaps from the safety of your Stabalist cruiser. But down here? In the belly of the beast? It has been an awful nightmare."

  May’s eyes widened with concern. "A nightmare? Hrm. Tell me more."

  Evelithria let out a bitter laugh. She glanced nervously at the door of the kobold quarters, pantomiming terror. "Monitor, please. I don't have much time before they find out I've contacted you. The memetic release weakened the defense grid and buried our Datamancers in work, but they will sort through it soon enough, so I might not be able to contact you again.”

  "Who is 'they'?" May tilted her head.

  "The Frontenachii Legate Council," Evelithria hissed. "Legate Ixthia and her ruling party. The Fleet High Command." She took a shuddering breath, her mind racing as she wove the fabrication. "I am but a lowly Commander. My name is Commander Livia. I... I tried to stop them, Monitor. I tried to tell them that they kept violating the Stabalist Accords on sapient Species Rights!”

  The Kelpie gasped, bringing a webbed hand to her mouth. "Violations of the Accords? We suspected as much..."

  "Yes!" Evelithria spat, then lowered her eyes, looking fearful. "I'm sorry. I'm just... look at where they put me." She gestured around the cramped room. "A metal kennel. This is my punishment for speaking out. For refusing to open fire on human cities. Legate Ixthia... she stripped me of my rank, my dignity. She's a monster, Monitor May. A true monster! You must stop, censor her as much as you are able!"

  She saw the hook sink in. The Stabalists loved nothing more than an informant, a whistleblower from a naughty Omnicorp that broke the rules.

  "The destruction of the Capital Ship..." Evelithria continued, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "It wasn't a mere human rebel attack. It was a direct result of Legate Ixthia's mismanagement. She overthrew our noble, goodly leader Admiral Evelithria for the sake of truly dastardly plans! Ixthia's cruelty pushed the local population and our kobolds to a breaking point. And now? Now she plans to scapegoat the junior officers. Officers like me, who only wanted to follow the Frontenachii Empress's true vision of... of honorable aid to doomed worlds!"

  "This all sounds quite serious," May’s tone filled with bureaucratic gravity. "If true, this warrants a Level 5 intervention. We could sanction the entire Frontenachii Fleet. We could freeze their assets in Omnithornia."

  Evelithria’s heart leaped.

  Freezing Ixthia’s assets? That would be a delicious bonus. Now she needed to focus on the prize.

  "I have proof," Evelithria lied smoothly. "I have logs. Personal recordings of Legate Ixthia ordering… torture of children. Evidence of interdimensional crimes. I can give it all to you. I want to defect, Monitor. I want to seek asylum under the Stabalist banner."

  "A defector!" May bobbed, water droplets flying from her hair. "Oh, this is wonderful! We love rehabilitation stories! I can send a Seeker to pick you up immediately or attempt to open a gate!"

  "No!" Evelithria barked, then quickly softened her tone. "No... not yet. It's far too dangerous! Ixthia has eyes everywhere. If a Stabalist Corpse Seeker gets too close to where I am kept, or if they detect an attempt to open a gate, they'll have me vaporized with a concealed ion ray before I can escape and box my Lazarus bracelet."

  "Ah. I understand." May nodded. "What do you propose?"

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  "Firstly… I… I want to make some arrangements…" Evelithria whispered. "Legate Ixthia told me that once she is finished punishing the rebellious kobolds who helped the Emperor of Earth destroy the capital ship, she will mentally force me to call Omnithornia and terminate my accounts there, use my credits to fund more torture, hurt more innocent locals!"

  The Kelpie frowned.

  The ex-Admiral looked up at the Kelpie girl with wide, pleading eyes. "I simply cannot allow that, Monitor. I want to liquidate my assets. I want to donate everything to a registered, charitable organization!"

  May clasped her webbed hands together, beaming. "Oh, Commander Livia! Restorative justice! Philanthropy! This is exactly the kind of presentable kindness we look for!"

  "Yes," Evelithria lowered her skull modestly. "It is the Order of Saint Nikky in Leviathan’s Cradle. They are an ever-holiday outreach program. They ensure that everyone gets exactly what they earned during the year. Please, let me call them… so that they can deliver their... holiday-themed aid... to this world before Ixthia takes everything from me with her brain hooks!"

  "Saint Nikky?" May's eyes lit up. "Oh! The traditional See-Mass spirit! Yes, that does sound lovely. From what I am hearing on the Astral waves, this… primitive world doesn't worship the Slayer and does not even have See-Mass!"

  "Yes," Evelithria said, suppressing the urge to gag. "Exactly! Please, Monitor… Let me make this one final act of charity."

  "Granted!" May declared benevolently. "I will patch you through via the Stabalist hyper-relay immediately. The encryption will be absolute; not even the Legates will know you are dispersing your money!”

  The holo-display shifted, the silver-gray-blue of the Stabalist ship interior dissolving into the static of a long-range dimensional connection.

  Evelithria sat up straighter on the smelly bunk.

