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Chapter 142: Aesa

  Alys had forgiven me.

  The sheer relief of that simple fact was enough to make me dizzy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to let me rest easy and sleep through the night within her winged embrace.

  Instead, my mind was content to torment me.

  I might not have acted on the plan my most abominable instincts had been driving me towards, but that didn’t change the fact that I had felt the impulse. That a part of me had most definitely examined the idea, and been tempted to clutch at it, from a desire to eliminate uncertainty.

  To make absolutely sure Alys would be mine.

  Was this something every fae was forced to contend with? Did all fae couples, including my parents, constantly jostle and scheme for complete ownership of the other? Or was this issue exacerbated by the unusual relationship between Alys and me?

  I simply didn’t know. For the first time in a long, long time, I wished I could go to my parents for advice.

  But I couldn’t. So I lay there, stewing in my misery, until I couldn’t bear it anymore.

  Extricating myself from Alys’ embrace was a slow and painstaking process. I only succeeded because when she reached for me, rumbling unhappily in her sleep, I managed to slip one of our nest’s large pillows into her arms instead.

  I knew that if I eventually calmed down enough to feel ready to sleep, I would have a rather fun time trying to get back into bed. For the time being, though, I dressed quietly and headed downstairs.

  I was halfway down when I froze, my eyes landing on a figure I hadn’t expected to find lurking on the bottom floor of our home.

  Shaessath was staring at me. Her wide, startled eyes mirrored my own emotions perfectly as she stood by the cooling cupboard, a cup in one hand and a pitcher of concentrated torture juice in the other.

  Idly, my mind noted that I had been finding the pitchers emptier than they should be these last few mornings. I had assumed Amara and Shaessath were indulging together while waiting for Soren to finish cooking breakfast.

  Now I knew the truth.

  What interested me far more, though, was the fact that I hadn’t even heard Shaessath enter the house. There had been no sound of the doors opening, or even the soft click of claws against the floor. I knew I had recently been neglecting certain skills my parents had forced into me, but I didn’t think the general awareness of my senses could have dulled so quickly.

  My suspicions were confirmed when I opened my mouth to speak and Shaessath quickly motioned me to silence. She then carelessly placed the jug down on the dining table. The contact between the jug and the wood produced no sound. My eyes narrowed in curiosity as Grandmother waved me closer.

  Her spell’s cutoff point proved to be about two meters around her. The moment I came within that radius, I could suddenly hear the soft rustle of the odd scale-based dress she always wore, accompanied by those soft claw-clicks as she shifted from foot to foot.

  “You couldn’t sleep?” she asked, with a hint of amusement underscored by mild concern. “Hrm. Unsurprising, I suppose. Though I cannot imagine you failed to resolve things, seeing as my sweetling hasn’t kicked you out of the core of her domain.”

  “The core of her domain?” I parroted, thoroughly caught off-guard. Then, unsure of how to describe my groveling and Alys’ rage, I added lamely, “You know what we… ah, argued about?”

  Shaessath’s lips twitched into a soft smile. “I made sure to question my son and daughter about the odd tension between you two, yes. And every dragon has a room, typically located at the heart of their lair, that they prize and protect above all others. Most often, that is where our hoard is located. To be allowed in there is a sign of great trust.”

  I pondered this as I ventured over to the cooling cupboard to extract a small bottle I’d stashed away for myself. I had warned Alys it was there, and she had warned her parents against touching it. I wouldn’t have wanted them to try this particular drink.

  I didn’t bother with a glass. I simply popped the bottle open and took a swig of the belladonna brew, enjoying its faint tingling as it slid down my throat. Shaessath looked at me with a raised brow, curiosity clear in her gaze.

  “I would offer you some, but it’s poisonous. Even for you.” I claimed a seat, letting myself collapse into it almost bonelessly. “You are not angry with me?”

  The Molten Expanse scoffed, sitting down across from me. “For the threat you made? No. I have no room to judge there.” She was silent as I processed the unexpected reply. Then, quietly, she went on, “Not when I recently realized how much I hurt my daughter by my pursuit of what I thought was ‘best’ for her.”

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  There was a moment of hesitation, of coiled pain that had been left to fester for far too long, before Shaessath spoke up again.

  “I loved, and still love, my mate. But I also argued with him frequently. He was a frustrating man who took far too many liberties with his safety, in spite of my best attempts to keep him alive for as long as I could. We might have been able to spend a few more decades together if he wasn’t…” She trailed off with a grimace. “And I fooled myself into thinking Amara had outgrown that same attitude.”

  Shaessath sighed. The sound almost broke something in me. Her sorrow was so palpable in the air, I felt like I was drowning in it.

  “So, no,” she went on quietly. “I am not angry with you, as you put it. I am not disappointed, either, though I would urge you to learn from your mistakes and try to overcome them quickly. If you do not, you might look back one day and be forced to contend with far too many regrets.”

