I groaned in abject despair at the dozens of Karjok surrounding me.

  “Initiate Protocol Alpha!” one Karjok yelled. “They’ve found us!”

  “Which protocol is Alpha again? Is that ‘flee with the goods?’ Or was that Plan Beta?” another Karjok replied.

  “No, Plan Beta is ‘hide and wait for danger to pass.’ Project Zeta is to attack, and Permutation Delta is… you know, I don’t remember,” explained yet another of the multitude.

  Silas perked up. “Oi! Another collective of Karjok! Relax, everyone.”

  “Hey, it’s Silas! And he’s found the Eldritch Warrior of Destiny! Look, he wears the trunks!”

  “Oh, no. Full stop.” Silas shook his head. “This bloke’s just hanging on to them. Don’t get excited.”

  I hung my head in dismay. “Why? How? They’re supposed to be hard to find, yet we keep running into them like a shoddy plot device.”

  “Erik, you okay? What happened? Are there people down there?” Sync called from where I’d fallen.

  “We, uh, found something, alright,” I grumbled.

  Sync and Builder Boy Steve hopped down into the cistern with us.

  The Karjok gathered around and asked Silas a multitude of questions.

  “Just hold on.” Silas raised his front tentacles and hushed the crowd. “Is Myrmidon Bingley or Chancellor Hachem here?”

  “Chancellor Hachem is here. Come on! We’ll take you to him!” one Karjok said.

  “Hold a moment.” A blue and green Karjok jabbed a tentacle at us. “How do we know they aren’t spies waiting to give our location to the government so they can imprison us? Humans are nothing but trouble.”

  “I know it, Fredrick, but these three are alright, especially the lady,” Silas replied.

  The Karjok shifted their gaze between us.

  “Which one’s the lady?” Fredrick asked.

  “I know it’s hard to tell, given how malformed humans are, but that would be her.” Silas pointed at Sync.

  “This is great and all, but we’re busy. Sync, let’s get the spell outta here and find that Relic.” I wasn’t gonna waste any more time with space octopuses than I had to.

  “You’re gonna love this. Looks like the Data Point is somewhere down here. So, you know, good job.” She grimaced and gave me a thumbs-up. “We should go with them and explore this cistern and the water works.”

  I sighed. As always, reaching our goal meant enduring great adversity.

  Builder Boy Steve toggled a light on his hard hat, but he didn’t say much. He was just sort of there, awaiting orders like a good simp.

  Fredrick narrowed his golden eyes at us. “I don’t know that I trust your judgment, Silas… you haven’t always been reliable. Some would argue you’re the reason we’re stuck in this mess.”

  I furrowed my brow at my companion. “What now?”

  “Never you mind the opinion of ignorant Karjok.” Silas waved our collective concerns away. “These humans are helping us, and this poor sod needs me, or he would’ve died a hundred times over by now. We need to speak with Chancellor Hachem and figure out a way off this planet.”

  Sync motioned to the multitude. “We’re on the run, too; we won’t disclose your hiding place or bring trouble.”

  Fredrick folded his front tentacles. “Oh, great. You’re criminals? Another win for Silas.”

  “Huh? No. I mean, gangs are after us,” Sync clarified.

  “Oh, organized criminals then. Even better!” Fredrick countered.

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  The consortium of Karjok murmured and suspiciously drifted away from us.

  Silas motioned with his tentacles. “Everybody just settle down, close your beaks, and listen. I don’t deny I’ve made a mistake or two in the past.”

  “Or ten,” Fredrick grumbled.

  Murmurings began among the Karjok.

  Silas narrowed his eyes. “As I was saying, these humans can be trusted, despite some of their more insufferable qualities. We’ve already found another pocket of our people, along with some younglings. Obviously, what we’re doing, hiding and running, isn’t working, and the longer we’re here, the harder it’ll be to escape. We’ve gotta take action and move with the tide.”

  After moments of murmuring and debating among the consortium, another Karjok swam forward. “Hello, human. I’m Dennis.”

  “Pleasure,” I said flatly.

  “We’ll take you to Hachem, if you can answer me these questions three!”

  Fredrick slapped Dennis over the head. “Oh, put a cork in it. Come this way. We’ll be keeping a close eye on you.”

  I shrugged. “Whatever.”

  Since I wasn’t a Shouldérmon, I didn’t have much to fear from these things.

  Builder Boy Steve produced a mask and snorkel out of his back pocket like some cheap magician’s trick and strapped them to his face. His attire morphed into a sleek wetsuit with a tank, and his name changed.

  | Scuba Boy Steve – Level 35 NPC |

  | Occupation: Dunks what needs dunking and dunks it well |

  “Who the bell are you?” I asked him.

  He blinked. “Steve.”