  The image slowly resolved itself into a view of a cozy-looking, dimly lit cabin. A roaring fire crackled in a hearth made of black stones. Colorful stockings hung from the mantle. A large See-Mass tree glittered with a thousand magitek stars. In a large, red, leather armchair below the tree, sat a curvy female figure obscured by shadow, save for the glint of massive, curved horns and the glowing embers of yellow eyes.

  The Omnid wore a fluffy red hat and an excessively jolly red and white sweater with a picture of a female Krampus carrying a huge bag over her shoulders.

  "Ho, ho, ho, HO!" the Omnid laughed. "You've reached Saint Nikky's Workshop. You catch us at a busy time. We are checking our lists twice!"

  "Hello, Saint," Evelithria declared, sounding extra jubilant. "It's your most... devout donor, Livia Frontenachii. I have a donation to make and a request for aid! Most urgent!"

  The figure leaned forward, coming into the light. Yellow, goat-like eyes narrowed. A long, red, prehensile tongue flicked out to taste the air. "Hrm. How urgent are we talking about?"

  "Very!" Evelithria said, careful to keep her tone extra-benevolent for May's benefit. "I have identified a number of fine individuals on this Earth who are in desperate need of... The Slayer's holiday spirit. I want to hire your full sleigh service. The premium… Interdimensional package. With the reindeer, presents and holiday songs!"

  "The reindeer are tired," Nikky rumbled, tapping a long, black claw against the armrest. "And the feed for them is expensive. Interdimensional travel requires a lot of... cookies and milk."

  "I am liquidating my entire savings account for your charity, Saint," Evelithria said. "Formicanull Frontenachii Omnicorp Account 94-34-99-214-85. Password '8492'. Take it all. Enough for milk, cookies, and a brand new sleigh."

  Nikky paused. She picked up a red ledger and tapped it rapidly. "Hmmm… That is... a lot of cookies. Appreciate the donation. This must be for someone truly special."

  "Yes! He is… truly the kindest, nicest boy in the omniverse," Evelithria confirmed.

  "And who might that be?"

  "You've seen the broadcast from this dimension, I hope? The Emperor of Mankind who just destroyed the Frontenachii Third Fleet capital ship?"

  "Ah, yes," Nikky nodded. "I have indeed witnessed his... curious speech."

  "I want presents delivered..." Evelithria said sweetly. "To him, and all of his friends! Omnids, kobolds, humans, whoever works for him really, whoever is aiding his wonderful mission on this Earth for freedom and independence! Especially the lovely starry-antlered girl who ran away from home. She needs a visit from the Krampus. A present half-wrapped in gold ribbons for her and your best lullaby! I know that Starshady loves the See-Mass spirit, and… if you visit my workplace after, my friends at Formicanull would love to hear how much she appreciated your songs!"

  "How festive! Yes, of course! I do drop by your office from time to time," Nikky chuckled. "You want it to be a nice surprise?”

  "Yes!" Evelithria nodded. "I want them to be surprised. I want them to hear the bells and rejoice in the Slayer's See-Mass spirit of giving!"

  "We live to serve," Nikky closed the red ledger with a snap. "We will load my Sleigh with our finest… presents. Expect us down the chimney shortly. I'll jump to the… Stabalist array sending out this signal, yes?”

  "Yes! Do thank the local Stabalists for their assistance with some fine presents! After you're done delivering presents to the goodly boys and girls, remain for a while and spread love and joy across this entire wonderful planet, for they know not of the Slayer! Thank you, Saint," Evelithria chirped. "Merry Ever-See-Mass!"

  "Merry Ever-See-Mass, Lady Livia!" the Krampus replied, grinning from ear to ear.

  The connection ended. The ex-Admiral smiled.

  Hopefully, there was enough cash in Formicanull’s account for Niktavia to depopulate this entire treasonous planet. They had conversed in code that only she and the hunter understood. Niktavia didn't leave anyone alive after she was done and her entire charity was a front for a hand that only delivered permanent death to all.

  "Oh, that was beautiful!" May praised. "A Frontenachii Wendigo Commander spreading the joy of See-Mass! I knew that you all weren't awful!”

  "Yes," Evelithria whispered, staring at the blank wall of the fox-smelling room, imagining the Emperor's screams when presents ripped him apart from within and See-Mass trees bloomed in his veins and bones. "It truly is the season of giving. Thank you for giving me this opportunity, May!”

  “You are most welcome!” The Kelpie smiled. “Now about the crimes of your superiors…”

  “Yes, of course,” Evelithria said. “I'll tell you all I know. Legate Ixthia…”

  The Wendigo began listing her opponents' criminal businesses in Omnithornia. Ixthia and the others would regret crossing her today.

  Once Niktavia was done dispensing ‘holiday joy’ to the people of Earth and the Stabalists, then Evelithria would ask her to deliver life-ending presents to the treacherous Legates as well.

  Everyone would get just rewards for their deeds soon enough.