  The Molten Expanse looked up, eyes spearing mine as her lips curled into an amused smile.

  “Truly, we are far too alike, you and I. Don’t think I haven’t seen the same impulses in you while we’ve worked together that I myself must wrestle with. You want Alys to be safe, and you want her to be strong enough to protect herself. Tell me, what feelings does your unborn child provoke in you, hrrrmmm?”

  Love. Adoration, really. Excitement. Happiness. Contentment. Anxiety. Dread. Guilt. Protectiveness. Blinding, all-consuming rage at the mere thought of someone trying to hurt to them.

  I had no desire to keep myself hidden behind a mask at the moment. A languid, sad smile was Shaessath’s response to the emotions so clearly showing on my face.

  “Ironic. Truly ironic, for Alys to run away from me, straight into your arms. Then again, you’ve done your best not to smother her, have you not?”

  I nodded. I had tried to resist the less praiseworthy emotions inspired by my relationship with Alys, if only because the idea of driving her away terrified me.

  “Is it wrong of me to say that this only makes me approve of you as her mate more?” Shaessath mused, studying me still. “Not just because I know how much you want to keep her safe, but because I know you are trying to be better, for her sake. I certainly haven’t done that, not since…” Her breath hitched as a name almost escaped her. “My mate… died.”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I confessed quietly. “I am trying, but I don’t even know how to start a family properly with another fae, let alone a draconian. I love her. I’ll always love her. But I don’t want to make a mess of things and make her hate me.”

  I was clutching the bottle like it was a lifeline, to the point where I had to remind myself to loosen my grip lest I shatter it.

  “I can’t help you, my child.” Shaessath’s voice was gentle, but that didn’t soften the blow of my not-so-silent plea for help getting turned down. “I’ve never learned how to do things right in a relationship myself, so I can hardly offer you genuine guidance. I suppose all I can tell you to do is to listen when my sweetling confides in you, and to communicate your own needs and fears openly, too.”

  That made me look up. While I could understand her urging me to do the former, Shaessath telling me to express myself was a tiny bit unexpected.

  She snorted a laugh at my startled expression.

  “I said it already, did I not? I am starting to get fond of you, too. My sweetling has definitely chosen well, in spite of all the trouble you bring to the relationship.” She leaned forward, her tone suddenly serious. “Yet we should not get distracted by alchemy too much in the coming days. This house needs proper defenses, and we have yet to start working on them.”

  I nodded, this time making an effort to conceal my surprise. She had certainly brought up the subject of defenses before, but I hadn’t gotten the impression then that she cared overmuch. I’d been certain that her plan, from the moment she learned about me and the threat my Court presented, had been to bring me and Alys back to her lair.

  The fact that I could sense the sincerity of her words now made some interesting implications about the plans she’d been weaving concerning her granddaughter and me.

  I felt no need to sate my curiosity right then and there, however. Shaessath had made it clear that we would be having a conversation the following day. I would get all the answers I craved then.

  I briefly wondered what she would think of the promise I’d made to Amara. But, for the first time since making that promise, I found myself thinking that the task with which Alys’ mother had entrusted me wouldn’t be as difficult as originally assumed.

  “Well, I do believe it is time for both of us to return to our beds, don’t you?” she suddenly asked.

  I found that I did, in fact, feel much calmer… and more tired, now that my emotions had somewhat settled down. A flush invaded my cheeks as I realized yet again just how much Shaessath’s acceptance meant to me.

  “That would likely be wise, yes,” I mumbled, taking another drink of what was essentially belladonna juice with a few extra poisonous herbs thrown into the mix.

  Grandmother rumbled out a laugh as she stood, then shot me a mischievous smile when she put the cup down on the table… and kept the jug of juice.

  “Good night, then, my child. And… while I certainly enjoy being referred to as Grandmother, you can also call me Aesa, when you wish to use my name. I know it rolls off the tongue much more easily for anyone without draconic ancestry.”

  Shaessath was definitely a tricky name to pronounce. I could manage, of course, thanks to all the lessons I’d been forced to endure in my childhood. Mispronouncing a tricky name was a good way to insult a fae. Still, I appreciated the gesture, both because Aesa was much less of a mouthful and because of what the offer meant.

  “Thank you, Grandmother,” I whispered, earning myself an imperious nod that nonetheless managed to come across as warm. Then Aesa turned away and left our home once more, the door opening and closing soundlessly.

  I considered the bottle I was holding for one more moment before standing and putting it away with a sigh. I washed out my mouth with some water, just in case, then ventured upstairs.

  Slipping back into Alys’ embrace was as tricky as I’d thought it would be, doubly so since she refused to give up the pillow at first. She rumbled warningly and clutched it protectively to her chest, as though she was convinced it was me. But I managed.

  And this time, I found myself actually drifting away into slumber.

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