Neither Sleet, Nor Snow, Nor Zombies and Witches

  “Sooooo… which way to your human?” Pumpkin asked as she stretched again, obviously enjoying the feel of her increased strength.

  Pointing her snout down the road and lifting it slightly, Ratskeller said, “Down the road and right out to the big path.”

  Pumpkin's fur puffed out slightly and she arched her back a little. “That’s the way to pokey, sticky guy. Your human isn’t pokey, sticky guy is he. No…I’ve seen your human. Is he another pokey, sticky guy?”

  George looked at Ratskeller who could only shrug her ears and cock her head also confused. “Who is pokey, sticky guy?’

  “You know. The guy who pokes you and sticks you with those sharp things. Blue hands. Hides his identity with a mask. Sometimes mommy hides nasty things in my food after we go see him.” Pumpkin explained while making a variety of motions with her hands.

  The meaning suddenly became clear to Ratskeller. “You mean the V.E.G. guy. My humans always spell out the names of things I don’t like and some things I really like, but no my father is not a V.E.G.’

  “Oh. Good. Nothing against your human, but I don’t like pokey, sticky guys.” Pumpkin said in relief. George was still confused, but he wisely chose to not pursue a deeper understanding of V.E.G. guys.

  When the trio reached the end of the street, they paused to look around. There were lots of strange noises coming from all directions, but nothing immediately threatening, so they took the turn to start moving from tree to tree beside the road heading out to the big road. In the distance, the little white moving box of the mail lady turned onto their road and headed in their direction.

  “Hand over your nuts. I know you have some.” a voice said. “We’ve got you surrounded.” Ratskeller spun to look for someone to chomp. Pumpkin flipped in the air to face back where they had come from then flipped again to look out towards the street with her back arched.

  George just stood frozen looking up until he raised a paw slowly and pointed at Ratskeller. “She has the treasures.” Ratskeller quickly looked up to see the branches of the tree they were standing next to was covered with fluffy tailed tree rats. She hated fluffy tailed tree rats. She then looked back at George. She couldn’t believe he told them she had treats. She couldn’t decide who to chomp first, but one thing was sure. She was about to do some chomping.

  “Good. Kill the cat.” the talking fluffy tailed rat said. The tree rats flicked their tails as George flipped a paw towards Pumpkin and the air in front of her shimmered. Spikes flew from the tree rats, but most bounced off of the shimmering air. Unfortunately, Pumpkin had jumped and was hit with a few and was having trouble standing. George moved in front of her and made the air shimmer again as he placed a glowing hand on Pumpkin.

  Ratskeller made a spot decision. She would chomp the puffy tailed tree rats first and then chomp George for betraying her. She was a good girl and good girls were smart like that. She could catch George easier than a tree rat.

  ZOOMIES. She charged towards the tree, but remembered a problem. She couldn’t climb trees. Deciding not to worry about that while there was chomping to do, she ran up the tree and chomped the tail off a tree rat that fell to the ground squealing as she ran past it towards the leader. She chomped him right in half before using her super bounce to fly up to the next limb and chomp another tree rat in half. Running back towards the trunk, she saw tree rats charging towards her flicking their tails. Pointy things stuck into her, but she didn’t care. There was chomping to do.

  When she reached the trunk she hopped onto another branch and chomped off the branches closest to her, sending tree rats falling to the ground. A small light started growing in the corner of her vision, but she ignored it. Running along the branch she began chomping the tree rats as they reached her.

  “Watch out! Above you!” George screamed as he ran to the tree. Ratskeller looked up. Unfortunately she was hit by several flying tree rats that grabbed a hold of her and sent her falling to the ground. The pile of tree rats and landshark rolled around before it came to a stop and a large tree rat looked down at her holding something metal and sharp like what mother used in the kitchen to cut things.

  “And now you die and we get the nuts.” He said as he raised the pointy sharp thing over his head with one hand. He smiled and…his head disappeared and Ratskeller could see Pumpkin standing behind him looking scary. She threw his body to the side and began jumping and kicking and clawing away more tree rats that came flying down at her.

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  Ratskeller growled as the tree rats holding her down started biting and clawing her. She tried to chomp, but couldn’t reach them. It hurt, but it made her angry and she began shaking and twisting trying to chomp. She felt a tug and then a thump. Two thumps later she caught sight of George swinging tree rats by their puffy tails knocking other tree rats off her. When enough were off, she sprung to her feet and commenced to chomping. Tree rat parts flew everywhere.

  Pumpkin came flying past hitting tree rats two at a time as she ran up the tree to get the tree rats flicking their tails down at Ratskeller. Having more room to maneuver Ratskeller howled with glee and began chomping extra fast and hard. Suddenly she realized she had learned how to do something new. MULTI CHOMP. You get a chomp and you get a chomp and you get a chomp. Everybody gets a chomp. As Ratskeller began to tire and feel sleepy, she felt George's paw on her and she suddenly began feeling better. She growled at the traitor,but finished her last couple chomps before turning on him.

  Pumpkin dropped out of the tree next to them and began licking her paw and cleaning herself. George stepped back from the fire in Ratskeller’s eyes and held his hands up. “Traitor. You told them I had treats.”