  By now, things like this shouldn’t bother or confuse me, but perhaps that was a good thing. Desensitization to this ridiculous reality was a crucial step toward failure and apathy.

  Fredrick and Dennis led us through the waist-deep water, deeper into the cistern, and through a series of sewer tunnels.

  “This is definitely the place,” Sync whispered.

  The tunnel yawned open into an old underground pumphouse full of more space octopuses, and a makeshift throne of junk, atop which sat a larger Karjok with a diadem made of seaweed.

  | Objective Updated: Find Remaining Karjok Colonies – 2 of 6 |

  | Bonus Objective Completed: Locate and speak with Chancellor Hachem |

  | Affinity Increased: Silas |

  | Bonus Objective: Locate and speak with Myrmidon Bingley |

  | Bonus Objective: Discover a Method to Clear the Karjoks’ Outstanding Debt |

  | Bonus Objective: Locate the Karjok Star Charts |

  More shocking than the sewer-dwelling Karjok were the heaps of various loot and weapons lining the chamber.

  “Great Naiad’s ghost!” Silas blurted. “What’s all this?”

  Sync and Scuba Boy Steve stepped into the chamber behind me. Sync seemed at a loss for words, while Scuba Boy Steve just gandered at the Karjoks’ hoard.

  The Karjok atop the throne with the seaweed diadem widened his wrinkled eyelids. “Silas! We thought you’d been lost. Some were concerned you’d run away. I trusted you would act honorably and I’m glad you didn’t disappoint. And look how Neptune smiles upon us. You’ve found the Eldritch Warrior of Destiny!”

  “Not quite. I’m just wearing the boxers.” I eyed the piles of loot, some of which contained ammo crates. This could be my chance to find some ammo for Rook’s Revenge. Although if being the warrior of destiny would grant access to the loot, then sure, I’d be him.

  Silas shook his head. “I wasn’t lost. I just stopped for a rest and got roped into this human’s drama, but he’s helping, in his way, so I don’t complain too much. What’s going on here? Where did you get all this stuff?”

  Chancellor Hachem adjusted his seaweed diadem. "Well, we… we appropriated it from a few, let’s say, unfortunate Players.”

  “We scavenge battlefields for leftover loot crate drops. It’s not glamorous, but we don’t have an abundance of options,” Fredrick added.

  Chancellor Hachem offered an affirming nod. “We’re endeavoring to collect enough to sell and pay off our debt. The problem is—”

  “Skip, skip,” I interrupted. I couldn’t listen to more exposition. I walked up to one of the piles of loot. “How do I get some of this?” I reached out to grab a weapon, but it flashed red and denied me.

  | Karjok contraband is inaccessible until all related objectives and bonus objectives are completed. |

  | Objective Updated: Find a black-market buyer for the Karjoks’ contraband, or find another way to pay off their debt. |

  For the first time in my adult life, I found myself wanting to weep.

  Sync stepped forward and held her WHIM out. “It seems like Chancellor Hachem is the code access point we’ve been looking for.”

  “I am no such thing! I have no access and no points! You, madame, overstep your bounds.”

  She just squinted at him.

  “Not so cute when you have to deal with them, huh?” I muttered.

  “Wait,” she replied. “No, the Data Point is the hunk of scrap they’ve fashioned into a throne. There’s something underneath. Chancellor Hachem, can I respectfully ask to inspect the throne?”

  “Madam, can I respectfully ask you to restrain your curiosity? I understand royalty is a matter of deep fascination, which—Oi! What in the abyss do you think you’re doing?”

  I gripped Chancellor Hachem by the sides of his head and attempted to pull him free of his throne of garbage, but he suctioned himself to the heap and began slapping at me. The Karjok populace looked on, appalled, as we wrestled and muttered at each other.

  “Oi, mate, you’re diving head first into a diplomatic incident!” Silas yelled in my ear.

  “Crash-landing in the middle of a city is a diplomatic incident,” I retorted. “This is just obnoxious.”

  “Very well.” Chancellor Hachem narrowed his eyes at me. “If you insist on a round of fisticuffs, I’ll gladly oblige!”

  Before I could slap him with my witty retort and a veiled threat, he leaped off the throne and glommed onto my face. I staggered backward and gripped his squishy head, attempting to pry him free.

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  break--Royal Road. They call us the Critical Hitters.

  In the desolate desert of the North American Sector, the government harvests the Soul Energy of siblings Eos and Maxima in secret.

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  A grizzled ex-mech pilot is drawn back into the Everwar, a decades-long conflict raging across Jupiter’s moonscape.

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  Dungeon Crawler Carl Audio Immersion Tunnel for Soundbooth Theater, and he's the lead writer for the Dungeon Crawler Carl Role Playing Game.