- This is now an actual prologue! It’s a very short, disjointed look at Brin’s mother’s last moments.
Chapter 1: The Happiest Day
- Spruced up some of the early chores/descriptions of daily life (mostly just creating a tighter read).
- Revised the segment with Brin walking home and thinking about the ‘lore’ of the area. Nothing changed story-wise, but the chapter has a better flow. A decent chunk of the battle backstory is tightened in favor of a cleaner overall read.
Chapter 2: Beloved
- Changed some of the phrasing/dialogue in Fia’s letter.
- Tweaked some of the context and backstory between Fia and Durst.
- Brin no longer has a warning that she’ll have to leave Fellbrook as an adult. I feel this adds some weight to the later scene where she has to run away without any time to prepare.
Chapter 3: Last Peace
- Tightened up the introductory paragraphs. Less exposition about Fellbrook and Brin’s relationship with Clem
- A few more flirtatious lines between Brin and Royce, and a bit less general exposition
Chapter 4: Distant Flames
- Almost no changes. A few altered descriptions and tightened sentences for the sake of better narrative flow. The action scenes are a bit more abrupt and choppy, as I think this reflects the stream-of-consciousness feel that happens during high-stress events.
Chapter 5: Deal
- Some dialogue added or altered between Brin and our favorite Fae (hereto referred to as Hot Fae). Nothing significant about their dynamic or bargain has been changed (slight change to the ‘deal’ wording), I just gave him a few extra sentences here and there to help flesh out his introduction. He’s slightly more… focused, for lack of a better word!
Chapter 6: Uprooted
- Tightened up some descriptions and lines of dialogue. The scene where Durst tells Brin she has to leave has a bit more emotional oomph to it, now.
- Tweaked a few lines of inner monologue to better reflect Brin’s “in shock” state of mind.
- Shortened the descriptions of Brin packing, dressing, and what her clothing looks like. I enjoy writing about outfits, but this bit definitely needed to be condensed!
- Brin no longer has a horse when she leaves. I feel it makes her journey through the grove more impactful if she’s just walking.
Chapter 7: Through the Trees
- Condensed the travel/scenery montages. Shortened the chapter as a whole, since it’s a bit transitional. It still provides a nice view of the world outside Fellbrook and Brin still has her moments of being awed, fearful, and angry. All the great post-trauma emotions.
Chapter 8: Strangers
- Tightened up some descriptions and dialogues.
- Brin’s interactions with the innkeeper are a bit more vague.
- Renner is a slightly more forward in his flirtations.
- Added a few snarky inner monologue comments for Brin. She has a sense of humor, dammit!
- Changed a bit of the interactions between everyone as Teela’s being hauled outside. Brin is a bit more proactive, the assailants are slightly less cheesy, and Renner… is still an asshole.
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Chapter 9: Savior of One
- Emphasized how “out of it” she is after using fire magic
- Consecration is no longer talked about. This will still be a significant plotline, but I’m going to introduce it later.
Chapter 10: A Dream Most Wicked
- Brin is a bit snarkier
- Hot Fae man has two or three new lines of dialogue, indicating his goals more clearly
- Major change: originally chapter 10 was longer- it covered the dream and then Brin and Teela traveling. I split this into two separate chapters. The first dream sequence is a pretty huge plot moment, so I felt it deserved to stand on its own!
Chapter 11: Pacted
- This was originally the second half of chapter 10. It’s now just focused on Teela and Brin getting to know each other and walking north.
- Brin more immediately figures out something about her transaction with Hot Fae is ominous.
Chapter 12: Renner
- Tweaked some dialogue.
- General grammar edits/flow sprucing.
Chapter 13: In the Mist
- Changed a few descriptions of the dream/fog/horror sequences.
- Brin is a bit less panicky
Chapter 14: Aftermath
- Finetuned Brin’s post-trauma reactions. Poor girl.
- Added some small exposition about runekeepers being rare in Teela’s home city.
Chapter 15: Heart to Heart
- Emphasized Renner’s reasons for being suspicious with a few new lines of conversation.
- A few subtle hints dropped at magic being rare and Renner having connections to the Order.
- Brin’s deception is a bit more deliberate.
Chapter 16: A Touch of Warmth
- This is now a condensation of the original chapters 16-17.
- Probably the most drastically changed chapter so far. A lot of exposition and several conversations were woodchippered down to plot/character-relevant stuff
- Brin and Renner now have a fairly heated argument about trust
- Brin and Teela now have a nice bonding moment
Chapter 17: A Shadow at the Door
- The shadow scare is a bit more “out of nowhere.”
Chapter 18: Beneath the Stars
- Cut/changed a good bit of dialogue. Horace is a fun character, and I feel like ‘less is more’ makes him shine. He no longer talks about magic, and is a bit more ominous and direct in his phrasing
Chapter 19: Captive
- Shortened more of Horace’s dialogue, keeping him short and sweet.
- Brin is a bit more ballsy, instead of just scared-out-of-her-mind
- Hot Fae’s dialogue has been refined. He’s more “arrogant noble” and less “grumpy old man.”
Chapter 20: Birds in a Cage
- This is now a combination of the original chapters 20 and 21, covering Brin waking up and the trio finding the birdcage for the first time. Upon rereading, it felt like these scenes flowed well as one chapter
- Renner now talks about consecration. I feel it made more sense to introduce this plotline here, since it’s something the Order does.
- Brin and Renner have a mildly friendly conversation when they stop for lunch
Chapter 21: Drink and Be Merry
- Streamlined some dialogue and exposition about Snowmelt
- Gil is a bit less talkative. He's realizing he's probably going to have to kill one of these newcomers, and is ready to go spiral.
- The barmaid flirt scene and Brin’s reactions are a bit funnier