RIFTBORN: SEASON 2 BEGINS IN 15 MINUTES!

   It is recommended that you have a Vessel to participate in this season of RiftBorn. If you do not have a Vessel, you are advised to purchase one in the CoinRiver before the season begins. CoinRiver: it’s not money, it’s momentum!

  I ignore the alert; it’s been going off for 38 hours. This RiftBorn marketing department would make great drug dealers. “Oh, the game is free, but the boat you need to play the game is not.” Fortunately, Pepper and I already have Boaty MacBoatface, so there’s one problem solved.

  We continue our training.

  Pepper summons another Imaginagerie, this one a blue Komodo dragon. We only have 20 seconds before it explodes, but the short fuse has made us quick. I smack the dragon with my Kaboomerang and use my new Parkour Pilgrim speed to dodge its counterattack. The Imaginagerie can’t do any damage (it’s basically a balloon animal), but we pretend it’s real for the practice. We’re working on a new A-Team combo attack the AI labeled Stun & Done. Pepper nails the dragon with Goldfish Mode. It freezes, brain-dead. I throw the frying pan and nail it in the face. The combo does double damage, and the Komodo goes up in an explosion of confetti.

  I have to admit, we’re getting pretty good at this.

  Pepper’s chalkboard lights up with a timer. “Aaaand go!”

  I take off in a wind-sprint, as fast as my legs will carry me.

  I’m quick now, and it’s a lot of fun. In this weird between-season space we occupy, I have infinite room to sprint like a puppy with the zoomies. Our little pocket-universe feels like it’s under construction, slowly populating with scenes from Season 1, and makes a great obstacle course. After 21 steps Parkour Pulse kicks in.

  

  Speed: 22mph↑

  I feel the muscles in my thighs, feel the air in my lungs, feel the wind in my hair. I’ve spent so many years in a frail, cancer-ridden body that I hardly remembered what running felt like, and it’s glorious. Almost worth the price of admission.

  Pepper materializes ahead of me. “Yay! We’re going to win!”

  I sprint past her.

  We have experimented with the parameters of her Ketchup ability, but it’s not going well. In the beginning, I thought she would be teleported to me when I got a certain distance from her, but sometimes it’s fifty yards, sometimes it’s a quarter mile. One time, she Ketchup-ported to me when I left her sight, another when she didn’t know where I had gone. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. Ketchup seems randomly triggered by distance, time, sight, or panic, but sooner or later, she always appears at my side. Ketchup is like Pepper herself: a mystery I can’t figure out.

  After two hundred yards she appears ahead of me again. “Whee! Let’s do Pickup!”

  I grab her outstretched fin and pull her to my chest. She grabs on to the chest harness I MacGuyvered and climbs onto my back. I made the rig out of old belts and covered it in loops for her to grab so I can carry her while keeping my hands free. She’s about as mobile as I can make her. If we get separated, she’s got her Thought Bubble Psi-shield to protect her for 10 seconds, or 60 if she has all her Psi points. That’s going to have to be enough.

  “Sushi time!” Pep claps her fins.

  We’ve learned a bunch of new skills, but the best of all is sushi.

  Pepper tried several experiments with her Meal Prepper skill and discovered the crab meat from the Long Arm quest makes a dynamite California Roll. She used all of it, and now each of us is equipped with 20 pieces; each one gives us +33% Health. They’re stocked into our Loadout under something called Quickbar, which provides instant access. If we get wounded in a fight, we’re absolutely stuffed with instant health packs. She gobbles down a California Roll and smiles at me. “You look so handsome! I hope they take a picture of you when you win!”

  The ugly old Hermit I used to be is gone. My Skin-to-Win upgrades have bought me a pair of blue jeans with a wallet chain, a henley, and a Banana Republic leather bomber jacket that has additional harness straps riveted into the chest and shoulders. I have to admit, I look at least half a badass. “Whatever you say, Pep.”

  Pep swallows her fish. “So…after we win, what happens then?”

  After I pay off my last penny of medical debt? “I go back home. Back to my life.”

  Pepper blinks. “Is this not your life?”

  “No. My life is…” How am I supposed to put this? Telling Cabbage Patch her entire universe is only pretend and that she’s just an old piece of code sounds too mean. “Home is where my family is.”

  “Your mommy?”

  “Well…yeah.”

  “My mommy’s mommy… is my grandmommy!” She blinks up at me with expectant eyes. “Oo, so when we win, I can go with you to see granmommy?”

