Alexander pulled up to his apartment just in time to see Bru-haha stepping out of the back seat of an SUV. He was talking to the driver as Alexander stepped out to greet him.

  “No, Randy, you should just let her go. You have everything you need to recover from this. It starts with working on you, not on holding onto the past.”

  The driver, a short middle-aged Asian man, jumped out of the driver’s seat and ran around to hug Bru-haha, to the astonishment of Alexander.

  “Can we talk again soon?”

  “How about you message me on my Instagram? I’ll be blogging about our conversation and hopefully help others in your situation. We need to watch out for our tribe, right? You can be the first success story of many, brother.”

  “I will do that, Bru. I would be happy to share.”

  “I believe in you, little buddy.”

  Bru-haha patted him on the shoulder and waved to him as he drove away.

  Alexander approached Bru and asked, “Social media?”

  “Yes, boss. I have recently looked at traditional media versus more independent sources. Rather than having the establishment debate whether Congo is treating us like indentured servants, why not contrast with stories of the struggles my kind have endured to survive and show how thankful we are to be here?”

  “Genius! You are an absolute goldmine of ideas, Bru-haha!” Alexander said with genuine excitement. “We can strategically release policy reforms that facilitate orc lifestyle to present ourselves as flexible and understanding.”

  “All while putting a face to the orcs that is relatable to the public.”

  “The future is bright, Bru-haha,” Alexander said, moving back to his car. “I just have a few purchases I need to get to the apartment.” Alexander opened his trunk to reveal a number of boxes.

  “This seems like a lot to pack for exploration,” Bru said with a confused look.

  Alexander smiled to himself. “I have a new item that will be assisting me in that department. For now, let’s get it into the apartment so I can organize it.”

  Alexander grabbed a large armload of boxes and had Bru-haha follow him with an additional load. As he was about to head up the stairs, he realized he had been a bit ambitious with his load.

  “Need a hand?” a voice said as he approached his door. “I’ll just take this one.”

  The large paper sack blocking his vision was removed, revealing Emily.

  “Ah…” Alexander said, seeing a beaming Emily. “Many thanks.”

  “What is all of this? Are you going camping?”

  “Yes, a high-adventure trip for work, actually.”

  “Oh, Congo didn’t strike me as the team-building-trip type.”

  “Well, the nice part remains to be seen. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, so I’m having a co-worker watch my apartment.”

  Emily’s face scrunched up, but she quickly schooled her expression. “I hope not too long… Whaaa!?”

  Emily stepped close to Alexander and grabbed his arm. She stared behind him at the stairs where Bru-haha was finishing his climb.

  As she registered what she was looking at, she let out a scream that the whole building could likely hear. The box she held tumbled to the ground, spilling the contents. Bru-haha paused on the last step; he shrank back his massive body to appear as small as he could manage.

  His deep baritone voice rumbled, “My dear lady, I apologize for startling you. I am aware you are likely unaccustomed to my appearance, but do believe me that I mean you no harm. If I can do anything to make you feel at ease, please let me know.”

  He managed to make every word drip with sincerity. Emily, clinging to the back of Alexander’s shirt, peeked around him to see the green giant. Bru-haha smiled a disarmingly pleasant smile. Alexander turned slightly so he could see Emily behind him.

  “Emily, this is Bru-haha, one of my newest and most trusted assistants. He was in that video that was going around on social media.”

  “Good morning, Ms. Emily.” Bru bowed.

  He bent down and started picking up the socks and other miscellaneous items, placing them back in the brown sack. After a second, she hesitantly started helping pick up the items.

  “I must say that Alexander is fortunate to have such a lovely… girlfriend?” Bru inquired.

  This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

  Emily and Alexander looked at each other to see if either would correct the title. Alexander looked like he was about to say something, but Bru, sensing the tension he had caused, butted in before Alexander had a chance to.

  “Well! I shall extend every courtesy and promise not to eat you or any of your pets. Ha!” Bru-haha said with gusto.

  “So, neighbor Emily, we may be running into each other over the next few days or weeks. Tell me, what do you do for a living?”

  “I am a speech-language pathologist.”

  “Oh, really! Self-employed?”

  “Yes, I have a small but wonderful group of clients.”

  “Alexander, what if we were to check with home office to see if some of the… slower orcs could be assisted in their speech? Get them integrated more quickly?”

  Alexander paused, wondering why this thought had not occurred to him before.

  “What a brilliant idea, Bru-haha.”

  “That certainly sounds… exciting. Maybe I can start recording a basic translation guide for people that want to learn the orc language at the same time. That would be fascinating to study,” she said, realizing the potential of this arrangement.

  “It is a harsh tongue, Miss Emily. The vulgarity alone would be considered formal speech for us. Though I wouldn’t be opposed to assisting you.”

  Not wanting to be rude by ending the conversation early, Alexander invited Emily into his apartment as well. As he opened the door, Bru-haha leaned in his ear and whispered, “She smells delicious…”

  “Bru-haha!” Alexander whispered. “That is a wholly inappropriate comment!”