  George shrugged. “You may be a damage build but, you’ve got the most vitality out of the three of us. You’re our tank. I was trying to get them focused on you so that Pumpkin could use her speed.”

  “What’s a tank?’ Pumpkin asked

  “Someone who can take a lot of damage and distracts the enemy while the other people in the group takes them out.” George explained.

  “I don’t like being the tank. I’m the chomper. And they shot Pumpkin, not me.” Ratskeller said as she stepped forward trying to get in chomping range.

  “I…I didn’t expect that. Although I should have. Everybody knows how deadly cats are.” George said, taking a step back bumping into Pumpkin who was glaring up at the slightly taller raccoon.

  BAM! BOOM! Noises rang out from down the street where the mail lady’s moving white box was parked. She was throwing what looked like small glowing pieces of paper at a human that walked stiffly towards her with his arms out. He looked strange. All grey and gross. He was surrounded by a cloud of green stuff. The glowing pieces of paper were cutting pieces of him off, but he didn’t even flinch as he walked towards the mail lady.

  Reaching into her bag, the mail lady pulled out what looked like a glowing gold box and hurled it at the stinky looking guy. It exploded and knocked the human thing back, but the mail lady tripped and rolled backward.

  “Jeri!” Ratskeller screamed. She liked the mail lady. She gave good head pats and had treats whenever Ratskeller was out walking with Mother when Jeri came around. LANDSHARK ZOOMIES! Ratskeller charged to save her favorite mail lady. Well, she was her only mail lady, but she was still her favorite.

  There was no need however. Jeri rolled to one knee with her other leg out and pulled out her blue beepy thing. “Sixteen packages a day. Not even a thank you. Just complaints on next door accusing me of breaking your packages. And now, you try to let your neanderthal of a son try to bite me. Here’s a hint lady. Stop ordering stuff from a scammy website that ships everything in bags with no packing material.” A red beam came out of her blue beepy thing and cut the weird human’s arm off.

  Jeri stood and took a step forward cutting its other arm off before kicking it in the chest knocking it on the ground. She quickly cut its head off and it stopped moving. Jeri pulled out another glowing gold box from her bag.

  Ratskeller skidded to a halt in terror. She didn’t know the beepy blue thing could do that. She had sniffed it many times. She could have lost her nose. Jeri threw the glowing box towards the porch where it exploded.

  “My taxes pay your salary. He wouldn’t bite. He’s a good boy.” a woman said as she stepped into view wearing a black pointy hat and holding a stick with dried grass bundled at one end.

  “No they don’t, but my taxes pay for you and your worthless son to sit on your butts all day smoking pot and ordering cheap plastic stuff off the internet.” Jeri said as she lifted her arm with another golden box and threw it, but the woman in the pointy hat jumped on her stick and flew away shouting, “I curse …”

  Jeri shouted, “AMAZON ADDICT” and swung her arm as boxes flew from her hand chasing the lady on the stick. The boxes started exploding as they hit her and she fell down into the lake at the end of the street. Jeri turned and looked right at Ratskeller. Ratskeller flinched, but kept her eyes on Jeri’s beepy blue thing.

  “Ratskeller? What are you doing out here. It’s dangerous. Something strange is happening.” Pumpkin and George ran up and stopped beside Ratskeller. “Pumkin? And George? That’s a trio I never expected to see hanging out together.”

  “We’re going to find my father.” Ratskeller said without taking her eyes off the blue thing.

  “Oh. You can talk?” Jeri said, then shrugged. “Not the strangest thing I’ve seen today. Doesn’t seem too out of place today. That’s the eleventh zombie I’ve had to deal with.” Jeri looked at her watch. “Tell you what. I need to do my pickups. I’ll give you a ride to the mall. I park right next to your dad’s store.” Jeri turned and walked back towards her little white moving box.

  Ratskeller looked at her two…George and Pumpkin and they both shrugged before the group trotted to catch up to Jeri who was opening the door to her little white box. “Hop on in.” Jeri said and motioned. George and Pumpkin hopped onto a metal table on the opposite side.

  ‘Move. That’s Jeri’s side.” Ratskeller said, but noticed the thing where Jeri’s hands go was on the closer side.

  “It’s right hand drive. They’re fine. Just don’t pee on my mail.” Jeri said and Ratskeller hopped in to sit next to where Jeri was apparently going to sit. She stood up and put her feet on the dash to see out the front. Ratskeller felt very bad for Jeri. Her white box wasn’t very nice and wasn’t comfortable at all.

  Jeri hopped in and dug into a bag behind her seat. “First. I have some treats for the good boys and girls.” Pumpkin and Ratskeller looked at George who nodded. Ratskeller got a big one and Pumpkin got a meaty looking smaller one. Jeri held her hand out with one of each for George. He sniffed them and took the smaller one. The three of them shook a little as power flowed into their bodies. Jeri turned the key and Ratskeller felt more sorry for her. It was loud. Jeri then moved a couple bars by the window and turned the vehicle sharply to turn it around and the group headed towards the big road. Ratskeller nearly fell. Mother and Fathers vehicles never bounced this much and they sure as heck didn’t have that smell.

  George reached out and put a glowing paw on Jeri’s arm. “Ohhh. That feels good. Thank you, George. I remember when I first saw you following your momma. I knew you were a smart one. I could tell by the light in your eyes.”