  I ruffle her head. “We’ll see.”

  I don’t lie to her, exactly. I just don’t give her the truth. RiftBorn doesn’t pay out on sincerity. I learned that the hard way. Last season, I followed my instincts, ran on impulse, and played by the seat of my pants.

  And I lost.

  Season 2 isn’t about being fair, or brave, or good. It’s about staying alive. If that means choosing my words more carefully—choosing everything more carefully—then that’s the game I’m playing now.

  As the timer runs down to Season 2, I triple-check my gear. I’ve got 42 miscellaneous items RiftElite parties have left in my inventory from my pack mule jobs, and I know every one of them. Rubber bands, duct tape, shovels, rotten food, a broken sword handle, weird plants… it’s all organized alphabetically for quick access. I’ve got my Kaboomerang, my Hydraskin armor, my Air Jordans, and, of course, my Oolith Shellshock shield. We have trained, we have planned, and we’re both ready to do whatever it takes to win.

  As I watch the timer drop under :60, I feel my heart beat faster, nervous. The anticipation is killing me. I wonder what kind of Jolly Rogering adventure RiftBorn has waiting in store for us.

  I check my Health bar and see those three hearts, my lifeline. Whatever I have to do, I intend to keep every one of them.

  

  RiftBorn: Season 2 Begins in 3… 2…

  The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

  Pepper pats my leg, nervous. “Don’t die, Dave.”

  I smile. “Don’t die, Pep.”

  The world flashes and turns suddenly black, a night sky filled with stars.

  

  Health: 14%↓ | Lives: ?????

  You Are Dead

  I bloop-blip out of existence, then respawn back into the exact same spot. I bump into my own frozen corpse as I realize one heart is gone, and my new health bar is a quarter gone and plummeting. Panicked, I look around trying to figure out what’s killing me so fast, but I don’t see anything around me.

  Anywhere.

  Above or below.

  Just stars.

  Realization hits me like a truck. “Space! We’re in f§cking space!”

  They say in space no one can hear you scream, but I hear it. I hear it in my own skull. My body is freezing and burning at the same time, all while my lungs collapse on themselves from trying to breathe a frozen vacuum while my eyes boil without heat.

  “F§ck me!”

  

  Health: 21%↓ | Lives:????

  I rip open my inventory and find Boaty MacBoatface. I have no idea how it’s going to help, but it’s not like I’ve got options. The bathtub boat materializes beside me and, dying from asphyxiation, I shove myself inside. As I do, a transparent canopy springs up from the back of the bathtub and snaps shut, sealing off the top like a Jetsons spaceship. I feel the bubble pressurize around me with a slap to my eardrums. Oxygen suddenly fills the sealed bathtub.

  

  Vessel lvl 3: Boaty MacBoatface

  O? Integrity: 21%↑

  “HA!” I breathe. “HA!” My heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. Pepper! Where’s—

  She’s still clinging to my leg, frozen stiff. I almost grab her, but stop, worried she might shatter like an icicle if I grab her too hard. Instead, I rub her back softly, trying to warm her up. “Pep! Pep?”

  Slowly, her color returns. “Ooh!” The penguin blinks and breathes out a wisp of vapor. “That’s too cold, even for me!”

  

  ? Also Sprach Zarathustra — Richard Strauss (1896) ?

  A voice loud as Krakatoa with a megaphone echoes across the inky void of space, joined by the theme music to 2001: A Space Odyssey, announcing the return of Buck Granger’s Veemor Pig.

  

  Welcome to RiftBorn?

  The World’s Greatest VVMMORPG!

  All Player Areas will become active at the end of this message! For those of you who did not come equipped with a vessel, please purchase one now from the CoinRiver for your gaming comfort. The cold vacuum of space is no place to be caught unprepared!

  As I rub warmth back into my shoulders, I have to respect the brilliant mercenary greed of the RiftBorn designers. They warned us we needed a vessel. But they didn’t bother telling us we needed to be inside it. RiftBorn charges for respawns, and I wonder how much money they made by killing 99% of their players in the first 5 seconds. HumanAsset would be proud.

  

  Over 75 million players around the world have joined since RiftBorn began only 20 days ago, and those numbers are still climbing to the stars! For joining Season 2, you have earned a Black Hole Sun Badge! Welcome to…

  The Also Sprach Zarathustra music hits a climax of trumpets and timpani as the announcement strikes like a cannonball.