  “No, not… that way. I mean she literally smells delicious. Like to eat. Appetizer, entrée, and dessert all in one.”

  Alexander had to pause and think about how odd of a statement it was.

  “Still wildly inappropriate. Just in a different way!”

  -Bru-haha the Third Wheel-

  The last few days of Bru-haha’s life felt like he was a young spawn again. Everything was seen with new eyes. His mind was able to catalogue and place consequences of actions both directly and indirectly at a rapid speed. He also found that social consequences had much more impact in this society rather than battle, as his people were more prone to meditate on. This more than anything showed him the weaknesses of the wizard.

  Alexander set the bags on the table, and Emily walked into the living room looking around the house. It seemed to Bru-haha as if she was trying to smell something out. As they started unpacking, Bru-haha kept an eye on Emily as she went to the corner next to the aquarium and picked up a trident.

  “What is this?” she asked, holding it up to the light.

  Bru saw her expression change as she tilted her head, listening to something.

  “EXCUSE ME!?” she shouted as she put down the trident and looked about the room agitated.

  “Alexander… did you hear that?” she asked.

  Bru looked at Alexander, who shook his head.

  “I just heard someone call me a cheap skank,” Emily said, confused as she looked around the apartment. “I could have sworn it was a woman’s voice, though,” she added.

  Bru-haha was aware that Alexander was keeping his magic a secret, so he spoke up. “The walls are rather thin in this apartment, aren’t they? I feel like I could poke a hole straight into the next apartment with just my fingernail.”

  He lifted up his hands, forgetting he had cut and cleaned his nails to a buffed polish. His manicure lady was amazing. She had to borrow her husband’s metal file to do the job, but had performed a miracle on his cuticles.

  “Yes, the walls are thin, aren’t they?” Alexander jumped onto the explanation. “Emily, I am going to teach Bru-haha to feed my fish and check the water balance. You are more than welcome to stay and watch, but you may find the lesson tedious at best.”

  Emily looked up at Alexander, registering what he had said. “I suppose I could leave you boys to your hobbies,” she said, walking up to Alexander—in Bru’s opinion—rather possessively. “You will talk to me before you leave, right? How long will you be gone?”

  “That… is hard to say. I don’t expect it to be a long trip, but they didn’t give me a return date,” he said nervously.

  Emily looked disappointed—a subtle facial expression that Bru doubted Alexander would catch.

  “I will do my best to keep you updated,” Bru-haha offered.

  “Thank you, Bru-haha. In case my cell phone doesn’t work, Bru will try and fill you in with company updates.”

  “Fine, but you owe me dinner when you get back. Don’t forget.” Emily poked Alexander playfully.

  “I do at that. Maybe I should let you try one of my salads,” Alexander smiled.

  “Maybe you should,” Emily said, allowing Alexander to escort her to the door.

  “Talk soon.” Alexander waved as he closed the door.

  As the door closed, Flick flew out of Alexander’s shadow into the bathroom. It preened in front of the mirror, much to Alexander’s amusement.

  Bru-haha chuckled as Alexander walked back to the living room.

  “Well, well. Boss, I don’t believe I have ever seen you smile that way before. I have been making a habit of studying human expressions recently. Based on what I saw in that interaction, I believe you and that human woman have a mutual interest in each other,” Bru-haha said with a deep chuckle.

  “I’ve had the same impression, but I frequently doubt my ability to read such emotions.”

  “The human ways of relationships are vastly different from my own kind. Based on what I’ve seen in movies and collected in gossip at the nail parlor, I believe that there was the slightest bit of flirting going on here today.”

  “Well, I would not be opposed to courting Emily. The other day she actually…” Alexander cut off his sentence and Bru watched his expression go blank.

  “Boss?”

  “What were we about to do… fish tank! Let me get the pH test kit.”

  As he led Bru-haha through the process, the orc added the drops, shook the test tubes, and waited a few minutes to check the resulting chemical levels.

  ^ You have gained a level in the intermediate skill Alchemy. Alchemy level 1: You have 2 points to distribute to your Alchemy skill tree. ^

  Bru-haha hid his surprise at seeing the prompt. He contemplated all the likely ramifications of what this meant and the effects on Alexander’s perceptions of him should he reveal his newly awakened skill. He wanted to be careful of overplaying his hand and causing Alexander to cut off potential avenues of his advancement. His mind raced before he commented.

  “According to the guide, the chemicals are safely balanced…” Bru-haha said before looking at Alexander, who nodded. “Hey, boss, other than magical resources for enchanting, are there any other resources you are looking for?”

  Alexander thought about it. “I have neglected my cooking and alchemy skills as I think more magical ingredients are necessary. I just haven’t had the time to search for them.”

  “Maybe that could be my outside-of-work task. I am your familiar, and as much as I would love to put in the overtime, you know they will only allow so many hours at Congo without me being salaried.”

  “That is true…” Alexander rubbed his chin, only thinking of how to optimize his returns. He looked at Bru-haha and made a contemplative face. Nodding, he made an internal decision.

  “Follow me.”