  

  RiftBorn: Season 2

  Black Rim Raiders: Moonshot Mutiny

  The Rift is open! Across the cold gulf, you sail the stars in search of swag. Asteroid citadels, shepherd moons, graveyard fleets: all ripe for the hook. But the RiftStorm has climbed into orbit like a galaxy-devouring cyclone and the chronometer is already counting down your doom. Plunder fast, vanish faster, and take what you can before the void takes you. Victory is oxygen, and no one gets it for free!

  RiftBorn and HumanAsset: selling the right to breathe.

  I’m finally beginning to get my heart rate under control from being dumped into empty space when I see the RiftStorm. It’s out there, swirling from the remains of a dying planet. Beyond the storm, there are no stars. I swallow as it twists and grows ever larger, 20 days from devouring me. “Pep, pop a sushi stim.” She does and so do I. As my Health climbs, the announcement continues.

  

  Explore on your own or band together and fight your way to victory as a team! How you play is up to you! And remember, RiftBorn is FREE TO PLAY, but you can upgrade your account to the rank of RiftElite at any time for Premium tags, swag, and exclusive secret vids on RiftTok! Now get your game on!

  20 days until RiftStorm destroys the solar system

  The announcement ends, and we’re alone in the void.

  “That was scary.” Pepper shivers. “I don’t like space.”

  “Me neither.” I inhale canned oxygen. “Let’s see if we can get this thing moving.” The porcelain tub interior has evolved a few compartments and hatches since we boarded, and now has a control panel attached to the porcelain right under the hot water spigot. One of the buttons says MAST, so I hit that.

  My palm tree mast from Isla Soledad rises up out of the pipes like an antenna, and my old Hermit loincloth pops out as a sail. With a sheen of tech blue, the stick becomes steel and my loincloth becomes a semitranslucent silver sheet that catches the light from the stars.

  

  SolarSail Activated

  Speed (impulse): 250,000 km/h↑

  A screen winks to life and I see a power meter climb as the sails absorb starlight. Slowly, Boaty MacBoatface accelerates into the farthest reaches of outer space.

  Okay, new record. This is the dumbest thing I’ve seen.

  It may look like a bargain-basement Jetsons spaceship and it may move like a grandma on Vicodin, but the bathtub is keeping us alive, and it’s moving. Toward where, I have no idea.

  I pop my map and am instantly dumbfounded. The whole thing is now in 3D, which would make it almost impossible to navigate, if there were anything on it. There are no planets, no moons, no asteroid belts, just… nothing.

  “Dammit! What the hell are we supposed to—”

  “Look!” Pepper chirps. “I’m a star!”

  I turn to discover Pepper has found some glow sticks in one of the lockers and has attached them to herself with bits of string. The glow sticks float around her in zero gravity, illuminating her like fireflies. I’m not in the mood, but she’s so cute I have to laugh. “You look great, Cabbage Patch.”

  

  RiftVid: “I’m a Star!”

  #ZeroGZeroProb #RiftRaiders #PepperParty +?100

  Okay, we can do this. We figured out the first season. We can figure out this one, too. I’ll keep Cabbage Patch alive in the game, and her Hype will keep me alive in real life.

  An alert pings my 3D map as a message ignites the bathtub display screen.

  

   SOS!

  0.9 Gigameters

  “Whoa.” I stare at the screen. “It’s a distress call.”

  “Oh no!” Pepper gasps. “Someone’s in trouble!”

  “Yeah, I get that, I just don’t think—”

  Another ping on my map.

  

   SOS!

  2.3 Gigameters

  “Oh no!” Pepper points. “Another one! We have to help them!”

  “Pep. Stop. We’re barely able to save ourselves, much less someone else. Not to mention it’s probably a trap—”

  “Dave! You’re better than that!”

  I’m not. I’m really not. “Look, Cabbage Patch…”

  “What if you were marooned out in space and no one came to help you? How would you feel?”

  I wouldn’t feel anything because I’d be dead, but I don’t say that.

  “Come on!” She pushes a button on the dashboard and Boaty MacBoatface sails into the golden galaxies of the final frontier. “We’ll go to the closer one first. Once we rescue them, we can rescue the other one. Okay?”

  It’s a trap. I know it. We’re going to get ourselves killed.

  I glance at my Health bar. All that preparation, all that planning, and I’ve already lost a heart. How the hell am I going to survive 20 days in space?

  Still, she’s right. If I were stuck out here, I would hope like hell somebody came and got me.

  “Hell’s bells,” I grumble and punch the accelerator. “Let’s go save some idiots.”